Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday January 8


1/. The Democratic elites were gaslighting us about Biden from the time he took office in 2021.....
And they're the same assholes who run the party now.....

Joe Biden will exit the White House with as little fanfare as any president in modern memory. Forever sandwiched between Donald Trump presidencies and unwilling, in his 80s, to engage with conventional media for any length of time — there are few interviews, televised or in print, for Americans to grasp on to — he will recede, lost in various Trump- and Musk-fired news cycles. “It is hard,” Peter Baker of the New York Times recently wrote, “to imagine that he seriously thought he could do the world’s most stressful job for another four years.”



2/. Nikki Glaser at the Golden Globes.....10 minutes of edgy, raunchy wit. 
She's really good.....



3/. It's waaaaaaay too quiet on the MAGA front.....they're prepping us for the fascist takeover of the country, and 
distracting us and our useless media with the internal fights with Musk and the bros.....

As we look at the upcoming year this New Year’s Eve, the most urgent question facing us is whether the assault Putin, Orbán, Trump, Musk, and Vance have planned for our political system in 2025 will succeed.

In 1926 Ernest Hemmingway published his novel The Sun Also Rises, which has this extraordinary bit of dialogue about how change happens in most aspects of life — and how governments rise and fall.

“How did you go bankrupt?” Bill asked.
”Two ways,” Mike said. “Gradually and then suddenly.”
”What brought it on?”
“Friends," said Mike. "I had a lot of friends. False friends.”

For some unfathomable reason, Democrats insist on calling their Republican colleagues their “friends.”  They are not friends.                      https://hartmannreport.com/p/will-america-die-gradually-then-suddenly?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=152540821&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email




4/. Essential reading for the chaos coming.....



5/. Story #3 is what MAGA wants - Ross Barkin from New York Magazine reads it a little better than that......
I hope beyond hope he's right.....

On January 20, Donald Trump will be sworn in as the 47th president of the United States, beginning his second term. This is a sentence that would have read as rank parody in 2015 or even early 2021, when Trump was spurring on an insurrection at the Capitol. Instead, like a Nixonian phoenix, Trump authored one of the great political comebacks in American history, and he will be governing with his strongest hand yet. He won the popular vote for the first time, and Republicans have full control of Congress. 



6/. At last.......a European country with some cojones......Finland of course!
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Finland. Finland. Finland.

You beauty.

That was some of the boldest action I’ve seen in recent times. I’ll place Finland’s resolve over the past 100 hours right alongside Britain and Poland tearing up diplomatic playbooks in January 2023 to push the Western alliance into delivering tanks to Ukraine.

Yes, nearly two years ago. After a long lull, we now have a European nation daring Putin and emerging decisively on top.

Stunning details have emerged following the seizure of the Eagle S by Finnish authorities. The tanker, which departed Russia’s port of Ust-Luga loaded with oil, was en route to Port Said, Egypt. While passing through the Gulf of Finland, it dropped its anchor and dragged it along the seabed, severing multiple undersea cables, including a power cable linking Finland and Estonia.



7/. This could be one of at least three Columnists at the Times.....
Tom Tomorrow nails it again...

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8/. This is we're in the middle of this week......a polar vortex.....
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A strong snow and ice storm followed by brutally cold conditions will soon smack the eastern two-thirds of the United States as frigid air escapes the Arctic, plunging as far south as Florida, meteorologists forecast.

Starting Saturday, millions of people are going to be hit by moderate to heavy snow from Kansas City to Washington – including a high chance of at least 8in (20cm) of snow between central Kansas and Indiana – the National Weather Service warned Friday.

“It’s going to be a mess, a potential disaster,” said private meteorologist Ryan Maue. “This is something we haven’t seen in quite a while.       https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/jan/03/polar-vortex-cold-temperatures-weather?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




9/. A long and eye-opening story about America's military - modern warfare has left us relying on gee whiz weapons systems like ships and fighters, but the nuts and bolts like ammo, shells and drones are neglected. And our politics is so dysfunctional it doesn't look like it can be easily fixed......
A trillion dollars a year, and we're not ready for anything..
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here, in the third decade of the 21st century, the most sought-after ammunition in the U.S. arsenal reaches the vital stage of its manufacture—the process tended by a young woman on a metal platform on the second story of an old factory in rural Iowa, leaning over a giant kettle where tan flakes of trinitrotoluene, better known as the explosive TNT, are stirred slowly into a brown slurry.



