Tuesday, November 11, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday November 11

 1/. This is one of the really good Lefsetz rants......in my opinion, he nails it.


The story for me is how out of touch the press is.

The right said Trump had a mandate.

The left said the party had to run to the center.

And everybody in the pundit class, everybody in D.C., seemed to have no understanding of the mind-set of the people. And the question arises, if the press is wrong on this, what else are they wrong on?

If you’ve made it all the way to TV or Congress you’re pretty self-impressed, you ran the gauntlet and emerged victorious. But did you know that the median age of an MSNBC viewer is 72? This isn’t even your parents, this is your GRANDPARENTS! And this is my generation and I’ve got to tell you, it’s as baked into its ways as the generations before it. We thought it would be different for boomers, after all they had the greatest number of people and changed the world, but not anymore.                 https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2025/11/05/tuesdays-election/



2/. Weekend Update......the guys were on form this week! 
Most amusing, some good zingers.....6 minutes.....



3/. The wonderful Tom Tomorrow......



4/. An excellent analysis of the administration Trump has put in place.....incompetents and internet trolls.....

n 1949, the German historian and political philosopher Hannah Arendt visited Europe for the first time since fleeing to America during the war. A year later, she wrote an analysis of what she called “the aftermath of Nazi rule.” She found the Old World lacking in civic maturity and commitment compared with her new home, the then-booming United States, noting that “the peoples of Western Europe have developed the habit of blaming their misfortunes on some force out of their reach.” She believed that her adopted country, by comparison, enjoyed a kind of clarity of public vision: “With the possible exception of the Scandinavians,” she wrote, “no European citizenry has the political maturity of Americans, for whom a certain amount of responsibility, i.e., of moderation in the pursuit of self-interest, is almost a matter of course.” Arendt wasn’t celebrating a perfect America; rather, she was lauding a people who approached political life with an adult sensibility and a reserve of self-control.



5/. Cognitive test?


6/. Trump wants to abolish the filibuster,,,,,Thom Hartmann on why this might be a great idea....

Emperor Trump saw this wipeout election coming and he knew who to blame in advance: the Senate. On Tuesday (election day) morning, he posted to his Nazi-infested social media site:

“TERMINATE THE FILIBUSTER NOW, END THE RIDICULOUS SHUTDOWN IMMEDIATELY, AND THEN, MOST IMPORTANTLY, PASS EVERY WONDERFUL REPUBLICAN POLICY THAT WE HAVE DREAMT OF, FOR YEARS, BUT NEVER GOTTEN. WE WILL BE THE PARTY THAT CANNOT BE BEATEN – THE SMART PARTY!!!”

Republicans yawned and ignored him; they’ve been hiding behind the filibuster for decades to avoid having to actually take a serious vote on the crazy crap that Republicans in the House keep sending them, like bills to outlaw abortion nationally, end voting rights for married women, or end climate protections and deregulate the fossil fuel industry.                                                                                                                                                                                               https://hartmannreport.com/p/a-republic-if-you-can-count-to-51-bc5?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=178121707&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



7/. Desi Lydic having a religious meltdown.....most amusing.....3 minutes...


8/. Oh Democrats.....

Democrats enabled Donald Trump to become president twice because of repetition compulsions that still propel the party’s leaders – undermining the party’s potential to end the real-life nightmare of Maga control over the federal government. Scrutinizing how this century’s Democratic leaders set the stage for Trump’s electoral triumphs is crucial not only for clarity about the past. It also makes possible a vital focus on how such failures can be avoided in the future.

Elites did quite well after Barack Obama took back the presidency for Democrats in January 2009, amid the Great Recession. He bailed out big banks while a huge number of people lost their homes. By the time Obama was most of the way through his presidency, he had facilitated “the dispossession of at least 5.2 million US homeowner families, the explosion of inequality, and the largest ruination of middle-class wealth in nearly a century”, the journalist David Dayen pointed out.         https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/nov/02/trump-democrats-playbook?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




9/. Angus Petersen on cybersecurity. 
It's not enough to "trust, but verify" any more, we all have to be much more sceptical than that.
Good article.....

