Wednesday, August 5, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday August 5

1/. Andrew Sullivan with a nuanced look at Anthony Fauci and his record.....

“Attacks on me, quite frankly, are attacks on science, because all of the things that I have spoken about, consistently from the very beginning, have been fundamentally based on science,” - Anthony Fauci to Chuck Todd in June 2021.

By the looks of him, Tony Fauci is broken. His expression in this week’s hearings was flat, a little haunted, done. The man who once leapt at every chance to testify in public as “Mr Science” suddenly found himself mute, humbled even, leery of “perjury traps.” You’d think a whopping, unprecedented, retroactive pardon might have the benefit of at least liberating the man to tell us everything, good and bad. But nope.

This is life in a broken republic.                                                                                                                                                                                     https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/neither-saint-nor-villain?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=208785553&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&token=eyJ1c2VyX2lkIjozOTYxMTgzLCJwb3N0X2lkIjoyMDg3ODU1NTMsImlhdCI6MTc4NTUxNTk4MSwiZXhwIjoxNzg4MTA3OTgxLCJpc3MiOiJwdWItNjEzNzEiLCJzdWIiOiJwb3N0LXJlYWN0aW9uIn0.wHtIK_8KukwM8wEDanExl8unIqZAHWYkGsxbsxhAPM0&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email



2/. Boy is this Tom Tomorrow true.......


3/. Bob Lefsetz gives us the reality of CNN and movies, i.e. they are old legacy media that nobody is watching.....
Interesting POV....

Why are oldsters and Hollywood fighting a passé war?

At least CNN does more reporting than Fox, even MS Now, but the truth is hardly anyone is watching and the outlet, like its two political competitors, is basically a hotbed of analysis and argument which younger generations refuse to engage with.

CNN reaches 711,000 primetime viewers and 432,000 total-day viewers in a nation of 340+ million. In a world where influencers, whose names are unknown by these anti-merger protesters, reach more.

If you’re banking on the neutering of the Paramount/WarnerDiscovery merger… Let’s just say I hope you’re not placing a bet on Kalshi. Because if you leave all emotion out, the merger passes muster on an antitrust basis.

But this is what happens when people base their behavior on emotions, not facts.

We reside in a changed world, and the older generations refuse to accept this.                                                                          https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2026/07/29/cnn/



4/. I wonder who this is? Hmmmmm.....


5/. How do Canadians feel about the new Trump tariffs? 
Good story from a Toronto journalist......
Picture is the new Gordie Howe bridge from Detroit to Windsor.....

Though many hate to admit it, Canadians have long wished for more attention from the US. Well, we’re getting it now. And it turns out that President Trump and some of his top supporters in the Maga movement don’t much like us.

The first big hint was when he started talking about annexing us, saying we couldn’t survive without American support. But the most recent example of Trump’s dislike for Canada can be seen in his latest tariff policies. Canada was largely spared the impact of his “Liberation Day” tariffs in April 2025 by its pre-existing free trade deal with the US (and Mexico), but earlier this month, as expected, the US declined to extend that deal for another 16-year term. It’s now subject to annual renegotiations. Then, last week, the White House announced tariffs as high as 50% on a selection of Canadian products including, for the first time, items previously protected by the trade agreement. The US called it retaliation for Canadian trade practices.                                            https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jul/29/donald-trump-canada-tariff-war-white-house-mark-carney-us-president




6/. This is an OMG story, with a plausible case to be make that the Iran disaster could 
ignite global conflict , i.e. WW3.

The only thing worse than President Trump starting an unconstitutional war is Trump losing control of that war.

On Wednesday, NBC News reported that Trump “erupted” at members of his national security team over the Iran war. According to the report, his advisers can’t agree on a path forward. But how could they? Every path to victory risks dangerous escalation, while continuing the present course risks strategic defeat.

This was always the most likely outcome. The president chose to take on a much more powerful country than, say, Saddam Hussein’s Iraq in 2003 while using far less force than we employed to topple the Iraqi government.

What did he expect would happen?                               https://www.nytimes.com/2026/08/02/opinion/iran-war-russia-ukraine-world-war-threat.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share



7/.  Oliver Larkin, running for Congress in Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Democratic primary, was brave enough to go on Fox News. 
Good interview, but the last two minutes are excellent......so good that they cut him off......



