Tuesday, September 1, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday September1

1/. This is great news - Trump is making the midterms all about him.
"Pretend I'm on the Ballot" he says.

Donald Trump has framed his theme for the midterm elections. It has come to him as naturally and inevitably as staring into the mirror, beyond any logic or argument, his definitive answer to no specific issue, providing no understanding of any particular problem, but transcending all of them. His political theme is more primal than programmatic, more instinctive than analytical, a heartfelt expression to protect his greatest romantic attachment, his obsessive fixation, his idealized object: himself.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/aug/28/trump-midterm-campaign-devotion?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




2/. Some of this is coming......



3/. So many Dolly Parton stories, but this column is especially good.
What a wonderful woman!

The books arrived, like clockwork, once a month. They were often wrapped in transparent paper so that you could see at least part of the cover. The return address read “Imagination Library,” and I’d immediately know where it came from.

“We got another book from Dolly,” I’d say. My wife and I would tear it from the wrapping, sometimes immediately read it to our kids, and add it to a large and growing collection. Some of the books were so well-loved that they fell to pieces, slowly but surely — tiny hands had turned the pages so very many times.

We raised our kids in Tennessee, and so were among the first families with access to Dolly Parton’s literacy program for young people. She started the program in 1995, in Sevier County, and by 2000 she took it national. If you signed your child up at birth, you got one free children’s book per month, every month, for five years.



4/. Bill McKibben thinks we are at the point of no return - the climate tipping point is here....
And there is zero signs of our present suicidal course changing. 
So mentally, get ready, just like the guy in the picture.....
In our political life, reality hardly matters any more. Earlier today the president of the United States, in a fit of pique, proposed renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America.” He hides in a food cart and sends journalists out as decoys to be killed on his behalf. His winsome aide hands him an endless stream of flattering tweets. And yet the world stumbles on. People die, obviously, as a result of this folly—in the Middle East, and in middle America, where suddenly measles is a serious threat again. (Hell, the deaths attributable to Elon Musk’s decision to destroy USAid put him in the Stalin and Mao category for negligent manslaughter.) But human societies are for a while resilient; we assume that there’s always a chance for a reset. After the next election normal service will resume. If you start with a rich country like the U.S., it can absorb a lot of decline.

But that’s not how physical systems work. You push them and then past a certain point things change. If the temperature drops below 32 degrees water freezes, and if it rises above 212 then it boils, more or less. This newsletter spends a lot of time in the world of politics, because that’s where we need to make changes. But sometimes we need to remind ourselves that ultimately that political world is a subset of the physical one, simply because that’s how things work. 

And we’re now reaching, I think, the point where that physical system is running out of margin.




5/. We CANNOT let the old elites screw this up.....



6/. Wow. Interesting article, "How Britain Became as Poor as Mississippi"....
It wasn't just Brexit.....

who broke britain? Someone—or something—must have. The past 18 years, enough time for a whole lost generation to be born and brought up, have yielded nothing but stagnation and mass disillusionment. In 2007, before the global financial crisis, Britain was at its postimperial zenith. Median household income had just surpassed that of Germany. A pound was worth more than $2, and London was arguably displacing New York as the center of international banking.

But since then, Britain has been left behind. The country’s output per person is now only just above that of Mississippi, America’s poorest state—and that slight lead is only achieved thanks to London. Outside the capital, in places where tourists do not visit, living standards fall well below Mississippi’s.https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/07/uk-productivity-economy-reform-party/687303/?utm_campaign=one-story-to-read-today&utm_content=20260827&utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&lctg=61b66f6492e9391e6c7cfe96&utm_term=One%20Story%20to%20Read%20Today




7/. Just in case you think Google is a "good" company, here's Google Maps......
They have caved to this lunatic like every other large corporation......
And they're trying to have it both ways - do a search in Canada, it's still Lake Ontario.....
  • The Executive Order: President Trump directed the Department of the Interior and the U.S. Geographic Names Information System (GNIS) to update federal maps and official naming systems to "Lake America". [12]
  • The Trade Context: The decision came amid a sharp trade war and rising tariff disputes between the U.S. and Canada. [12]
  • Map Updates: Google Maps updated its platform to show "Lake America" for users in the United States, while continuing to display "Lake Ontario" in Canada and both names internationally, following its policy for names that vary by region. [1]


8/. Nina Conti, the wonderful ventriloquist, with "Project Manager"......6 very funny minutes......



