Saturday, January 23, 2016

Davids Daily Dose - Saturday January 23rd




1/  Frank Rich with his usual excellent commentary on the weeks news.....

Democratic Presidential Candidates Debate In Charleston, South Carolina
Is Hillary feeling the Bern? Photo: Andrew Burton/Getty Images
Most weeks, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich speaks with contributor Alex Carp about the biggest stories in politics and culture. To kick off 2016: Bernie's New Hampshire surge, Palin's Trump endorsement, and the Oscars' diversity problem.
As Bernie Sanders increases his lead over Hillary Clinton to 27 points in one New Hampshire poll (and appears to be closing the gap nationally), some in the media have begun to wonder why they didn't see this pre-caucus surge coming. Is it time for the Democratic elite to more broadly reconsider Sanders's candidacy? 
Let’s face it: This is going to be remembered as the election where almost no one in either party’s Establishment or the political news media saw anything coming. So why should the Bernie Sanders surge be any different? Writing at CNN Politics, Dylan Byers points out that the Times, whose supposedly data-driven "Upshot" column is still trying to explainwhy it declared Donald Trump near death last summer, buried Sanders’s announcement of his candidacy on page 21 — versus the page-one play given Clinton, Trump, and Ted Cruz.













2/  You may have noticed that Sarah Palin endorsed Trump, with ridicule and hilarity all round from social media to the TV shows......this is one of the best - Colbert skewers them both.....six minutes....

"God, I have missed you!" Stephen Colbert exults at Sarah Palin "speaking in tongues" during Donald Trump endorsement
“God, I have missed you,” Stephen Colbert said to Sarah Palin on Wednesday night’s “Late Show.” “It’s like a magical eagle made a wish on a flag pin and it came to life. Which is great. For me.”
Colbert played clips of the reuse of some of the classic hits from The Palin that include “drill, baby, drill” and “hopey, changey.” “Do lipstick on a pig!! Say hockey mom! Please!” Colbert shouted while holding up his lighter.
But just when you thought everything had been said about her endorsement of Trump, Colbert took it even further. Colbert played the most convoluted Palin speech clips that amazingly coincided flawlessly with Donald Trump’s most uncomfortable moments. “Sarah Palin just guaranteed Trump the evangelical vote because I think she was speaking in tongues!”












3/  If you have ever been to Barcelona, you probably visited the Sagrada Familia, the Gaudi masterpiece....this is a one minute video update on the construction.....

After 133 years of construction, the finish line is in sight for the Sagrada Família in Barcelona.
The massive cathedral, one of Barcelona's top tourist attractions, has finally entered the final stage of construction. It’s slated for completion in 2026 — 100 years after its architect, Antoni Gaudí, died in a tram accident.
While 10 years seems like a long time, 30% of the building still needs to be constructed. Six more towers will be added, including a 564-foot central tower that will make the Sagrada Familia the tallest religious building in Europe.













4/  A most interesting analysis of the Republican mindset from Thomas Edsall in the Times - conservatives cannot change their beliefs that are enforced ruthlessly, and this rigidity is destroying them.....insightful....



The Republican presidential candidate Senator Marco Rubio, seated among his colleagues, above at center, was not as animated as Democratic members of Congress, below, at SOTU...
In the week after the Dec. 2 terrorist attack in San Bernardino that left 14 dead, both the House and Senate voted on legislation to ban the sale of guns and explosives to people on the F.B.I.’s consolidated terrorist watch list.
In case you’re wondering if such sales are a bogus issue, the Government Accountability Office reported last March that individuals named on the F.B.I. list had sought to buy guns or explosives 2,233 times during nearly 11 years between 2004 and 2014. Federal officials approved 2,043 of these sales, or 91 percent. The accompanying table illustrates the G.A.O. data.
In the report, David C. Maurer, the director of homeland security and justice issues at the G.A.O., wrote:
Under federal law, there is no basis to automatically prohibit a person from possessing firearms or explosives because they appear on the terrorist watch list. Rather, there must be a disqualifying factor (i.e., prohibiting information) pursuant to federal or state law, such as a felony conviction or illegal immigration status.
Who could be against a bill to keep pistols, rifles, assault weapons and such commercially available explosives as Tanneriteammonium nitrate and aluminum powder, and potassium chlorate out of the hands of those on the terrorist list?
The answer is 53 of 54 Senate Republicans and every one of the 241 House Republicans, who voted on Dec. 2 and Dec. 10, respectively, against taking up legislation to ban those on the F.B.I. list from buying explosives or guns.














