Tuesday, August 19, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday August 19

1/. Angus Petersen with some advice on how to prepare for the polycrisis that's already here...
This is an excellent article, I strongly recommend you read it......

I never thought I’d get here. For years, my writing has been a nonstop siren warning about what’s going wrong in our world: climate collapse, economic instability, and the political rot that feeds both. Friends and readers tagged me the “King of the Doomers,” and I wore it with a grim sort of pride. My job, as I saw it, was to shake people awake. But somewhere between the headlines, the peer-reviewed doom charts, and my kids’ nervous questions about the future, something shifted. I’ve landed in the last stage of climate grief: acceptance.
Now, don’t confuse acceptance with passivity. I’m not shrugging my shoulders and watching the water rise. I’m still furious that my children, and theirs after them (if they even have kids!), will spend their lives bearing the fallout from decisions made decades ago by people more interested in quarterly profits than planetary survival. I’m just no longer pretending that a big enough petition, protest, or policy paper will change the trajectory in time to spare us the worst. Change — real, society-wide, culture-deep change — will come only when the wealthy and powerful start feeling pain they can’t buy their way out of. Until then, the arc of history keeps bending toward crisis.



2/. Lisa Kudrow with a parody of the Republican Press Secretary in 2020.....
So very applicable today to the Barbie in there now......one minute....



3/. David Wallace-Wells on the way our bodies have been slowly altered by plastics, chemicals and many other toxic substances to the point that you may have health issues that you don't know the cause of. 
This contamination isn't dramatic, it's like the frog in water coming to a boil.....it's slow but relentless.
Most interesting article.....

Everywhere they look, they find particles of pollution, like infinite spores in an endless contagion field. Scientists call that field the exposome: the sum of external exposures encountered by each of us over a lifetime, which portion and shape our fate alongside genes and behavior. Humans are permeable creatures, and we navigate the world like cleaner fish, filtering the waste of civilization partly by absorbing it.

There is plastic in salty sea foam freshly sprayed by crashing waves, in dreamy Japanese mountaintop clouds and in the breath of dolphins. When scientists test Antarctic snow or the ice on Mount Everest, plastics are there. When, in 2019, an explorer reached the ocean’s greatest depths in the otherworldly Mariana Trench, he found that plastics had beaten him there, miles past the reach of natural light.



4/. This is certainly how one of our mega-billionaires thinks......



5/. The CEO of Ford Motor is driving a Chinese EV.....and he's worried enough to retool a new plant.......

Last year, Ford CEO Jim Farley commuted in a car that wasn’t made by his own company. In an effort to scope out the competition, Farley spent six months driving around in a Xiaomi SU7. The Chinese-made electric sedan is one of the world’s most impressive cars: It can accelerate faster than many Porsches, has a giant touch screen that lets you turn off the lights at your house, and comes with a built-in AI assistant—all for roughly $30,000 in China. “It’s fantastic,” Farley said about the Xiaomi SU7 on a podcast last fall. “I don’t want to give it up.”



6/. Trump has permanently alienated Canada......

Canada is living through an era of acute, sustained, profound and abiding rage. The source is President Trump; the object is the United States. The president, commander of the most powerful military the world has ever known, has declared repeatedly that he intends to soften up the Canadian economy in preparation for annexation. Americans, from what I can tell, don’t seem to take this possibility seriously, even though he undertook the task in earnest last week by imposing a 35 percent tariff. The American threat to our sovereignty, so sudden, so foolish, is reshaping Canadian life.            https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/10/opinion/canada-america-allies.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare



7/. Is this happening to you?



8/. David Wallace-Wells with the uncertain future of our political parties.
He makes some interesting analogies to British elections......

“Twenty years from now, will we be a country of Democrats and Republicans taking turns on who’s in power?” Pete Buttigieg askedrecently. “I’m not so sure.”