10/ So true......
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11/. Did you know Trump has named Billy Long to run the IRS? 
Of course you don't, so Rachel Maddow explains exactly who this guy is.....



12/. I know you don't expect this, but here is a "good" story about this country. 
Four dams were taken out on the Klamath river in California, and the salmon are coming back!
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Explosions roared through the canyons lining the Klamath River earlier this year, signaling a new chapter for the region that hugs the Oregon-California border.

In October, the removal of four hydroelectric dams built on the river was completed – the largest project of its kind in US history.

The blast of the final dam was just the beginning. The work to restore the river, which winds 263 miles (423km) from the volcanic Cascade mountain range in Oregon to the Pacific coast in northern California, is now under way.

Already it’s been among the most hopeful environmental stories of past years. “It has been more successful than we ever imagined,” said Ren Brownell, the spokesperson for the Klamath River Renewal Corporation, a non-profit created to oversee and implement the removal, adding: “There’s an incredible amount of joy.”



13/. A little brain teaser for you......which glass fills up first!
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14/. Bob Lefsetz on the Park City Ski Patrol strike.....and Vail Resorts.You knew there was a strike, didn't you?
Interesting story of corporate indifference to the customer......

Someone should get fired for this, hopefully CEO Kirsten Lynch.

Vail is the most hated name in skiing, justifiably or unjustifiably. Rob Katz revolutionized the skiing business not quite twenty years ago. He flipped the script. Unlike previous ski conglomerates, Katz decided that Vail Resorts would make its money on skiing and its ancillaries as opposed to real estate. And the effort was wildly successful.

Skiing has never been cheaper.                                                                                                              https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2025/01/05/the-park-city-ski-patrol-strike/




15/. Is your New Year's resolution to change your diet? Here's a story that might interest you.....
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There’s a new buzzword in town when it comes to health: polyphenols. While scientists have been investigating the plant compounds for years, the term has now caught the public imagination – and for good reason.

A growing body of evidence shows that eating a diet high in these clever natural chemicals offers numerous health benefits, improving everything from heart and metabolic health to lowering the risk of neurodegenerative diseases, such as Alzheimer’s.

There is also research that suggests eating more polyphenols can slow down the signs of skin ageing and reduce waist size.    https://www.theguardian.com/science/2025/jan/04/polyphenols-the-natural-chemicals-that-could-give-you-a-small-waist-healthy-heart-and-low-blood-pressure?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



16/. Love these Venn Diagrams.....
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17/. Were you aware that Florida Republicans just derailed EV charging stations in the State? Probably not.....
Jason Garcia explains why......Publix! 
Floriduh indeed.....corrupt and stupid....

Welcome to another installment of Florida in Five: Five* stories you need to read from the past week in Florida politics.

Last year, Gov. Ron DeSantis and state lawmakers in Tallahassee teamed up to strip local communities across Florida of the power to do pretty much anything at all about charging stations for electric vehicles.

The idea, records show, was pushed by lobbyists for Publix Super Markets, the nearly $60 billion-a-year grocery chain — and one of the biggest corporate contributors to Republican politicians in Florida.

Publix never said peep about the issue in public. But the lawmakers who sponsored Senate Bill 1084 said they were trying to put an end to a patchwork of local rules that require commercial property developers — like Publix, which builds dozens of grocery stores each year — to pre-wire new parking lots for electric vehicle charging stations.                                                                                                      https://jasongarcia.substack.com/p/florida-moves-backwards-on-electric?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=687064&post_id=154194372&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email




18/. Rolling Stone with the best TV of 2024......
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Happy holidays, everyone. As 2024 comes to a close, it’s time for one final end-of-year TV list. So far, we’ve ranked the year’s 10 best shows, and picked 10 of our favorite performances and individual episodes. We conclude by shining the spotlight on some impressive newcomers. 