It’s a strange feeling, realizing how many of the systems we trust to keep the world spinning now depend on code written by someone we’ll never meet. That same software might be patched, revised, or exploited before the week is out — and somewhere, the fallout will land on a family like yours or mine. The gap between what’s possible and what’s stable is widening, and it’s being filled with algorithms, automation, and anxiety.

Over the past year, the speed of technological disruption has started to feel less like progress and more like acceleration without traction. Regulators scramble to keep up, markets cheer or panic, and the rest of us watch the gears spin faster. Europe’s landmark AI Act — once hailed as the world’s strongest attempt to govern artificial intelligence — is already softening around the edges. Both Reuters and the Financial Times report that the European Commission plans to “ease parts” of the law, offering grace periods and phased labeling requirements. In the language of bureaucracy, that sounds harmless. In practice, it signals that even the most ambitious policymakers are blinking under pressure from industry.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   https://medium.com/edge-of-collapse/deepfakes-layoffs-and-the-new-reality-war-1e39ac50d323



10/. Jimmy Kimmel with one of his street interviews......amusing.....3 minutes.



11/. Bill Gates was supposed to be a "good" billionaire - he isn't. 
None of them are, their gross example of wealth inequality and evil corporations are the cause of the world's problems......

Let’s begin with the fundamental problem: Bill Gates is a politics denier. Though he came to it late, he now accepts the realities of climate science. But he lives in flat, embarrassing denial about political realities. His latest essay on climate, published last week, treats the issue as if it existed in a political vacuum. He writes as if there were no such thing as political power, and no such thing as billionaires.

His main contention is that funds are very limited, so the delegates at this month’s climate summit in Brazil should direct money away from “near-term emissions goals” towards climate “adaptation” and spending on poverty and disease.

Yes, the funds available for any good cause are scarce, but that’s not because of some natural law, some implacable truth about human society. It’s because oligarchic power has waged war on benign state spending, leading to the destruction of USAID and drastic cuts to the aid budgets of other countries, including the UK. Austerity is a political choice. The decision to impose it is driven by governments bowing to the wishes of the ultra-rich.


12/. Guys - don't let this happen to you! 3 minutes.....
Ladies, you will appreciate this.....



13/. Great results from last Tuesday's election you haven't heard of......
Yesterday was the first time in five years that reading political news invoked something other than frustration or dread: the election results were almost uniformly exciting, and perhaps aware of the shift in public opinion that precipitated the conservative thumping, even the Supreme Court teased a willingness to check some of Donald Trump’s most autocratic impulses. 

You’ve no doubt read reams of political analysis and poetic meditations on the success of New York City Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani (including mine), looked into the surprisingly strong performance of New Jersey’s next governor, Rep. Mikie Sherrill, and smiled at Donald Trump’s attempts to avoid blame for a Republican thumping. 

You also probably felt relief at hearing the news that Democratic leaders are moving aside for the next generation: former Speaker Nancy Pelosi is retiring, while her longtime deputy, Rep. Steny Hoyer, is reportedly looking at wrapping up his distinguished career. Oh, and I hope reveled in the confirmed innocence of the sandwich avenger in DC.



14/. Letters home from the civil war!



15/. Let them eat lead! No, not bullets, lead!



16/. Bob Lefsetz on Musk's trillion dollar compensation.....yes, trillion....

I was told I could be President. I learned that in first grade. I could see the opportunity, the trajectory, we were all starting from the same line. Now, who would want to be President? Certainly not me.

I was told if I worked hard I could be wealthy. They called it the American Dream. There were hoops to jump through. Mostly dealing with education. And if you reached the brass ring…you were comfortable, you didn’t have to worry about money, you could do things other couldn’t.

They never told us you would do things that were completely separate, that the rest didn’t have access to. You could fly in the front of the plane, you could fly as much as you wanted, but the idea of having your own jet? That was an incomprehensible fantasy. Owning your own island? None of these were possibilities, even on the radar screen until the eighties, when those who’d professed love for everybody in the sixties got greedy.

