Thursday, December 11, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Thursday December 11


1/. Marco Rubio, in his own relatively quiet way, is much more dangerous than the idiot Hegseth......

One year into Donald Trump’s second term, it’s difficult to grasp the coherence of MAGA. At its core, MAGA is about tariffs and xenophobia. It’s also about purported populism that favors tax cuts for the rich, brutal cuts to the social safety net, and attacks on free speech. On the foreign-policy front, the isolationism and deal-making that were supposed to characterize Trump’s philosophy — he has vowed, at various points over the past decade, to not entangle America in new wars — has given way, over a number of months, to something darker: the longing for regime change. In Venezuela, Trump seems to have found his Iraq, a nation ruled by a dictator that poses no serious threat to the United States but must be, for entirely dubious reasons, upended.


2/. Pete Hegseth gives a press conference......SNL.....5 minutes.....quite funny.


3/. Angus Petersen with another depressing yet inspiring article.....
Yes - he keeps repeating the same message, chaos is gradually overtaking us, but it doesn't mean he's wrong.......
You notice it in the quiet moments, the ones you used to mistake for rest. The grocery app freezes again. Just a blank screen holding its breath. You tap it once, twice, then harder, like force might shake the truth loose. Nothing. Strange how such a tiny glitch can feel like a warning. The house hums around you. The kids in the next room arguing about something small, probably pencils or who gets the blue folder. And for a second you picture all the little digital ties holding their day together. The bus schedule. The learning platform. The power line behind the house that buzzes louder when the heat kicks on. We were promised ease. Instead we got hairline cracks under every routine.


4/. It's a toon, but this is pretty close to what actually happens! 
Tom Tomorrow.....



5/. "If Mamdani gets elected the wealthy will flee NYC"......
A right wing [and a few elite Democrats] talking point......complete BS. 

The warnings were stark. If Zohran Mamdani were to win the New York City mayoral election, his plans to raise taxes – slightly – on the city’s wealthiest residents would cause millionaires to bolt en masse, decamping to lower-tax states such as Florida and Texas.

The New York Post, a conservative tabloid owned by Rupert Murdoch, told readers on an almost daily basis through October that New York would effectively become a ghost town under Mamdani’s mayoralty, a propaganda campaign that concluded the day before the election with the bombastic claim that “nearly a million” people were planning to “flee”.

But a month after Mamdani’s historic win, there is no evidence that rich people are leaving the Big Apple. In fact, they seem to be committing to staying in New York.



6/. Kelly Eldridge Boesch with "A Clockwork Orange meets Rocky Horror"......AI....3 minutes....



7/. Never seen a headline like this about a Cabinet member - "The Malignant Incompetence of Kash Patel".....

According to a new report created by a group of former and current FBI special agents about the first six months of Kash Patel’s tenure as FBI Director, three of the incidents below are real; I made up the other three. Try to guess which is which:

(1) Patel expensed more than $4,000 to the FBI to pay for creatine and other bodybuilding supplements in an effort to “look more ripped.”

2) While he received a classified briefing on potential security threats to U.S. landmarks, Patel was seen scrolling the TMZ feed on Instagram.

(3) Patel refused to disembark from an FBI plane at a high-profile crime scene until he was given a size-medium FBI raid jacket; his handlers had to borrow one from a female agent (even then, he demanded that spiffy velcro patches be affixed to the sleeve).

(4) Patel prepared for a press conference to announce a major narcotics takedown by playing Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” and practicing stern looks in the mirror of his secure SUV.

(5) After Patel learned that some FBI agents had doubts about whether he should be issued a firearm, he demanded they submit to polygraph tests to determine who had doubted his marksmanship.

(6) Patel ordered all FBI agents to remove special messages from their email signatures, while keeping his own signature boasting of being “#9” (the ninth-ever FBI Director).

Your answers: 3, 5, and 6 are real, while 1, 2, and 4 are not.                                                                                                                                                   https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/fbi-director-kash-patel-malignant-incompetence.html?ueid=757da4c757bd7d86b040a18975d30c93&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=weekendreader_intel_20251206&utm_term=Smart%20List%20-%20Intel%20Daily%20and%20Weekend%20Lists



8/. Sarah Sherman [she's so funny!] is the raccoon that broke into the liquor store......very good, 4 minutes....



