Sunday, February 22, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Sunday February 22


1/. This year is an El Nino year, with extreme high temperatures this summer......oh boy......

America’s abandonment of the “endangerment finding” undergirding national climate policy is not the most important thing that happened last week. That decision was an act of gross stupidity, but it was also perfectly predictable given the people making it, and since America’s not doing anything good on climate anyway it won’t have deep immediate effect. (As is often the case, humorist Alexandra Petri had the best response). What will matter more, I think, for America and for policy going forward, is the news that we’re likely to see another El Niño soon; take this as your first warning that not only the temperature but the politics of the planet are likely to change dramatically, and soon. 

We’re still in a La Niña phase in the Pacific right now—the cooler part of the cycle that meant that 2025’s global temperature was “only” the second or third highest ever, trailing 2023, the last big El Niño year. But that hot phase seems to be returning, and somewhat faster than expected.


2/. The "Housing Crisis" in a nutshell....




3/. Love the title - "The President Of the 000001%".....
No one cares, Matt Yglesias argues. And I get it. I’ve never been one of those journalists — like, say, Josh Marshall — who focuses on corruption in politics. Those stories can get complicated/boring very quickly, involve lots of opaque financial jargon and know-how that I’ll never understand; and in America, they rarely take politicians down these days unless the grift is truly epic.

But still. 

What’s going on now in Washington is on a wholly new scale — an open, shameless exercise by those in power to benefit personally and massively from the leverage that comes with public office. In the words of Ann Coulter: “This is the most corrupt presidency in U.S. history. I mean, it is so blatant it’s right in front of our eyes.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/the-president-of-the-000001-percent?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=187147056&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



4/. Maureen Dowd in the Times on the threat of AI.....

When President Trump vitiated scientific facts on Thursday, helping fossil fuel fat cats by eliminating the government’s ability to regulate treacherous gases, a reporter asked what he says to people worried about the very real hazards of a hotter planet.

“I tell them don’t worry about it,” he shot back.

The administration has even coined a word to denigrate those who push back on Trump’s rash policies: “panican,” as in one who panics.

In a world steeped in violence and menace, we are constantly being told by the people in charge not to worry.

Don’t worry about a sweltering Earth. Don’t worry about all those powerful creeps getting away with abusing young women exploited by Jeffrey Epstein; instead, just behold the beauty of the rising Dow, as the abrasive, evasive Pam Bondi suggested at a congressional hearing Wednesday.



5/. Politics Girl makes a sandwich.....and let's us have it! Four minutes.....



6/. This is coming.....going to get yours?
President Trump announced today that beginning in 2027, all American citizens and legal residents will be entitled to a mandatory tattoo and trackable embedded chip to authenticate residency status and other information.

The President unveiled the plan in a social media post at 3 a.m. Eastern Time.

“ THE TRUMPMARK IS COMING. It’s going to be Fantastic. No other country has anything like it. Everyone in the United States will get a Trumpmark, which they tell me will be a chip in the forehead or on the hand that ICE and other federal agencies can scan to check out if they’re legal, or left-wing terrorists, or whatever. And it gets better. If you’re ever lost, you don’t have to worry because the FBI and DHS will know exactly where you are. You’ll also scan your Trumpmark to pay at the grocery store or gas station, so you never have to pull out your wallet. It’s really Incredible. People will love it.”



7/. Trump has a plan!


8/. I know, I know, another story on trans.....but this is good. Andrew Sullivan on how the Democrats can put this issue, 
which helped Trump get elected again, behind them.
I had dinner this week with a young gay man who was castrated and had his endocrine system permanently wrecked as a result of “gender-affirming care” for minors. He was super girly as a kid and had an undiagnosed testosterone deficiency which delayed his male development. He liked playing with girls, seemed to act like one, and when he socially transitioned as a teen, he passed easily. Suddenly all the sneers of “faggot” he’d endured as a boy went away. In today’s “gender-affirming care” environment, that was enough. 

“Compassion” and “science” took a gay boy, flooded his young male body with estrogen, and removed his genitals — because the docs and the shrinks determined he was too effeminate to be a “real man.” Only when he personally figured this out as an adult and got himself off estrogen and onto testosterone did everything change. He felt energy and mental clarity for the first time. And his life as a man could finally begin — although his body will never be fully repaired.           https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/what-the-dems-should-say-on-trans?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=187932987&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



9/. Tom Tomorrow and Epstein's ghost!




10/. The Prince Andrew arrest, and some background on this flawed Royal......from the Atlantic.....
He sounds like an arrogant dick.....