5/  Trevor Noah is getting better, has more of an edge.....here he thanks Donald Trump for making Cruz look like a dick in the Republican debate last week.....an amusing five minutes...

Trevor Noah's love letter to Donald Trump: Thanks for "making Ted Cruz look like a d*ck"
The “Daily Show” doesn’t air on Friday nights, so after Thursday’s Republican debate, we didn’t have the comedians of Comedy Central to critique whatever brand of insanity they tried to serve to the American electorate. That didn’t stop host Trevor Noah from sounding off on Ted Cruz’s epic slam on “New York values.”
Noah began by explaining the complicated relationship between the two front-runners Ted Cruz and Donald Trump as “like your typical American divorce: long, messy, and two people who affectionately stood by each other, couldn’t stand each other.”
But then the exchange happened about “New York values.” Noah said that he’s never been more impressed with Trump than when he was “making Ted Cruz look like a dick” by invoking the strength of the people on and after 9/11. “Because Trump brought up 9/11, Cruz had to stand there and applaud Trump while he does it. That’s like getting a guy to cheer for you as you make love to his wife…’Can I get you a Gatorade, Mr. Trump, you were putting in quite the workout.'”












6/  Four commonly prescribed drugs that are more dangerous than you think......you really need to read the side effects of any drug you take, and especially their interactions with other meds. Your doctor doesn't have time to research this, as you are only allowed nine minutes......

So it's up to you guys - protect yourself, do your own research because the medical system won't....


4 commonly prescribed drugs that may be more dangerous than Big Pharma is telling you
This article originally appeared on AlterNet
AlterNetThey are so common no one thinks twice about them: drug ads that tell you about a disease you might have, a pill that could treat it, and tell you to “ask your doctor” if the pill is right for you.
Until 1997, such direct-to-consumer ads did not exist because without a doctor’s recommendation, how could people know if the medication was appropriate or safe? The only thing people knew about drugs and drug risks was from ads they peeked at in medical journals at the doctor’s office.
But after the ads started in 1997, the allergy pill Claritin became a household word, along with Xenical, Meridia, Propecia, Paxil, Prozac, Vioxx, Viagra, Singulair, Nasonex, Allegra, Flonase and of course Lipitor—and Big Pharma became a Wall Street darling.
Now the American Medical Association is taking a second look at DTC advertising. In November, doctors at the AMA’s Interim Meeting sought a policy to address one of its biggest problems: the growing proliferation of ads “driving demand for expensive treatments despite the clinical effectiveness of less costly alternatives.” Billions are spent advertising expensive new drugs that are not clearly better than existing ones, says the AMA. The Kaiser Family Foundation agrees, and says exorbitantly priced drugs—like $1000-a-pill hepatitis C drugs and recently approved PCSK9-inhibiting cholesterol drugs—are the “public’s top health care priority.” The new cholesterol drug will cost an estimated $14,000 a year.















7/  And if you saw the debate, you will love the SNL version of it....a really good four minutes....

Screen Shot 2016-01-17 at 12.29.08 AM
On this week’s Adam Driver-hosted Saturday Night Live, the sketch comedy troupe tore the entire Republican field a new set of orifices with a vicious sendup of Thursday’s sixth GOP debate on the Fox Business Network. No candidate went unscathed, especially Ted Cruz, whose SNL doppelganger decoded Cruz’s “New York values” remark in the most offensive and accurate way possible (rhymes with “Jew”).



















8/  I don't often include Thomas Friedman columns, but in this story he may have hit on something. Everything - every metric, every corporate goal is predicated on growth but can the world economy grow forever? With the way we are consuming the planet's resources even technology can't save us....

ZURICH — Just get me talking about the world today and I can pretty well ruin any dinner party. I don’t mean to, but I find it hard not to look around and wonder whether the recent turmoil in international markets isn’t just the product of tremors but rather of seismic shifts in the foundational pillars of the global system, with highly unpredictable consequences.
What if a bunch of eras are ending all at once?
What if we’re at the end of the 30-plus-year era of high growth in China, and therefore China’s ability to fuel global growth through its imports, exports and purchases of commodities will be much less frothy and reliable in the future?