But then came private equity. And Bill Simon’s leveraged buyout of Gibson Greetings for $80 million. In only eighteen months the company was taken public with a value of $290 million, Simon’s $330,000 investment yielded $66 million. Wow!

And you might not have been paying attention, then again if your goal was to make it, to be rich, to win, the line of scrimmage had been moved way down the field.



17/. The local news! SNL, amusing.....3 minutes



18/. Remember the Truman Show? Maybe it's time to give it another look.
This Guardian review makes you think.....

The great Australian director Peter Weir is perhaps underrated as an auteur, simply because his filmography doesn’t follow any thematic or stylistic principle; each of his contributions feels like a complete work of art unto itself. While Picnic at Hanging Rockremains his finest work, his foray into Hollywood culminated in the utterly transfixing, intermittently horrifying Jim Carrey vehicle The Truman Show. Almost 30 years after its theatrical release, the film has only grown in stature and prescience.

Ostensibly a dark satire on voyeurism and the inexhaustible manipulations of the media, The Truman Show predated the television juggernaut Big Brother by a single year, and it’s hard not to see something causal in that. Both are about surveillance and the murky line separating reality from entertainment; both involve hidden cameras watching the participants’ every move. The key difference – the one that gives the film such moral potency – is that Truman doesn’t know he’s on TV.



19/. "All Her Fault" - 5 star guardian review........
We have watched three episodes and it's amazing.....

Look, I am a mother, a neurotic and – if one of my HRT patches sloughs off without me noticing – very quickly a clinical paranoiac. But even if that were not true, this latest tale of a playdate gone unthinkably wrong would have me firmly in its grip. All Her Fault, an adaptation of bestselling thriller writer Andrea Mara’s 2021 book of the same name, braids a number of popular TV trends together, interrogating White Lotus-style the phenomenon of middle-class US affluence and the protections it offers and corruptions it encourages, a missing child narrative and an examination of the penalty women pay for motherhood. It is rare that all these things are held in balance, without at least one element becoming preachy or the thriller part becoming baggy or preposterous, but All Her Fault manages it brilliantly.                                                                                                                                                                                                 https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/nov/07/all-her-fault-review-sarah-snook-andrea-mara?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



Today's golf joke
A man was out on the golf course one sunny day when he suddenly realized he was lost. 
Spotting a woman ahead of him, he walked over and asked, “Excuse me, could you help me? I’m not sure which hole I’m on.”
She smiled politely and said, “You’re one hole behind me. I’m on the 7th; you’re on the 6th.”
Relieved, he thanked her and went back to his game.
A little while later, he found himself lost again. 
Embarrassed, he noticed the same woman and approached her once more. “I hate to bother you again, but I’m lost. Can you tell me what hole I’m on?”
She chuckled and replied, “You’re still one hole behind me. I’m on the 14th; you’re on the 13th.”
Grateful for her help, he thanked her again and finished his round.
Later, in the clubhouse, he saw the woman and decided to thank her properly. “Can I buy you a drink to thank you for your help out there?” he asked.
She agreed, and they started chatting over their drinks. 
As the conversation flowed, he asked, “So, what do you do for a living?”
“I’m in sales,” she said with a shy smile.
“No way! Me too!” he exclaimed. “What do you sell?”
She hesitated for a moment. “Well… it’s a little embarrassing.”
“Come on,” he said, coaxing her. “I promise I won’t laugh.”
After a moment, she sighed and said, “Alright, but you really can’t laugh. I sell sanitary napkins.”
He managed to hold a straight face—at first. 
But then, unable to contain himself, he burst into laughter, doubling over and nearly falling out of his chair, tears streaming down his face.
“You promised not to laugh!” she exclaimed, glaring at him.
Through his laughter, he managed to choke out, “I’m sorry! But I can’t help it—I sell toilet paper... and I’m still one hole behind you!”


Today's Marital joke
A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid. So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn't tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story:
"Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches" and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the Maid's bed. She switched the lights off.
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: "You didn't expect to find me in this bed, did you?" 
And then she switched on the light.
"No ma'am", said the Gardener.