9/. Are you a Boomer? Are you aware younger Americans hate us all for having ruined their chances of getting ahead economically?
I thought not.....but this article tells us why......

Almost every couple that I know in their 20s, 30s or even 40s has had the same argument with their parents before getting married.

The parents say to open a wedding registry. The couple responds that they do not want one. They don’t expect gifts from wedding guests (their “presence is enough”), and they have been cohabiting for years and already have plates, bedsheets and a blender. In fact, since they live in a small rented apartment, they barely have room for the plates that they do have – let alone a set of china.

Perhaps, they will timidly suggest, guests who really want to give a gift can donate to a honeymoon fund? Or better yet, make a small contributiontoward a downpayment on a house?

The parents get upset. Asking for cash, they say, is “tacky”, and also puts people in the difficult position of having to choose an amount to give. The young couple will point out that they are not asking for cash, just giving an option for those who want to mark the occasion.


10/. It's coming! Just like Hunger Games and the Running Man will....


11/. The NYT Wirecutter lists the best stocking stuffers of the year.......
If you still stuff a stocking or two, good for you!

There’s a timeless, ageless delight that one gets from emptying a stocking on Christmas morning. (In fact, we know a lot of adults who forgo big gifts altogether in favor of stocking stuffers.) We’re still fans of the traditional fillings, such as tangerines, chocolate Santas, and gum. Yet we also appreciate more-unusual offerings, items that have the potential to spark a little joy — and to last beyond Christmas morning. From the whimsical (like a deck of reboot-your-life cards) to the practical (including a bright roll of sticky notes), here are the best pint-size gifts to charm any adult on your list.

And if you’re looking for even more terrific, affordable stocking-stuffer ideas, see our guides to the best gifts under $10 and the best gifts under $25. Plus, we also have some great finds for Christmas gifts for everyone on your list.


12/. Yup.....this is the way fascism works.....


13/. Rolling Stone has the 15 best TV shows of this year......

Just when you thought the post-Peak TV glacier of shows had melted into a puddle of mediocre algorithm-feeders, the medium snapped back to form in 2025. We may not be in the midst of a new golden age — streamers and cable networks alike are muddling their way through a very uncertain media landscape (see Netflix’s acquisition of Warner Bros. Discovery just this morning!) — but this year delivered a handful of truly original shows that did more than throw A-list stars at a paper-thin plot and try to pass it off as prestige. The series that stood out were daring, stylish, and had something to say about the world we live in today. Oh, and they were damn entertaining, too. Whether dissecting Hollywood or the health care industry, exploring history or an alternate universe, making us laugh or making us cry (and sometimes both), these 15 shows, presented here in alphabetical order, proved that TV’s top creators still have dogs in the fight.



14/. Vanity Fair with the 11 best movies of 2025......
Looks like we all missed some good ones!

What are the best movies of 2025? Though the year in film got off to a rocky start—with some bad IP that stunk up multiplexes and smaller genre movies that wound up disappointing both audiences and critics—things picked up as soon as Ryan Coogler’s Sinners blazed onto screens in April, single-handedly (or double-handedly?) reigniting the box office. Then a strong crop of Oscar contenders emerged in the late summer and fall, promising an exciting and competitive awards season—though, if you ask some pundits, the best-picture and best-director races may already be all sewn up, thanks to the early dominance of Paul Thomas Anderson’s One Battle After Another.                                 https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/story/best-movies-2025?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=vf&utm_mailing=VF_VFD_UNPAID_120525&utm_medium=email&bxid=5be9d5dd3f92a40469e409a5&cndid=24450331&hasha=757da4c757bd7d86b040a18975d30c93&hashc=fbbe473f5037f7de779a9b352866aaa97ce40dede88d542358cbe645dd211019&mbid=&utm_campaign=VF_VFD_UNPAID_120525&utm_term=VYF_Cocktail_Hour_UNPAID




Today's rude but funny joke
A man was hunting when a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over & discharged, shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
"Well, sir, I have some good news & some bad news.
The good news is that you are going to be OK.
The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, & we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your willy which left quite a few holes in it. 
I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
"Well, I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied.
"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
" Not exactly answered the doctor"
"She's a flute player in the Boston Symphony Orchestra. 
She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.