9/  I love these compilations of dance scenes.....very clever.....four minutes ,and how many movies can you name?
Nerd Fest UK put together this genius mashup of “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson (featuring Bruno Mars) and iconic dance scenes from old movies. It’s a companion piece of sorts to an earlier mashup with the same song, except this time it’s filled out with Golden Age classics. The result is totally infectious—the song’s been stuck in a lot of people’s heads for some time already, and this is not going to help one bit.
Aside from the brilliant and sometimes hilarious editing, the most surprising thing is how easily the song lines up with the classical Hollywood choreography of Fred and Ginger, Gene Kelly, and the Nicholas Brothers, among others. But perhaps we should expect no less, given that stars of the era were frequently fans of hot jazz, one of the building blocks of funk.
And it’s not just the rhythmic element, either. It’s also the dancers’ and choreographers’ sense of humor, which was always obvious, and lends itself particularly well to this v














10/  The crazy Trump freedom song interlaced with scenes from "The Shining"......one scary minute....

The USA Freedom Kids (above) caused a stir when they performed for Donald Trump in Pensacola, Florida - their song was compared to Hitler Youth and children used for North Korean propaganda
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The USA Freedom Kids (above) caused a stir when they performed for Donald Trump in Pensacola, Florida - their song was compared to Hitler Youth and children used for North Korean propaganda














11/  And of course the late night comedians got in on this travesty - this is from Jimmy Kimmel, adapting the skit for JEB! Three minutes....

Presidential candidate Jeb Bush, who has failed to ignite at the polls, at least has his own catchy tune now, similar to the one the USA Freedom Kids sang for Donald Trump.
Only this song isn't unintentionally hilarious - it's humor is intentional thanks to the writers at the Jimmy Kimmel Live show.

Former Disney star Vanessa Hudgens (pictured second from left) joined the spoof performance
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Former Disney star Vanessa Hudgens (pictured second from left) joined the spoof performance










12/  The excellent Carl Hiaasen with his take on the Water Bill the "bought and paid for" scum in Tallahassee passed, and the corrupt asshole masquerading as our Governor just signed. It was written by and for the big polluters in Florida and guts any protections for our water supply that had managed to hang on through the onslaught of lobbyists and politicians.

Just routine in corrupt Floriduh.....

I can't give you an excerpt because I reached my limit of free articles from the Miami Herald, but you should be able to open it....












Todays video - this is a hologram that you won't believe, and I don't, but it's been created by Magic Leap, a startup tech company that's already worth a billion dollars, so this MAY be the future....









Todays Irish joke

Paddy says to Mick,"I'm getting circumcised tomorrow."
Mick says, "I had that done when I was a few days old."
Paddy asks,  "Does it hurt?"
Mick says, " Well I couldn't walk for 18months.."






Todays flea joke

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. 
Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's shivering and shaking.
The other flea asks him "Why are you shaking so badly?" 
The first flea says "rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."
The other flea responds saying "That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar, have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where it's warm and cozy. It's the best way to travel that I can think of.
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next winter.  A year goes by ...
When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again.  
The second flea says "Didn't you try what I told you?"  
"Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to a warm cozy spot, and it was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."



Todays sisters joke

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells, "Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"

The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure. 

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."







Friday, January 15, 2016

Davids Daily Dose - Friday January 15th



Did you watch the Republican debate last night? If so, here are three stories on the spectacle......I managed to stay through the whole thing, and I felt like I needed a shower afterwards......awful, slimy and unpleasant men seeing who could be the more bombastic.....





1/  Who won? The consensus is Trump, but Cruz isn't far behind.....