Another marital joke
Woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" The husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. 
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' 
It worked. The headaches are all gone."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. 
Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. 
He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." 
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Damn! That was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." 
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. 
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." 
With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
His funeral service will be held on Saturday









 

Tuesday, November 4, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday November 4

1/. Thom Hartmann with some hopeful thoughts on how things might be falling apart for Trump and his goons....
Let's hope beyond hope this all comes true.....

Kids and cops got tear-gassed in Chicago, a judge is holding ICE/CPB officials to account, Americans are horrified by the destruction of the East Wing of the White House, and even UFC fighters are starting to turn away from Trump. 

What’s going on? Is he really as strong as he appears to think?

In 1999, I was working in a remote part of rural Russia for a German-based international relief agency; we were building housing and trying to teach peasant agricultural methods to people who’d only ever known massive, collective factory farms. I was staying in the home of a family of four with two young children; Dad was Russian and Mom — her name was Olga — was from East Germany, although she’d grown up watching West German TV.                    https://hartmannreport.com/p/what-if-trump-is-weaker-than-we-thinkand-d44?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=176876703&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



2/. The Government shutdown......SNL - very funny, 4 minutes.....



3/. Excellent title to this story - 

What would you do if democracy was being dismantled before your eyes? Whatever you’re doing right now


How would you behave if your democracy was being dismantled? In most western countries, that used to be an academic question. Societies where this process had happened, such as Germany in the 1930s, seemed increasingly distant. The contrasting ways that people reacted to authoritarianism and autocracy, both politically and in their everyday lives, while darkly fascinating and important to study and remember, seemed of diminishing relevance to now.

Not any more. Illiberal populism has spread across the world, either challenging for power or entrenching itself in office, from Argentina to Italy, France to Indonesia, Hungary to Britain. But probably the most significant example of a relatively free, pluralist society and political system turning into something very different remains the US, now nine months into Donald Trump’s second term.



4/. Tom Tomorrow on the quietly dangerous "Speaker".....or shall we say nasty little toady......




5/. The Democratic Party has collapsed, and this article argues it's because our leadership is just too old.....
Very persuasive.....just think DiFi, Biden, RBG......they won't let go....

Last year’s election debacle, rooted in the rapid decline of the then-81-year-old Joe Biden, took a heavy toll on New Hampshire congresswoman Annie Kuster. “It was the most painful thing I’ve been through since my own parents aging,” she said of her up-close experiences with the former president. “Nobody wants to face incapacity.” It forced Kuster to look hard at her party. Months before the fateful presidential debate that exposed Biden’s frailty, Kuster, at a mere 68 years old, announced her retirement, having served in Congress for 12 years after turning a red seat reliably blue. Though fit and healthy, she was feeling her age on some issues. “We were dealing with AI, cryptocurrency,” she said of her work on the Energy and Commerce Committee. “I am not the person best situated to be dealing with these issues. I did my best to learn, but it’s just time for us to move over.”



6/. Angus Petersen with a clear eyed look at public health, and how it's going adrift not just here in Trumpland but globally......

There’s a quiet shift happening in the global conversation about public health. It’s not the loud, headline-driven talk of new vaccines or miracle drugs. It’s subtler — an uncomfortable recognition that our health systems, like our economies, were built on foundations that assumed infinite stability. Those foundations are now cracking. And as the cracks widen, it’s the poor, the working class, and increasingly the middle class who are feeling the strain. The story of 2025 is not only about disease or medicine; it’s about inequality — about who has the means to stay well and who does not.
The World Health Organization’s latest warning on antibiotic resistance sounds more like a lament than a bulletin. “Common antibiotics are failing across multiple regions,” the report noted earlier this month, urging governments to treat antimicrobial resistance as “a global security threat.” This isn’t hyperbole.



7/. Desi Lydic with a very amusing segment - "Marjorie!".....7 very good minutes...



8/. Interesting interactive analysis of how and where to expect extreme rains......
Ironically if you look at the article Central Florida will get above average rain.......like we just had in Mount Dora!



9/. DC's newest attraction....the ballroom.....2 minutes....


10/. And this is how it's getting built.....a most amusing SNL - 4 minutes....


