Monday, March 2, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Monday March 2


1/. Bill McKibben with "Surviving On Trump'sDangerous Planet"......
He also gives us the REAL reason we have attacked Iran - so the fossil fuel companies can get Iran's oil.
An excellent article....

For what seems like the fiftieth time in my long life, the U.S., with Israel, has attacked another nation, as per usual without an honest debate in Congress and so far with the reported deaths of both Iran’s leader and eighty or so of its schoolgirls. I’m not going to pretend that I understand the workings of Trump’s brain well enough to gauge the casus belli, but I will note—because again I’ve been around a while—that Iran has the world’s second-largest reserves of natural gas and the third-biggest pool of oil (trailing only Saudi Arabia and, um, Venezuela). As oil executives helpfully explained to Politico last month, they are generously prepared to be a “stabilizing force” in Iran should the regime fall—indeed, they’d rather do it there than in Venezuela because, as executives explained, “Iran’s oil industry, despite being ravaged by years of U.S. sanctions, is still considered to be structurally sound, unlike that of Venezuela’s.”

Bob McNally, a former national security and energy adviser to former President George W. Bush who now leads the energy and geopolitics consulting firm Rapidan Energy Group, said the prospects for growing Iran’s oil production are “completely different” from Venezuela’s.

“You can imagine our industry going back there — we would get a lot more oil, a lot sooner than we will out of Venezuela,” McNally said. “That’s more conventional oil right near infrastructure, and gas as well.”



2/. Trump declares war......SNL cold open, good one.....5 minutes.



3/. Heard of the Cato Institute? It's a right wing think tank, which makes this report they did so surprising. 
They say immigration has reduced deficits by trillions.....

Today, the Cato Institute published “Immigrants’ Recent Effects on Government Budgets: 1994–2023,” a study on the fiscal effects of immigrants—legal and illegal—that builds upon the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM) fiscal effects model. The paper, which I coauthored with Michael Howard and Julián Salazar, is the first to analyze three decades of federal, state, and local government budgets to determine how immigrants affected the total US government debt and deficit.                                                                                                                           https://www.cato.org/blog/cato-study-immigrants-reduced-deficits-145-trillion-1994?fbclid=IwY2xjawQMDV1leHRuA2FlbQIxMQBicmlkETJ5ZHlOUXc2TWl6eTVpM3Vuc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQQMjIyMDM5MTc4ODIwMDg5MgABHkFGMql_rZbz6BDoNEtuReJ-lSF45LcgKb2cxtghZ0Ln-icYRRxESZImAUkr_aem_lJ9M5cs5PrAauoPQ-2wrQQ



4/. Tom Tomorrow summarises where we are......perfectly😭😭



5/. Some of the old, spineless Democrats in safe seats are being primaried around the country.....
About bloody time....

They are impatient, unafraid and hungry for change. Inspired by Zohran Mamdani’s shock victory in last year’s New York mayoral race, a wave of insurgents is mounting primary challenges against Democratic incumbents ahead of November’s midterm elections.

The emboldened lineup of primary challengers – often, but not always, from the party’s progressive wing – has been fuelled by anger over the party’s tepid response to Donald Trump’s authoritarianism, complicity in the war in Gaza and a crushing affordability crisis.

It has left entrenched Democrats, who for years were able to cruise in safe seats in the House of Representatives, reportedly panicking that they could be swept aside in an anti-establishment revolt reminiscent of the tea party that rocked the Republican party in the 2010 midterms.                                                                       https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2026/feb/28/democrats-midterm-primary-elections?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



6/. Kids in our concentration camps.....plenty for brown kids to do all day!



7/. Haven't posted anything from Umair for quite a while because he was getting too dark 
and also repetitive, but just as a reminder here he is on our next decade......
Who knows, he might be right, but let's hope he isn't!!!!!.

You can sense it around you. In the wrenching feeling in your gut when you look at the headlines. Things are going wrong. For us. For this world of ours. For our civilization.

