Monday, July 13, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Monday July 13

1/. Bill McKibben with an interesting story on how electric bicycles are making a difference......

The most useful thing I did this week was appear on Ezra Klein’s New York Timespodcast to talk about the rise of clean energy. He framed the story well, and asked generous and sharp questions, and my only regret is that I was too jacked up going in (this is one of the very few remaining real forums in American journalism) and so I think I interrupted him at several points when I just should have been listening. But I know it was a real conversation because at several points I found myself thinking new things, and one that I blurted out was: "Even better than the E.V. is the e-bike, which I think may turn out to be the transformative invention of our time on Earth."                                                                                                                                 https://billmckibben.substack.com/p/tour-de-planet?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=438146&post_id=206602462&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



2/. Oh Mitch......we miss you......
[Not quite yet, but soon!]



3/. And speaking of missing you.....tell us how you really feel!




4/. "The Week In Collapse" - read how the world is suffering from climate change.......
The region of the equatorial Pacific, “El Niño 3.4,” again hit record highs for this time of the year all-time. It appears to be inevitable that this will be termed a “Super El Niño” and one of the strongest ones since records began in 1950. In the face of this brutal phenomenon, science writers are sharing five lessons: “Preparedness is better than response….Indigenous and climate-resilient crops are part of the solution….Water, energy, food and health cannot be treated separately….The biggest limitation is finance, not knowledge….{and} Effective resilience depends on local ownership, trusted institutions and the ability of countries and communities to create or adapt solutions to their own contexts.” They write that Africa, having experienced cycles of crop failure, flooding, and Drought, has unique experience in facing these climate challenges.



5/. This is true!


6/. Bob Lefsetz on aging - and Boomers - and philosophy.
One of his better ones......

The number no longer makes sense.

Forget lying to others about your age, can you lie to yourself?

It was really our grandparents who were the last generation to get old and accept it. It was a natural stage of life. As for our parents, they were flummoxed. The sixties were unfathomable, some got on the bandwagon but most stayed on the sidelines. And then everything their children augured for, believed in, became de facto. The end of the war, casual clothing, music everywhere. I don’t know when your parents started to wear jeans, but I was shocked when my dad showed up in a pair in the late seventies, prior to that, he didn’t own any.

And it’s not so much that we had a good run, but that the run is over.



7/. What a weekend!



8/. Ticks. Be careful this summer, check yourself if you go out 
hiking......or even after yard work!

On a late-summer afternoon in 2024, an airline pilot and father of three named Brian Waitzel ate a hamburger at a barbecue in suburban New Jersey, and four hours later he fell violently ill. By nightfall he was dead. His family was left stunned and confused. What was the cause? Acting on a hunch, a physician friend contacted Dr. Thomas Platts-Mills, an allergist at the University of Virginia School of Medicine and an expert on alpha-gal syndrome, a tick bite-induced allergy to red meat.



9/. Hmmmmm.....Parallel Earth....seems so familiar....hmmmmm....



10/. Trump is spending billions to cancel wind farms and solar power, at the behest of the fossil fuel companies.
An example of blatant corruption and stupidity that's sliding under the radar of our billionaire owned media.....

The Trump administration has directly spent $2.7bn of taxpayer money on its crusade against wind power while pouring $1.125bn into boosting coal, which critics say is pushing up Americans’ bills.

They say the moves are evidence that the president aims to serve fossil-fuel companies like those which donated record sums to his presidential campaign, rather than the working-class Americans to whom he pledged to lower energy bills and other costs.

“Trump is getting Americans coming and going,” said Jay Inslee, the former governor of Washington state and a Trump detractor. “He’s forcing higher power bills on them by blocking clean energy, then he’s fattening the wallets of his cronies – all with billions of our tax dollars.”                            https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/jul/10/bills-trump-clean-energy-coal?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




11/. OK - guitar solos! Here's a strong candidate for #2 - Prince with Purple Rain....
This is a clip from the movie ....