Speaking to Mosheh Oinounou, a podcaster and former CBS News producer, the conspicuous institutionalist casually blasted the country’s institutions and proposed that, amid the wreckage, America’s political future was not at all intuitive. “We’re past the point of just believing that there’s some pendulum that comes back and forth,” Buttigieg went on. “I think that both parties should examine the chances of their survival.”

Americans love to decry the country’s limited political menu, and talking up third-party challenges to the two-party system has been a cottage industry at least since Ross Perot. In a time of anti-establishment feeling, there’s additional incentive to hype a crackup, even though structural forces make that chatter look perennially foolish. And I’m not predicting that America’s two major parties are going to actually split up anytime soon. But peek across the Atlantic at the changing shape of our close-cousin democracy in Britain, and the possibilities seem, as Buttigieg suggests, open.



9/. AI is amazing......here's a little parable.....Trump and Putin.....one minute



10/. And somewhere in this vast universe there's a planet like this.....one minute.....



11/. For now the Epstein saga has gone quiet, but the Republicans have laid traps for themselves......it ain't over folks!

The Jeffrey Epstein scandal has hit a temporary lull — but rest assured it’s coming back, and it’s going to be ugly for the Trump administration. Major issues remain unresolved and will play out over the coming weeks and months, whether Donald Trump and his Congressional supporters like it or not. And they’ve mostly got themselves to blame.

House Republicans have run for the hills, but they can’t escape the fire they started. Speaker Mike Johnson courageously adjourned the House early for summer recess to avoid a vote on a measure seeking public release of the Epstein files. But days later, the House Oversight Committee, under the leadership of Representative James Comer — who’s perpetually on the brinkof uncovering some massive scandal but never quite gets there — issued a series of subpoenas calling for broad release of documents by DOJ and a series of in-person testimonial depositions.



12/. Arguably one of the best guitar solos ever - David Gilmour with "Comfortably Numb"....five minutes.....



13/. How we will see the future - incrementally, in bits and we will normalise it, even the extreme events. 
Most interesting article......

Interest in “what will the future be like” has nearly doubled worldwide since 2020, according to Google Trends, and in a very short space of time, our lives have become saturated with countless tales of what lies ahead.

Everywhere we look, we’re presented with another breathless vision of the future. There are those who are optimistic about it, or at least willing to sell us on their future vision, from which they will presumably profit. Corporate strategists in their half-zip fleeces deliver their incredible projections with such bombastic confidence, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the dotted lines on their charts were as real as the solid ones. Our TV screens feed hundreds of hours of future content into our lives, from golden age heroic movies and contemporary dystopian TV shows to the countless news reports and documentaries that paint the future as an utterly terrifying place. Behind all of this, our religious storytellers continue to chug away, delivering their own reliable backbeats of salvation and oblivion.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/16/opinion/future-ai-adaptation.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare



14/. The compassionate Steven Miller loves blue cities......



15/. Ready for some intelligent [and scary] Sci-fi TV?
 "Alien Earth" has a great review from the Guardian......

It’s usually a bad sign if you’re wondering what the heck is going on in a drama when you’re two episodes in, but there is an exception: you can happily ride on if you sense that, although you don’t know what it’s doing, the show definitely does. Such is the bristling, bewildering, overpoweringly confident aura of Alien: Earth, a new TV take on cinema’s greatest sci-fi horror franchise by writer-director Noah Hawley of Fargo fame.

We are in the year 2120, just the right setting for a show that plays on our fears that our grandchildren and great-grandchildren are going to live in hell. Simple green-on-black text, styled like a computer readout from the 80s, informs us that, in this broken future, corporations have taken over the universe, and which one achieves total domination will be determined by which of three technologies wins a “race for immortality”: cyborgs (enhanced humans), synths (wholly artificial beings) or hybrids (synthetic bodies with human consciousnesses implanted)



16/. Need a good book for the beach......or wherever?