We’re now entering a period that I’ve come to call the Anti-Future. Let me try to summarize it for you. If you want to treat this disposably, shrug, that’s your choice. Up to you. My warnings and my efforts fall on deaf ears because I’m not a white guy, let’s just say it like it is. Those who listen find themselves richer, happier, healthier. I suggest you read this carefully.

The Anti-Future means what it sounds like, in a way. We are entering a period now of regress, where the wheel of time will unwind. It already is, by decades every year, in some places, like America. As a civilization, we are now at at standstill, and are moving backwards with incredible, implosive speed and violence.



8/. Tom Tomorrow [Sparky] runs for President.....


9/. Michelle Goldberg in the Times, on how public opinion in the US has changed on Israel......

It’s been obvious for some time that Americans are souring on Israel, but a Gallup poll that came out on Friday marks a turning point. For the first time in the poll’s 25-year history, it found, more Americans sympathize with the Palestinians than with the Israelis. The shift wasn’t just among Democrats, whose opinion of Israel has been in free fall in recent years. According to Gallup, only 30 percent of independents now sympathize with Israel; 41 percent sympathize with the Palestinians. Among adults under 35, support for Israel has fallen to a record low of 23 percent. With numbers like this, bipartisan backing for Israel, long a constant in American politics, will in time become unsustainable.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/27/opinion/israel-american-public-opinion.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share




10/. Weekend Update......pretty good! 4 minutes....



11/. A really interesting excerpt from one of Thom Hartmann's books which explains 
a lot of what is happening to us now. 
It's the complete lack of empathy being wielded by the likes of Stephen Miller, 
here shown as he really is.....

In January, as another brutal Maine winter gripped the Northeast, Dwayne LaBrecque faced an impossible choice. The diabetic father of five, who’d lost several toes and part of his foot to infection, stared at his most recent heating bill with a growing dread. After losing his job as a shipping manager, Dwayne’s income had collapsed.1

For years, he’d relied on LIHEAP—the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program created by Congress in 1981—to keep his family warm through Maine’s harsh winters. But soon after his inauguration, Trump and congressional Republicans had put LIHEAP on the chopping block.

“If the president turned around and did away with that funding,” Dwayne told a local reporter, his voice breaking, “I have no idea how we’d survive the winter.”

His story isn’t at all unique. Across America, literally millions of families face similar crises every year, from heat to food to housing to medical and school bills, as the Trump administration dismantles the safety net that has protected vulnerable Americans for generations. But what strikes me most isn’t just the policy change; it’s the profound empathy deficit that enables it.



12/. Weekend Update - Beth's maid of honor reads the news......
A little strange, but amusing.....3 minutes.....



13/. Rod DeSantis has been quiet, and that's not necessarily a good thing. 
He and Florida Republicans are creating a police state that will have the powers to regulate your thoughts......
Yes - the thought police!

Ron DeSantis, Florida’s Republican hard-right governor, will be termed out of office in barely 10 months’ time. Civil rights groups watching a slew of new restrictive laws passing through the state’s legislature say his bequest will be a “police state”, where government officials dictate what residents can do, say or believe.

They point in particular to two House bills they say restrict free speech, and which have already found favor with Florida’s veto-proof Republican majority:

  • HB1471 would give a handful of state officials unprecedented power to designate as a “terrorist group” any organization whose aims and policies they do not like, including non-profits operating for religious, charitable and social justice purposes.

  • HB945 creates a “counterintelligence and counterterrorism” unit within the Florida department of law enforcement that critics say will be used to spy on groups or individuals whose “actions, views, or opinions” are deemed “a threat or are inimical to the interests of this state”.

But there are others: an education bill that blocks state funds from any campus where students “advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion, or promote or engage in political or social activism”, such as the gun control walkouts that followed the 2018 mass shooting at Parkland’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school.


14/. So......is this you? Can't bring yourself to get rid of "stuff".....