9/. This is how Republicans treat the poor - with deliberate cruelty......
marcella patino was hunched over a table at the South Salt Lake Community Center, her pizza getting cold and her nerves fraying. Patino is a single mom with three kids, and kid­like in her own way, tiny and sweet-voiced. When I met her, in the summer of 2024, she was 33 years old and earning $300 a week doing manicures and pedicures. To bump up her income, she had recently gotten a degree from aesthetician school, meaning she could start offering her clients facials and eyebrow lamination too. She would start making $450 a week soon—$23,400 a year, assuming she was able to work year-round with no breaks.



10/. The delusional life of the MAGAS.....amusing.....



11/. Thom Hartmann likens Natalie Harp to Rasputin, who helped destroy the Russian Tsar....

The people around Trump, according to reports, call it “the Natalie situation.” The word they’re trying to avoid saying out loud is “Rasputin.”

In the past two weeks we’ve discovered that for quite some time his inner circle been trying hard to keep “Trump’s binky” away from the President of the United States.

So much so that they denied her a room at Bedminster (so she slept in the locker room), refused to give her a golf cart while at his golf motel in Scotland (so she chased Trump’s cart all over the golf course), and tried to keep her out of the motorcade going to Trump’s rape and defamation trial in New York (so she hopped into the trunk of one of the limousines). And let’s not forget her hiding with him in the food service truck in Turkey while the press and Secretary of State were relegated to the decoy plane.


12/. This toon applies to quite a few Democrats.......


13/. "How To Spot A Psychopath". 
When you read the traits, not just Trump but every tech bro, Musk etc spring to mind.
And quite a few CEO's too.....

The classic checklist for psychopathy was developed in 1980 by Prof Robert Hare, who is still the recognised giant of the territory. The 20 traits, which ranged from pathological lying to a lack of empathy, were based entirely on prison populations. This worked because not only did Hare have the benefit of a large sample, with pronounced psychopathic behaviours, but he was able to compare interviews and self-reporting with data collected about the individuals – so inconsistencies could be identified.

However, Hare knew this approach was limited. In 1976, he said that he simply didn’t know to what extent his results could be generalised to non-incarcerated psychopaths, including female ones. “Research into the socially successful psychopath is badly needed,” he concluded. Even decades later in the early 2000s, when Hare wanted to look into psychopaths in politics, he still needed to go to prison to find them (Pinochet’s henchmen in Chilean jails). Research into the higher-functioning psychopath – who doesn’t get caught, or maybe doesn’t even resort to crime – has proved elusive, not least because self-reporting questionnaires don’t work. Psychopaths lie; arguably, that’s their main thing.



14/. Wow - I had not seen this. "Hurt"
Johnny Cash at 71, an old man going over his life and regrets. 
Cash died 7 months after the video was recorded. His wife June died 4 months earlier. Truly his swan song.
A powerful 3 minutes.


15/. Dara Centers, the issue that unites Americans regardless of party.....
Thom Hartmann with a good article....

There’s a growing movement across America that’s turning conventional politics on its head. For example:

— Mostly-Republican farmers in Nebraska are joining up with mostly-Democratic environmentalist to fight a proposed 1,300-acre data center complex. 
— Conservative ranchers and rural residents in New Mexico are challengingbillionaire Larry Ellison’s Oracle over a massive water-consuming data center project. 
— Communities in Texas that voted overwhelmingly for Trump are demandingmoratoriums on the computer-rack warehouses that are increasingly pockmarking rural America.

This is the 2026 wave of a new populism, and Democrats are jumping on it.                                                                                                https://hartmannreport.com/p/big-tech-is-coming-for-your-water-362?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=212913036&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



16/. This one is true.......and it's only taken 18 months......
The leader of Ontario suggests we change Lake Michigan to Lake Epstein!


17/. The REAL Trump Derangement Syndrome......



18/. "The Airport Chaplain".......good review from the Guardian - on Netflix....

Hugo Weaving plays the eponymous airport chaplain in this pacy and moreish eight-part series, which was co-created by Elise McCredie and Jude Troy, and directed with jittery flair by Bonnie Moir and Tig Terera. In case you were wondering, yes, that profession really does exist.

I doubt the lives of real airport chaplains are anywhere near as frenetic as those of this show’s protagonist, Tobias Wallace (Weaving), whose existence is a testament to that old saying: “Not all heroes wear capes.” Sometimes, they wear hi-vis.