8/ For a different take on the Fauci hearing, Thom Hartmann gives us the reality of why the 
Republicans hate Fauci so much. This story opened my eyes......

Republicans went totally nutso on Dr. Anthony Fauci this week, trying to catch him with a perjury trap before the US Senate. They called him names, citied lies and pseudoscience, and attacked his integrity. 

He withstood asinine statements like Josh Hawley, in an extraordinary bit of projection, saying: 

“You became a narcissist and a megalomaniac and a liar! You’ve done more to harm science than anybody in my lifetime!” 

Throughout it all, he retained his composure and refused to take any of their bait.

But the larger story here is what these white supremacist MAGA Republicans were trying to cover up with this deflection strategy.       https://hartmannreport.com/p/the-cover-up-has-begun-first-they-02d?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=302288&post_id=209177951&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email




9/. You really have to question everything.....



10/. Great story - Democrats have to have a landslide in November to survive, because if we win the
 House by a few seats they will be contested and we will lose. 
A landslide - we survive.

In these days of extreme weather events, it seems odd to say that the US needs a big landslide. But a landslide defeat for President Donald Trumpin November’s midterm elections is exactly what is required if the country is to start reversing his deliberate and rapid erosion of its democracy.

The respected Varieties of Democracy (V-Dem) Institute at Gothenburg University argues that in 2025 the US saw one of the most rapid declines in liberal democracy on record. “Democracy in the USA,” says its Democracy Report 2026, “is now at its worst in 60 years.” As the imperial republic marks the 250th anniversary of its founding, the danger seen at the very beginning of its constitutional order by anti-federalists such as Patrick Henry – that of an overmighty president abusing his executive power in an attempt to become a new king – has come closer than ever before.                             https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/aug/01/democrats-donald-trump-us-midterms




11/. We seem to forget the Republicans and the Supreme Court have redistricted many of the
House districts in red states all over the country.
This is why we need the landslide.......
Last year, the Trump administration bulldozed yet another political norm when the president, encouraged by key advisers, pushed Texasto redistrict aggressively ahead of the 2026 midterms, as opposed to the usual practice of waiting until the next census. Texas complied, drawing several Democrats out of their districts and beginning a long battle over maps that would ricochet around the country. The Democratic response was led by California governor Newsom, who spearheaded a voter referendum that allowed his state to redraw its maps in favor of Democrats. And after further Republican setbacks, it briefly seemed as though the party’s efforts had backfired, and that Democrats would emerge with the ultimate advantage. But late-in-the-game legal developments tilted the playing field back to the GOP. Then, the Supreme Court punctuated Republicans’ advantage with a June ruling that severely weakened the Voting Rights Act, which almost immediately led to more Republican gains in the South.


12/. A little rude, but probably accurate.....



13/. This is interesting.......Cruise Line food rated, 15 best and 15 worst......some surprises here too!

I have eaten my way through basically every included and specialty dining option on Princess, Carnival, and Virgin Voyages (sometimes more than once on the same sailing), and if you’ve ever talked travel with me, you know I have a lot of feelings about this topic.

Cruise lines vary a lot in how much they invest in food, and that difference is worth knowing before you book.



14/. Upsetting one.....you can see him doing all of this....



15/. I just bought this book, coming out at the end of August. "I Eat The Stars"

In Sarah Wilson’s new book, one page is mostly blank. It’s intended as a reprieve, a neutral space “for you to stare at for a minute while your feelings catch up”.

You will need it. In I Eat the Stars, Wilson argues that the world as we know it is in collapse – and that we are too late to avoid the worst.

This is not just about the climate, but civilisation buckling under the weight of its own complexity. Given worsening inequality, political polarisation, falling fertility, resource shortages and global conflicts, Wilson argues that we are hurtling towards the same end as ancient Rome, the Mayan civilisation and every other sophisticated society before us.                                                                                                                                                                                https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2026/jul/29/sarah-wilson-book-interview




Today's rude joke.....
A woman was on the way to winning $100,000 on a game show, but her final question was suspended for the next night. Her husband sneaked into the studio and found the question and answer.
He raced home and told his wife "Your question is 'What are the three main parts of the male anatomy', and the answer is 'The head, heart and penis.'
The woman thinks about this throughout the night, but keeps forgetting the answer.
Her husband keeps reminding her, "The head, heart and penis."
Come the game show she has forgotten again, and the presenter asks, "For $100,000, what are the three main parts of the male anatomy? You have ten seconds."
"Um... the head."
"Good. Eight seconds."
"Um... the heart."
"That's right. Five seconds."
"Oh... um... damn. My husband drilled it into me last night and I had it on the tip of my tongue this morning..."
"That's close enough! You've won $100,000!"