The first novel for adults from the author of bestselling medical memoir This Is Going to Hurt is, unsurprisingly, set in an NHS hospital. Dr Eitan Rose is a hot mess of guilt and self-hatred who buys cocaine from the hospital pharmacist to put in his nasal spray and has a talent for getting himself caught in comically compromising positions. Admittedly, the unexpected death by heart attack of his old enemy, consultant Dr Douglas Moran, does get him out of a tight corner. However, given that the man had just recorded a normal electrocardiogram, Eitan is suspicious – although the police see nothing amiss until his attempts to investigate cause him to become the number one suspect. The mixture of hospital soap, humour – some of it, such as the porter named Cole, rather laboured – and serious point-making won’t work for every reader, but Eitan’s manic energy carries us through what is, on the whole, a zippy and enjoyable read.                                                                     https://www.theguardian.com/books/2025/aug/15/the-best-recent-and-thrillers-review-roundup?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




17/. "Dead of Winter" with Emma Thompson.....one to watch out for in a few months......

From the freezing heart of Fargo country in snowy Minnesota comes a quite outrageously enjoyable suspense thriller starring Emma Thompson; I hadn’t realised what a treat it would be to see Thompson handle a pistol with a scope and also demonstrate where on the body you can get shot and still keep moving.

The Dead of Winter has an old-school barnstorming brashness, some edge-of-the-seat tension, a mile-wide streak of sentimentality, a dash of broad humour and a horrible flourish of the macabre. Brian Kirk directs from a script by screenwriters Nicholas Jacobson-Larson and Dalton Leeb, and Thompson turns up the accent dial to play a neighbourly and good-natured Minnesota widow. With her recently deceased husband, she ran a fishing supplies store and like him was keen on ice-fishing: venturing out on huge freezing lakes, drilling a hole in the ice, setting up a phone-box sized ice shelter for warmth and lowering the bait and lure. Her late husband sweetly took her on an ice-fishing trip on a certain remote lake for their first date – bittersweet flashbacks bring home the memory – and it is to this lake that she comes on a mission to scatter his ashes.




18/. "Hostage", TV series with Julie Delpy and Suranne Jones......good review, on Netflix.....
H
ostage is a political thriller, and observes the conventions in many ways. The pace is absolutely flawless, it’s twisty, it has emotional heft. The British prime minister, Abigail Dalton, played by Suranne Jones, faces her husband, Alex Anderson (Ashley Thomas), being kidnapped. Their marriage is well drawn – “it’s happy, it’s assured, they’re supportive of each other,” Jones says. As we chat in Netflix’s central London offices, she’s always saying five things at once, only one of them out loud. Here, the subtext (I’ve decided) is: it’s actually pretty skilled work, creating a not-schmaltzy, passionate but familiar love match in which all the audience’s hopes and prayers are with the abducted spouse. That’s why normally when fictional politicians are the victims of a family kidnapping, it’s one of their kids.





Today's video 
One of the funniest [and naughtiest] sketches ever - Key and Peele "Substitute Teacher"....



Today's Swiss joke
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland .

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. 
He went Up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.?
The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is That man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to
Stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate
Of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled
And straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps The man was thirsty. 

So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the Barn

And she too did not return for an hour.
Her clothing was askew,
Her blouse buttoned incorrectly.
She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued
On his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she Broke into tears. 

"How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she Cried. "We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking
For the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with My daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand nextTo his mouth, and yelled out.....
"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"


Today's Irish joke
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. 
Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
'Where have ye been all this time, child? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? 
Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?'
The girl, crying, replied, Dad... I became a prostitute.'
'Ye what!? Get out a here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family.'
'OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million savings certificate. 
For me little brother, this gold Rolex. 
And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club ... (takes a breath) ... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.'
'What was it ye said ye had become?' says Dad.
Girl, crying again, 'A prostitute, Daddy!.'
'Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! 
I thought ye said a Protestant! 
Come here and give yer old Dad a hug !!!