11/. The evil bastard that gave us Trump just died.......no tears here.....

I have spent my adult life hating Dick Cheney.

Hatred is a poisonous thing. It can corrode us. Warp us and twist us into a mirror image of that which we hate. But, when harnessed and processed, it can drive us to become something entirely different. We can look into the face of the hated and decide, through sheer force of will and tenacity of spirit, to steer away from that which we revile and evolve into its antithesis. This takes a ton of work, however, and a near constant vigilance.

Cheney, who died at the age of 84 today, was one of the worst of us. A brilliant, talented man who used his gifts in the pursuit of wealth, power, and the degradation of humanity. Regardless of how corporate media and moderates want to rhapsodize about him as a “statesman,” or tell us that his feeble and self-serving “stand” against Trumpism was a “heroic turn,” there is nothing to celebrate. Here is a cautionary tale. A life lived making the world worse. A life that would have been better off un-lived.



12/. So how are you helping?



13/. This story details exactly what is happening to Trump's America.....embedded corruption......

Aglobal youth revolt is shaking the foundations of political power. In just a few months, millions of young people have taken to the streets across continents – from Timor-LesteIndonesia, Nepal, the PhilippinesKenya, Tanzania, Morocco, Madagascar, Peru and Paraguay – to denounce corruption and collapsing public systems. The spark is familiar: governments accused of looting public wealth while ordinary citizens face unemployment, rising costs, poverty and failing services. These digitally connected protest movements – leaderless, borderless and fast-moving – have toppled governments in NepalPeru and Madagascar. The anger is not abstract. It is directed squarely at political and economic elites who have turned public office into private estates. What they are confronting, often without naming it, is state capture – a form of corruption so deeply embedded that it shapes the rules of democracy itself.

Most people think corruption is about a politician taking bribes, or a public official pocketing cash for a favour. That’s the low-hanging fruit: petty or grand corruption, both corrosive but familiar. But there is a deeper, more dangerous form of rot – state capture. Not simply corruption of the system. It is corruption as the system.


14/. Kelly Eldridge Boesch with some surreal AI......



15/. Michelle Goldberg from the Times went to Maine to meet with Graham Platner, the Democratic candidate for 
Governor with the Nazi tattoo, and came away impressed.
Interesting story - reflects the disgust and anger at the party's elites.....

From afar, the past week and a half looked so disastrous for Graham Platner, the upstart Maine Senate candidate, that I contemplated canceling plans to see him campaign in person. It would be pointless to make the trip, I thought, if the whole enterprise was on the verge of collapse.

Platner is the oyster farmer and former Marine with a baritone voice and a Bernie Sanders endorsement who this fall came seemingly out of nowhere to capture progressive hearts nationwide. Recently, a barrage of ugly revelations made it look like perhaps all the hope invested in him had been misplaced.         https://www.nytimes.com/2025/10/31/opinion/graham-platner-democrats.html


16/. This one might be true......



17/. It's the autumn, and this means you can change your Medicare plans in a fixed window. 
It also means direct marketers for Medicare Advantage plans try to suck you in, but if you are ever tempted to ditch Medicare for 
Medicare Advantage, watch this segment from John Oliver as he explains all you need to know about the "Advantage" plans.
If you are getting close to 65, this is a must watch. For the rest of us, it's pretty funny!



18/. The Trump family wants us all to look at the bright shiny objects, so they can continue their crypto grift......
The corruption is what authoritarians do..........

DUBAI, Oct 28 (Reuters) - Eric Trump was in Dubai on family business. Meeting with a Chinese businessman and his associates on the sidelines of a cryptocurrency conference in May this year, the son of U.S. President Donald J. Trump ran through his usual talking points about the inefficiency of traditional banks and his own famous father’s run-ins with financiers.
Then came the pitch. Buy at least $20 million of “governance tokens” in the Trump family’s crypto business, World Liberty Financial, and become part of a venture that Eric Trump predicted would soon embody the future of finance in America, according to a person familiar with the meeting.


19/. I know I keep saying this, but I wish this was funny.....


