Hope all of you had a good Christmas.......
1/ The media has been obsessed with the gun control issue, but we need Frank Rich to put it all in perspective.....another great article from the master of politics.....
New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich talks with editor-in-chief Adam Moss about the Newtown tragedy, its political fallout, and our centuries-long worship of the gun.
Adam Lanza’s mother, Nancy, was among the 45 percent (!) of Americans that have guns in their homes. So I'm not going to ask you about gun control here; obviously you're for much stricter regulation, as most of your readers are. I want to know your thoughts about the culture of guns in America, and particularly in the last decade, during which public support for gun control has tumbled even as the incidence of mass rampages like Newtown increases, and the American people just get more enamored of their guns. Please try to help me understand why.The first step on the long path to curing a deep illness in a society is to diagnose it properly and own up to it. We must acknowledge that guns and violence are not some new “modern” problem subject to a quick fix. We must recognize that they have always been intrinsic to the very idea of America and “freedom” — enshrined in our Constitution’s Second Amendment (however one chooses to read it), romanticized in our glorification of both our revolutionary and frontier past, and a staple of our popular culture not just in this era but every era: from James Fenimore Cooper’s The Deerslayer and Buffalo Bill’s Wild West shows through The Birth of a Nation, Zane Grey, Stagecoach and The Wild Bunch, gangster movies and gangsta rap, Bonnie and Clyde and Zero Dark Thirty, The Untouchables andThe Sopranos. As Garry Wills wrote over the weekend, in America, the gun is a god, and like most gods, it “cannot be questioned.” And it has rarely been questioned over the course of our history except by the outnumbered and outgunned gun-control advocates who remain largely on the margins of American political power
2/ Overlooked by all of the fallout from the Newtown massacre and gun control blah is the process of how guns are regulated, and Rachel Maddow gets straight to the heart of the problem - lobbyists from the gun manufacturers have gutted the ATF......great 16 minute segment as always.......
By the way the NRA is just the PR arm of the weapons industry........and that bizarre speech by LaPierre was really what they think......
3/ A German dance troupe with a five minute piece called "Shadowland"........quite beautiful......give it a chance, it builds......
4/ The powerful and moving essay "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" by the mother of a mentally ill and violent child who can't get help from the system......and is worried her boy may be the next mass killer.....
Liza Long, a writer based in Boise, says it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.
Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.
“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.
“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”
“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”
“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”
I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.
5/ Cute video time - some goats cavorting and doing silly goat stuff.......2 long, long minutes and by the end you will want to get out the AR 15......kidding......
Click:
6/ Most people eat very unhealthily and a lot of deaths are preventable, but the problem is education and regulation. People have no idea how badly they eat, and there is noone to stop Big Agra advertising really bad foods......
A thoughtful essay in the Times on how to save lives.....
Here’s some good news: Seat belts save lives[1] . So do vaccinations. The world’s population is living longer. Thechildhood obesity rate has declined[2] in parts of the United States.
That’s miraculous, because the policies for food, energy, climate change and health care are, effectively, “let’s help big producers make as much money as they can regardless of the consequences.”
Except for just after the most visible tragedies, public health and welfare are barely part of the daily conversation. When New York is flooded, climate change dominates TV news — for a week. When innocents are slaughtered with weapons designed for combat, gun control is a critical topic — for a week. When 33 people die violent, painful deathsfrom eating cantaloupe, food safety is in the headlines — for a week. When nearly 70,000 people die a year, from mostly preventable diabetes, most media ignore it.
Forget the fiscal cliff: we’ve long since fallen off the public health cliff. We need consistent policies that benefit a majority of our citizens, even if it costs corporations money.
And guns are just the bloodiest public health menace to go virtually unregulated. [3] Preventable, chronic disease — to a large extent brought about by diet — is now the biggest killer on the planet. Soda kills more people than guns — more people than car wrecks — only less dramatically. What we need is the equivalent of a dietary seat belt.