12/. How's Australia's ban on social media for under 16's going? 
Not too well of course.....

In 2024, Australia passed a new law called the Online Safety Amendment. Its primary purpose was simple: to introduce “an obligation on certain social media platforms to take reasonable steps to prevent children under 16 years of age from having an account.” By then, worries about young people, social media, and screen time had gone mainstream, and legislative proposals were popping up around the world, mostly in the form of school phone bans and age-verification laws. Australia, though, just went ahead and did the thing — a national ban, in a large liberal democracy, on teens using social media.

The rules went into effect in December 2025 and covered “Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Threads, TikTok, Twitch, X, YouTube, Kick and Reddit … among others,” a list which “may change in the future.” Lawmakers and activists in other countries were watching closely; the severity and simplicity of the ban could help clarify a set of issues about which the limited available data tells a stubbornly unsatisfying story. An article published in Nature suggested that the move was an enormous and unprecedented “natural experiment.” Six months in, a group of Australian researchers have published their findings in The BMJ. Their takeaway? The ban, in practice, wasn’t much of a ban at all:



13/. Weekend at Mitch's!



14/. Live in a Florida condo? Own a commercial building?
Get ready for your insurance to go up.......our corrupt Republican State government at work again.......

An insurance company led by a billionaire megadonor wrote much of a new state law that could force condo owners across Florida to pay higher prices for property insurance.

Records obtained by Seeking Rents show that executives at Ryan Specialty Holdings Inc. drafted and edited key provisions of the new law, which requires Citizens Property Insurance — the state-backed nonprofit insurance company for Floridians who cannot find affordable coverage on the traditional private market — to launch a new program pushing condo buildings and business properties toward higher-priced policies sold by loosely regulated “surplus lines” insurers.

Lobbyists for Ryan — a multibillion-dollar insurance broker that works with surplus lines insurers and wants a contract to manage the new program — also stage-managed the legislation as it moved through Florida’s Republican-controlled Legislature during the 2026 legislative session earlier this year.



15/. Anna Taylor-Joy in "Lucky"......very good review in the Guardian. Apple TV....

This is a story about a girl named Lucky. Early morning, she wakes up – knock, knock, knock, on the door. It’s the FBI, and they’re pursuing her across the country because she’s stolen $10m. Don’t make the mistake I did, imagining this new Apple TV thriller (from Wednesday), starring Anya Taylor-Joy, to be a dramatisation of the song Lucky by Britney Spears. I’ve tried to find a connection between the two and, as you can see, it’s a stretch.

The seven-part show falls into the “one last heist” genre – but intriguingly, starts the morning after it. Our antiheroine stands on the roof of a Las Vegas casino hotel, having successfully stolen millions, toasting to a new, legitimate life. Within hours, Lucky appears to have been betrayed by the man she loves. She’s forced to run, penniless, from both the authorities and the murderous enforcers of a crime boss – who are collecting on a different debt incurred by her career criminal father. I guess what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay there.


16/. The Guardian loves "The Polygamist", a show from South Africa. Netflix....

Are you bored with your summertime entertainment already? Did you devour that buzzy novel at the beach? Finish your third Suitsrewatch on the plane? Has your algorithm run out of ideas and started feeding you the same reels and memes you liked weeks ago? Have I got a recommendation for you.

The Polygamist is a rollicking, gasp-inducing thrill ride that delivers more hairpin turns, sudden drops and disbelieving exclamations than a day at the amusement park. You can’t beat the bang for buck: the cost of admission is already covered by your Netflix subscription, which gets you 22 half-hour episodes – a staggeringly generous haul that harks back to TV days of yore.



Today's video 
This is for movie buffs......a heist movie parody with every stock character you ever see in these thrillers....four amusing minutes....
Two handsome master criminals are trying to pull off a big heist so they're putting together the most incredible heist team that has ever heist teamed before.