On Tuesday, November 30, 2010, at 2:57 p.m., Prince Andrew—as he then was—received details of his upcoming trips as Britain’s official trade envoy: Hong Kong, Shenzhen, Vietnam, Singapore. At 3:02 p.m., he forwarded the entire email to Jeffrey Epstein.

At dawn today, that stupid and unethical decision—and many others like it—finally caught up with him. Police arrested Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor on the morning of his 66th birthday, on suspicion of misconduct in public office, and are now searching his homes. Prosecutors have not yet released specific charges, which are thought to relate to Andrew passing on sensitive government information to Epstein. The offense carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. His brother, King Charles III, was not officially informed in advance, but had signaled that the royal family would cooperate with any police inquiry.



11/. We now have concentration camps....for immigrants....for now....

Writing about a recent ruling by the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit that affirmed the Trump administration’s policy of mandatory and indefinite detention for immigrants held by either ICE or Customs and Border Protection, my colleague David French makes a point that bears repeating:

There are thousands upon thousands of immigrants facing brutal conditions who’ve been convicted of no crime and haven’t even been accused of a crime beyond their initial alleged illegal entry.

People who have lost legal status because they have overstayed their visas, he also notes, “aren’t guilty of any crime at all, since their original entry is lawful.” And even illegal entry is “a misdemeanor for a first offense.”



12/. The "SAVE" act......coming soon to a precinct near you......


13/. Sarah Sherman as the Weather Girl.....a little rude and amusing....3 minutes.....



14/. The inside story on why El Paso airport was closed....
Incompetence, arrogance and power struggles.....

Last spring, in the early months of Steve Feinberg’s tenure as deputy defense secretary, Pentagon staff members briefed him on plans to employ new high-energy laser weapons to take out drones being used by Mexican cartels to smuggle drugs across the southern U.S. border.

But their use was conditioned on getting a green light from aviation safety officials.

The law, the staff members at the Pentagon explained to him, required extensive coordination with the Federal Aviation Administration and the Transportation Department, which could slow the testing of the system. Transportation officials could even block the system’s use if they determined that it posed risks to aviation safety.



15/. SNL skit about a Trump conversion -- takes a while but quite good......five minutes....



16/. This scientific newsletter is getting more and more dire....but from other sources some of their timelines are very conservative. 
The unravelling process is accelerating.....

Our “economy and society will cease to function as we know it,” scientists warned, discussing the possibility of crossing devastarting tipping points that could doom earth into 3 or 4 °C temperature rise before the year 2100. A study in One Earth warns of a not-too-distant “hothouse earth” scenario, and that “We are leaving the stable conditions of the Holocene, and entering a period of unprecedented climate change beyond the natural interglacial envelope, with outcomes that are difficult to predict.” There’ll be no coming back from this.



17/. Do you read books? Here's what you missed - the NYT best books of 2025.....

The envelope, please: After a full year spent reading hundreds of books and meeting regularly to bicker — er, converse — about their merits and flaws, the editors of the Book Review have chosen the 10 Best Books of 2025.

In novels that transport us from the battlefields of World War I to contemporary Swedish dance clubs to the halls of a convent in rural Australia, and from Nazi movie studios to New York art galleries where immigrants look for a sense of connection, our fiction picks offer sweeping stories about timely and timeless topics with a sense of verve and style.

In nonfiction, we chose immersive journalistic accounts of the housing crisis and a historic Black church, along with a riveting biography of a misunderstood painter, a fraught mother-daughter memoir and an enthralling shipwreck story that is as much a meditation on marriage as it is a seafaring adventure.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/02/books/review/best-books-2025.html



18/. Definitely gets the prize for the best title of a TV series:
"How To Get To Heaven From Belfast"......rave review from the Guardian....

Three middle-aged women may be all you need for anything. To run a business, raise a village, end a war, retool a civilisation, empty the loft. Even more usefully, you can make a great murder-mystery caper with them, as Lisa McGee (a fourth woman! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it) has done with her new series How to Get to Heaven from Belfast.

McGee made her name, of course, with Derry Girls – a nigh-on perfect sitcom that followed the trials and tribulations of a group of Northern Irish Catholic schoolgirls (and a beleaguered English cousin) as they went about the chaotic business of growing up in the mid-90s at the tail end of the Troubles. The main characters of the new offering don’t map precisely on to the previous one but the DNA of Derry Girls as an entity remains gloriously alive (is DNA alive? I feel a curious urge to consult Sister Michael). How to Get to Heaven has all of the verve, acuity and havoc dancing on top of the immaculate plotting that you find in McGee’s masterwork. The only difference is that one of the schoolgirls is dead. Probably. Maybe. Perhaps not.                                                                               https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2026/feb/12/how-to-get-to-heaven-from-belfast-review-if-you-see-nothing-else-this-year-watch-this?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other





Today's golf joke
Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger says to Stevie, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "I've had some problems with my swing,
but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong,
I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.
Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK,
I'm game for that . . . $10,000 a hole is fine with me.
When would you like to play?"
Stevie:     "Pick a night."