Millennials with Baby Boomer parents have not been shy about airing their complaints about the older generation. Millennials have previously noted that their parents tend to hoard food—and now Millennials are airing their grievances about Boomer “stuff avalanche”.



15/ Not often a columnist from the Times recommends a TV show, but as he says "The Pitt" shows all of
the dysfunction but also some of the strengths of the US Healthcare system.
And it's great drama!

 have read extensively and written occasionally about treatments from which our ailing country might benefit. Perhaps we should fashion a sweeping new national service program. Maybe establish open primaries and ranked-choice voting in more states.

Here’s something smaller, easier, doable tonight. You want a healthier America? Watch “The Pitt.”

It’s the medical drama, streaming on HBO Max, that won a bunch of Emmy Awards last year and has an intriguing real-time conceit, with each of a season’s 15 episodes representing a consecutive hour in one day at an overwhelmed Pittsburgh emergency room.

The second season is almost halfway done and feels even more relevant than the first. It’s also more open about its desire to be a mirror for a nation in need of help. To that end, this season takes place on America’s birthday, the Fourth of July. No subtlety there. In fact, my one major quibble is how blunt the show’s messaging can be.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/23/opinion/pitt-america-tv.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



16/. Still read books? Here are some for you, the Times lists the 
best mysteries of 2025.....
Sometimes I want to spend time with characters I can root for, ordinary people vaulted into extraordinary situations. Other times I want to savor every sentence and have all of my senses challenged. Or maybe I just want to be swept away by a breakneck plot. For me, these 10 crime novels were the pinnacle of pleasure reading this year.


Today's Jewish joke
An Arab is sitting in a millionaire's restaurant in Dubai having lunch, when a little, old, Jewish man comes into a restaurant, and says to the Arab "I have a golden lighter. You will probably want to buy it, but l warn you immediately, it costs a million dollars"!
The Arab says "Have you lost your mind? A million dollars? That lighter is not even worth a dollar"! The LOJM proceeds to click the golden lighter, at which point a genie pops out of it and says: "Sir, what do you wish for"?
Everyone in the restaurant is shocked when the LOJM orders the genie "Bring me a glass of tea with sugar"! The genie claps his hands, and with a flash of fire, a glass of tea on a platter, a container of sugar, and a spoon appear as if by magic!
The Arab rubs his eyes to assure himself what he just saw, then grabs the lighter and writes the LOJM a check for a million dollars on the spot. The LOJM says "Not so fast. How do l know this check is good"? So they both go to the Arab's bank and have the check cashed, at which point they shake hands and part ways.
The Arab jumps in the car and is driven home. At home, he sits at the table, clicks the golden lighter, and sure enough, the genie re-appears and says, "Sir, what do you wish for?"
The Arab says: "First, l need you to return to me the million dollars that I paid for you. In addition, I need a new yacht, my own private jet, and two Mercedes in my garage.
The Genie makes a sad face, and says: "l am very sorry, Sir. I can only serve you tea or coffee. Do you want sugar with that?"


Today's Irish joke
An old Irishman, Paddy, is about to go to his eternal reward. 
He looks at his grieving friend, Mike, and says, "I have one last request, Mike."
"Anything, Paddy," Mike says. "What is it?"
"In me kitchen pantry you'll find a 100- year-old bottle of whiskey. 
When they put me in the ground will you pour it over me grave?"
"I will, Paddy," Mike says. "But would you mind if I passed it through me kidneys first?"


Today's guy joke - Classes for Women
Men Teaching
Classes for Women at 
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER


REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Fri, January 27, 2012

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM
 .

Class 1

Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..


Class 2

Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down,
 Or Complaining About It for 3 Hours?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.


Class 3

Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.


Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--
 Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. 


Class 5

Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
 

Class 6

How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
 
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
 

Class 7

Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
Open Forum
 ..
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
 

Class 8

Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
 

Class 9 

I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. 


Class 10

How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
 
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes
 Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
 

Class 12

How to Shop by Yourself.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. 



 
 


Sunday, February 22, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Sunday February 22


1/. This year is an El Nino year, with extreme high temperatures this summer......oh boy......