A terrifying GOP debate: Amid all the fearmongering and lies, Donald Trump came out on topDonald Trump  (Credit: AP/Chuck Burton)
Thursday night’s Fox Business Network debate was, from the first moment to its last flourishes, a terrifying spectacle. We’re not far removed from the Iowa caucuses and the field is still crowded, so extra effort was put in by the candidates to distinguish themselves and maybe take a well-timed, late-stage bite out of Donald Trump’s lead in the polls. No one managed to do that. Quite the opposite, in fact. Trump had probably the best debate performance he’s turned in to date, while the candidates beneath him busied themselves with tearing each other apart in a grim display of prevarication and fearmongering nonsense.
The one big development we saw was Ted Cruz finally – finally – attacking Trump on the big stage. After months and months spent flattering Trump and refusing to say so much as one negative syllable about the man in the hopes that Trump’s supporters would jump ship, Cruz has come to the conclusion that he can no longer wait for the Trump collapse to happen on its own and has to start taking matters into his own hands. And Trump gave him the opening he needed by questioning Cruz’s eligibility for office owing to the accident of his Canadian birth. Cruz argued that the issue only came up because “Donald is dismayed that his poll numbers are falling in Iowa,” and said to Trump: “You’re an American, as is everybody else on this stage, and I would suggest we focus on who’s best prepared to be commander- in-chief.” It was one of the more effective rebuttals to Trumpism we’ve seen to date.








2/  Frank Bruni's column from the Times.....

The Republican presidential debate in North Charleston, S.C

Remember that phase of the campaign when Ted Cruz spoke no ill of Donald Trump, who returned the favor?
You may now forget it. Bury it. Write its obituary, in a pen dipped in acid.
At Thursday night’s Republican debate, the two frontrunners didn’t merely spar, as was expected. They glared at and scolded each other with a venomousness that was initially mesmerizing, then horrifying and finally just sad—very, very sad.
The trajectory of the Republican primary has been one of growing pessimism, intensifying acrimony and abundant pettiness, and it reached its ugly nadir on the stage in North Charleston, S.C.














3/  An overview of the collapse of intelligence in Republican politics.....excellent comments.....

A total embarrassment: 3 takeaways from a GOP debate that brushed rock bottom in American politics 

There is no single word in the English language capable of describing the embarrassing display the GOP just put on


A total embarrassment: 3 takeaways from a GOP debate that brushed rock bottom in American politicsDonald Trump  (Credit: AP/Chuck Burton)
It may not represent the absolute nadir of modern American politics, but the presidential debate held by the Fox Business Network in South Carolina on Thursday night surely ranks among the very worst.
Indeed, if you were to try to describe what transpired on that stage in a single word, you couldn’t do it. We have no word for such a garish combination of frivolity, crassness, belligerence, dogma, and ignorance. It is beyond the English language. “Traveshamockery,” perhaps, comes close.
And, yes, this is more or less what you hear from lefties such as myself after everyGOP presidential debate. In our defense, however, that’s because it’s true! Similar to the way that, thanks to climate change, nearly every Summer is the hottest in recorded history, the life-zapping nothingness of these presidential debates appears to have no upper-limit. It does not get better, no sir.












4/  Megan Kelly is one of the few smart anchors in Foxland, which is why it was wonderful to see Tavis Smiley put her in her place as she trots out the Fox talking points on race.....a delicious five minutes....

Smiley is sooooo articulate....

Watch Tavis Smiley brilliantly deflect Fox News talking points on race on "The Kelly File"
On “The Kelly File” Monday evening, host Megyn Kelly spoke to PBS’s Tavis Smiley about the state of race relations in America today, which according to a recent Gallup poll are worse now than when the president first took office.
Smiley opened by noting that this is largely the Republican’s fault, as they have made the president’s race a divisive issue by other means.
“But people were crying the night he was elected in Chicago,” Kelly replied, “and I don’t want to say he was ‘The Messenger,’ but this was a guy who could change things.”
Smiley said that we will “debating unto time immemorial whether or not the right move was to go after jobs or healthcare first.”













5/  Did you watch SOTU on Tuesday? If so, you might be interested in this story from Salon.....nails it.....

Denial, paranoia and bigotry: Obama warns against Republican ugliness and they immediately prove him rightBarack Obama is welcomed by Paul Ryan and Joe Biden prior to delivering his final State of the Union address, January 12, 2016.  (Credit: Reuters/Evan Vucci)
In the days and hours before President Obama’s final State of the Union address, the White House was sending signals that he planned to go out in style, releasing a dramatic movie trailer-style video, complete with a sly reference to the smash Broadway hit “Hamilton.” And sure enough, the song “One Last Time,” about Washington’s farewell address to the nation, seemed to have its influence, with its themes about blowing off critics who say you are weak and the wariness of partisan divisiveness.
Obama hit all the requisite marks for a State of the Union address: Cataloging past successes, describing current obstacles, outlining bold plans for the future. But, at its heart, the speech was ultimately a lengthy rebuttal to — and a warning about — the metastasizing ugliness and hatred that is pouring out of the conservative movement and the Republican Party that relies on this increasingly vitriolic, hateful conservative base.











