Tuesday, May 12, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday May 12

1/. The Christian Nationalists in this Administration and RFK are deliberately destroying what remains of our public health system, and 
this article explains the reasons why.
Some advice - do not listen to the government, nor the influencers trying to exploit you.
Look after your own health......

In February 2025, Robert F Kennedy Jr began his tenure as secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) with an unusual message for the federal department responsible for protecting public health.

America’s greatest challenge, he said, was not just chronic disease but a “spiritual malaise”, a kind of soul-sickness derived from America’s moral decline.

“Spiritual and physical maladies thrive on one another,” Kennedy told HHS employees in his first address. The solution, he said, “must begin with a spiritual question”, of personal responsibility and inward vigilance against the dark forces that would keep Americans “sedated” and “compliant”.

Weeks later, the White House moved to cut 20,500 jobs across the very agency tasked with protecting public health.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/ng-interactive/2026/may/03/christofascism-rfk-jr-health?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




2/. Lessons learned from the assassination attempt....


3/. Bob Lefsetz on politics......he nails it again......

They keep telling us to believe in the system. And just to wait for the coming election(s).

I remember Bill Maher predicting that Donald Trump wasn’t going to leave the White House if he lost in 2020. One after another Democratic bigwig smiled and laughed and then schooled Maher that the system would hold. OH YEAH?

What we’ve got is Democratic elected officials and TV talking heads going on about the horse race(s)… It’s endless, it’s the underlying theme of all their speech. But what if someone changes the rules of the game?

That is what the Republicans have done with redistricting. Normally executed every ten years after the census, Donald Trump pushed for a redrawing now, ergo the changes in Texas.

And yes, California fought back.

And ultimately Virginia. But Virginia’s new maps were just thrown out by the courts.                                                                                    https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2026/05/09/redistricting/



4/. You need these! I've bought some!



5/. Sydney Blumenthal looks at the Republican Party, and finds it MAGA Trump...

Donald Trump wins, Republicans lose. The Indiana primaries on 5 May, in which five of seven Trump-backed candidates ousted stalwart conservative Republican state legislators who had refused his command to redraw congressional districts, has been the only victory Trump can claim recently. Indiana, happily for him, is not Iran. His appeal still prevails at least over the increasingly narrow band of Maga voters. But the persistence of Trump’s domination is a sign of mounting haplessness. His victory is an augury of repudiation. Maga devotion is hardening in response to his dwindling popularity, a telltale reaction of true believers to a failed prophesy. The cult survives, the party withers.

On the same day the Indiana Republicans went down to defeat to sate Trump’s vengefulness, a Democrat won a bellwether Michigan state senate seat by 20 points in a district that Kamala Harris carried by less than a point. The bell tolls for thee.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/may/11/republicans-trump-popularity


6/. Tom Tomorrow - All hail our great leader!



7/. I'm sure you have heard about the white man suing the Times for discrimination? 
Andrew Sullivan with the surprising background to this suit......

“I just feel like racism is in everything. It should be considered in our science reporting, in our culture reporting, in our national reporting. And so, to me, it’s less about the individual instances of racism, and sort of how we’re thinking about racism and white supremacy as the foundation of all of the systems in the country,” - a NYT staffer in a private town-hall meeting in 2019.

One of my guilty hathos pleasures during the elite mass psychosis known as the Great Awokening was to read each year’s New York Times’ Diversity and Inclusion Report(which they first released in 2017 — Trump’s first year in office — but stopped last year). As documents of the time go, it’s hard to get a sharper insight into the worldview still held by much of our educated elites.                                                                                                                                                                                          ttps://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/why-the-new-york-times-is-post-liberal?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=196184394&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email


8/. And so it starts.
A scientific report saying we should start evacuating New Orleans now, because the City won't be here in 20 years. It'll be flooded.
Will the [solid Republican] Louisiana government listen? Not a chance......

The process of relocating people from New Orleans should start immediately, as the city has reached a “point of no return” that will see it surrounded by the ocean within decades due to the climate crisis, a stark new study has concluded.