Today's blond jokes
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asks her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"


Today's college football jokes
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
________________________________________

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
___________________________________________

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
___________________________________________

How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
___________________________________________

How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
___________________________________________

Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
___________________________________________

A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse. ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "
"Will the defendant please rise."
___________________________________________

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
___________________________________________

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
___________________________________________

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
___________________________________________

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week;
the other half will have to dress themselves.
___________________________________________

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________________

Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
___________________________________________

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________________


Today's scammer joke
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: “Hello.”
Scammer: (Heavy Foreign Accent) “Hello. This is Tom Smith from Microsoft Support. 
We are seeing a lot of virus activity coming from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
Scammer: “Oh yes, Madam. We have many reports.”
Me: “Oh, jeez. How can I fix it?”
Scammer: “It’s okay, Madam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
Scammer: “Good, Madam. Please push the Start button.”
Me: “I think it’s already on.”
Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Now click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
Scammer: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
Scammer: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow. I didn’t realize it had a name.”
Scammer: “Yes, Madam. Now press Internet Options.”
Me: “I don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I bought that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
Scammer: “All devices have Internet, Madam. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “Okay. Same as before.”
Scammer: “That’s fine, Madam. We will restart your device. Please turn it off.”
Me: “Um… I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. It kind of just stays on.”
Scammer: “There must be an off button. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “I usually press the big button.”
Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Press that button.”
Me: “Okay.”
Scammer: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
Scammer: “Door? Is there a disc inside?”
Me: “No. There’s a burrito.” 🌯
Scammer: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.” 🙆🏻‍♂️😂
Click.



Today's Taxi joke....
I got cut off by a taxi driver last week.
I was walking through town today and | saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said
"How much to the station?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until | came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ок" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..


Thursday, February 12, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Thursday February 12


1/. Bill McKibben on the 1984-ish blatant lying of this administration.....
 
The past stretch of days—say, since the murder of Renee Good—has been marked by brutality, but also by a dishonesty so deep and stupid that it’s begun to finally turn on the liars. Following the execution of Alex Pretti, for instance, various White House officials were quick to start just plain lying: he was an “assassin” and a “domestic terrorist” who "wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement."
As many videos emerged in the course of the day, those lies were shown for what they were. Pretti was, at worst, trying to help a woman who was being unnecessarily gassed; for his pains he was executed once he’d been disarmed; the only “weapon” he’d “brandished” was a cellphone. Oh, and instead of being a domestic terrorist he was a VA nurse who treated former soldiers with compassion and dignity.


2/. President Miller 2028...



3/. Andrew Sullivan on the Epstein files......some insightful observations.....

I’ve been struggling to write about the Epstein case — and the eponymous “files” — because, to be honest, I’ve been struggling to figure out what to think about them. I’m not a big conspiracy buff; my thoughts are far too complicated to say anything simple; and, well, sometimes life is too short to comb through acres of skeevy emails by many of the rich and powerful people I’ve spent the last 30 years desperately trying to avoid. 

But here goes! 

The following, it seems to me, is what really matters: an email from an Epstein friend in 2014 (long, long after Epstein’s conviction for sex with a minor): 

Thank you for a fun night ...

Your littlest girl was a little naughty.

No proof of an actual crime here but, in the broader context of what we know about Epstein, the mind reels at the way so many in our elite were able to ignore the abuse of minors happening in the wings. Money, glamor, and connections easily trumped any moral qualms. I guess if Catholic Cardinals can look the other way, so can Larry Summers and Brad Karp.                                                                                                                                                                                        https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/notes-on-epstein?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=186518186&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email=email




4/. Talk about an accurate portrayal of MAGA!



5/. Jason Garcia's column looks at the Florida Legislature and who is funnelling money to your Republican politicians, but this is a doozy. 
Have a look at the bills that have come out of committee and are going to almost automatic approval.
Wow, this is corruption on steroids.....

Key leaders in the Florida Senate want to crack down on a scheme used by some large developers to lock homebuyers into legally murky “forever fees.”