Today's oldie but goodie joke
Fred had been suffering from terrible headaches for over twenty years.
Finally, he went to see a specialist. After a long examination, the doctor said:
“Fred, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is… it will require castration.
You have a rare condition where your testicles press against your spine, causing severe headaches. 
Removing them is the only way to relieve the pressure.”
Fred was stunned and devastated, but after years of pain, he agreed to the surgery.
When he left the hospital, he felt strange and incomplete — but for the first time in decades, he had no headache.
As he walked down the street, he decided he needed a fresh start. A new life.
Maybe even a new wardrobe.
He passed a men’s clothing store and thought, Why not?
He walked in and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor looked him over and said, “You’re a size 44 long.”
Fred laughed. “That’s right. How did you know?”
“Been in the business sixty years,” the tailor said.
Fred tried on the suit — it fit perfectly.
“How about a shirt?” the tailor asked.
Fred nodded, and the tailor studied him again. “34 sleeve, 16½ neck.”
“Amazing,” Fred said. “Exactly right.”
“Been in the business sixty years,” the tailor replied.
After trying on the perfect shirt, Fred walked around the store feeling better already.
Then the tailor asked, “How about some new underwear?”
“Sure,” Fred said.
The tailor looked him over and said, “Size 36.”
Fred laughed loudly. “Got you there! I’ve worn size 34 since I was eighteen.”
The tailor shook his head and said:
“You can’t wear size 34.
Size 34 would press your testicles right up against the base of your spine… and give you one terrible headache.


Another oldie but goodie.....
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day.
Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello ? "
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes ," whispered the small voice.
May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, " No ."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes ."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, " No ."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes ," whispered the child, " a policeman ".
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy ", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman ," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise in the background through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter " answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, " The search team just landed a helicopter ."
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle... " ME!!.




Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday November 26

1/. Andrew Sullivan with a ray of hope......
BTW this picture is from South Park!

You’d have gone broke betting against the resilience of the Trump phenomenon this past decade. He has survived two impeachments, one insurrection, one plague, one lost election, one incredibly close assassination attempt, several major lawsuits, and the passionate, undying hatred of 40 percent of the country. None of it counted. 

He’s had, of course, some very lucky breaks: the mass migration and cultural extremism under Biden, along with the epic fuck-up of Joe’s attempt to stay in power as a near-corpse. But there are some signs that the entire MAGA operation is beginning to fray — as its manic transgressions, dumb overreach, and intensifying contradictions become harder to ignore.                                                                                                                                                              https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/are-the-wheels-finally-falling-off?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=178465333&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



2/. SNL Cold Open.....Epstein!



3/. MAGA really believes this! Tom Tomorrow nails it again.....



4/. Love the sarcasm in this title - "Democrats Sure Taught Trump a Lesson"......

At roughly the same time that Senate Democrats were readying themselves to cave to their Republican colleagues on Sunday — effectively ending the weekslong government shutdown without winning any real concessions on health care policy — President Trump was getting booed by the crowd at an N.F.L. game between the Washington Commanders and the Detroit Lions.

Trump, the first sitting president to attend a regular season N.F.L. game since Jimmy Carter in 1978, wants the Washington Commanders to name their planned new stadium in his honor, as a tribute to his time in office. He probably arrived at the game thinking the fans would cheer him. Instead, he faced the jeers of thousands of angry people.         https://www.nytimes.com/2025/11/12/opinion/shutdown-democrats-senate-midterms.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare



5/. Here's the playbook, and our media falls for it over and over......



6/. Chuck Schumer has imaginary friends......

