Tuesday, July 28, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday July 28

1/. Nooooooooooooooo........

She is, friends and allies say, content to just wait. For now. To campaign where asked, see how the midterms play out, and let those White House aspirants champing at the political bit launch their candidacies first.

But make no mistake: Kamala Harris is very much looking like a presidential contender–in–waiting.

“She’s been listening to the American people and really trying to figure out what’s impacting them and how she can be of service to them,” said Minyon Moore, a longtime Democratic strategist who ran the Democratic National Convention that nominated Harris in 2024. “I mean, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that right now we need leaders that can take us in a different direction and bring us back together as a party.”                  https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/like-it-or-not-kamala-harris-is-the-democratic-front-runner.html



2/. This seems true.....



3/. I didn't realise how awful Brett Kavanaugh was......he's owned by Trump.....

Of the conservative justices on the supreme court, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito have in the current session voted most consistently, at 89 and 88%, to support Donald Trump in his cases, according to the Wall Street Journal. Yet perhaps the most influential justice to advance key parts of Trump’s radical agenda has a slightly lower rating at 76%, and performed not so much by billowing lofty abstractions of originalism and textualism, but instead by contriving an assortment of glib schemes at justification.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jul/23/brett-kavanaugh-trump-supreme-court



4/. Trump's Odyssey.....


5/. Interesting story on regenerative farming, which prioritises soil health.
Some of you may be familiar with Hugh and Lisa's King Grove organic blueberries, and I know Hugh believes the reason his berries taste so good is the way his farm nurtures the soil.

For the last few decades, the nutrient content of our crops has been declining. In the late 90s, the US Department of Agriculture foundthe vitamin C content of lemons had decreased by almost a third over the previous 22 years. Calcium in carrots, an important source especially for non-meat eaters, had reduced, on average, by more than a quarter. Vitamin A in bananas was down by 57%. The mineral content of wheat has declined by between 20-30% since the 1960s.

A number of reasons have been suggested for this worrying decline, ranging from new varieties of crop that are bred to grow quicker and bigger to the higher carbon dioxide levels in the air causing plants to produce more sugars and starches (they grow faster but they produce fewer nutrients). A wide range of fixes have been suggested, from GM crops to synthetic soil amendments, or underground farms.



6/. A clever parable on "The Odyssey".....amusing....features a Trojan Trump......4 minutes.....



7/. Troy Jackson is replacing Platner.......could be OK......

In the span of just a few days, Troy Jackson, the former president of Maine’s State Senate, has emerged as the likely replacement for Graham Platner as the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate. In his favor: His platform — Medicare for all, abolish ICE, no military aid to Israel — is similar to Mr. Platner’s. Not in his favor: He’s less magnetic, and in June, he finished third in Maine’s Democratic primary for governor.

It would be a mistake, however, to dismiss Mr. Jackson as a bargain bin (or a Marden’s bargain, as they might say in Maine) version of Mr. Platner. Mr. Jackson might be the Graham Platner that Maine Democrats were always looking for.



8/. If AI affects your life, it's YOUR fault!



9/. The Nazi's at ICE are getting ready to deport 300,000 Haitians......
This will devastate Florida as all of those people are working, a lot of them in health care......


Thanks to the Supreme Court giving President Donald Trump the A-OK to make his xenophobic views the law of the land, roughly 350,000 Haitians who have been living and working legally in the United States face immediate deportation. 

Throwing them out of the country en masse is inhumane, but sending them back to a country that our own State Department classifies as too dangerous for travel makes this even more atrocious. 


But it’s also short-sighted and will cause swift, deep economic harm to communities with a high Haitian population, where industries will catastrophically collapse.


10/. This is, unfortunately, true....



11/. Thomas Friedman on how our world is dominated by some stupid and crazy "leaders".....

Donald Trump, Benjamin Netanyahu and Vladimir Putin are drastically different men, but they do have one important thing in common: Each thinks he is the smartest person in any room he enters. Alas, though, because they have all done the dumbest thing you can do as a leader — surround yourself with sycophants — they have all blundered into dead-end wars from which they can extricate themselves today only by eating a banquet of crow.