Ongoing sea-level rise and the rampant erosion of wetlands in southern Louisiana will swallow up the New Orleans area within a few generations, with the new paper estimating the city “may well be surrounded by the Gulf of Mexico before the end of this century”.

Low-lying southern Louisiana faces multiple threats, with rising sea levels driven by global heating, compounded by strengthening hurricanes, also a feature of the climate crisis, and the gradual subsidence of a coastline that has been carved apart by the oil and gas industry.                                                                     https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/may/04/new-orleans-sea-levels-relocation-climate-crisis?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



9/  Godzilla at sea! 
SNL with Matt Damon.....amusing.....



10/. Dementia Donnie.......good one....


11/ The litter box. 
SNL - very good, very funny!



12/. David Wallace-Wells tells us the whole planet is about to experience what it will be like in 10 years.......
This is a must read - prepare yourself and your family.....

A climate monster is growing right now in the Pacific Ocean, perhaps the most fearsome El NiƱo since before scientists even began modeling them. They now know the pattern quite well: A marine heat wave in the Pacific Ocean scrambles global weather and produces in some places more intense droughts and in others more intense rainfall and flooding; disruptions to hurricane patterns and monsoon seasons, which can cause widespread crop failures; and much more punishing heat.

The El NiƱo building right now, and expected to crest around the end of next year, arrives on top of all our global warming. And it appears stupendously intense — almost certainly stronger than the “Super” El NiƱo of 2015-16, and perhaps the most intense since the epochal El NiƱo of 1877. The global consequences of that climatic event were so devastating that the environmental historian Mike Davis called them “Late Victorian Holocausts.      https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/06/opinion/el-nino-climate.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



13/. Every Republican Justice - corrupt as hell.



14/. Love the title - I love Delta - I hate Delta.

Alex, as we’ll call him, works for a global manufacturing company — a successful one with far-flung clients Alex visits weekly, sometimes aboard a private jet. His wife, who often joins him on the road, prefers a different mode of travel, and Alex generally lets her decide which one they use when they visit places together. That mode of travel is Delta 360°, the somewhat mythical elite-service tier offered by invitation only by America’s most successful airline.

“Can you keep my identity reasonably vague?” Alex asks. As long as I could, he was happy to share the secret perks that come with the membership. “I don’t want it taken away.” Is it true, I ask, that Delta sends a Porsche Cayenne to pick up 360° members and whisk them across the runway to meet a tight connection while the rest of the plane waits to deboard?


15/. John Roberts finally has his dream - the Voting Rights Act is now completely gutted...


16/. Matt Damon and Sarah Sherman are auctioneers getting a divorce........most amusing, and well done!



17/. Bill McKibben on wind power and how Trump has cancelled every wind project because of the fossil fuel bribes, and his own stupidity.

Those of us who came up in a different age still occasionally harbor the belief that facts, truth, science matters; that it hasn’t all just vanished into a tweeting flash of nonsense. In service of this delusion, I’m dedicating this newsletter to the topic of wind, because I think it distills the corruption and irrationality of our sad moment into its purest essence—190-proof Trumpism, the stuff that blinds you if you guzzle it. 

My rant is occasioned by the news that the administration has stopped all approvals on wind farms across the country. As Katherine Krawczyk explains, for 15 years wind farms have applied to the Defense Department where

they’re supposed to undergo a “timely, transparent, and repeatable process to evaluate potential impacts” to national security and military operations. It’s a routine that has spanned presidencies, including the first Trump administration, and that typically revolves around making sure turbines don’t interfere with radars or federal airspace.                                                                                                                                                                                         https://billmckibben.substack.com/p/everyone-knows-its-windy?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=438146&post_id=197349504&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email





Today's poker joke
Two couples were playing poker one evening. 
Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. 
When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Les's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! 
Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.
Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. 
Les's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?' 
Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did.
She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you £200.'
After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested.
Sue told him that since her husband Les played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2pm next Friday afternoon.
When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Les's house at 2pm sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of £200, they went to the bedroom, and closed their transaction, as agreed.
Jim quickly dressed and left.
As usual, Les came home from golf at 6pm and upon arriving, asked his wife, 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'
With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' 
Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband further enquired, 'and did he give you £200?'
Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me £200.
Les, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed £200 from me. 
He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.'
Now THAT, my friends, is a poker player


Today's puns....
1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 
"I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says: "Dam!".