Chuck Schumer, the Senate minority leader, has a pair of very sweet imaginary friends. They’re a middle-class couple called Joe and Eileen Baileyand they live on Long Island. At one point the imaginary couple, who feature in Schumer’s 2007 book, Positively American, were called the O’Reillys. According to the Hill, one Schumer aide said the name then was changed because the publisher thought O’Reilly was “too ethnic” for mass consumption. Another aide said that claim was false, and Schumer just wanted a name that “sounded more national”. Naming strategy aside, the key point here is that Schumer has said he runs all his policy decisions by this completely fictional couple. He’s referred to them hundreds of timesthroughout his political career.                                               https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/nov/15/chuck-schumer-government-shutdown?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

And if you think this is hard to believe, here is John Oliver from two months ago......13 most amusing minutes...



7/. An appalling story from the Times on the way immigrants are being treated by ICE and the horrors of their detention centers, aka gulags.....
Cruelty is the point.....Steven Miller is the architect of this abomination of a Secret Police.....

In August, Jemmy Jimenez Rosa and her husband, Marcel, took their three young daughters on a vacation to Cancún, Mexico. On their return to Boston Logan airport, a Customs and Border Protection officer took Ms. Rosa aside and led her to a back room where she was told she should say goodbye to her girls. “I keep thinking this is a nightmare. Is this a nightmare? Like, is this really happening?” Ms. Rosa recalled.

Ms. Rosa was placed in a detention cell at Logan. Officers gave her virtually no information and dismissed her husband’s requests that he be allowed to bring her diabetes and anxiety medication. Ms. Rosa was born in Peru and has been a lawful permanent resident of the United States since she was 9 years old; she is now 43. Just weeks before the trip to Cancún, she had renewed her green card without incident. Her husband and her daughters are American citizens.



8/. Beam me up Captain!


9/. Thom Hartmann on the Epstein scandal, and how it reflects a more serious problem.....

The New York Times reported that Donald Trump personally called Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-CO) and then had Bondi, Blanche, and Patel take her into the top-secret no-recording-devices-allowed Situation Room to urge her to drop her support for releasing the Epstein files. He apparently also tried to reach Rep. Nancy Mace (R-SC) for the same reason.

Yesterday’s newly surfaced details about Jeffrey Epstein and Donald Trump again reveal something far larger than the tawdry specifics of their relationship, as grotesque as those are. 

They point to a structural crisis at the heart of American democracy.                                                                                                                  https://hartmannreport.com/p/the-epstein-affair-has-move-from-ae7?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=178739886&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



10/. Bigfoot doesn't like Ford 150's....2 minutes....



11/. Angus Petersen writes what you might be thinking in your more serious moments.....

You walk into your kitchen late afternoon, your daughter is finishing her homework, your son’s backpack hanging off the chair. The grocery bags sit by the door and you glance at the receipt — the “just getting by” sum feels heavier. You remember when it didn’t feel like this. You were told this couldn’t happen here but here it is. You can see it happening, and the weight of that truth settles in a way it didn’t before.
The global economy is tightening and the strain is everywhere. You are aware of inequality in your own community, but the fault lines run far deeper now. Worldwide debt has surged to an almost unthinkable $337.7 trillion, driven by loose policy and shaky assumptions about growth and risk. That number isn’t abstract. It is the weight bearing down on real families, real homes, real futures, including yours. You feel the squeeze in rising utility bills, in the small sacrifices you make each month, in the quiet fear that one disruption could tip everything.


12/. Amazing review of a Chinese luxury car.....2 minutes....


13/. If you ever get jury duty, and it's a political case, you know what to do......

When I was a brand new prosecutor at the Southern District of New York, the office’s elite mob prosecutors tried John Gotti Jr. three times within a year. All three times, the jury hung. Throughout the doomed prosecutorial trilogy, I’d go over to the courtroom and watch bits of the trial, enthralled at the cinematic spectacle: witnesses named Mikey Scars and Little Joey, bugged social clubs, beefs and sitdowns and hits gone good and bad.

Prosecutors technically can re-try a case after a hung jury, but generally will stop after two tries, maybe three if there’s a compelling need. After the third Gotti trial resulted in a hung jury, the SNDY did the right thing and dismissed the indictment.



14/. Again, I wish this was funny.....Climate "Science"..... 



15/. Long but really interesting article by Bill McKibben....on the way Christianity has been taken over by the haters......
If you go to a church, is it like one of these?