Today's Medicare joke
The phone rings  and the lady of the house  answers,

"Hello."

"Mrs.  Sanders, please."

"Speaking."

"Mrs.  Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.  When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well... 
We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband.  Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"What do you mean?" Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other
one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful!  Can you do the test again?" questioned Mrs.Sanders.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive tests
once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

"The MEDICARE Help desk recommends that you drop your husband off somewhere
in the middle of town.  If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him 


Today's blond [man] jokes
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
------------------------------------
A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop car pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------
A blonde man is in jail. The guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
"The rope should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
------------------------------------
(This one actually makes sense.)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" 
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
--------------------------------------
Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says: "We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are having sex. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday. "
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday 




Today's Duggars joke
Judy married Ted; they had 13 children. Ted died.
She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.
Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later.
Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret,
"Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?"

Margaret replied,  “I think he means her legs, Ethel!"




Today's police joke [and pretty true

How do you tell the difference between an English Police Officer, a Canadian Police Officer, an American Police Officer
and an Irish Garda
 
QUESTION: You're on duty by yourself (don't ask why, you just are, and your Sergeant hates you) walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you.  What do you do ?

ANSWER:
British  Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's human rights.

1) Does the man look poor or oppressed ?

2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law ?

3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger 
 
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack ?

5) Am I dressed provocatively ?

6) Could I run away 

7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand ?

8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings ?

9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society ?

10) Does he definitely want to kill me or would he be content just to wound me ?

11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to stab and kill me ?

12) If I raise my truncheon and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself ?

13) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home ?


Canadian Police Officer:
BANG !

 
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

'Click'...Reload...

BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !

Irish Garda:
" Jimmie.. Drop the knife, unless you want it stuck up yer arse!"




Tuesday, July 7, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday July 7 2026

1/. David Wallace-Wells with an interesting observation - the vibe has shifted on this regime......

Remember the vibe shift? In 2024, first as the election approached and then after Donald Trump’s victory, pundits and political strategists lined up to declare its cultural meaning quite expansive — a shift not just in electoral politics but also in the partisan alignment and cultural life of the whole country. This was the beginning of an era, we were told; his election was perhaps as significant as the one that once heralded the Reagan revolution or what was called the emerging Democratic majority in Barack Obama’s multicultural America.



2/. Big Dick comes to visit Trump.....



3/. Thom Hartmann tells it like it is - we are all just prey to this Gub'mint and billionaires.

Hundreds of people died yesterday across Europe from the heat; they’re a symptom of a larger problem that governments around the world have failed to address — that goes far beyond simply global warming — and that the Trump regime is making far worse.

Its foundation is one of the most troubling aspects of human nature called predation: while most people just want to live their lives, raise their kids, and have a comfortable old age, some small percentage of those among us have simply become, for lack of a better word, predators.

In nature, there are natural predators and natural prey; foxes and rabbits are the classic example.



4/. Me Trump.....Swamp Creature.....



5/. Corporate Democrats need to retire.....

recent chair of the Democratic National Committee apparently wants democratic socialists to get out of his party. “If you hate the Democratic Party, then please don’t run for our nomination,” Jaime Harrison tweeted on election day last week, shortly before results showed that three of those socialists had won Democratic primaries for Congress in deep-blue New York City. He didn’t identify his targets, but the implication was clear.

Harrison’s call for self-expulsion was the bizarre opposite of a welcome mat: “Don’t use our resources. Don’t rely on our volunteers. Don’t use our infrastructure. Don’t ask Democrats to invest their time, money, and energy in your campaign.” The tweet turned reality on its head. Socialist candidates have been winning because they inspired multitudes of people to volunteer and provide what’s needed to win.



6/. Trump is the laughingstock of the world.......the Belgian players imitate his "dance".....
BTW this footage is not on any US Media website.....



7/  The always informative Bill McKibben on how the Ukraine is destroying Russia;s oil refineries.......
And driving multiple countries to renewables because of this example of how vulnerable fossil fuels are.......