Today's golf jokes
RULE CHANGES IN EFFECT FOR GOLFERS AGE 65+:

Rule 9.k.34(a): If a tree is between the ball and the hole, and the tree is deemed to be younger than the player, then the ball can be moved without penalty.. This is so because this is simply a question
of timing; when the player was younger, the tree was not there so the player is being penalized because of his age.

Rule 1.a.5 - A ball sliced or hooked into the Rough shall be lifted and placed on the Fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the Rough with no penalty. The senior player should not
be penalized for tall grass which ground keepers failed to mow.

Rule 2.d.6 (B) - A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed NOT to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have
traveled if it had not hit the tree, and play the ball from there.

Rule 3.B.3(G) - There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, thereby making it a stolen ball. The senior
player is not to compound the felony by charging himself with a penalty

Rule 4.c.7(h) - If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The Law of Gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.

Rule 5. - Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the Hole. No one wants to make a mockery of the game.

Rule 6.a.9(k) - There is no penalty for so-called “out of bounds.” If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior player deserves an apology, not a penalty.

Rule 7.G.15(z) - There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior players should not be penalized for any shortcomings of the manufacturers.

Rule 8.k.9(S) - Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many senior players, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.

Please advise all your senior friends of these important rule changes and keep multiple copies in your golf bag. Those not following the rules need to be provided a copy.

Golf is.... above all.... a game of integrity.

Today's medical joke
An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
 When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
 The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
 I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
 The old guy obeys and says,"99".
 The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
 Again, the old guy says, "99".  
The doctor said, “Very good”.
"Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
 I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
 Now take a deep breath and say, '99'".
 The old guy begins,
 "One... two… three…"
 

Today's joke collection
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.. 
One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.  
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.  
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..  
'Who are you?' he asked him..  
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.  
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..  
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.  
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.  
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'........  
-----------------------------------

Wife:  'What are you doing?'  
Husband:  Nothing.  
Wife:  'Nothing ...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'  
Husband:  'I was looking for the expiration date.'  
-------------------------------  

Wife  : 'Do you want dinner?'  
Husband:  'Sure! What are my choices?'  
Wife:  'Yes or no.'  
--------------------------------------------------------  


Stress Reliever  
Girl:  'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'  
Boy:  'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'  
Gil:  'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'  
----------------------------  

Son:  'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'  
Mom:  'Well, you have done the right thing.'  
Son:  'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'  
____________________________  

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'  
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who left you the fortune!'  
---------------------------------------------------------- 

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'  
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'  
__________________________________ 

Husbands are husbands  
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.  
'What was that for?' the man asked.  
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'..  
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'. 
The wife apologized and went on with the housework..  
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.  
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.  
Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'. 




Tuesday, July 28, 2026

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday July 28

1/. Nooooooooooooooo........

She is, friends and allies say, content to just wait. For now. To campaign where asked, see how the midterms play out, and let those White House aspirants champing at the political bit launch their candidacies first.

But make no mistake: Kamala Harris is very much looking like a presidential contender–in–waiting.

“She’s been listening to the American people and really trying to figure out what’s impacting them and how she can be of service to them,” said Minyon Moore, a longtime Democratic strategist who ran the Democratic National Convention that nominated Harris in 2024. “I mean, you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that right now we need leaders that can take us in a different direction and bring us back together as a party.”                  https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/like-it-or-not-kamala-harris-is-the-democratic-front-runner.html



2/. This seems true.....



3/. I didn't realise how awful Brett Kavanaugh was......he's owned by Trump.....

Of the conservative justices on the supreme court, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito have in the current session voted most consistently, at 89 and 88%, to support Donald Trump in his cases, according to the Wall Street Journal. Yet perhaps the most influential justice to advance key parts of Trump’s radical agenda has a slightly lower rating at 76%, and performed not so much by billowing lofty abstractions of originalism and textualism, but instead by contriving an assortment of glib schemes at justification.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2026/jul/23/brett-kavanaugh-trump-supreme-court



4/. Trump's Odyssey.....