Trumpism’s most revealing and defining moments – not its most important, nor cruelest, nor most dangerous, nor stupidest, but perhaps its most illuminating – came earlier this autumn. In the course of a few weeks, the US president started showing everyone his plans for a gilded ballroom twice the size of the White House and then began unilaterally ripping down the East Wing to build it. Then, after nationwide protests against his rule, he posted on social media an AI video of himself wearing a crown and piloting a fighter jet labeled “King Trump”, which proceeded to bomb American cities and Americans with a graphically vivid load of human poop.

He has done things 10,000 times as bad – the current estimate of deaths from his cuts to USAID is 600,000 and rising, and this week a study predicted his fossil fuel policies would kill another 1.3 million. But nothing as definitional. No other president would have dared – really, no other president would have imagined – unilaterally destroying large sections of the White House in order to erect a Versailles-style party room, with the active collaboration of some of the richest Americans, almost all of whom have business with the government. And no one – not Richard Nixon, not Andrew Jackson, not Warren Harding, not anyone – would have imagined boasting about defecating on the American citizenry. 



16/.Yum.....eat up!



17/. Master Negotiator Schumer.....



18/. Angus Petersen with what happens after 1.5C.....

The slow creep of the major climate markers we have long watched has turned sharper, and as you look toward your children’s future, it is clear the ground beneath us is shifting faster than anyone expected. The story begins with ice, and with a single glacier. On the eastern edge of Antarctica, the Hektoria Glacier pulled back five miles in just two months, retreating nearly ten times faster than anything scientists had recorded before. That is not just another line in a scientific report. It is a fracture in the idea that change unfolds slowly enough for us to adapt in comfort.
At the same time, the COP30 climate summit in Belém, Brazil, opened with a warning that few wanted to hear. Global temperatures are virtually certain to rise beyond the 1.5 degrees Celsius mark set in the Paris Agreement. A new report from the United Nations Environment Programme found that even if every country meets its current commitments, the world could still warm by between 2.3 and 2.5 degrees. In the same week, Typhoon Kalmaegi tore through the Philippines and Vietnam, killing hundreds and flattening entire villages. Researchers linked the storm’s strength to abnormally warm ocean waters that fed its intensity.



19/. Do you do any of these things? Answer yes, and you have dementia!



20/. She's going to christen the new Ballroom!



21/. Train Dreams movie - excellent review by the Guardian, on Netflix this Friday.....

The dreams of the title are premonitions of the future, memories of the past, yearnings for an alternative present – and sometimes just the dreams that disturb the sleep of the film’s lead character, a logger named Robert Grainier, richly and expressively played with few words by Joel Edgerton. He is part of an exploited itinerant labour force in the early 20th century who cleared woodland wildernesses, built bridges and made way for the American railroad. He lives a quasi-hobo existence but is possessed of a passionate, unspoken inner life to which this fine movie gives expression. His emotional life is the tree that falls in the forest without making a sound.

Director Clint Bentley has adapted the 2011 novella by Denis Johnson, co-writing the script with Greg Kwedar; they have created a lovely looking, deeply felt film, clearly absorbing the influences of Terrence Malick in some of the low camera positions, sunset-hour compositions, narrative voiceovers, and epiphanically revealed glories of the American landscape. There is also something of the early work of David Gordon Green, a film-maker once considered an heir to Malick.



22/. TV - David Duchovny in "Malice"......on Amazon now.....

can’t say I had “Jack Whitehall stars with David ‘The X Files/ Californication’ Duchovny in glossy TV thriller” on my 2025 bingo card, but here we are, and a good time with it can be had by all. Alongside, perhaps, a smidge of national pride to see the daft lad from Fresh Meat, Bad Education and Travels With My Father all grown up and holding his own.

The glossy thriller in question is Malice, in which Whitehall plays Adam, a tutor promoted to manny (male nanny, for those not au fait with rich people’s terms), who is bent – for reasons as yet unknown – on ruining high-rolling businessman Jamie Tanner (Duchovny). Whether he has it in for the rest of the Tanner family and friends, or they are just doomed to be collateral damage, is not clear, but that doesn’t spoil the machiavellian fun                                  .https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/nov/14/malice-review-david-duchovny-jack-whitehall-amazon-prime?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



23/. The Guardian reviews 5 Crime and Thriller books......