The ploy involves master-planned communities built with recreational facilities such as golf courses, fitness centers and tennis courts, and managed by homeowners’ associations that collect monthly assessments from residents for operations and maintenance.

In some communities built around Florida in recent years, the developers have decided to retain ownership of the recreational facilities for themselves rather than turn them over to the resident-controlled HOA. But they have still bound homebuyers to covenants that compel them to pay monthly “club fees” or “amenity fees” — fees that include an incremental profit margin for the developer and that can continue on in perpetuity.




6/. Did you watch the Super Bowl? Of course you did.
And did you see Bad Bunny's Halftime Show? You betcha.
Are you a right wing male? You hated it.
Everyone else? Loved it......such amazing energy....
This story from the Guardian explains all of the meaning behind the show, 
and when you read this you'll have to watch it again.....

Still, 2025’s Debí Tirar Más Fotos was the monumental latest entry in Bad Bunny’s documentation of Puerto Rican struggle. Its sober caution against the erosion of a Puerto Rico for Puerto Ricans amid foreign tax incentives and mass economic displacement; its honoring of Afro-Puerto Rican modes of musical storytelling and resistance in bomba and plena; its 31-show residency at El Coliseo de Puerto Rico in lieu of an international tour brought millions into the island’s economy. All of it was in solemn devotion to never compromising his land, identity or history.

The Super Bowl half-time show is inherently about compromise. But as he kicked off the Benito Bowl, somehow, Benito’s biggest compromise seemed to be the amount of words bleeped out of his verse.

Here it is - 13 ,minutes of fun and Puerto Rican history.......!



7/. One issue Democrats need to be in front of is how does our society deal with the job disruption 
and concentration of wealth upward that is being, and will be worse, with more and more AI deployed in the workplace.....

Dario Amodei, the chief executive of Anthropic, has predicted that artificial intelligence could displace half of entry-level white-collar jobs within five years. Already, layoffs are on the rise. Recent college grads are struggling to find work. And even for those of us fortunate enough to be employed, our retirement savings are increasingly dependent on the fortunes of a small handful of high-growth tech companies.

The economics of A.I. may not be as politically urgent as President Trump’s latest international entanglements or Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s extrajudicial campaign of terror, but it is steadily if quietly becoming the country’s biggest political issue. It won’t define this year’s midterms, but it will almost certainly define the 2028 elections.



8/. Are you a criminal?




9/. Canadian rage has gone global.....

The defiance against America that has consumed Canadian life for over a year now has finally spread to the rest of the West. The message of Prime Minister Mark Carney’s speech at Davos last month — that of a “rupture in the world order” — was not new for Canadians. Just after his election in April, Mr. Carney declared that “our old relationship with the United States, a relationship based on steadily increasing integration, is over.” At Davos, the moment caught up with him, and with Canada.            https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/06/opinion/canada-america-anger-carney.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



10/. It's Valentine's Day this week!



11/. Nicolas Kristof with a surprising story - schools in Mississippi have a better academic 
record than most schools in the country.....

A ray of hope is emerging in American education.

Not among Democrats or Republicans, each diverted by culture wars. Not in the education reform movement, largely abandoned by the philanthropists who once propelled it. Not in most schools across the country, still struggling with chronic absenteeism and a decade of faltering test scores.

Rather, hope emerges in the most unlikely of places: three states here in the Deep South that long represented America’s educational basement. These states — Alabama, Louisiana and Mississippi — have histories of child poverty, racism and dismal educational outcomes, and they continue to spend less than most other states on public schools.                                                       https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/09/opinion/red-states-good-schools.html




12/. Polarization has a few meanings!




13/. Sydney Blumenthal in the Guardian with a summary of the last month's events......he's a really good writer......

NIt was the worst of times and then even worse; it was the age of lies and then more lies; it was an epoch of preening and cowardice. In the winter of despair, it was a day of the vile and a night of the obscene. It was a tale of two films, one featuring the stark killing of a protester on a cold Minneapolis street and the other starring Melania Trump striking poses in a “documentary” shown at a private screening at the White House.

Throughout the day of Saturday 24 January videos of the killing by ICE agents of Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse at the Veterans Administration hospital, on a street in Minneapolis were broadcast endlessly on TV news channels and seen by tens of millions online. The videos clearly showed Pretti with his phone in his hand, holding his hands up as he approached ICE agents who had pepper-sprayed a woman. He was coming to her aid, a Good Samaritan. The ICE agents instantly attacked him. One frame of a video shows one agent with his gun drawn, pointed at Pretti’s back as he fell, hands still in the air. Agents appear to have shot him 10 times in five seconds.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jan/29/trump-administration-minnesota-alex-pretti-ice-gregory-bovino




14/. Politics Girl Lee evicerates Mike Johnson....2 wonderful minutes....