And guns are just the bloodiest public health menace to go virtually unregulated. [3] Preventable, chronic disease — to a large extent brought about by diet — is now the biggest killer on the planet. Soda kills more people than guns — more people than car wrecks — only less dramatically. What we need is the equivalent of a dietary seat belt.
7/ Here's some cheery holiday news - the FDA has just quietly approved GM salmon and you'll never know you are eating it because they don't have to label it.....
While you were likely resting or enjoying time with friends and family over the Christmas break, the United States Food and Drug Administration was hard at work ramming through genetically modified salmon towards the final acceptance process. Despite the frankenfish actually being blocked by Congress last year over serious health and environmental concerns, the FDA is making a massive push to release the genetically modified salmon into the world as the FDA-backed biotech giant and creator of the fish AquaAdvantage screams for profits.
These fish of course threaten the very genetic integrity of the food chain when considering the fact that they will ultimately be unleashed into waters with other salmon and likely even the ocean at large. The AquaAdvantage genetically modified salmon have been engineered through genetic manipulation to grow double the size and weight of the average salmon. Hitting 24 inches instead of 13 and weighing in at 6.6 pounds instead of 2.8, the GM fish contains both a gene from another salmon known as the Pacific Chinook as well as an eel-like fish.
This unnatural genetic infusion allows the fish to generate a growth hormone 24/7, making it a massively mutated ball of growth hormones and disease.
8/ Another version of November fails.....not as good as the Dutch ones, more youth orientated.......but still lots of dumb stuff.....
9/ Florida [or is it truly Floriduh] has made another list - the Craziest State of 2012.......see why in this photo gallery......
10/ Fascinating story about what will become the future of many coastal communities - whether to rebuild destroyed homes, or to accept the reality of climate change and rising seas.....it illustrates the problems of having to tell people they can't rebuild and how painful it is........
But extreme weather is the future, and I for one prefer my tax dollars are spent in prevention rather than keep subsidising a second home being rebuilt on a barrier island.....
As moldy drywall thudded to the curb in a depressing drumbeat throughout Breezy Point, Queens, Thomas Ryan’s reciprocating saw stood out like a growling declaration of impatience.
His neighbors were still ripping out debris. But Mr. Ryan, a retired bricklayer who built his house by hand 30 years ago only to lose most of it to Hurricane Sandy, was already hard at work rebuilding. He knew that officials from the city, the Federal Emergency Management Agency and the Breezy Point cooperative were still negotiating over new building standards, revisions that could force him to tear apart the windows and doors he was installing to add expensive new safeguards against another onslaught from the ocean. But he would not, he could not, sit around.
“How long can I wait?” Mr. Ryan said. “I’ve got to get back here and live.”
The big thinkers have emerged in force since Hurricane Sandy. Environmentalists and academics call for a retreat from rising tides and vulnerable seashores. FEMA pores over flood photos, redefining the areas of highest risk. And city engineers and lawyers revisit building and zoning codes. All hope to ensure that whatever rises from the debris can survive future assaults by extreme weather.
But for all the policy debates, the actual decisions that will shape these communities are already being made by individual homeowners across New York and New Jersey, providing reason to be skeptical that any cohesive, unified vision of a rebuilt coastline will eventually emerge. Unable to wait for updated guidelines, let alone far-reaching plans — or unable to afford the new costs they may entail — many families and business owners are already acting in ways that will determine whether those more ambitious goals can be met.
Their responses range from faithful reconstruction to fatalistic retreat — and embody the essential tension of post-disaster recovery: rebuilding quickly, or rebuilding right.
11/ Warren Zevon with "Lawyers, Guns and Money"......just Zevon, his guitar and the song......love the lyrics, very '80's......
12/ I didn't know this - apparently grapefruit can magnify some of the effects of medications to a dangerous level......as usual it applies to people who drink a lot of the juice, but still you need to be careful......
The patient didn’t overdose on medication. She overdosed on grapefruit juice.
The 42-year-old was barely responding when her husband brought her to the emergency room. Her heart rate was slowing, and her blood pressure was falling. Doctors had to insert a breathing tube, and then a pacemaker, to revive her.