19/. "Hacks" with Jean Smart.......excellent review of this comedy.....
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There are few things these days that help keep together the tattered remains of a belief in the universe’s moral arc bending towards justice, but the continuing renaissance of Jean Smart is one of them. After substantial supporting parts in the television series FargoWatchmen and Mare of Easttown, the actor who started in the business in 1979 is now front and centre in HBO Max’s new comedy drama Hacks (showing in the UK on Amazon Prime Video).

Smart plays Deborah Vance, a battle-hardened veteran of the standup comedy scene who now lives in Las Vegas. Vance is playing 100 shows a year at the Palmetto casino in between flogging tat and her guts out on a shopping channel, doing paid daytime events and never, ever letting down the fans who still adore her, even if they follow in smaller droves than they once did. Then it’s home to a magnificent mansion and her beloved dogs, and time to take the wig and makeup off before having dinner alone.



20/. The Guardian lists "must see" TV for 2025......
Sally Wainwright goes punk! Michaela Coel is back! And Robert De Niro smashes on to streaming like a man with something to prove! Here’s your complete guide to 2025’s unmissable TV




Today's golf joke
A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. 
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon. 
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!" cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. 
I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc" says the man. "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. 
My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even 
taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. 
Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer. "Every time I get an erection, I also get a headache.



Today's "fight starting" jokes
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' ... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... ________________________________ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself." And that's when the fight started..... _____________________________ My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started... ________________________________ When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. _____________________________ My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started... ________________________________ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage.  
I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.  
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. 
I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?" And that's how the fight started... _______________________________ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a bathroom scale. And then the fight started...... ______________________________ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. 
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. 
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. 
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.' And then the fight started... ________________________________ My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect." And then the fight started........ ________________________________ I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day! The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!! He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!' So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?' That's how the fight started. ________________________________ One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!" And that's how the fight started.



Today's awful Irish joke
Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little maths test.
“Here is your first question,” the foreman says. “Without using numbers, represent the number nine.”
“Without numbers?” Paddy says. “That’s easy.” 
And he proceeds to draw three trees.
“What’s this?” the boss asks.
“Have you no brain? Tree plus tree plus tree makes nine,” says Paddy.
“Fair enough,” says the boss. “Here’s your second question. 
Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.”
Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree and hands it back.
The boss scratches his head and says, “How on earth do you get that to represent 99?”
“Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it’s dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree. That makes 99.”
“All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.”
Paddy stares into space again; he then picks up the picture and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and hands it back.
The boss looks at Paddy’s picture. “You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!”
Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, “a little dog came along and pooped by each tree. 
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, plus dirty tree and a turd, plus dirty tree and a turd, which makes 100!”




Wednesday, January 1, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday January 1

Happy New Year everyone......hope it's better than 2024, but I have a feeling it won't be.....

1/. The Guardian on the AOC issue......

They may have lost the presidency, the House, and the Senate, but when it comes to avoiding introspection, the Democrats are completely undefeated. You’d have thought that after the disastrous presidential election, the Democrats might have taken some time to figure out what went wrong. You’d have thought they might have decided to try and refresh the party – make it more relevant to disenchanted voters. You’d have thought they might have realized that they needed to shake things up.

Well, you’d have thought wrong. As the recent drama with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez shows, it’s business as usual with the Democratic establishment. Instead of trying to present a fresh new face to the world, they’re continuing to be a party of geriatric multimillionaires who are more concerned about pomp and procedure than actually winning elections.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/dec/21/aoc-centrist-politics-democrats-change?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

 


2/. It's there all right.....




3/. I'm afraid most experts and scientists agree a societal collapse is coming, as a combination of warming, degeneration 
of farmlands, fresh water shortages and many many other factors. The problem is none of them can give us a timeline.....

For someone who has examined 361 studies and 73 books on societal collapses, Danilo Brozović’s conclusion on what must happen to avoid today’s world imploding is both disarmingly simple and a daunting challenge: “We need dramatic social and technological changes.”