15/. Were you aware Germany has sent a full brigade of troops and 100 of their Leopard tanks to Lithuania? Thought not.....
This story explains why this is a huge deal!

Germany is about to do something it has spent 80 years trying very hard not to do.

In May of last year, Germany announced that it will permanently station a full combat brigade, roughly 5,000 troops and more than 100 of its most modern main battle tanks, on the eastern edge of NATO.

Now, those troops are finally arriving.

I want to be clear here; this is not rotating forces. Not temporary deployments. Not “exercises.”

Permanently. And not somewhere abstract like a headquarters element or a training detachment, but in Lithuania, less than 30 kilometers from the Belarusian border, with Russia’s Kaliningrad exclave looming to the west.                                                                          https://wesodonnell.medium.com/germany-sends-5-000-troops-and-100-leopards-to-russias-doorstep-3ab220c8fb6c




16/. I put this story in last week, so we started watching  "Steal". 
Wow, WOW. Highly recommend it!

The trick, Zara Dunne tells her new underling as she shows her round the trades processing floor of the pension management company for which they both now work, is not to dwell on the fact that every day that passes is another day wasted. And to know where the nice biscuits are. This is very good advice for any twentysomething starting their first job, but especially one called Myrtle, as this one is, whom I imagine has already had much of the stuffing knocked out of her by her peers’ reactions to this odd parental choice of moniker.

Soon, however, they are all in need of substantially more comfort than even a chocolate Hobnob can provide, as a team of armed villains swarms the floor. From there, the glossy new six-part thriller Steal kicks into high gear and doesn’t let up for a moment.




Today's Flatulence joke...
My sister in law posted this and found it hysterical and thought you might also.
This is definitely one story you must read and pass on. Especially if you need a good laugh:
Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. 
However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. 
Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. 
And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).
It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. 
That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.
He picked me up in a Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. 
I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.
We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. 
I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. 
Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?
That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying.
I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.
On the way home in his Mustang, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. 
The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …
My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.
HOW DO YOU TELL A MAN YOU JUST STARTED DATING, THAT THE REASON YOU ARE WRITHING IN PAIN IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO FART.
The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. 
I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.
“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.
“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”
How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?
Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.
People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. 
As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. 
Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. 
However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. 
Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. 
A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. 
More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.
Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).
“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.
“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”
“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. 
I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? 
Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.
“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. 
I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. 
Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.
It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.
Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. 
We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.
We sat silently for the rest of the way home. 
Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.
He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out,
“Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.
I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.
Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.
“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”
“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.
“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*
“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”
“Okay, are you sure you’re …”
“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”
This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!
Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Mustang engine zoom away. 
I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. 
I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.
But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. 
Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.



Today's Medical joke....
A young doctor has moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring.
The older doctor urges the younger doctor to accompany him in his rounds so the people in town can meet the new younger doctor.
At the first house that they visit, the woman complained about her stomach pain.
The older doctor said " because you eat too much fruit. Just 1 or 2 portions is enough for a day.
After they left, the younger doctor said
" you didn't examine the woman. How come you got the diagnosis so quickly?"
" I didn't have to. Haven't you noticed that I dropped my stethoscope over there? 
When I bent to pick it up, I saw a half dozen banana peels in the trash can. That must be the cause of her stomach pain.
"Huh?" The younger doctor said. " pretty clever. I think I will do the same for our next patient."
When they arrived at the next house, they spent several minutes talking to a woman.
She complained that she's always exhausted and feeling down lately. 
" you've probably doing too much work for the church, " the younger doctor told her. " 
maybe you should take it easy and see if that will make you feel better."
As they were leaving, the older doctor said
" I know that woman well. Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive with that?
"I did what you did, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to pick it up, I noticed the preacher under the bed.


Today's Car joke
A Honda mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Honda when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. 
The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this.?"
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the Honda.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new.
So how is it that I make £24,000 a year and you make £1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work.?"
The cardiologist paused, leaned over, and then whispered to the mechanic.... "Try doing it with the engine running!



Today's blonde joke
A young ventriloquist was touring Sweden and, one night, he was doing a show in a small fishing town. 
With his dummy on his knee, he started going through some of his standard dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stood on her chair and started shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. 
What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? 
What does the colour of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? 
It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people.
It's people like you who make others think that all blondes are dumb! 
You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general; pathetically, all in the name of humour!"
The stunned ventriloquist started to apologize, but the blonde interrupted and screamed: " You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit sitting on your lap."