America’s abandonment of the “endangerment finding” undergirding national climate policy is not the most important thing that happened last week. That decision was an act of gross stupidity, but it was also perfectly predictable given the people making it, and since America’s not doing anything good on climate anyway it won’t have deep immediate effect. (As is often the case, humorist Alexandra Petri had the best response). What will matter more, I think, for America and for policy going forward, is the news that we’re likely to see another El Niño soon; take this as your first warning that not only the temperature but the politics of the planet are likely to change dramatically, and soon. 

We’re still in a La Niña phase in the Pacific right now—the cooler part of the cycle that meant that 2025’s global temperature was “only” the second or third highest ever, trailing 2023, the last big El Niño year. But that hot phase seems to be returning, and somewhat faster than expected.


2/. The "Housing Crisis" in a nutshell....




3/. Love the title - "The President Of the 000001%".....
No one cares, Matt Yglesias argues. And I get it. I’ve never been one of those journalists — like, say, Josh Marshall — who focuses on corruption in politics. Those stories can get complicated/boring very quickly, involve lots of opaque financial jargon and know-how that I’ll never understand; and in America, they rarely take politicians down these days unless the grift is truly epic.

But still. 

What’s going on now in Washington is on a wholly new scale — an open, shameless exercise by those in power to benefit personally and massively from the leverage that comes with public office. In the words of Ann Coulter: “This is the most corrupt presidency in U.S. history. I mean, it is so blatant it’s right in front of our eyes.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/the-president-of-the-000001-percent?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=187147056&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



4/. Maureen Dowd in the Times on the threat of AI.....

When President Trump vitiated scientific facts on Thursday, helping fossil fuel fat cats by eliminating the government’s ability to regulate treacherous gases, a reporter asked what he says to people worried about the very real hazards of a hotter planet.

“I tell them don’t worry about it,” he shot back.

The administration has even coined a word to denigrate those who push back on Trump’s rash policies: “panican,” as in one who panics.

In a world steeped in violence and menace, we are constantly being told by the people in charge not to worry.

Don’t worry about a sweltering Earth. Don’t worry about all those powerful creeps getting away with abusing young women exploited by Jeffrey Epstein; instead, just behold the beauty of the rising Dow, as the abrasive, evasive Pam Bondi suggested at a congressional hearing Wednesday.



5/. Politics Girl makes a sandwich.....and let's us have it! Four minutes.....



6/. This is coming.....going to get yours?
President Trump announced today that beginning in 2027, all American citizens and legal residents will be entitled to a mandatory tattoo and trackable embedded chip to authenticate residency status and other information.

The President unveiled the plan in a social media post at 3 a.m. Eastern Time.

“ THE TRUMPMARK IS COMING. It’s going to be Fantastic. No other country has anything like it. Everyone in the United States will get a Trumpmark, which they tell me will be a chip in the forehead or on the hand that ICE and other federal agencies can scan to check out if they’re legal, or left-wing terrorists, or whatever. And it gets better. If you’re ever lost, you don’t have to worry because the FBI and DHS will know exactly where you are. You’ll also scan your Trumpmark to pay at the grocery store or gas station, so you never have to pull out your wallet. It’s really Incredible. People will love it.”



7/. Trump has a plan!


8/. I know, I know, another story on trans.....but this is good. Andrew Sullivan on how the Democrats can put this issue, 
which helped Trump get elected again, behind them.
I had dinner this week with a young gay man who was castrated and had his endocrine system permanently wrecked as a result of “gender-affirming care” for minors. He was super girly as a kid and had an undiagnosed testosterone deficiency which delayed his male development. He liked playing with girls, seemed to act like one, and when he socially transitioned as a teen, he passed easily. Suddenly all the sneers of “faggot” he’d endured as a boy went away. In today’s “gender-affirming care” environment, that was enough. 