I visited Omsk once, or at least its airport; we were en route from Moscow to Ulan Ade on the Mongolian border, and the Aeroflot flight landed there to refuel. (It was a memorable journey; this was still the Soviet Union, and on boarding for the full-day flight, the stewardess handed each passenger a baggie with a scrawny chicken drumstick). All of which is to say, I’m equipped to pronounce, with the gravitas proper to a pundit, that Omsk is long ways from anywhere else.
Including the Ukrainian border, which makes it remarkable that Zelensky’s drone specialists managed to fly a whole squadron of their craft more than 2,500 kilometers from home and bomb the heck out of Putin’s largest oil refinery. It was the high point of an ongoing campaign designed to highlight what may be Russia’s greatest weakness: that it, like a number of other countries, is heavily dependent on oil.


8/. And have him look up at the sun......




9/. People are getting tired of the forced silence at family gatherings, and just not showing up......

The “partisan split” of Americans showed up in a big way at Fourth of July celebrations and backyard barbecues last week, but the media, while noting or even complaining about it, rarely mentions exactly why it’s happening. 

A few weeks ago Louise and I were having coffee with an old friend who’s known us since the early days of the radio show, and somewhere between the second cup and the muffins she said something that’s been rattling around in my head ever since. Her sister, a three-time Trump voter, had finally called — after months of silence — and demanded to know why our friend had stopped returning her calls. 

“It’s just politics,” the sister said. “Why are you taking this so personally?” Our friend, who is queer and married, listened for about thirty seconds and then said, very quietly, “Because you voted for the people who want me to disappear, and you knew that when you did it.” 

Then she hung up. She told us she felt awful about it for about an hour, and then she felt nothing at all, and the nothing was almost worse than the guilt would’ve been.



10/. It gets tiring, doesn't it......




11/. Bob Lefsetz with his look at Democratic politics......always interesting....

This is not the way I expected it to go down.

I expected revolution first, not the system working.

But I still don’t believe in the system, not anymore. But one thing’s for sure, it’s definitely a case of winners and losers, income inequality has burgeoned, the American Dream is just that…as George Carlin said, you’ve got to be dreaming to believe it!

Now what flummoxes me completely is how the Democratic establishment is so out of touch. How they’re exactly what the Republicans describe, elites who think they know better who are looking out for themselves despite giving occasional lip service to the little people.

What did they expect, that this would go on forever?

That’s like believing a band from the sixties will dominate the charts in the twenty first century. That’s not the way it works, things change, people’s attitudes change. The only enterprise that had this right was MTV, which refused to age with its audience. It scrubbed the deck clean every few years, out with the old veejays, in with the new.



12/. Just happened on a poll that asked what was the best guitar solo of all time........
The answer was "Comfortably Numb", with David Gilmour on lead......
Here they are, live in 2016, 45 years later than the original. You can't tell the difference......



13/  It's really, really hard not to chuckle a little at this story.....
Trump is grifting his base, the stupids who love him, to the tune of $3.8 billion!

An up-to-date tally of Trump followers turned crypto investors is in. And for them, the overall results are remarkably bad.

Nearly 1 million people who bought President Trump’s memecoin have lost money through the end of June, according to a report by the cryptocurrency analytics firm Nansen. Their losses total $3.81 billion.

The analytics firm’s assessment was calculated this week after Mr. Trump signed an annual financial disclosure showing that he walked away with a $636 million payout on the same crypto bet, part of a haul of at least $2.2 billion from all of his business ventures in 2025.

The odds were always in his favor. Mr. Trump profited whether the price of his memecoin went up or down. He collected returns whenever anyone traded the tokens, as he repeatedly pushed his followers to do, using his Truth Social account to promote the coin.


14/. Yup - AI Data centers!


`5/. The Times lists the best movies of the year, so far.....