20/. "The Ridge" looks like a really good series, and when it gets to the US I'll let you know......

It seems at first to be your standard six-part mystery-thriller. The Ridge opens with the protagonist, Mia (Lauren Lyle, last seen in The Bombing of Pan Am 103 and as the eponymous Karen Pirie, and so good in everything) having nightmares about her traumatic childhood. She wakes to a morning routine of yoga and deep breathing – though that doesn’t seem to help as much as the opioid patch she whacks on her thigh – before heading to the local hospital, where she works as an anaesthetist and where a patient comes round during an operation, then dies on the table.

But that is only the first layer of what becomes a veritable millefeuille of a drama.



21/. Another five star series "The Lowdown", with Ethan Hawke......

Ethan Hawke is hilariously raccoon-like in The Lowdown; not just because his hair is all scraggly grey-and-black, and usually in various states of disarray depending on whether his Lee Raybon is crawling out from the wrong side of the bed or the trunk of some neo-Nazi’s car.

A freelance journalist by trade (among other things), Lee is the self-appointed gumshoe in creator Sterlin Harjo’s deliciously pulpy and deceptively lighthearted noir caper. He sniffs around Tulsa, Oklahoma, digs through people’s trash, repeatedly makes a mess of things and mostly gets hostile responses from the people who have the misfortune of crossing paths with him (pretty much the world a raccoon lives in). But, every so often, someone will find Lee adorable or sympathetic enough that they just might lend him a helping hand, or even take him to bed with them.                                                           https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/sep/23/the-lowdown-ethan-hawke-review?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



Bob Lefsetz recommends this Netflix documentary - "The Perfect Neighbor".
So do I - I've seen it and it's riveting......all real footage, and all from police bodycams. Recommend it.....
The trailer is in the story.....

This is the one you’ve got to see. Kathryn Bigelow’s “A House of Dynamite” is the one getting all the hype, but “The Perfect Neighbor” will get to you. This is America.

My favorite story about a bad neighbor was told to me by Al Kooper. I was complaining to him about my problem neighbor and he interrupted me to tell me about his. He was living in the Hollywood Hills and his next door neighbor left their garbage cans blocking his driveway again and again and again, there was nothing he could do or say to stop them. So I asked Al what he did…and he said “I MOVED!”

Entitlement. That’s the scourge of America today. The people who feel that they alone rule their space and they’re entitled to live sans interference. But last I checked we live in a society. And we all have to get along. But we don’t.

So what we’ve got here is a lower class area in Ocala, Florida where everybody is a renter and most people are Black. But there’s this one elderly white neighbor who believes she’s entitled to peace and quiet. She doesn’t want the kids playing in the empty lot next door, even though they have permission to do so. And she keeps calling the cops.



Today's Airline joke
A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. 
The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. 
We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto."
He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole plane can hear his conversation with his co-pilot.
The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap . . . then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner . . . . then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night long!"
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the isles, trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. 
She's so embarrassed that she tries to run to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. 
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and falls on her face. 
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gonna take a shit first."


Today's Jewish joke
A Jewish congregation in suburban Toronto honours its Rabbi for 25 years of service by sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid. 
When he walks into his hotel room, he finds a beautiful nude woman lying on the bed.
She greets the Rabbi with, “Hi, Rabbi, I’m a little something extra that the President of the shul arranged for you.”
The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of the shul and shouts, “Greenblatt, what were you thinking? 
Where is your respect? I am the moral leader of our religious community! 
I am very angry with you and you have not heard the end of this.”;
Hearing this, the naked woman gets up and starts to get dressed.
The Rabbi turns to her and asks, “Where are you going? I’m not angry with you.”


Today's blond [man] jokes
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
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A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
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(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" 
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
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A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday. "
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday 


Today's Duggars joke
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.
Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children.
Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret,
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied,  “I think he means her legs, Ethel!"


Todays police joke [and pretty true]
How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer
and an Irish Garda
 
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.  What do you do ?

ANSWER:
British  Police Officer:

Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger ?

4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away ?

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?


Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !

 
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !


Irish Garda:
" Jimmie.. Drop the knife, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"