In confirmation hearings this week for her elevation to a Supreme Court seat, the highly qualified and well-respected Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson endured vicious attacks from Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee, who vow to reject her confirmation despite the fact that her record is stronger than those of recent Republican nominees and that 58% of Americans want her to be confirmed. (In contrast, only 42% of Americans wanted Justice Amy Coney Barrett confirmed.
Ron DeSantis, the Republican governor of Florida, is giving Donald Trump a run for his money as the most divisive politician in America.
Sacrifice
You can’t have it all.
That’s what they told women, back in the seventies, at the height of the liberation movement, that they could have it all. But you can’t. You’ve got to give something up. Sure, you can have a high-powered job and kids, it’s just that you might not be home when your child speaks their first word.
Brevard County, Florida, home to NASA’s Kennedy Space Center and the SpaceX project, typically makes headlines for sending people beyond Earth. Recently, however, it has drawn attention for a different reason: the number of residents it sent to Washington, D.C., on Jan. 6, 2021.
What’s both gratifying and infuriating about the Oscars is encapsulated in who’s received Best Actress statuettes over the last two decades. On the one hand, this category has honored plenty of Hollywood’s current acting royalty, including Helen Mirren, Cate Blanchett, Olivia Colman, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard — and even a few Americans here and there. That being said, it’s shocking how rarely our finest actresses have won for their finest roles, with the Academy often favoring showy over simmering, flash over finesse. Many of these women did far better work in other films, but that’s the Oscars for you: They often honor the greatest talents for their work in movies that almost never end up being their high-water marks. (Spoiler alert: We’re very afraid the same thing may happen with this year’s Best Actress race.)
Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...
Tiger says Stevie, "How's the singing career going?"
Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"
Woods replies, "I've had some problems with my swing,
but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie: "I always find that when my swing goes wrong,
I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it.
Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie: "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger: "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"
Stevie: "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."
"But, how do you putt" asks Tiger.
"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball towards his voice."
Tiger: "What's your handicap?"
Stevie: "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
Woods says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."
Stevie: "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"
Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK,
I'm game for that . . . $10,000 a hole is fine with me.
When would you like to play?"
Stevie: "Pick a night."
Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players: "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words."
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Why do Tennessee fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.
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What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.
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How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.
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How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.
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Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, "Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"
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A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident.
He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse. ___________________________________________ ______________________________ _____________
What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? "
"Will the defendant please rise."
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If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving?
The police officer.
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How can you tell if an Auburn football player has a girlfriend?
There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.
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What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
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University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week;the other half will have to dress themselves.
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How is the Indiana football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
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Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car?
He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.
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How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.
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Today's dumbass jokes....
I am at Walmart scanning and bagging my almost $300 worth of grocerieswhile the employee that makes $15 an hour "monitors" and then thishappened.Her - why are you double bagging all of your groceries?Me - excuse me?Her - you are wasting our bags!Me - if you don't like the way I'm bagging the groceries, feel free tocome on over here and bag them yourself.Her - that's not my job!Me - okay, then I will bag my groceries how I please if that's all rightwith you.Her - why are you using two bags?!Me - because the bags are weak and I don't want the handles to break orthe bottoms to rip out.Her - well that's because you are putting too much stuff in the bag. Ifyou took half of that stuff out and put it in a different bag thenyou wouldn't need to double bag*10 seconds of me just staring at her.Me - so you want me to split these items in half and put half of them ina different bag so that I don't have to double bag.Her - exactly.Me - so I would still be using two bags to hold the same number of items.Her - no because you wouldn't be double bagging.Me - pressing two fingers to my left eye in an attempt to make it stoptwitching.Me - okay so here I have a jug of milk and a bottle of juice doublebagged. If I take the milk out and remove the double bagging and justput the milk in the single bag and the juice in that single bag I'mstill using two bags for these two items.Her- no because you are not double bagging them so it's not the samenumber of bags.Me - looking around at about 10 other customers who at this point areenjoying the show.Me- is this like that Common Core math stuff I keep hearing about?Her- never mind you just don't get it. And with that she went back toher little Podium so she could continue texting or playing games onher phone or whatever it was she was doing before she decided to comeover and critique my bagging skills.------------------------------------------------ My husband and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gavethe cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her25c.She said, 'you gave me too much money.'I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but wedon’t do that kind of thing.'The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.Do not confuse the people at Mac D's.---------------------------------------------------- We had to have the garage door repairedThe repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not havea 'large' enough motor on the openerI thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made atthat time, a 1/2 horsepowerHe shook his head and said, 'You need a 1/4 horsepower.I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said, 'NOOO, it's not.Four is larger than two.'We haven't used that repairman since...------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------ I live in a semi - rural area.We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office torequest the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't thinkthis is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------ IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE.My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco.She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.'He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------- I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employeeasked,'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.'------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------- The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street.I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine.She asked if I knew what the beeper was for.I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.Appalled, she responded, 'what on earth are blind people doing driving?!'She is a government employee.....----------------------------------------------------------- ------------ When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car aftera service, we were told the keys had been locked in it.We went to the service department and found a mechanic workingfeverishly to unlock the driver’s side door.As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the doorhandle and discovered that it was unlocked.‘Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it’s open!'His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'