Today's Post Office joke
Nathan works for the Post Office and his job is to process mail that has been posted with incomplete or illegible addresses.
One day, Nathan comes across a letter addressed in shaky handwriting to Hashem with no actual address on the envelope. 
So Nathan opens the envelope and reads the letter inside:

Dear Hashem
Shalom. I'm a widow of 79 and all I have to live on is a small pension. 
Unfortunately, someone stole my purse yesterday with $55 inside and this was all the money I had left until my next pension payment. 
As you know, this Sunday coming is Rosh Hashanah, and I have some friends coming over for dinner. 
Without money, I can't buy any food or drink. I don't even have any family to help me out. 
You, dear God, are my only hope. Please can you help me?
Yours Sincerely,
Sadie

Nathan is very touched and shows the letter to all his work colleagues. 
When they read it, each one generously gives Nathan a few pounds to donate to Sadie. 
Very soon, his collection reaches $50 and the Post Office workers feel very proud (and so they should) to have been able to help an old lady in distress. 
Nathan puts the money carefully in an empty envelope together with a short anonymous note:

Dear Sadie
Here is some money to make up for the stolen money.
Enjoy!

He then addresses it to Sadie and mails it.
Soon after Rosh Hashanah has ended, Nathan comes across another letter addressed to Hashem. 
So he opens it. It reads:

Dear Hashem
Shalom. How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? 
Because of your gift of love, I was able to put together a lovely meal for my friends. 
I told them of your wonderful gift and we had a super day thanks to you.
By the way, there was $5 missing from the envelope - I only received $50. 
I think it might have been those shnorrers at the Post Office.
Sincerely
Sadie




Sunday, August 10, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Sunday August 10



1/. Andrew Sullivan calls it out -  our country has been permanently damaged.....
“If someone has the power of the presidency and also has the power to sue and take bribes, then he can do anything to anyone!” - Jesus, to the townsfolk of South Park.

It’s been over a decade now since Grendel emerged from the forest and the metaphors are understandably tired. But a sentence in a recent Mark Helprin piece jogged my amygdala nonetheless. He described the president as someone who “behaves like a wild boar crashing through a field of well-tended crops. (Look carefully at the eyes, and you see it.)”

Yes, you do. Helprin is as far from being a leftist as one might imagine — which, of course, is precisely why he sees the feral glint in Trump’s eyes the way he does. Conservatism is prudent, diligent care for the inheritance of the past, and the shepherding of constitutional democratic governance away from the shoals of dysfunction and ideology. In that sense, Trump is conservatism’s actual nemesis: a wild boar — psychologically incapable of understanding anything but dominance and revenge, with no knowledge of history, crashing obliviously and malevolently through the ruined landscape of our constitutional democracy.



2/. I haven't watched Cable News since December......the talking heads droning on about the latest Trump outrage are repetitious at best, and always boring. 
So much of the MSM is captured by shallow news coverage that just wants to crank you up. 
I always used to watch Rachel, but I thought she was muzzled after Trump was elected. 
Not any more - here she calls it out - we are in a dictatorship....12 minutes...



3/. Forget the stories in the liberal media - this is the true story of Trump and Epstein.....



4/. Canada isn't sweating Trump's tariffs......read why....
Keeping a straight face has been perhaps the greatest achievement of Mark Carney’s brief tenure as the prime minister of Canada. For months, Donald Trump has railed against Canada, threatening to turn America’s ungrateful northern neighbor into the 51st state, come what may, an achievement worthy of his visage gracing Mount Rushmore — in the same way Trump will annex Greenland, reclaim the Panama Canal, free Brazil’s corrupt former President Jair Bolsonaro, repeal the laws of climate change and gravity, and then impose tariffs on all of America’s nefarious trading partners, like the evil-doer Canada.



5/. They're wrecking everything.....


6/. Trump is not only destroying our democracy, he's crippling our economy too.....
Very disturbing story.....

The American economy seems to be slowing. Although the unemployment rate remains low, the jobs report released this month showed that the U.S. labor market has essentially been stalled since President Trump foisted “Liberation Day” on us in April. Yes, it’s true, the artificial intelligence sector remains white-hot, but once you look beyond it, the weather is chillier — the manufacturing sector may be shrinking, home building is slowing and most employment growth is happening in just one industry: health care.