They were mystified: The patient’s husband said she suffered from migraines and was taking a blood pressure drug called verapamil to help prevent the headaches. But blood tests showed she had an alarming amount of the drug in her system, five times the safe level.
Did she overdose? Was she trying to commit suicide? It was only after she recovered that doctors were able to piece the story together.
“The culprit was grapefruit juice,” said Dr. Unni Pillai, a nephrologist in St. Louis, Mo., who treated the woman several years ago and later published a case report. “She loved grapefruit juice, and she had such a bad migraine, with nausea and vomiting, that she could not tolerate anything else.”
The previous week, she had been subsisting mainly on grapefruit juice. Then she took verapamil, one of dozens of drugs whose potency is dramatically increased if taken with grapefruit. In her case, the interaction was life-threatening.
Last month, Dr. David Bailey, a Canadian researcher who first described this interaction more than two decades ago, released an updated list of medications affected by grapefruit. There are now 85 such drugs on the market, he noted, including commoncholesterol-lowering drugs, new anticancer agents, and some synthetic opiates and psychiatric drugs, as well as certain immunosuppressant medications taken by organ transplant patients, some AIDS medications, and some birth control pills and estrogen treatments. (The full list is online.)
This is the list of drugs that can be affected by grapefruit......
The silver lining - Oxycontin is on the list so if you are addicted to it, magnify your high with a glass of Florida Natural......
13/ Remember Key West in the mid 80's before they opened the port to cruise ships? What a fun place, wild and wooly but with it's own charm as well......
if you have been there recently it's like an American version of Cozumel or St. Maarten, with junky shops, jewellery stores everywhere and very little genuine Key Westy stuff left......
They have a decision coming up - whether to dredge the port so the monster ships like the "Oasis of the Seas" [5500 pax] can fit into the port.....frankly I hope they don't......
KEY WEST, Fla. — There is no better motto for this raucous southernmost point on the American map than “One Human Family.”
That family is a trove of unlikely characters who have somehow managed to merrily coexist here: pirates, bootleggers, treasure hunters, fishermen, scoundrels, writers, artists, musicians, bohemians, Bahamians, Cubans, gays, rummies — even a president (Harry S. Truman).
Missing from this list of inhabitants and sojourners is the cruise ship passenger, a category of visitor that has shaped modern Key West as much as the rest but remains unwelcomed by some and as polarizing as ever. Now, cruise ships and their day-tripping passengers are at the crux of a divisive debate over Key West’s identity and its path to the future.
Should Key West embrace its artsy, wealthier side and steer toward becoming a funkier version of Nantucket and the Hamptons? Or should it continue to stoke mass tourism, with its reliable stream of dollars but also its proliferating slogan-shouting T-shirt shops and trinket stores?
“I do recognize we need our cruise ships to help with the city budget,” said Tony Falcone, a store owner and Key West resident since the 1970s who is not a fan of the cruise ships. “But I want a balance. And I think the balance right now is leaning toward the cruise ship industry and away from the arts community.”
“We don’t want to be known as a town that has sold our soul to the cruise ship industry,” he added.
After much back and forth, the City Commission opted late this year to bow out of the politically treacherous decision and let voters take a first, tentative step toward deciding whether Key West will become an even bigger destination for cruise ships.
Residents will vote on a referendum next fall on whether to commission a three-year, $3 million feasibility study from the Army Corps of Engineers to analyze the pros and cons of widening the main channel that leads to Key West’s three ports. The channel sits inside an environmentally sensitive federal marine sanctuary, which means any dredging would require Congressional approval. All of this guarantees that a widened channel would not be completed for at least a decade.
Widening the channel is a necessary step in accommodating the industry’s latest and largest cruise ships, which require greater maneuverability to comfortably pull into Key West. If the channel is not widened, more of the larger ships will not stop in Key West. Larger ships run by Royal Caribbean Cruises already bypass Key West, a company spokeswoman said.