The collapse of past civilisations, from the mighty Mayan empire to Rapa Nui (Easter Island), has long fascinated people and for obvious reasons – how stable is our own society? Does ever-growing complexity in societies or human hubris inevitably lead to oblivion? In the face of the climate crisis, rampant destruction of the natural world, rising geopolitical tensions and more, the question is more urgent than ever.

https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2024/dec/28/we-need-dramatic-social-and-technological-changes-is-societal-collapse-inevitable?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




4/. Rolling Stone with the 50 best [music biz] photos of the year.
Bet you haven't heard of most of these stars, like this - one Chappell Roan..........




5/. For a lot of countries you have never heard of, collapse is already here......
A summary of a dangerous 2024 from the most pessimistic newsletter I get.....

This is a special edition of Last Week in Collapse, normally a weekly newsletter compiling some of the most important, timely, helpful, depressing, ironic, stunning, or otherwise must-see/can’t-look-away moments in Collapse.

Today’s edition is a retrospective on Conflict and War in 2024, and this edition is free in its entirety.                                                                                             https://lastweekincollapse.substack.com/p/last-year-in-collapse-war-2024?utm_source=publication-search




6/. Tom Tomorrow is anxious!



7/. Who trusts the legal system? Not too many of us.......

The US supreme court has been hijacked by the extreme right and corrupted to its core.

American oligarchs bestow millions in gifts and largesse on rightwing justices. The court’s conservative supermajority hands down deeply unpopular decisions that take away long-settled rightsconcentrate powerfor themselves and their friends and grease the electoral rails for their party.

Sometimes, an insurrectionist flag waves in front of a justice’s home.

Now a legal system fashioned with Leonard Leo’s dark-money riches and led toward dishonor by John Roberts has received a damning verdict from the American people. According to a new Gallup poll, Americans have a historic lack of trust in the courts. In an era of little faith in institutions, confidence in the judiciary has fallen the fastest and the steepest during the 2020s.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/dec/21/americans-trust-supreme-court




8/. And yet Chief Justice John Roberts, author of the recent opinion that gives Trump total immunity, is whining here about the 
loss of confidence in the Courts and especially the corrupt Supreme Court. 
What an a##hole.

Judicial independence is under grave threat on several fronts, Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. wrote on Tuesday in an unusually urgent and somber year-end report on the state of the federal judiciary.

“Violence, intimidation and defiance directed at judges because of their work undermine our Republic, and are wholly unacceptable,” he wrote.

The report, which arrived in the wake of questions about the court’s ethical standards and a drop in its approval ratings, said some criticism of judges’ work is healthy, warranted and welcome.

“Unfortunately, not all actors engage in ‘informed criticism’ or anything remotely resembling it,” he wrote. “I feel compelled to address four areas of illegitimate activity that, in my view, do threaten the independence of judges on which the rule of law depends.”



9/. Ahhhh....our spineless media....



10/. Bob Lefsetz with one of his philosophical posts......interesting premise......"Entitlement"....

Maybe this is the problem with America.

At the end of the day, Pepsi sponsors a deejay at the base of Vail. Along with said deejay, they provide Pepsi itself. The Pepsi is in these round barrels with plastic covers. You can see right into the vessel where all the cans are on ice.

Knowing this from previous experience, I strode to a barrel and…it was covered with someone’s helmet and gloves. I looked this person in the eye, a middle-aged woman, not a teen punk, and she removed her wares and I reached in for a Pepsi and went inside to put on my SkiSkootys and when I looked outside, this same damn woman put her helmet and gloves back on the Pepsi barrel. Now everybody is not as experienced as me, they don’t know there’s free Pepsi, and as long as this woman keeps her stuff on top of the barrel, they’ll go without.

But she doesn’t mind.

No one minds.

Don’t tell me entitlement is only about the left. It’s everybody in America today. Everybody believes they can do whatever they want and the rules do not apply to them. On the right the excuse is FREEDOM! Freedom from society, freedom to do whatever you want whenever you want. How does that work?

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2024/12/22/entitlement-2/




11/. Tom Tomorrow and how AI will improve your life......kidding.....




12/. Got a Harvard degree? Lucky you, rich white guy......

Last week I recorded a podcast with a friend who works in private equity. More on that later. He mentioned that his firm looks at education the same way they looked at housing in 2007 — a market propped up by cheap debt, artificial scarcity, and mass delusion about underlying value. But the more we talked, the more I realized we’re not looking at one bubble — it’s a triple threat. A wealth bubble, a debt bubble, and a cultural bubble all reinforcing each other.