The Airport Chaplain wastes no time establishing Tobias as a gallant do-gooder determined to save the day, as he rescues the toy rabbit of a distressed child. Tobias is a problem-solver, finding out-of-the-box solutions to all kinds of prickly situations, from locating lost baggage to transporting dead bodies, from intervening in cases of domestic violence to playing matchmaker, helping online lovers connect in real life. And sometimes, God forbid, he even provides spiritual counsel, such as helping a grieving son to deal with his father’s death.



19/. Bob Lefsetz likes "Furious".....
Some lessons are immutable. We learned this in record retail. If the album is not available when the customer walks in to buy it, chances are they’ll purchase something else, or walk out without buying anything, and the odds of them returning for the original disc are extremely low.

I wouldn’t have watched “Time” if “Furious” was available. And if “Furious” wasn’t so damn good, I wouldn’t go back to it.

But “Furious” is GREAT!

I found it via research.

I ask everybody what they’re watching. And when they come up with the usual suspects, my eyes roll into the back of my head and I shut up, because nothing I say will resonate with them, because they haven’t seen anything I have.

And not one single person has contacted me about “Furious.” Never has a show so good generated so little scuttlebutt.

Now what we’ve got in “Furious” is a serial killer.

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2026/08/24/furious/




20/. The Guardian with movies to watch out for soon.....

Old favourites Shaun the Sheep, Dune 3, Jane Austen and Godzilla join Charles de Gaulle, the Peasants’ Revolt 

and queer identity in Spain.



Today's guys joke
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. 
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." 
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what? "
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? 
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. 
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. 
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap


Today's Irish joke
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish cop. 
He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's expense!

Irish cop says,"License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish cop says,"Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish cop says,"Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. License and registration,   please"

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish   cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration,please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Irish cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living s**t out of the lawyer and says, "Daeye want me to stop, or just slow down? "


Today's medical joke
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man
walking with his legs spread apart. 
He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
 
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
 
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
 
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. 
They approached him And one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help But notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
 
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
 
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
 
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
 
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
 
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
 
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
 
The old man said, " Well, I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"




Monday, August 24, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Monday August 24

1/. We know he's planning to sabotage the midterms, but thankfully he's probably going to screw it up.

For all its splendor, our Constitution does have this vexing tendency to leave some concepts a bit murky. What exactly counts as “high crimes and misdemeanors” sufficient for impeachment? Are we all just agreeing to ignore the part about how each House member can represent a maximum of 30,000 people? What even is a “Letter of Marque and Reprisal”?

But when it comes to elections, our founding document is blessedly clear. It’s up to the states to set “times, places, and manner of holding elections,” and Congress can pass laws that override the states as it deems necessary. That’s it — direct and easy. The Constitution conspicuously omits the president here; the Founders understood the risk of centralizing power to run elections in the hands of the one person who already sits atop our government.       https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/trumps-menacing-but-dumb-plan-to-break-the-midterms.html


2/. A classic SNL - "The Auctioneers".....Sarah Sherman and Matt Damon are great. 4 minutes..... 


3/. Bernie Sanders explains why the progressive Democrats are winning all across this country......

The media pundits have written article after article desperately trying to understand why progressive candidates, despite being heavily outspent, keep defeating establishment Democrats in primaries around the country. Well, the answer is not complicated.

Whether it is a corrupt campaign finance system, unprecedented income and wealth inequality, a broken and wildly expensive healthcare system, the enormous threats posed by AI or an immoral and destructive foreign policy, progressives are talking about the real issues facing working families. And they are providing real solutions. Establishment Democrats are not.

Poll after poll shows the same thing. The American people know that the current economic system is rigged. The very rich get richer, while working families struggle. Today, while 60% of Americans live paycheck to paycheck, the billionaire class has never ever had it so good.


4/. Natalie who?


5/. An excellent story about the Trump family's involvement in crypto, 
and the beyond blatant corruption of this scheme.....

The Trump family’s crypto business exemplifies all of the sleaziest aspects of the president’s code of conduct, if we can call it that.

It is almost certainly unconstitutional and may well be illegal. Estimates vary, but according to a cryptocurrency analytics firm reported on in The Times, the Trumps made at least $1.4 billion, and their investors lost nearly $4 billion from purchases of Trump-linked crypto. These purchases have — let’s say — coincided withpardons, dropped investigations and favorable regulatory decisions.

This crypto scheme is central to President Trump’s personal agenda: to use his office to vastly increase his and his family’s fortune.