Watch out. There is nothing more dangerous than a reckless leader faced with a plate of crow: Sometimes his instinct is to double down on a losing strategy instead.



12/. "Be Best World", a takeoff of HBO's Westworld, starring DJT and Melanoma.....2 minutes.....



13/. Florida Republican primary. They're eating their own....


Republican politicians and party leaders are increasingly trying to stifle the candidacy of insurgent James Fishback, whose run for Florida governor has focused sharp criticism and vitriolic attacks at those in charge.
Over the course of two weeks, the Republican Party of Florida uninvited Fishback from its major candidate forum in Broward and the sitting lieutenant governor — also seeking the governorship — sued Fishback in order to disqualify him from the race.
The public drama highlights the messy struggle underway to inherit the title of Republican successor to Gov. Ron DeSantis. The frontrunner is Congressman Byron Donalds, who has a double-digit lead in the polls, an endorsement from President Trump and the backing of institutional state Republican figures.                  
https://www.wlrn.org/government-politics/2026-07-01/fishback-florida-republicans-governor-candidate



14/. Ashley Padilla in one of the better SNL's of last season......4 minutes....



15/. Time for Congress to act.....like that's going to happen......
The insane one is in revenge mode......

Remember when they said Trump would get us into a full-blown war with Iran? Times like these should make us all realize how lucky we were to have Trump, his strength and his resolve,” - Donald Trump Jr, April 2024.

What is the goal of the current war with Iran? 

Precisely.

The talking point provided by the Trump administration is that it’s supposed to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear bomb. But, of course, the JCPOA already did that, successfully, until Trump tore it up with no clear alternative. Or assume the JCPOA was a dud; Trump’s own Operation Midnight Hammer “obliterated” the nuke program in June 2025, according to the president. So the goal has long been met. What “nuclear dust” left buried under a mountain is of no imminent national security threat to the US, and certainly not sufficient to justify a full-scale war.

https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/revenge-mode-as-strategy?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=207498074&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email




16/. "Furious".....a series about a female serial killer......good review....Hulu....

Amale friend recently attended a Lily Allen show, and shakily described the experience to me. “I felt like a vegetarian fox at an armed chicken convention,” he said. An overwhelmingly female crowd were experiencing powerful catharsis, united in their anger at men and joy of bangers. I told him chickens couldn’t handle firearms, but I don’t think he heard me. He had tinnitus from the screaming.

There isn’t much screaming in Furious, Disney+’s new detective series (from Monday, 27 July). Also missing are the standard tropes of murder dramas: mutilated female bodies, an absence of women’s agency generally. Furious is the cat and mouse story between junior FBI agent Alice Black (Emmy Rossum) and Catherine (Lola Petticrew), a serial killer who is bumping off male victims with calculated sadism. Catherine might be the least serial killer name imaginable, but that’s just one way this show rewrites the rule book. I’d say it’s the most feminist show I’ve ever seen – except that might lead some to write it off.



17/. Bob Lefsetz recommends this oddball movie - "Andre Is An Idiot"....HBO....

They should show this in schools. To illustrate how you can survive marching to the beat of your own drummer.

Until you don’t.

I’d never even heard of this movie, but a reader recommended it and after the Thai show we watched was just too weird to continue, I pulled it up.

Now the story is simple. André delayed his colonoscopy and when he finally got it he found out that he had terminal cancer.

But the essence of the story is not André’s cancer journey, but André himself.

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2026/07/23/andre-is-an-idiot/

The reviews are pretty good, here's the Guardian, and also 5 stars on Rotten Tomatoes....



18/. "A Toxic Love Story", a documentary about the Anaheim Craigslist case......Netflix

The sound of barrel-scraping during true-crime documentaries is becoming more and more frequent at Netflix these days (the dismal Worst Neighbor Ever being the most recent case in point). Such are the perils of being the pioneer of a form; you run out of material first but must keep trying to recapture past glories while you search desperately for another way to seize the fickle audience’s attention once again.