Perhaps this slowdown will soon reverse. But nearly seven months into his presidency, it’s now clear that Mr. Trump and his officials’ tax and trade policy — and their hatred for next-generation energy technologies — is distorting and, increasingly, robbing the economy of its complexity.



7/. Desi Lydic on Sydney Sweeney.....and Megan Kelly......3 minutes



8/. Thom Hartmann with a litany of how close we are to the authoritarian cliff.....

We watched it happen in Russia. We watched it happen in Hungary. Democracies, once imperfect but alive, were hollowed out from within by strongmen who declared emergencies, rewrote the rules, and convinced enough people that fear was freedom and corruption was strength. 

We told ourselves it couldn’t happen here. That our guardrails were stronger. That our Constitution was invincible. But now, we stand where they once stood: at the jagged edge of the authoritarian cliff. The wind has picked up, the ground beneath us trembles, and the man leading us forward isn’t walking, he’s charging. Not because he wants to save America, but because he wants to rule it as an absolute autocrat.

Following his demand for investigation and prosecution of President Obama, Trump is now demanding the same against Jack Smith. While it’s possible this is theater to distract from his involvement with Epstein and his underage victims, if he seriously follows through on either of these it’s a screaming red light that our democracy has failed.

When Donald Trump sent active-duty Marines and federalized National Guard troops into Los Angeles last month — over the objections of California’s governor and LA’s mayor — it wasn’t because of a real emergency. It was political theater with live ammunition.



9/. Dave Barry on Bill Maher - if you're from Florida you'll love this.....30 seconds...



10/. This story is crazy.....
A couple let their son cross the street.....now they're felons....

Jessica Ivey Jenkins cradled her sleeping 6-month-old daughter, Samantha, as she and her husband, Sameule Jenkins, talked softly about their 7-year-old son, Legend.

“He’d come home, get his coloring pencils, crayons, scissors, glue,” Mr. Jenkins said. “Swords, masks — he was very creative.”

“He was the sweetest,” Mrs. Jenkins said. “All the staff members at the school talk about how much of a joy he was.”

In the late afternoon of May 27, Brandon, 10, the oldest of the family’s seven children, and Legend, the second oldest, asked if they could walk to the neighborhood Food Lion supermarket and Subway sandwich shop, less than 10 minutes from the low-rise apartment complex in which the family had lived in Gastonia, N.C., for six years. The couple were reluctant.



11/. Making the case for gasoline engined cars.....or not! 
Great [and logical] video....2 minutes....



12/. Think this is a "just" country? The rich and powerful are just like us? Think again......

JD Vance’s team had the army corps of engineers take the unusual step of changing the outflow of a lake in Ohio to accommodate a recent boating excursion on a family holiday, the Guardian has learned.

The request from the US Secret Service was made to “support safe navigation” of the US vice-president’s security detail for an August outing on the Little Miami River, according to a statement by the US army corps of engineers (USACE).

Vance was spotted in the south-western Ohio area on 2 August, his 41st birthday, according to social media posts that noted he was seen canoeing on the river, a tributary that Caesar Creek Lake feeds into.

One source with knowledge of the matter who communicated with the Guardian anonymously alleged that the outflow request for the Caesar Creek Lake was not just to support the vice-president’s Secret Service detail, but also to create “ideal kayaking conditions”. The Guardian could not independently confirm this specific claim.



13/. Fascist Phys Ed......



14/. We watched this last night.....OMG.....
It's worth subscribing to Paramount to see South Park - this episode 2 eviscerated Kristi Noem.......and Trump! 
There's a 2 minute clip in the article that'll give you the flavour of the full episode....

Two weeks ago, South Park kicked off its 27th season with one of its angriest, most politically daring episodes. The animated sitcom, long a magnet for controversy, incurred the wrath of the current US administration for its brutal and graphic send-up of Donald Trumpas a petty, micro-penised dictator, as well as parent company Paramount’s cowardly capitulations to him.

Creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker received immediate backlash not only from online conservative fans (who make up a good portion of their audience) but the White House itself, which released a statement calling South Park hypocritical and irrelevant. That latter charge was especially poignant, given that Stone and Parker just inked a new deal with Paramount for five more seasons, plus streaming rights, to the tune of $1.5bn.



15/. Where no man has gone before.....Tom Tomorrow.....


16/. Pillart AI - A Day at the Museum - 3 minutes.....
How do they do this, and who the hell is thinking of the images? Wow......



17/. Bob Lefsetz recommends "Marc Maron - Panicked" on HBO. So do I.
Mary and I watched it this week, and it's really really funny......especially if you like cats!

I gave up listening to Marc Maron’s podcast years ago. He’s talks too much and he’s too uninformed. But having listened before that, I know that he’s pissed off a lot of people. You see Marc had an edge, as if angry that everybody he knew was more successful than he was.

He tried to rectify this with the twentieth century paradigm of a sitcom. But that ship had sailed, there were too many options and no one needed another self-centered show seen as a vehicle to boost the rep and the status of its star.

But then Maron was a secondary character in “Glow” and the show was a surprise hit and he got good reviews. And in “Stick” he’s positively revelatory, all his prior anxiety is gone, he’s the curmudgeon with a heart of gold, smarter than everybody else but not constantly rubbing it in your face.

As for his standup special?

I was shocked that he dove straight into politics. Almost nobody else has the balls, because of the insane blowback. It makes an entertainer question themselves, is it worth risking their audience, to take a stand on this subject that may be near and dear to their heart but is not the essence of their work?

And then comes the kicker:

“Progressives have really got to figure out how to deal with this buzzkill problem. You do realize we annoyed the average American into fascism.”




18/. "Alien Earth"......coming to Hulu.......

‘Iam human, and nothing human is alien to me,” wrote Roman playwright Terence in 165BC. He hadn’t seen any of the Alien films, though. He hadn’t seen Alien or Aliens or Alien 3 , he hadn’t seen any of the Predator crossover canon, he hadn’t seen Resurrection or Prometheus or the one after Prometheus. He hadn’t even seen Alien: Romulus, even though it’s named after the guy who co-founded Rome. The Oscar-winning franchise has earned well over a billion dollars worldwide. There’s nothing more human than loving Alien.

Part of the franchise’s success is its malleability. A creature-horror stuffed with Freudian nightmare, the films blend action, sci-fi, theology and satire. (I don’t want to be Frankenstein’s Pedant about it, but the monster is the profit-driven corporation determined to bring the alien to Earth to develop as a biological weapon.) Now that the IP belongs to Disney, we should expect many more instalments. But can they keep stretching the story into exciting shapes? Or are the days of Alien: Below Decks or The Real Housewives of Moon LV-426 upon us?

Alien Earth Trailer.....



19/. "Wednesday", Season 2 with Jenna Ortega......season 1 was really good!

Hark! ’Tis the peal of baleful bells, for a new semester has befallen Nevermore Academy, and freshly minted celebrity Wednesday Addams (Jenna Ortega) is, naturally, having none of it. “I liked it better when I was feared and hated,” she monotones as a flock of awestruck fellow students scrabbles around her ankles, autograph books a-flap.

Alas, her newfound fame is inescapable. “You’re kind of a big deal now after the whole saving the school from the demon pilgrim thing”, “It girl” Bianca (Joy Sunday) explains, as much to the viewer as to Wednesday, who is perhaps too busy administering icily efficient death-stares to her swooning fanbase to fully appreciate the ramifications of last season’s finale. The demon pilgrim thing? Ah, yes. The demon pilgrim thing. 