The icing on the cake: A growing number of economists and financial analysts argue that crypto is itself a fiction, lacking a backup system of gold, silver or perhaps most important a national government, ordinarily considered essential ingredients of a currency.



6/. Natalie Harp, Trump's "binkie", running after his golf cart.......
Apparently there wasn't room for her in a cart, and she wanted to be close to him......



7/. Ever heard of Leopold Ashenbrenner? A boy wonder crypto king, whose hedge fund has just collapsed.
Interesting story, and you just have to wonder how these big money guys can be so stupid and gullible....
The saga of Leopold Aschenbrenner, a 24-year-old hedge-fund manager who parlayed an essay about artificial intelligence into Situational Awareness LP, a fund managing tens of billions of dollars — until the shit hit the fan, days before his wedding — has captivated Wall Street for weeks.
We’re still learning more about both Aschenbrenner’s 11th-hour attempts to salvage the fund and the scope of the fallout. Reuters reported Friday that one of the world’s biggest hedge funds, Jane Street Capital, lost billions of dollars last month as a result of its investment in Situational Awareness, and in a letter to clients, it specifically blamed Aschenbrenner’s firm.


8/. Rosie O'Donnell guest hosted the Jimmy Kimmel Show this week, and she went out with a bang.
A very amusing 9 minutes.....


9/. Do you know what "crack spread" means? 
Nothing nasty, it's used in the oil industry.....and it's affecting us bigtime.....

When President Trump announces yet another potential peace agreement with Iran, crude oil prices fall, and Americans make the mistake of thinking that gas and diesel prices will follow. But crude oil isn’t the right barometer of your pain at the pump. By the end of July, crude oil prices had fallen about 25 percent from their April peak, while gasoline prices dropped only about 9 percent after peaking at around $4.50 a gallon in May.

With prospects for peace fading again, both gas and diesel resumed their upward path, with gas at $4.07, while diesel reached $5.47 nationally.

Focusing on the price of crude is misleading, a bit like following the price of wheat when it’s bread that you’re actually buying. The gauge to watch is what’s called the crack spread — the difference between the cost of a barrel of crude and the prices of the refined products made from it. If you want to drill down, it’s often referred to as the 3-2-1 spread, which calculates prices when three barrels of crude are refined into two barrels of gasoline and one barrel of diesel, a typical ratio. (Cracking is the process of breaking large hydrocarbon molecules into smaller ones, which is what a refinery does.)



10/. Melania has not been seen at any official event for a month, but allegedly she has told Trump 
if Natalie Harp is at the event, she isn't going. 
Sounds like its true.....




11/. Thomas Friedman on how warfare has evolved to the point where our trillion 
dollar military is totally vulnerable.

If I were writing a book about the U.S. war with Iran, I know exactly what the title would be. It would be President Trump’s social media post of April 5, 2026, directed at the leaders of Iran: “Open the [expletive] Strait, you crazy bastards, or you’ll be living in Hell — JUST WATCH!”

Wars are a crucible that very often exposes changes in the physics of the world around us — who has power, who doesn’t have power and how power is being wielded. Nothing better captures the new power equation produced by this war than Trump’s unhinged and obscene rant at the Iranian leadership for not bending to his bombs.

This new physics of war is equally present in the conflicts between Ukraine and Russia, Hezbollah and Israel, Hamas and Israel and the Houthis and everyone else. My summary of this new dynamic is that the small can now act really big, really accurately and really inexpensively. And while the big can also act really small, really accurately, it is far more expensive for them to do that while bearing the burden of vast legacy arms systems.



12/. Aaaaaahhhhhh.....the 50's.....



13/. Marco Rubio could be a force for good in the world......but has chosen to be "Little Marco" instead.
Good story by Simon Tisdall in the Guardian......

Viewed from the state department in Washington DC, the world is on fire – but record heatwaves are not to blame. The unresolved Iran war has badly burned Donald Trump. His military campaign conclusively failed, energy and food prices are still rising, and a Republican rout in November’s midterm elections looms. Humiliatingly, Israel this week flatly rejected his latest Gaza peace proposals, days after Trump congratulated himself on a “historic breakthrough”. In Europe, Russia’s attacks on Nato allies grow increasingly brazen, threatening a wider escalation. The Ukraine war, which Trump vowed to end, is now well into its fifth year, with civilians on both sides caught in the killing fields. And these are just the bigger firestorms. There are plenty more.