The year’s barely half over and already it’s been an unusual one for moviegoers. Gen Z filmmakers have scored megahits with their feature debuts (“Obsession,” “Backrooms”), expected megahits have done just OK (“The Mandalorian and Grogu”) and established hitmakers like Steven Spielberg have proved divisive.

I asked our chief film critic, Manohla Dargis, and our movie critic, Alissa Wilkinson, to recommend releases you might want to catch up with this summer.



16/. Rolling Stone with the best TV of 2026.....

If there’s a theme that unites all the series on this best-so-far list, it’s anxiety. Anxiety about money, about class, about fame, about legitimacy. About the Blackfyre Rebellion. The creators of the best TV of the year so far took a hard look at the world around them and chose not to counterprogram. The shows that are sticking with us feature few warm-and-fuzzies and only rare uplifting family moments. In fact, almost every entry revolves around the workplace, or at least, work (or lack thereof). Schitt’s Creek is firmly in the rearview mirror.
And yet, this list also includes some of the funniest programs assembled in a long time. Many of these series refuse to stay in their lane, mixing genres and expectations, smashing up superheroes, horror tropes, and OnlyFans with genuine, gut-busting laughs. Deploying razor-sharp precision, they examine work’s slow creep into identity and self-worth at every level, skewering the gig economy, public service, global finance, Hollywood, and Westeros.



17/. Last week we put in a glowing review of "The Bear" final season from the Guardian
However.......Bob Lefsetz hated it, and explains why.......

Spoiler alert: I don’t reveal everything, but if you want to be fresh when you watch this series, beware.

This was a painful watch. If I hadn’t invested my time in the previous seasons, I would have stopped.

This is what happens when art supersedes plot. You see this most in literature today. Which tend not to sell anyway. So the intelligentsia, those with MFAs, try to impress each other by rewriting to the point that the prose is nearly incomprehensible and story becomes secondary. As if usage of words and analogies and similes make a great book. They don’t.

And historically this has been the great thing about TV, it’s cheap and therefore fast. The quintessential example being soap operas, which are almost all plot.

So the problem with most of this latest season of “The Bear” is NOTHING HAPPENS!



Today's lawyer jokes

HOW DO COURT REPORTERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down 

and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.



 
Today's golfer joke
Only a golfer would understand this story of a…GOLFER AT THE DENTIST

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.  The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry.  I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it!  

We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."  

So the dentist asks him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth honey, and show him.
 

Today's drunk joke....
A man and his wife were awakened at 3 am by a loud pounding on the
door.  The man got up and went to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, was asking for a push.
  
"Not a chance," said the husband, "it is 3 a.m. in the morning!"
  
He slammed the door and returned to bed.
  
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
  
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answered.
  
"Did you help him?" she asked.
  
"No, I did not, it's 3 a.m. in the morning and it's bloody pouring rain out there
  
"Well, you have a short memory," said his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!  God loves drunk people, too, you know."
  
The man did as he was told, got dressed, and went out into the pounding rain.
  
He called out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
  
"Yes," came back the answer.
  
"Do you still need a push?" called out the husband.
  
"Yes, please!" came the reply from the dark.
  
"Where are you?" asked the husband.
  
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk. 


Today's Alzheimers joke
CHECK FOR ALZHEIMER'S - PRETTY AMAZING

    The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the
School of Psychiatry at Harvard University . Take your time and see if
you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

    The average person over 60 years of age cannot do it!

    1. This is this cat.
    2. This is is cat.
    3. This is how cat.
    4. This is to cat.
    5. This is keep cat.
    6. This is an cat.

    7. This is old cat.
    8. This is fart cat.
    9. This is busy cat.

    10. This is for cat.
    11. This is forty cat.
    12. This is seconds cat.

    Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down
and I bet you can't resist passing it on.........



Today's missionary joke
Teaching English:
 
A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English. ...
So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both...

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years
teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how
could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied,
"My bike."