Today's Fireman joke
One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant. 
In the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. 
When the firefighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."
But the roaring flames held the firefighters off. 
Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. 
As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire station who could bring out the company's secret files. 
But still, the firefighters could not get through.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. 
It was the nearby rural township volunteer fire brigade, composed mainly of old men over 65. 
To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. 
Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno.
Outside, the other firemen watched as the old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. 
It was a performance and effort never seen before. 
Within a short time, the old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. 
The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000 and walked over to personally thank each of the brave firefighters.
The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the chief, "What are you going to do with all that money?"
"Well," said Paddy, the 70-year-old fire chief, "the first thing we're gonna do is
fix the brakes on that bloody fire truck."


Today's Jewish joke
A rabbi was walking down the street when, suddenly, a strong gust of wind blew his shtreimel (fur hat) off his head. 
The rabbi ran after his hat but the wind was so strong it kept blowing his hat farther and farther away. 
He just couldn't catch up with it.
A young gentile man, witnessing this event and being more fit than the rabbi, ran after the hat and caught it. 
The young gentile man handed the hat over to the rabbi. 
The rabbi was so pleased and grateful that he gave the man twenty dollars, put his hand on the man's
head and blessed him. 
The young man was very excited about both the tip and the blessing.
The young gentile decided to take his new found wealth to the racetrack and he bet the entire $20 on the first
race that he could.
After the races the young man returned home and recounted his very exciting day at the races to his father.
"I arrived at the fifth race," said the young man.
"I looked at the racing program and saw a horse by the name of Top Hat was running. 
The odds on this horse were 100-to-1. It was the longest shot in the field."
"After saving the rabbi's hat, having received the rabbi's blessing, gotten the $20, and seeing Top Hat in
the fifth race, I thought this was a message from God.
So, I bet the entire 20 dollars on Top Hat. 
An amazing thing happened.
The horse that was the longest shot and who did not have the slightest chance to even show, came first by 5 lengths."
"You must have made a fortune," said the father.
"Well yes, $2,000. But wait, it gets better," replied the son.
"In the following race, a horse by the name of Stetson was running. 
The odds on the horse were 30 to 1. Stetson being some kind of hat and again thinking of the rabbi's
blessing and his hat, I decided to bet all my winnings on this horse."
"What happened?" asked the excited father.
"Stetson came in like a rocket. Now I had $60,000!"
"Are you telling me you brought home all this money?" asked his excited father.
"No," said the son. "I lost it all on the next race. 
There was a horse in this race named Chateau, which is French for hat. 
So I decided to bet all the money on Chateau. But the horse broke down and came in last."
"Hat in French is "Chapeau" not "Chateau" you moron," said the father. 
"You lost all of the money because of your ignorance. Tell me, what horse won the race?"
The son answered, "A long shot named after some town in Japan named Yamaka."


Today's boating joke
A gentleman who went to a hostel to ask if any ladies would like to go for a ride in his boat up the river. 
One lady replied that she would love to go up the river with the gentleman. 
He said he would bring a bottle of wine, two glasses and some chicken sandwiches. 
They got in the boat and they headed up the river.
When the gentleman got to a fork in the river he said to the lady "up or down".
The lady ripped off her clothes, then ripped off the gentleman's clothes and they made love. 
They dressed, the gentleman took the lady back to the hostel and they arranged to meet again.
On the next boat cruise he again came to the fork in the river and asked the lady "up or down".
She replied "up".
He said the last time I asked you, you ripped off our clothes and we made love. 
The lady replied "I didn't have my hearing aids and I thought you said fuck or drown".


Today's God joke....
The end of the world has come. 
God looks over the millions and millions of people and says to them, "Welcome to Heaven. I want the women to go with St. Peter. 
Go now and follow him. 
And you men, I want you to form two lines. 
The first line, to the left of me, is for men who dominated their women on earth. 
The second line, to the right of me, is for men who were dominated by their women." OK, now line up.
There was then much movement for some length of time, but eventually the women are gone and there are two lines of men. 
The line of the men that were dominated by their women is 150 miles long. 
The line of men that dominated women has only one man.
God is angry and says, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. 
I created you in my image and yet you were all dominated by your mates. 
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!"
He turns to the man and says, "Tell them, my son. How did you manage to be the only one on that line?"
The man says, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."