14/ I'm delighted to report the new Quentin Tarantino movie "Django Unchained" has got an excellent review in the Times.....probably a tad too much violence for some of the ladies, but that's Quentin.......
“It’s better than ‘Lincoln,’ ” my teenage daughter said, as the end credits rolled at a screening of Quentin Tarantino’s“Django Unchained.” She was teasing me — it’s a sad fact of my life that some of the people I’m fondest of do not seem to share my fondness for Steven Spielberg’s latest movie — but also suggesting an interesting point of comparison.
“Lincoln” and “Django Unchained,” the one a sober historical drama and the other a wild and bloody live-action cartoon, are essentially about different solutions to the same problem. You could almost imagine the two films, or at least their heroes, figuring in the kind of good-natured, racial-stereotype humor that used to be a staple of stand-up comedy (and was memorably parodied on “The Simpsons”): “white guys abolish slavery like this” (pass constitutional amendment); “but black guys, they abolish slavery like this” (blow up plantation).
A more substantive contrast might be drawn between the approaches of two filmmakers — both steeped in the history of popular cinema and both brilliant craftsmen whose skill inspires admiration, as well as a measure of suspicion — to a subject full of pain and fraught with peril. Mr. Spielberg, in his ambitious, history-minded projects, hews to the proud (though sometimes mocked) tradition of the Hollywood A picture, in which big themes are addressed with appropriately sweeping visual and emotional gestures. Mr. Tarantino finds inspiration in what are still frequently seen as less reputable genres and styles: Asian martial arts movies, spaghetti westerns, blaxploitation.
Not that you need, at this point, to choose. Among Mr. Tarantino’s achievements has been his successful argument that the maligned and neglected B movies of the past should be viewed with fresh eyes and unironic respect. His own tributes to the outlaw, outsider film tradition — flamboyant in their scholarly care and in their bold originality — have suggested new ways of taking movies seriously. “Django Unchained” is unabashedly and self-consciously pulpy, with camera moves and musical cues that evoke both the cornfed westerns of the 1950s and their pastafied progeny of the next decade. (The title comes from a series of Italian action movies whose first star, Franco Nero, shows up here in a cameo.) It is digressive, jokey, giddily brutal and ferociously profane. But it is also a troubling and important movie about slavery and racism.
As such, “Django Unchained” is obviously a companion to “Inglourious Basterds,” in which Mr. Tarantino had the audacity to turn the Nazi war against the Jews into the backdrop for a farcical, ultraviolent caper.
Lots of ultraviolence in this trailer......yeah baby......
15/ Wish I could say the same for "Les Miserables"....but it's probably better than the review.....maybe we ordinary moviegoers won't notice the overwhelmingness......
In the first long act of “Les Misérables,” Anne Hathawayopens her mouth, and the agony, passion and violence that have decorously idled in the background of this all-singing, all-suffering pop opera pour out. It’s a gusher! She’s playing Fantine, the factory worker turned prostitute turned martyr, and singing the showstopping “I Dreamed a Dream,” her gaunt face splotched red and brown. The artful grunge layered onto the cast can be a distraction, as you imagine assistant dirt wranglers anxiously hovering off camera. Ms. Hathaway, though, holds you rapt with raw, trembling emotion. She devours the song, the scene, the movie, and turns her astonishing, cavernous mouth into a vision of the void.
..............................
Mr. Hooper’s decision to shoot the singing live, as opposed to having the singers lip-sync recorded songs, as has been customary in movie musicals since the 1930s, yields benefits. That’s especially the case with Ms. Hathaway, Mr. Redmayne and Daniel Huttlestone, a scene-stealer who plays the Thénardiers’ young son. (This isn’t the first contemporary musical to resurrect the practice of live singing, which was used for both “At Long Last Love,” directed by Peter Bogdanovich, and “The Commitments,” directed by Alan Parker.) It’s touching, watching performers like Ms. Hathaway and Mr. Redmayne giving it their all, complete with quavering chins and straining tendons. Mr. Redmayne, an appealing actor with a freckled face built for wonder, at times seems to be stretching his long body to hit his higher notes.