6/  And a great Colbert commentary on SOTU......a good one! About six minutes.....
Paul Ryan "didn't even applaud for the troops! That's like booing apple pie!": Stephen Colbert's perfect takedown of the House speaker
Everyone was at Tuesday’s State of the Union, with the exception of a very happy John Boehner “who was at home watching a Property Brothers marathon,” Stephen Colbert joked on Wednesday’s show.
The president’s speech was, in part, a record of accomplishments from the economy he saved, to the auto industry he saved, to Osama bin Laden who he killed. “He just put them on the table,” Colbert pantomimed dropping something more personal than a mic. But while the speech made Colbert feel “a little misty, cause it was a little listy,” it did cause him to break into the Billy Joel song “We Didn’t Start The Fire” a few times.
The hardest thing about the speech, however, was Paul Ryan’s need to seem both engaged and enraged as the head of the opposition party. He even told CNN he was practicing his poker face in the mirror beforehand.













7/  You may have seen the kerfuffle around Sean Penn's interview with El Chapo for Rolling Stone....here Seth Meyers has some comments and jokes....

On Late Night Monday, host Seth Meyers dedicated his desk segment to taking square aim at the bizarre circumstances surrounding actor Sean Penn‘s secret interview with Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán in Mexico.
“He bursts out of jail the way other people wear khakis on a Friday,” joked Meyers, referring to the seeming ease with which El Chapo has escaped authorities in the past. His last escape over the summer was part of an elaborate plan that involved a mile-long tunnel and a secretly-hidden motorbike.
Meyers mocked CNN’s coverage of the hotel that Mexican authorities reportedly brought the drug kingpin, asking “Is [CNN’s Martin Savage] reporting on the hotel or advertising for it?”. And when Meyers pivoted to reveal the Hollywood ambitions that El Chapo had to make a movie based on his life, the host played a little inside baseball; he joked, “So bad news, the El Chapo movie is probably on hold. But the good news is, if you want to see what it would have looked like, you can just edit together scenes of Scarface, Shawshank Redemption, and Horatio Sanz sketches,” referring to his longtime Saturday Night Livecastmember and friend.











8/  There are mixed reviews of Ricky Gervais's hosting of the Golden Globes, so here it is - judge for yourself.....it's about 9 minutes of Gervais's smutty British humour.....

I found it pretty funny, but I thought Tina and Amy did a better job last year.

Screen Shot 2016-01-10 at 8.19.08 PMBritish comic and provocateur Ricky Gervaisdelights in making people nervous with anticipation for his Golden Globes monologues. After hosting in 2010, 2011, and 2012, Gervais took his fourth go-round Sunday night, and couldn’t even wait for the show to begin to start offending people. Several hours before the show, Gervais sent this eye-opening tweet as an offensive amuse bouche, if you will:
The monologue didn’t quite reach that level of explicitness, but Gervais did stick to his usual mix of lowbrow sexual humor, broadsides at the awards themselves, shocking jabs like his comparison of Pixels to Schindler’s List, and red-hot topical jokes like the Sean Penn interview with El Chapo.










9/  If you are a liberal you may find yourself confounded with some of the conservative beliefs - but it turns out science has a reason for it.....our brains.

So it turns out that Liberals and Conservatives are different in more ways than just our ideology. We actually have very different brains. And according to scientists the neo-Con brain is ruled primarily by one thing….FEAR.

Have you ever wondered exactly what it is that makes you a Liberal instead of a Conservative? Did you just make a decision one day that your feelings and beliefs lean left? Were you raised by Democratic parents who taught you Liberal values? Or could there be more to it?  Maybe you were just born with a predisposition to be a Lib.
Well as it turns out, there have been several studies which reveal that the brains of Liberals and Conservatives are actually very different. And these differences really are a good thing. It’s like nature has given us a built-in system of checks and balances. It’s what makes Conservatives prone to want stability and order, while the Liberals go after progress and reform.
One thing that the researchers have found is that Liberals have larger and more active anterior cingulate cortex, or ACC, than our Conservative counterparts. And while they are lacking in the ACC department, they actually have larger amygdala than we do.
What this means is that basically the more developed ACC allows the Liberal to be a better problem solver. It helps us to cipher through difficult information and make educated decisions.