The Murder at World’s End by Ross Montgomery (Viking, £16.99)

The first novel for adults by award-winning children’s author Montgomery is a locked-room mystery set in 1910 on a remote tidal island off the Cornish coast. At Tithe Hall, Lord Conrad Stockingham-Welt is busy instructing his servants to prepare for the apocalyptic disaster he believes will be triggered by the imminent passage of Halley’s comet. The labyrinthine house is a nest of secrets and grudges, harboured by both staff and family members, who include an irascible and splendidly foul-mouthed maiden aunt, Decima. When Lord Conrad is discovered in his sealed study, killed by a crossbow bolt to the eye, she co-opts a new footman to help her find the culprit. With plenty of twists, red herrings and a blundering police officer, this is a terrific start to a series that promises to be a lot of fun.



24/. TV - "The Beast In Me", the #1 show on Netflix......Bob Lefsetz gives us his thoughts.....good thoughts!
Mary and I are on episode 4, and it's really gripping....

And “The Beast in Me” is now number one on Netflix, America’s, the world’s, number one streaming service, and that means more people are exposed than…are even watching cable TV news.

So you should watch “The Beast In Me,” I want to know your take.                                                                                         https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2025/11/15/the-beast-in-me/




Today's Jewish joke
The year is 1974.
Sy Gelfand was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Israel
.He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Israel? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & hot and full of Pushy Israelis.. 
You're crazy to go to Israel. So, how are you getting there?"
“We're taking Sabena," said Sy. "We got a great rate!"
"Sabena?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they had a hijacking last summer. 
So, where are you staying in Israel?"
"We'll be in Tel Aviv at the Hotel Dan."
“That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. 
So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go on tour, we are definitely going to stop at the Knesset and we hope to see Golda Meir.."
“That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people are trying to see her. 
As if that could ever possibly happen. 
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, Sy Gelfand came in for his regular haircut. 
The barber asked him about his trip to Israel..
"It was wonderful," said Sy , "not only were we on one of Sabenas brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. 
Security was top notch. The food and wine were wonderful.
We had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on us hand and foot. 
And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. 
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see Golda Meir.."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Knesset, apparently a Secret Service agent overheard my wife Susan mention to the tour guide that as President of her Mizrachi Women chapter, over 60,000 dollars had been raised for underprivileged children in Israel .
He tapped her on the shoulder and asked if we would be so kind as to step into a private room because someone wanted to thank her . 
Sure enough, five minutes later Golda Meir herself walked through the door and shook our hands! 
She then said a few words of thanks to my wife and kissed her on both cheeks.”
“She then leaned over very close to me-and whispered something in my ear.”
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd she say?"
She said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut?”


Today's elderly joke
An elderly couple walked into a McDonalds and sat down at a table near some young people who were having dinner. 
The old man approached the counter and placed an order for one meal. 
He returned, unwrapped the hamburger, carefully cut it in half, and placed one half in front of his wife. 
Then he gently counted out the fries and split them evenly between them.
He placed two straws into the soda and set it between them.
The old woman began to eat her half of the burger while the man just watched. 
From time to time, he took a small sip of the drink, but he never touched the food. 
People around them started to notice and looked on with quiet sympathy. 
A young man approached and politely offered to buy them another meal so they wouldn’t have to share. 
The woman smiled and said kindly, “Thank you, but we’re used to sharing everything.” 
Still, the man hadn’t eaten a bite. He simply watched as his wife enjoyed her meal. 
The young man returned and offered again. 
This time, the old man responded, “Thank you, but we really do share everything.” 
The young man paused for a moment, then asked: “But sir… what are you waiting for?” 
The old man smiled and said: “The teeth.”


 Today's golf joke
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland :
 
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
7. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF! 
 

Today's Welfare joke
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, hair in a long ponytail and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare.  I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.  You will have to drive around in his 2017 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.  This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well... you started it."