Mr. Redmayne’s sincerity complements Ms. Seyfried’s old-fashioned trilling and her wide-eyed appearance, even if their romance lacks spark. Then again, so does the movie. Song after song, as relationships and rebellion bloom, you wait in vain for the movie to, as well, and for the filmmaking to rise to the occasion of both its source material and its hard-working performers.
As he showed in “The King’s Speech” and in the television series “John Adams,” Mr. Hooper can be very good with actors. But his inability to leave any lily ungilded — to direct a scene without tilting or hurtling or throwing the camera around — is bludgeoning and deadly. By the grand finale, when tout le monde is waving the French tricolor in victory, you may instead be raising the white flag in exhausted defeat.
http://movies.nytimes.com/
Damn that's a great song.......Les Mis trailer.......
Todays video - the 50 eggs scene from "Cool Hand Luke"......
Todays Santa joke
Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves, is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty IV and an iPhone 5 for Christmas.
I hope you remember that come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
Dear Timmy,
Thank you for your letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the elves are all fine and thank you for asking about them. Santa is a little worried all the time you spend playing video games and texting. Santa wouldn't want you to get fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus
Mr. Claus,
Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. nice" contract, set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also, don't you think that a jibe at my weight coming from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a bit trite?
Respectfully,
Tim Jones
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the "nice" criteria, need I remind you that your Christmas list is a request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should you wish to pursue legal action, well that is your right. Please know, however, that my attorneys have been on retainer ever since the Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will not only improve your health, but also improve your social skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
S Claus
Now look here Fat Man,
I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was attempting to be polite about this but you brought my looks and my friends into this. Now you just be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass and I'm taking my game console, my game, my phone, and whatever else I want. WHAT EVER I WANT, MAN!
T-Bone
Listen Pizza Face,
Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny g-banger wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake". Sound familiar, genius? You know what kind of resources I have at my disposal. I got your shit wired, Jack. I go all around the world and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's basement. You're not getting what you asked for, but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole in your ass and then walk it dry. Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.
Timmy
Timmy,
That's what I thought you little bastard.
Santa
Todays shower joke
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
you see your husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make
mental note?must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg
cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave
on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa
Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure
that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the
toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second
towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit,
tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend
an hour and a half getting dressed.
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
you see your husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make
mental note?must do more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth,leg
cloth, long loofah,wide loofah and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo
with 43 added vitamins.
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint
conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave
on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for ten minutes until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa
Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure
that it has all come off).
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
area but decide to get it waxed instead.
12. Scream loudly when your husband flushes the
toilet and you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a
small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second
towel.
16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit,
tweeze hairs.
17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head.
18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up
any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend
an hour and a half getting dressed.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife
along the way, shake wiener at her making the
"woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck
in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the
size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your
ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't
use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water
just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the
shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates
and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in
the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to
notice water on the floor because you left the curtain
hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the
floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your
waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel,
shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound
again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to
get dressed again
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the
bed and leave them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife
along the way, shake wiener at her making the
"woo-woo" sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck
in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the
size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your
ass.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't
use one).
6. Wash your face.
7. Wash your armpits.
8. Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water
just rinse it off.
9. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the
shower.
10. Majority of time is spent washing your privates
and surrounding area.
11. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs
on the soap bar.
12. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
13. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
14. Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in
the mirror again.
15. Pee (in the shower).
16. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to
notice water on the floor because you left the curtain
hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17. Partially dry off.
18. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Admire wiener size again.
19. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the
floor.
20. Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21. Return to the bedroom with towel around your
waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel,
shake wiener at her, and make the "woo-woo" sound
again.
22. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to
get dressed again
Todays drinking and driving joke
At this time of the year, when the roadblocks come up with great regularity,
I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about
drinking and driving.
As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the
authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the
years.
A couple of nights ago, I had a few beers at Chili's after a nice dinner and wine at home.
Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something
I've never done before; I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police
road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise as I have
never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with
it now that it's in my garage.