5/. Interesting story on regenerative farming, which prioritises soil health.
Some of you may be familiar with Hugh and Lisa's King Grove organic blueberries, and I know Hugh believes the reason his berries taste so good is the way his farm nurtures the soil.

For the last few decades, the nutrient content of our crops has been declining. In the late 90s, the US Department of Agriculture foundthe vitamin C content of lemons had decreased by almost a third over the previous 22 years. Calcium in carrots, an important source especially for non-meat eaters, had reduced, on average, by more than a quarter. Vitamin A in bananas was down by 57%. The mineral content of wheat has declined by between 20-30% since the 1960s.

A number of reasons have been suggested for this worrying decline, ranging from new varieties of crop that are bred to grow quicker and bigger to the higher carbon dioxide levels in the air causing plants to produce more sugars and starches (they grow faster but they produce fewer nutrients). A wide range of fixes have been suggested, from GM crops to synthetic soil amendments, or underground farms.



6/. A clever parable on "The Odyssey".....amusing....features a Trojan Trump......4 minutes.....



7/. Troy Jackson is replacing Platner.......could be OK......

In the span of just a few days, Troy Jackson, the former president of Maine’s State Senate, has emerged as the likely replacement for Graham Platner as the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate. In his favor: His platform — Medicare for all, abolish ICE, no military aid to Israel — is similar to Mr. Platner’s. Not in his favor: He’s less magnetic, and in June, he finished third in Maine’s Democratic primary for governor.

It would be a mistake, however, to dismiss Mr. Jackson as a bargain bin (or a Marden’s bargain, as they might say in Maine) version of Mr. Platner. Mr. Jackson might be the Graham Platner that Maine Democrats were always looking for.



8/. If AI affects your life, it's YOUR fault!



9/. The Nazi's at ICE are getting ready to deport 300,000 Haitians......
This will devastate Florida as all of those people are working, a lot of them in health care......


Thanks to the Supreme Court giving President Donald Trump the A-OK to make his xenophobic views the law of the land, roughly 350,000 Haitians who have been living and working legally in the United States face immediate deportation. 

Throwing them out of the country en masse is inhumane, but sending them back to a country that our own State Department classifies as too dangerous for travel makes this even more atrocious. 


But it’s also short-sighted and will cause swift, deep economic harm to communities with a high Haitian population, where industries will catastrophically collapse.


10/. This is, unfortunately, true....



11/. Thomas Friedman on how our world is dominated by some stupid and crazy "leaders".....

Donald Trump, Benjamin Netanyahu and Vladimir Putin are drastically different men, but they do have one important thing in common: Each thinks he is the smartest person in any room he enters. Alas, though, because they have all done the dumbest thing you can do as a leader — surround yourself with sycophants — they have all blundered into dead-end wars from which they can extricate themselves today only by eating a banquet of crow.

Watch out. There is nothing more dangerous than a reckless leader faced with a plate of crow: Sometimes his instinct is to double down on a losing strategy instead.



12/. "Be Best World", a takeoff of HBO's Westworld, starring DJT and Melanoma.....2 minutes.....



13/. Florida Republican primary. They're eating their own....


Republican politicians and party leaders are increasingly trying to stifle the candidacy of insurgent James Fishback, whose run for Florida governor has focused sharp criticism and vitriolic attacks at those in charge.
Over the course of two weeks, the Republican Party of Florida uninvited Fishback from its major candidate forum in Broward and the sitting lieutenant governor — also seeking the governorship — sued Fishback in order to disqualify him from the race.
The public drama highlights the messy struggle underway to inherit the title of Republican successor to Gov. Ron DeSantis. The frontrunner is Congressman Byron Donalds, who has a double-digit lead in the polls, an endorsement from President Trump and the backing of institutional state Republican figures.                  
https://www.wlrn.org/government-politics/2026-07-01/fishback-florida-republicans-governor-candidate



14/. Ashley Padilla in one of the better SNL's of last season......4 minutes....



15/. Time for Congress to act.....like that's going to happen......
The insane one is in revenge mode......

Remember when they said Trump would get us into a full-blown war with Iran? Times like these should make us all realize how lucky we were to have Trump, his strength and his resolve,” - Donald Trump Jr, April 2024.

What is the goal of the current war with Iran? 

Precisely.