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" 
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? 
His goal:transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." 
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. Friars behind on their belfry payments opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the 
competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. So,the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, a thug in town to "persuade"them to close. 
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. 
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. 
This made him .(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).....
A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!


Today's restaurant joke
Last week, we took some friends to a new restaurant, 'Steve's Place,' and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket.   It seemed a little strange.

When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I observed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.   Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I inquired, 'Why the spoon?'

'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owner hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all of our processes.  After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil.  It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.

'If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'

As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he replaced it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was impressed.

I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.

Looking around, I saw that all of the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So, before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'

'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice.  'Not everyone is so observant.  That consulting firm I mentioned also learned that we can save time in the restroom.   By tying this string to the tip of our you-know-what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39%.

I asked quietly, 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'

'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.





Monday, May 4, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Monday May 4


1/. Andrew Sullivan is hoping we are now at a tipping point of disgust with Trump....

I realize I’m showing my age, but I vividly remember the week the Iran-Contra revelations hit the news. I was a politics nerd and Thatcher-Reagan fan, and all I can say is that it was like a sudden, huge change in the air pressure. The era of Reagan’s sunny sincerity came to a swift, screeching halt. He’d lied, we all realized — which in those days, actually mattered. In a single month, he dropped close to 20 points in approval.

He recovered in due course but never completely. Something had been punctured, something essential to his brand. The same can be said, I think, of George HW Bush’s courageous decision to raise taxes in a budget reconciliation bill in 1990. It was good economics, but the betrayal of the pledge he made to the base was just too crude in the end to overcome. They had read his lips.                                                                                                                                                              https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/a-tipping-point-at-last?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=194575551&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



2/. Good one! From Jimmy Kimmel.....



3/. Thom Hartmann is thinking we are in for a major recession - on purpose - so the elite class and billionaires can own everything.
The Strait of Hormuz choke point is that important to the global economy.
Hartmann may be paranoid on this one, the other theory of why this is happening being stupidity, but I'm afraid he's right.

“President Trump has instructed aides to prepare for an extended blockade of Iran, U.S. officials said... In recent meetings, including a Monday discussion in the Situation Room, Trump opted to continue squeezing Iran’s economy and oil exports by preventing shipping to and from its ports. … 

“For now, Trump is comfortable with an indefinite blockade, which he wrote Tuesday on Truth Social is pushing Iran toward a ‘State of Collapse.’”

So, Putin — who Trump took orders from for a full 90 minutes yesterday — and America’s billionaires who religiously read the WSJ are officially tipped off to prepare for what may well be a worldwide repeat of the Republican Great Depression of the 1930s. Or at least a revisit to the GOP’s infamous Nixon-era crises of the 1970s, Reagan’s “Black Monday” 22% market crash, Bush’s 2008 “Great Recession,” and Trump’s 2020 massive botched-pandemic-response economic melt-down.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             https://hartmannreport.com/p/is-the-next-economic-crash-being-0c4?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=195922657&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



4/. This one is true - this is exactly how the Shadow Docket came into being.....


5/. This article postulates even MAGA is losing support for Trump....
Not sure if it's true though, since MAGA is just motivated by hate.....and of course stupidity.....

In a carefully coordinated publicity stunt last week, Donald Trump received a McDonald’s takeaway order from delivery driver Sharon Simmons, a 58-year-old grandmother of 10 from Arkansas. Simmons, a Trump supporter and advocate of his “no tax on tips” policy, testified before Congress last year that she began working as a delivery driver for the takeout app DoorDash in order to help cover the cost of her husband’s cancer treatment.