No apologies for putting this again.....love it!

10/  A video from the German producer Zedd - featuring Foxes, "Clarity".....one of the best EDM songs and indeed videos of 2013.....
I find this interesting because the film makes absolutely no sense whatever, with half set in a beautiful desert, the hero is a hippie loser you move across the sidewalk to avoid, the singer is the first JAP I've seen in a music vid, there are amazing graphics and it's got a convertible GTO.....

Song is pretty good though......very passionate and catchy.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IxxstCcJlsc












11/  This looked like an interesting story, so I opened it - and about half an hour later I had seen 15 or so trailers for movies coming next year, and a few of these movies look amazing! 

Be warned - these trailers are addictive......start with the first one from the Coen Brothers 'Hail Caesar".....

tktk
(Illustration by Brittany Falussy)
Chances are good that most folks are still a little hungover from all the lightsaber fights, superhero flights of fancy, Western revivals and "bear rapes" that characterized filmgoing in the Year of Our Lord 2015. But the movies, like time and Black Friday shoppers, wait for no man, and the first few weeks of 2016 has already started to bring on new horror flicks, Kevin Hart comedies and, at long last, Michael Bay's take on Benghazi.
It's the beginning of what should be an interesting 12 months in the dark, which promises everything from the usual blockbuster suspects (superhero movies, sequels, star vehicles, another Star Wars movie) to big-name director projects (new films from the Coen brothers, Malick, Linklater, Spielberg, Stone — though Martin Scorsese's Silence is now looking like a 2017 release) to a handful of indie/foreign/arthouse/genre movies that border on the unclassifiable (see Green Room and The Witch by any means necessary).
So we're counting down 50 of the most anticipated movies coming out in 2016, from big-studio releases to some under-the-radar, oddball movies we're looking forward to catching.  Mark your calendars and stock up on Visine. Here's what you'll be seeing at theaters near you for the next year.











Todays video - a size comparison of the planets and stars......two minutes of awesome....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XE0aAZE0kp4&feature=player_embedded











Todays blonde joke
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust  and she’s in dire financial straits. 
She’s desperate, so she decides to ask God for help.
She begins to pray… ‘God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and 
if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please  let
me win the lottery’
Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins.
She again prays… ‘God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.’
Lottery night comes and she still has no luck.
Once again, she prays… ‘My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost
my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t
often ask You for help, and I’ve always been a good servant to You.
 
PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life  back in order.’
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open.
The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself…
‘Sweetheart, work with Me on this…. Buy a ticket.’






Todays sensitive male joke

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands.

The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial.  It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
 
"Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her.  In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both."
 
The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. 

After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand. 

"Yes?" said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag?
 
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it? This level of sensitivity can't be taught.







Todays golf jokes

David Feherty is a CBS and Golf Channel announcer, who finds very unique, colorful and uninhibited ways of explaining or describing whatever is on his mind...(probably always on time delay these days).
Feherty Quotes:

"It would be easier to pick a broken nose, than a winner in that group."

"Fortunately, Rory is 22 years old so his right wrist should be the strongest muscle in his body."

"That ball is so far left, Lassie couldn't find it if it was wrapped in bacon."

" I am sorry Nick Faldo couldn't be here this week. He is attending the birth of his next wife."

Jim Furyk's swing "looks like an octopus falling out of a tree."

Describing VJ Singh's prodigious practice regime - "VJ hits more balls than Elton John's chin." (Thought I was going to hurt myself laughing at this one.)

"That's a great shot with that swing."

"It's OK - the bunker stopped it."

At Augusta 2011 - "It's just a glorious day. The only way to ruin a day like this would be to play golf on it."

"That was a great shot - if they'd have put the pin there today."

"Watching Phil Mickelson play golf is like watching a drunk chasing a balloon near the edge of a cliff."

"That green appears smaller than a Pygmy's nipple".