The talking point provided by the Trump administration is that it’s supposed to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear bomb. But, of course, the JCPOA already did that, successfully, until Trump tore it up with no clear alternative. Or assume the JCPOA was a dud; Trump’s own Operation Midnight Hammer “obliterated” the nuke program in June 2025, according to the president. So the goal has long been met. What “nuclear dust” left buried under a mountain is of no imminent national security threat to the US, and certainly not sufficient to justify a full-scale war.

https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/revenge-mode-as-strategy?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=207498074&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=false&r=2cwgv&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email




16/. "Furious".....a series about a female serial killer......good review....Hulu....

Amale friend recently attended a Lily Allen show, and shakily described the experience to me. “I felt like a vegetarian fox at an armed chicken convention,” he said. An overwhelmingly female crowd were experiencing powerful catharsis, united in their anger at men and joy of bangers. I told him chickens couldn’t handle firearms, but I don’t think he heard me. He had tinnitus from the screaming.

There isn’t much screaming in Furious, Disney+’s new detective series (from Monday, 27 July). Also missing are the standard tropes of murder dramas: mutilated female bodies, an absence of women’s agency generally. Furious is the cat and mouse story between junior FBI agent Alice Black (Emmy Rossum) and Catherine (Lola Petticrew), a serial killer who is bumping off male victims with calculated sadism. Catherine might be the least serial killer name imaginable, but that’s just one way this show rewrites the rule book. I’d say it’s the most feminist show I’ve ever seen – except that might lead some to write it off.



17/. Bob Lefsetz recommends this oddball movie - "Andre Is An Idiot"....HBO....

They should show this in schools. To illustrate how you can survive marching to the beat of your own drummer.

Until you don’t.

I’d never even heard of this movie, but a reader recommended it and after the Thai show we watched was just too weird to continue, I pulled it up.

Now the story is simple. André delayed his colonoscopy and when he finally got it he found out that he had terminal cancer.

But the essence of the story is not André’s cancer journey, but André himself.

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2026/07/23/andre-is-an-idiot/

The reviews are pretty good, here's the Guardian, and also 5 stars on Rotten Tomatoes....



18/. "A Toxic Love Story", a documentary about the Anaheim Craigslist case......Netflix

The sound of barrel-scraping during true-crime documentaries is becoming more and more frequent at Netflix these days (the dismal Worst Neighbor Ever being the most recent case in point). Such are the perils of being the pioneer of a form; you run out of material first but must keep trying to recapture past glories while you search desperately for another way to seize the fickle audience’s attention once again.

A Toxic Love Story is a welcome, if doubtless temporary, return to form. It is a rigorous, 88-minute recounting of an astonishing story that became notorious about 10 years ago in the US and was known as “the Anaheim Craigslist case” or “the Anaheim Craigslist rape fantasy case”, depending on just how many local Craigslist-based delinquencies were occurring at the exact time of reference. It has, after all, been the most criminally fertile of lists.



Today's Irish joke.....
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. 
Mick says, "How you doin?" 
"Paddy says, "Okay, but do me a favor mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing." 
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying naked on the bed. 
He says, "Your dad sent me up here to have sex with the both of you." 
They say, "Get away with ya.... Dad would never say that...Prove it." 
Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?" 
Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of just fu*kin one?"


Today's blonde jokes
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. 
Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. 
She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." 
One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" 
"N," she answered.

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. 
He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. 
She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..." 

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. 
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. 
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" 
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" 
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. 
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" 
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." 
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. 
"You're finished already?" he asked. 
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. 
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. 
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."


A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" 
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. 
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. 
The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. 
The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. 
Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" 
The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."



Today's Scottish joke
A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly 

on the cheek.
Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.
Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. "Another penny

for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' perhaps it's noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a 

few seconds.
Then he blushed, and the two turned once again to gaze 

out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another 
penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin' ... perhaps it's aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg."
The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch 

before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
The young man glanced down with a furrowed brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time."
"Really?" said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.
"Aye," said the lad, nodding.
The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit

her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.
Then he said, "Dae ye no' think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?"



Today's religious joke
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The old cowboy calmly replied, "been married to your sister for 45 years".


Today's infidelity joke
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
She's not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet during
their meetings.

Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she shoved her lover in the
closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's
lover are in the closet together again.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy,"Grab Your glove. Let's go
outside and toss the baseball!"

The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...