The photo opp should have been a slam dunk for Trump: a simple way to promote one of his policies in the company of a sympathetic advocate and beneficiary. But Trump, in characteristic fashion, could not resist the urge to insert a non sequitur about one of his own grievances: trans women athletes. “Do you think men should play in women’s sports?” Trump asked Simmons. “I really don’t have an opinion on that,” she replied, showing considerably more message discipline than the president. “I’m here about ‘no tax on tips’.                                                                                                                                                                                                  https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/apr/21/maga-project-teetering-trump-supporters-culture-war?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other


6/. Surrounded by sycophants......



7/. Ever heard of AMOC? 
Probably not, because as George Monblot describes them, the "billionaire death cult" that controls our media doesn't want you to know.......

The poor and middle pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the very rich pay lawyers – and the ultra-rich pay politicians. It’s not an original remark, but it bears repeating until everyone has heard it. The more money billionaires accumulate, the greater their control of the political system – which means they pay less tax, which means they accumulate more, which means their control intensifies.

They reshape the world to suit their demands. One of the symptoms of the pathology known as “billionaire brain” is an inability to see beyond their own short-term gain. They would sack the planet for a few more stones on the pointless mountain of wealth. And we can see it happening. Last week delivered the biggest news of the year so far, perhaps the biggest news of the century. But partly because billionaires own most of the media, most people never heard it. We might find ourselves committed to a civilisation-ending event before we even learn that such a thing is possible.                                                                                                    https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/apr/23/catastrophic-climate-event-scientists-atlantic-system-collapse-billionaire-existential-crisis?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other


8/. Remember Hidden Figures? This is the amazing bathroom scene.......


9/. Older adults are hoarding most of the wealth in this country, and by living longer than ever compounding the problem!
This is YOU!

gerontocracy has always thrived in undemocratic places—Communist people’s republics, Gulf monarchies—where only death could pry power from the ruling elders. American gerontocracy is exceptional for being freely elected. Donald Trump will soon be an octogenarian, and is president in part because the preceding octogenarian, Joe Biden, did not want to admit his senescence. The median senator is 65, and the oldest, 92-year-old Chuck Grassley, has not ruled out running for reelection in 2028. The typical general-election voter is a spry 52, but in primary elections, which decide the majority of political contests, that number rises to 59. Half of all the money donated to political campaigns comes from Americans age 66 and older.                                                                                                                   https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/05/gerontocracy-wealth-power/686585/


10/. SNL cold open - Hegseth and Kash Patel......amusing.....



11/. Welcome to AI!


12/. Know any evangelical Christians? You probably do, but don't know it. A clue is the Church they go to..... 
Be aware - they are almost guaranteed to love Trump.....

He has lost the Catholics, the foreign policy isolationists and the millions of people affected by ICE’s immigration raids. But Donald Trump is still counting on the goodwill of one powerful constituency of American voters, to whom he appealed this week by reading a passage from the Bible urging people to repent their “wicked ways”. A lot of thoughts spring to mind in relation to this, but at the very forefront, one question: do the US’s evangelical Christians, who overwhelmingly support Trump, have a red line and if so, can they find it with both hands?

I’m stating the obvious but it’s worth raising again, if only to boggle at the sheer shamelessness of a religious community that has thrown in its lot with Trump: how on earth do the evangelicals work out the maths on this?                                                                                                                                                                        https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/apr/23/donald-trump-bible-readings-god-evangelical-christians-us?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



13/. Shop TV - a daytime shopping channel parody......quite amusing.....


14/. Iran's meme war has been noticed by the Times....
Iran’s success in spreading these memes has surprised experts who study foreign influence operations. They say the tactics and technology on display during the war will almost certainly be replicated in other international crises, as well as major political events, including the looming elections in the United States.

“It’s spoken to the sort of Gen Z language of the internet in ways certainly diplomats don’t normally do,” said Bret Schafer, a senior director at the Institute for Strategic Dialogue, an international nonprofit that has tracked Iran’s activity.