Let’s start with some numbers that should terrify anyone paying attention:

The average cost of attendance at an elite private university is now over $80,000 per year. This means a four-year degree costs roughly $320,000 — more than the median home price in most American cities. Total student loan debt has topped $1.7 trillion. These numbers represent two completely different markets masquerading as one system.                                                                                            https://medium.com/westenberg/why-elite-education-is-the-next-ponzi-scheme-to-collapse-9f62b5011d74




13/. Weekend Update - Christmas joke swap 2024 - the boys crack up on this one.....quite amusing!




14/. Bob Lefsetz on electric cars and how the Chinese are waaaaaaay ahead of us. 
And this definitely won't change for the next four years.....

The biggest business story of the past year is not artificial intelligence, but the success and proliferation of the Chinese car industry.

If you’re following the latest AI news… The industry is running out of data to train its systems on. Promised breakthroughs are being pushed into the future. AI is a sexy subject, whose mania is primarily based on fear (isn’t it funny that we no longer hear about restricting AI?) Are the machines here to replace us? Well, right now they can’t always get it right and there are debates as to how much they will aid productivity and…

Chinese cars have obliterated their competitors in their home country and are now invading the rest of the world, decimating other companies in their wake.

Meanwhile, all we hear from western governments is protection, taxes, but the auto manufacturers themselves want to compete, it’s the only way they can survive. Many have invested heavily in electric cars and if the public doesn’t start buying them in quantity, they’re in trouble.                                                     https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2024/12/31/chinese-cars/



15/. The Guardian lists the 50 best movies of 2024......don't be intimidated by the number of movies, 
they write a brief description and then there is a link to the review......
And you can jump to the top ten as well..




16/. The Guardian with the best TV you never watched last year.......




17/. Some interesting shows I'd never heard of......from Rolling Stone....

Happy holidays, everyone. As 2024 comes to a close, it’s time for one final end-of-year TV list. So far, we’ve ranked the year’s 10 best shows, and picked 10 of our favorite performances and individual episodes. We conclude by shining the spotlight on some impressive newcomers. 


We’re in a moment of huge churn for the TV business. The era where hit shows were all but guaranteed to run somewhere between five and 10 years is over. Exceptions are occasionally made, and a lot of old warhorses like Grey’s AnatomyNCIS, and It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia are still kicking. But most series just don’t get to stick around for very long, so they have to make an impression while they can.



18/. Love the title of this article....."Scream At The TV Stupid"......the biggest TV letdowns of the year!

From the silliest concept ever to killer thrillers so dull Villanelle would roll her eyes, there have been plenty of televisual duds in 2024. Here are the biggest turkeys



19/. Interesting - a remake of "Nosferatu", the classic vampire movie......

The American director Robert Eggers has a gift for cinema that goes beyond storytelling, instead tipping into the creation of whole immersive worlds. Watch The Lighthouse (2019) and you can almost feel the sea spray flaying your skin and fraying the edges of your sanity. His 2015 debut, The Witch, was so steeped in 17th-century folkloric rituals that you could practically taste the wood smoke, superstition and terror. These films etch themselves into your subconscious. But even by his usual standards, Nosferatu, a remake of FW Murnau’s 1922 German expressionist silent film Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, is an unsettlingly atmospheric and richly realised work. There’s something about the macabre sensuality and mossy, crepuscular gloom of this retelling of the vampire legend that leaves a mark on the audience. It’s not so much a viewing experience as a kind of haunting.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2024/dec/29/nosferatu-review-lily-rose-depp-robert-eggers-willem-dafoe?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




Today's snow shovel joke
DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER: Moved to North Dakota this fall. We heard that summers are fun and winter is beautiful.  
We think there is no more beautiful a place in the whole world! 

December 8 - 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic, we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! 

December 9 - We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life! 

December 12 - The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. 

December 14 - Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so. 

December 15 - 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. 

December 16 - Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel. 

December 17 - Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God! I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room. 

December 20 - Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but. they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. 

December 22 - Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob-who has a plow on his truck-for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the asshole is lying. 