Rarely has the need for effective, professional diplomacy been more pressing. So step forward Marco Rubio, US secretary of state and chief American diplomat. These are challenges that, if successfully tackled, could propel the 55-year-old son of Cuban immigrants and the former US senator for Florida into pole position in the 2028 Republican presidential nomination race. Here is a chance for Rubio to defy critics who dismiss him as a lickspittle and Trump dogsbody, and transform himself into respected global statesman. His boss mocked him as “little Marco” and a “loser” when they were election rivals in 2016. (Rubio called him a conman.) Now is Rubio’s opportunity to go big, be brave and prove he’s a winner.

Or maybe not.


14/. Great point - how DO they sleep at night?



15/. Jamelle Bouie on how Trump's obsession in his second term is revenge.....

The principal aim of President Trump’s second term is revenge.

Trump is consumed by this lust for revenge. It defined the first moments of his second term. “Within hours of taking the presidential oath,” my news-side colleagues Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan report in “Regime Change: Inside the Imperial Presidency of Donald Trump,” the president “stripped protective details” from Gen. Mark Milley, a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, “and others he had viewed as disloyal, including former national security adviser John Bolton, former Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and former Defense Secretary Mark Esper.”https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/19/opinion/trumps-revenge.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



16/. Scientists have explained what we already instinctively know - if you are over 60, extreme heat can really hurt you!

People aged 60 and over face dangers to their health from exposure to heat at much lower temperatures than previously thought, research has found.

Older adults will bear the brunt of increasingly frequent sustained spells of extreme heat globally as the world continues to warm up, according to a study in The Lancet Planetary Health.

Heatwaves will leave huge and growing numbers of people worldwide of all ages suffering from uncompensable heat stress (UHS) – where the body loses the ability to cool itself – and thus at risk of serious damage to their health, including death.                                                                                                                      https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/aug/17/extreme-heat-more-dangerous-for-people-60-and-over-than-previously-thought?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



17/. Ladies - a movie for you, "Over Under", about two girls growing up....great review!
Practically any woman who had a best female friend in early adolescence will be able to relate to this fragile, thoughtful drama about two American children, Violet (Emajean Bullock) and Stella (Anastasia Veronica Lee), living through the ages of nine to 13, a time as packed with incident as it is simultaneously uneventful and reassuringly dull. Unlike Richard Linklater’s justly acclaimed Boyhood, which had the resources to film for over a decade and thus observe its central character grow up, this was clearly made over a more compact schedule. Violet and Stella age much more subtly here, gradually growing breasts and getting a little bit taller, but those tiny incremental changes mean so much to them. Just as in real life with girls this age, a little bit of makeup, different clothes and some flat-ironing on the hair can alter a kid’s whole presentation.



Today's IRS joke
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said,
“I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question ,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. 
But on he went, in his obnoxious way. “What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?”
“Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “
We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO.
“Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. 
“What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.”

Today's nun joke
A nun went into an off-licence and asked for a bottle of whisky.
"Whisky?", the assistant asked, "I thought you nuns didn't drink!"
"We don't", the nun replied, "This is for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
She bought the whisky and left.
Later that night the assistant saw the same nun dead drunk on a park bench.
"I thought that was for the Mother Superior's constipation?", he said.
"It ish!", she replied, "When she sees me like this, she'll shit herself!"


Today's rude golfer joke
A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course. 
As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says. 'Private property - Stay Out!'"
The golfer says. "I'm sorry I did not see it. That's my ball over there. May I have it, please?"
The man says. "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."
The golfer looks at the man and says. "I think I understand." 
He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard as well.
The man says. "What did you do that for?"
The golfer replies "I consider myself a Gentleman and I believe every prick should have two balls."



Today's religious joke...
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven. 
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
 It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!"
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extemely ugly woman. 
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps. 
He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" 
She says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"



Today's historical joke
An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.
The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" He asked.
The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.
"Could I have a pint of ale?"
"No!" she shouted.
"Could I at least sleep in your stable?"
"No!" she shouted again.
The vagabond said, "Might I please...?"
"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.
"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

Another rude golfer joke
A guy went out golfing and took a high-speed ball right in the crotch. 
Writhing in agony, he dropped to the ground.
When he finally got himself to the doctor, he said, "How bad is it doc? I'm getting married next week, and my fiance is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay by next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided splint, and taped it all together; a pretty impressive piece of work.
The guy mentioned none of this to his girl. 
They got married and on the honeymoon night in their hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. 
This was the first time he saw them, and she said, "You'll be the first; no one has ever touched them before."
He tore off his pants and said, "Honey, well look at this, still in its original crate!