“Compassion” and “science” took a gay boy, flooded his young male body with estrogen, and removed his genitals — because the docs and the shrinks determined he was too effeminate to be a “real man.” Only when he personally figured this out as an adult and got himself off estrogen and onto testosterone did everything change. He felt energy and mental clarity for the first time. And his life as a man could finally begin — although his body will never be fully repaired.           https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/what-the-dems-should-say-on-trans?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=187932987&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



9/. Tom Tomorrow and Epstein's ghost!




10/. The Prince Andrew arrest, and some background on this flawed Royal......from the Atlantic.....
He sounds like an arrogant dick.....

On Tuesday, November 30, 2010, at 2:57 p.m., Prince Andrew—as he then was—received details of his upcoming trips as Britain’s official trade envoy: Hong Kong, Shenzhen, Vietnam, Singapore. At 3:02 p.m., he forwarded the entire email to Jeffrey Epstein.

At dawn today, that stupid and unethical decision—and many others like it—finally caught up with him. Police arrested Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor on the morning of his 66th birthday, on suspicion of misconduct in public office, and are now searching his homes. Prosecutors have not yet released specific charges, which are thought to relate to Andrew passing on sensitive government information to Epstein. The offense carries a maximum sentence of life imprisonment. His brother, King Charles III, was not officially informed in advance, but had signaled that the royal family would cooperate with any police inquiry.



11/. We now have concentration camps....for immigrants....for now....

Writing about a recent ruling by the United States Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit that affirmed the Trump administration’s policy of mandatory and indefinite detention for immigrants held by either ICE or Customs and Border Protection, my colleague David French makes a point that bears repeating:

There are thousands upon thousands of immigrants facing brutal conditions who’ve been convicted of no crime and haven’t even been accused of a crime beyond their initial alleged illegal entry.

People who have lost legal status because they have overstayed their visas, he also notes, “aren’t guilty of any crime at all, since their original entry is lawful.” And even illegal entry is “a misdemeanor for a first offense.”



12/. The "SAVE" act......coming soon to a precinct near you......


13/. Sarah Sherman as the Weather Girl.....a little rude and amusing....3 minutes.....



14/. The inside story on why El Paso airport was closed....
Incompetence, arrogance and power struggles.....

Last spring, in the early months of Steve Feinberg’s tenure as deputy defense secretary, Pentagon staff members briefed him on plans to employ new high-energy laser weapons to take out drones being used by Mexican cartels to smuggle drugs across the southern U.S. border.

But their use was conditioned on getting a green light from aviation safety officials.

The law, the staff members at the Pentagon explained to him, required extensive coordination with the Federal Aviation Administration and the Transportation Department, which could slow the testing of the system. Transportation officials could even block the system’s use if they determined that it posed risks to aviation safety.



15/. SNL skit about a Trump conversion -- takes a while but quite good......five minutes....



16/. This scientific newsletter is getting more and more dire....but from other sources some of their timelines are very conservative. 
The unravelling process is accelerating.....

Our “economy and society will cease to function as we know it,” scientists warned, discussing the possibility of crossing devastarting tipping points that could doom earth into 3 or 4 °C temperature rise before the year 2100. A study in One Earth warns of a not-too-distant “hothouse earth” scenario, and that “We are leaving the stable conditions of the Holocene, and entering a period of unprecedented climate change beyond the natural interglacial envelope, with outcomes that are difficult to predict.” There’ll be no coming back from this.



17/. Do you read books? Here's what you missed - the NYT best books of 2025.....

The envelope, please: After a full year spent reading hundreds of books and meeting regularly to bicker — er, converse — about their merits and flaws, the editors of the Book Review have chosen the 10 Best Books of 2025.

In novels that transport us from the battlefields of World War I to contemporary Swedish dance clubs to the halls of a convent in rural Australia, and from Nazi movie studios to New York art galleries where immigrants look for a sense of connection, our fiction picks offer sweeping stories about timely and timeless topics with a sense of verve and style.