A Toxic Love Story is a welcome, if doubtless temporary, return to form. It is a rigorous, 88-minute recounting of an astonishing story that became notorious about 10 years ago in the US and was known as “the Anaheim Craigslist case” or “the Anaheim Craigslist rape fantasy case”, depending on just how many local Craigslist-based delinquencies were occurring at the exact time of reference. It has, after all, been the most criminally fertile of lists.



Today's Irish joke.....
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. 
Mick says, "How you doin?" 
"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." 
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. 
He says, "Your dad sent me up here to have sex with the both of you." 
They say, "Get away with ya.... Dad would never say that...Prove it." 
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?" 
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of just fu*kin one?"


Today's blonde jokes
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. 
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. 
She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." 
One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" 
"N," she answered.

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. 
He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. 
She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..." 

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. 
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" 
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" 
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. 
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" 
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." 
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 
"You're finished already?" he asked. 
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. 
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. 
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" 
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. 
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. 
The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. 
The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. 
Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" 
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."



Today's Scottish joke
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly 

on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny

for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a 

few seconds.
Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze 

out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another 
penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ... perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch 

before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit

her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"



Today's religious joke
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The old cowboy calmly replied, "been married to your sister for 45 years".


Today's infidelity joke
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
She's not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet during
their meetings.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she shoved her lover in the
closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,"Grab Your glove. Let's go
outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...



Tuesday, July 21, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday July 21

1/. " The Mad King rants alone" - Andrew Sullivan on our would be tyrant......

We’re used to it, of course, but it still demands repeating. The president is mentally unwell — a delusional, malignant sociopath incapable of absorbing any reality that is not pure wish-fulfillment. We have never elected anyone to that office as inadequate to it as this man. The stream of consciousness we were subjected to last night is merely the latest of a series of humiliations for a country dumb and desperate enough to re-elect a global laughingstock. Have I said this before? Yes, I have said this before. It remains a fact we are currently doing our best to ignore. For appearance’s sake.                     https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/the-mad-king-rants-alone?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=206918698&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email


2/. So much greatness......



3/. Thursday night Trump revealed what he is going to do in the midterms, and Thom Hartmann spells it out for us......                                                   

Last night, Donald Trump essentially told us exactly what he will do this November. When reports start coming in that the Democrats are winning this fall, he will send in the troops.

He’ll point back to last night‘s speech and tell the nation:

“I told you so. I warned you. They rigged the election for the Democrats and now I have to stop it.”

He’ll mobilize ICE and the National Guard’s “Rapid Reaction Force” that he’s assembled over the past six months to seize ballot boxes and crush the inevitable “insurrection” — protests in the streets against his seizing ballot boxes — by “left-wing communist radical domestic terrorists.”

He’ll declare a state of emergency, invoke his NSPM-7, and blame it on a foreign country and/or “Antifa.” He’ll declare protesting a crime, and tear gas will fill our streets.                                                                                                                                                                                                     https://www.rawamerica.com/p/trump-just-accidentally-revealed?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=6832795&post_id=207439534&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



4/. Do you know a MAGA? An uncle, friend, colleague? You'll appreciate this one......


5/. Bill McKibben gives us the background and the reality of how Trump is subsidizing the fossil fuel corporations.
It's devastating to every family in America, as well as being blatantly corrupt..

I write this under an ashy, yellow northeast sky; smoke from wildfires in Ontario and Minnesota swept across the region in the middle of the night, and I awoke at 3 (as I too often do in these parlous times) with stinging eyes. But I will try to see clearly enough to discern some of the latest numbers in the climate and energy battle—numbers which prove to me the economic folly of staying on our current course. 
To me, I admit, these are secondary—there’s not enough money on earth to make me want to condemn people to a few centuries of waking up in smoke, and I know without calculation that a clear blue sky is worth almost any price. But I also know how the world works, and so I want to provide people with the ammunition they need to carry on this fight—and the last few weeks have seen that ammunition piling up in the arsenals of logic and thrift. There is at this point no doubt that the world would operate more cheaply on clean energy, which is a lucky thing, and one that needs to be hammered home till the conventional wisdom (that sun and wind and batteries are a luxury) is finally routed.                                                                                  https://billmckibben.substack.com/p/setting-money-on-fire?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=438146&post_id=207169259&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



6/. This toon is based on a real proposal, just approved by Trump, to do exactly this.......