“They have taken a regime that is, I mean, brutal and pretty awful and didn’t have exactly a great global reputation and turned them into kind of a plucky, fun underdog.”

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2026/04/25/business/iran-trump-israel-war-memes.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share




15/. You've never been to a funeral like this one! 
Amusing, 5 minutes.....


16/. The Weekend Update lads with an OK episode.....5 minutes....


17/. Every now and then you should read what is happening with our ecosystems globally. 
Needless to say, they are all collapsing......
NOAA’s projection of the coming El Nino is literally going off the graph, with some extreme-end sea surface temperature anomalies forecast at over 3.5 °C warmer than normal. And a joint report from the EU and WMO confirm that “95% of Europe experienced above-average annual temperatures in 2025….The annual sea surface temperature for the European region was the highest on record….Wildfires burnt around 1,034,550 hectares, the largest area on record {equivalent to the size of Iceland or Cuba}….solar power {reached} a new contribution {of Europe’s electricity generation} record of 12.5%.”        https://lastweekincollapse.substack.com/p/last-week-in-collapse-april-26-may?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=827253&post_id=196299422&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email


18/. Our overlords......


19/. For white guys who need therapy but can't afford it, there's always the Black Barbershop......amusing.....



20/. The Guardian rates THC infused drinks......

Instead of liquid weed that’s meant to get drinkers as high as possible, today’s THC-infused beverages are more about quality and taste. With varying flavor combinations and dosages, it’s never been a more interesting time to try the cannabis seltzers, spirits and mixed drinks on the market.

The category is projected to hit $370m in the next few years. In my reporting (and personal experience), I’ve found the rise of infused drinks is less about the cannabis itself and more about inclusivity. While some younger Americans are replacing spirits and wine with thoughtfully made non-alcoholic alternatives, others are treating THC and CBD as simply another way to feel included in social gatherings. Booze is no longer the default option at the housewarming or backyard barbecue.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           https://www.theguardian.com/thefilter-us/2026/apr/20/best-thc-drinks?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



21/. The Times rates the best movies on Amazon......some pretty good ones on the list!
And they all have trailers......

As Netflix pours more of its resources into original content, Amazon Prime Video is picking up the slack, adding new movies for its subscribers each month. Its catalog has grown so impressive, in fact, that it’s a bit overwhelming — and at the same time, movies that are included with a Prime subscription regularly change status, becoming available only for rental or purchase. It’s a lot to sift through, so we’ve plucked out 100 of the absolute best movies included with a Prime subscription right now, to be updated as new information is made available.                                                                         https://www.nytimes.com/article/best-movies-amazon-prime.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



Today's motorcycle joke
While riding my bike yesterday, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very 
beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?"
As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low cut blouse with cleavage to die for...
"I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.
She said, “Get in and I’ll take you home so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head.”
"That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"
"Oh, come now, I’m a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."
Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. 
Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this."
We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, while unbuttoning her blouse exposing the most beautiful set of boobs I’ve ever seen. 
"Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still in the ditch with my bike, I guess."

Today's engineer joke
I called an old friend who is a retired Professor of Engineering and asked what he was doing. 
He replied that he was working on: "Aqua-thermal-surfactant treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel under a constrained environment." 
I was impressed. 
However, upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes with soap & hot water under his wife's supervision.


Today's male joke
Male SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE....It takes less than 15 seconds..

If you are male and over 60 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test
How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM
2. F_ _K
3. P_N_S
4. PU_S_
5. S_X
6. BOO_S







Answers: 
1. RANDOM
2. FORK
3. PANTS
4. PULSE
5. SIX
6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong...didn't you?

The good news is:
You do NOT have Alzheimer's.
You are a pervert. 

Today's golf joke
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland :
 
1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
4. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
5. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
6. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
7. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
8. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
9. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
10. WELL DONE.. NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF! 
 

Today's Welfare joke
A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, hair in a long ponytail and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just hate drawing welfare.  I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system, getting something for nothing."

The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent.  We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.  You will have to drive around in his 2026 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."

"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.  You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.  This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well... you started it."