December 23 - Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago. She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24 - 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling, and then he comes down the street...at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents...but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow. 

December 25 - Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to feed her through a chipper shredder. 

December 26 - Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
 
December 27 - Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $4,400 to replace all my pipes. 

December 28 - Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
 
December 29 - 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am? 

December 30 - Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted. 

December 31 - I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling. 

January 8 - Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed ???



Today's bar joke
A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting
at the end of it. 
She is so beautiful he cannot take his mind
off her, so he calls the bartender over and says, "Take that
woman a drink on me."
The bartender says, "It won't work."
"What do you mean, it won't work?"
"That woman," says the bartender, "is a hard-hearted bitch.
You won't get anywhere with her. Nobody does."
"OK," says the guy. "How about this: you got any Spanish fly?"
"Spanish fly? No," says the bartender, "I've got Jewish fly."
"So, what the hell is Jewish fly?"
"I don't know; I've never used it. You want to give it a try?"
"Yes," says the guy, and the next chance he gets, on his way
to the men's room, he reaches behind the woman's back and drops
the stuff in her drink.
Nothing happens for a long time. 
But then all of a sudden he
feels her body close to his, and her voice is whispering hotly
in his ear, and she's saying, "I can't stand it any more! You
excite me so much! Take me shopping!"



Today's spoon joke
Freda and Kitty hear about a very new and advanced restaurant called ‘Glat's Best' which has just opened in Boro Park and decide to try it out. 
When the waiter arrives to take their order, Kitty notices that he has a spoon sticking out of his shirt pocket – in fact she notices that all the waiters have spoons sticking out of their shirt pockets. 
She thinks this is very odd and after they give their order, she mentions it to Freda. 
Freda says, "Why not ask the waiter about the spoon when he returns?"
The waiter arrives with their chicken soup and Kitty says, "Excuse me for asking, but why the spoon?"
"Well," he explains, "when the restaurant first opened, Mr Cohen hired BALEBOSS CONSULTING to ensure that our productivity was at its highest level. 
After a full analysis, they told us that every time a spoon is dropped, it takes time to pick it up, take it to the kitchen and return with a new one. 
BALEBOSS said that if the waiters were better prepared, we could reduce these unnecessary kitchen trips and the restaurant would save 40 man hours per week. So we all carry a spoon now."
Freda and Kitty thank him for the explanation and he leaves them to enjoy the soup. 
But then, guess what? Freda accidentally drops her spoon whilst half way through her soup. 
Almost immediately their waiter appears and quickly replaces the dropped spoon with the spare one from his pocket. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen," he says, "it’ll save me having to make an extra trip to get it right now."
Kitty is impressed but then notices a small piece of string hanging out of the waiter's fly. 
Looking around, she sees that all the waiters have pieces of string hanging from their flies. 
So before he can walk away, she points to the string and says, "Excuse me, but what’s with the string?"
"It’s simple, madam," he quietly replies. "BALEBOSS also discovered that we waiters can save time when we have to visit the toilet. 
By tying string to the tip of our …. you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and thus eliminate the need to wash our hands afterwards. 
This reduces the time we spend in the toilet."
"But after you get it out," asks Kitty giggling, "how do you put it back?"
"Well," he whispers, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon."


Today's Italian joke

An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini,Italy, went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, theman said: 

"Father, during World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her
in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that."

"There is more to tell, Father.  She started to repay me with sexual favors.  This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.  

However, if you are truly sorry for your
actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father.  That's a great load off my mind.  I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.

"Should I tell her the war is over?''


Today's Scottish joke
A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. 
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women - one from England, another from Wales, and the other from Scotland, were walking past and felt
 sorry for the poor man.
The English woman said, "Have you ever had a hug?" 

The man said, "No." 
So she gave him a hug and walked on, feeling pleased about herself.
The Welsh woman said, "Have you ever had a kiss?"
The man said, "No." 
So she gave him a kiss and walked on, feeling pleased about herself.
The Scottish woman came to him and said, " 'ave ye ever been fucked, laddie? "
The man broke into a big smile and said, "No".
She said, "Aye, well ye will be when the tide comes in"