7/. Very interesting and intelligent discussion on reading in our digital age.....it's not as bad as you think......
David Wallace-Wells with a good article.....

Few things are more intuitive about the smartphone era than the fact that devices have torpedoed our interest in reading and dragged down the status that books and their authors once seemed to enjoy.

You can tally the signs. Reading scores among both students and adults have fallen from where they were a decade ago, and it’s hard to find a college professor who thinks freshmen are arriving in class as prepared as ever for the reading. On the subway, people are always on their phones, and nobody appears to be reading anything on them. You probably have a hard time concentrating on books yourself, with so many distractions around. Public discourse seems shaped by podcast clips and short-form video, and if you happen to find yourself reading something longer than an Instagram caption it might well be an essay, like “The End of Reading Is Here” by Rose Horowitch in The Atlantic last week, studded with incisive observations about the shift from a culture of literacy to one defined by what’s been called a digital culture of orality, in which charismatic narrators make sweeping emotional appeals to their audiences rather than through logical argumentation and careful citation.                                                                                                                                https://www.nytimes.com/2026/07/16/opinion/reading-test-scores-smartphones.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



8/. Remember the Epstein files? Don't be distracted.......



9/. Roy Cooper in North Carolina is running an interesting campaign......

There are politicians who traffic in impassioned oratory or contagious fervor or ingenious catchphrases. Then there’s Roy Cooper, the Democratic nominee in the crucial U.S. Senate contest in North Carolina. His campaign slogan is so prosaic, so blunt, so gruff that every time I see it, I do a double take, wondering if it’s some parody or I’m hallucinating.

Make Stuff Cost Less. That’s it. He even calls his campaign schedule the Make Stuff Cost Less tour, as if he’s Bon Jovi or Bad Bunny, poised to perform his greatest hits. Except he’s going to talk about, you know, stuff. And making it cost less. Because who’s not in favor of that?




10/. Love this one - "Whiskers R' We" with Kate McKinnon and Kristen Wiig....4 minutes.....




11/. The billionaires don't just buy politicians, they have already bought you!

As I write this, federal investigators are chasing the worst cyclospora outbreak in decades, thousands of people across more than thirty states doubled over with what the CDC delicately calls “frequent and sometimes explosive diarrhea,” and they still can’t tell you for certain which farm it came from. 

Over the weekend, after the $7 billion company’s CEO visited the White House, the FDA walked back a positive test on lettuce from Taylor Farms, the largest salad producer in North America, announcing that its own earlier finding of cyclospora had somehow turned out to be a false positive. That leaves thousands of sickened Americans with no confirmed source at all, which is a peculiar place to land in a country that once prided itself on knowing where its dinner came from.

The reason nobody can trace it back isn’t much of a mystery. Back in March of 2025 Trump’s FDA and it’s boss, Bob Kennedy, delayed its new Food Traceability Rule by thirty months, shoving the deadline to track high-risk foods like leafy greens from the field to your plate all the way out to 2028.

Six days after that delay went public, Taylor Fresh Foods, the parent company of Taylor Farms, cut a million dollar check to Trump’s MAGA Inc. super PAC, part of the $2.2 million it has steered to Republican committees this cycle.



12/. A classic and very goofy music video - Weezer with "Pork and Beans".......3 minutes.....



13/. Want more data centers in Florida? Vote for Byron Donalds.....

Data center supporters have spent more than $22 million on campaign contributions in Florida ahead of the 2026 elections, according to a new Seeking Rents analysis of state fundraising data.

Roughly a quarter of that money — around $5.8 million — has been spent boosting Byron Donalds, the Republican Congressman from Naples who is the heavy favorite to win the GOP nomination for governor in next month’s primary elections.