In nonfiction, we chose immersive journalistic accounts of the housing crisis and a historic Black church, along with a riveting biography of a misunderstood painter, a fraught mother-daughter memoir and an enthralling shipwreck story that is as much a meditation on marriage as it is a seafaring adventure.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/02/books/review/best-books-2025.html



18/. Definitely gets the prize for the best title of a TV series:
"How To Get To Heaven From Belfast"......rave review from the Guardian....

Three middle-aged women may be all you need for anything. To run a business, raise a village, end a war, retool a civilisation, empty the loft. Even more usefully, you can make a great murder-mystery caper with them, as Lisa McGee (a fourth woman! If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it) has done with her new series How to Get to Heaven from Belfast.

McGee made her name, of course, with Derry Girls – a nigh-on perfect sitcom that followed the trials and tribulations of a group of Northern Irish Catholic schoolgirls (and a beleaguered English cousin) as they went about the chaotic business of growing up in the mid-90s at the tail end of the Troubles. The main characters of the new offering don’t map precisely on to the previous one but the DNA of Derry Girls as an entity remains gloriously alive (is DNA alive? I feel a curious urge to consult Sister Michael). How to Get to Heaven has all of the verve, acuity and havoc dancing on top of the immaculate plotting that you find in McGee’s masterwork. The only difference is that one of the schoolgirls is dead. Probably. Maybe. Perhaps not.                                                                               https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2026/feb/12/how-to-get-to-heaven-from-belfast-review-if-you-see-nothing-else-this-year-watch-this?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other





Today's golf joke
Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger says to Stevie, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "I've had some problems with my swing,
but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong,
I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.
Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK,
I'm game for that . . . $10,000 a hole is fine with me.
When would you like to play?"
Stevie:     "Pick a night."


Today's blond jokes
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Simpson became too furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Simpson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Simpson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I...I...didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.

One day a blond walks into a doctors office with both of her ears burnt. The doctor asks her what had happened. She says, "well... when I was ironing my work suit the phone rang and I mistakenly picked up the iron instead of the phone. "Well that explains one ear, but what about the other." "The bastard called again"


Today's college football jokes
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
________________________________________

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
___________________________________________

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
___________________________________________

How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
___________________________________________

How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
___________________________________________

Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
___________________________________________

A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse. ___________________________________________ ___________________________________________

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "
"Will the defendant please rise."
___________________________________________

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
___________________________________________

How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week;
the other half will have to dress themselves.
___________________________________________

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
___________________________________________

Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
___________________________________________

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
___________________________________________


Today's scammer joke
I had a call from a scammer the other day.
Me: “Hello.”
Scammer: (Heavy Foreign Accent) “Hello. This is Tom Smith from Microsoft Support. 
We are seeing a lot of virus activity coming from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
Scammer: “Oh yes, Madam. We have many reports.”
Me: “Oh, jeez. How can I fix it?”
Scammer: “It’s okay, Madam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
Scammer: “Good, Madam. Please push the Start button.”
Me: “I think it’s already on.”
Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Now click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
Scammer: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
Scammer: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow. I didn’t realize it had a name.”
Scammer: “Yes, Madam. Now press Internet Options.”
Me: “I don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I bought that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
Scammer: “All devices have Internet, Madam. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “Okay. Same as before.”
Scammer: “That’s fine, Madam. We will restart your device. Please turn it off.”
Me: “Um… I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. It kind of just stays on.”
Scammer: “There must be an off button. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “I usually press the big button.”
Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Press that button.”
Me: “Okay.”
Scammer: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
Scammer: “Door? Is there a disc inside?”
Me: “No. There’s a burrito.” 🌯
Scammer: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.” 🙆🏻‍♂️😂
Click.



Today's Taxi joke....
I got cut off by a taxi driver last week.
I was walking through town today and | saw him at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.
I got in the first taxi in the queue and said
"How much to the station?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"
I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station?"
"$5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him.
"I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"
I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until | came to my target at the back of the queue.
"How much to the station?". "$5" said the driver.
"Ок" I said "Let's go"
As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face!!..