Billionaire artificial intelligence investors, who depend on data center computing power, have put $3 million into a state committee paying for advertisements touting Donalds. The parent company of utility giant Florida Power & Light, which is building a network of gigawatt-scale data center hubs that it will supply with electricity, has donated $1 million to Donald’s personal political committee. People and companies connected to an AI data center proposed in Palm Beach County have given Donalds at least $375,000.

Donalds became the GOP frontrunner thanks to an endorsement from President Donald Trump, who has called data centers “money machines” and “LIQUID GOLD!”and encouraged states to build more of them.



14/. Book reviews - the best crime and thrillers from the Guardian......
The Runner by Scarlett Thomas; The Madman by Henning Mankell; Everything She Didn’t Say by Jane Casey; The Spy and the Snake by MJ Robotham; Murder at the End of the World by Akane Araki




15/. "The Odyssey", a five star review from the Guardian.......
It's in IMax at your local theater......

Christopher Nolan reinvents the Homeric legend as a colossal origin-myth story of postwar disillusion, an epic ordeal of anguish witnessed by the dead and presided over by capricious deities who participate on almost equal terms with the humans. It speaks to the generational pain of PTSD; plenty of soldiers come home in person after any war promptly enough, but arriving back to their prewar state emotionally or spiritually can take years or decades and may never happen at all. The invisible odyssey of anguish is punctuated by flashback episodes, hallucinations, confrontations with the arbitrary gods of dysfunction. And all the time the spouses and children cannot move on with their lives.. https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jul/15/the-odyssey-review-christopher-nolan-matt-damon?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



16/. One for the guys......a really good boxing movie!


In the lineage of Creed and Million Dollar Baby, They Fight makes yet another compelling case for why boxing remains a timeless allegory for the human condition. This time it’s Walt (André Holland) who’s staring up at a 10-count. Once a luminary on Washington DC’s boxing scene, Walt saw his promising career derailed by the city’s drug trade. After an extended prison stint, he is paroled and intent on reuniting with his old flame (Samira Wiley) and their young son.                                                                                                                                                                                                 https://www.theguardian.com/film/2026/jul/14/they-fight-movie-review-boxing-drama?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




17/. The Times rates the best TV on Netflix.....
Netflix adds original programming at such a steady clip that it can be hard to keep up with which of its dramas, comedies and reality shows are must-sees. And that’s not including all the TV series Netflix picks up from broadcast and cable networks. Below is our regularly updated guide to the 30 best shows on Netflix in the United States. Each recommendation comes with a secondary pick, too, for 100 suggestions in all. (Note: Netflix sometimes removes titles without notice.)



Today's old guy joke
       
Bill and Bob, two friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Bob didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Bob approached the park and -- lo and behold -- there sat Bill!
Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, ‘For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail!' cried Bob. What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?'

'Yeah,' said Bob, 'I remember her. What about her?

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty'.

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury’.
 

Today's rich person joke
..."Hello, Señor Bob? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Bob, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Señor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Bob."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Señor Bob .."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Señor Bob, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Señor Bob."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Señor Bob .."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Señor Bob. 
She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE...........

LONG SILENCE.........

VERY LONG SILENCE............

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."



Today's Jewish joke
A man tells a Rabbi: “I have a strong desire to live to eternity, what am I supposed to do?”
“Get married,” replies the Rabbi.
“It’s that simple?  Would that allow me to live forever?”
“No, but the desire will disappear.”


Today's Polish joke
A customer asked, "In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"
The clerk asks, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.
If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?
Or if I asked for some Whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Ace Hardware."


Sods laws....
                                              1. Law of Mechanical Repair -  
After your hands become coated with grease,   
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to 
pee. 
 
2. Law of Gravity -   
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped,   
will roll to the least accessible place in the 
universe.

3. Law of Probability -   
The probability of being watched is directly   
proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers   -   
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a 
busy signal; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law -   
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one   
you were in will always move faster than the
one you moved to.
...