Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday February 19th


1/  An excellent column this week from Andrew Sullivan, with three thought provoking stories....from the left wing of the Democratic party - opportunities but also dangers, why we are collectively numb to climate change, and a eulogy for a Congressman ....all three worth reading.....
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer; Photos: Getty Images
Watching Congresswoman Ilhan Omar this past week has been, shall we say, illuminating. In some ways, I find myself inspired. Finally in 2019, we have one of two Muslim women in the U.S. Congress, proudly wearing a hijab, and immediately destroying any stupid stereotypes of Muslim women as subservient or silent. We have a seemingly fearless and often charming woman of color with the temerity to interrogate the overwhelmingly white and male foreign policy blob in the heart of our political system. We have a refugee from Somalia as a young congresswoman, a hard-left analogue to the great Ayaan Hirsi Ali.
This, if you need reminding, is America in 2019.



2/  Yeay - John Oliver is back, and he gives us an amusing and informative recap of the week's news.....11 minutes....
John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight made its raucous return to HBO on Sunday night after a three-month hiatus, quickly bringing viewers up to speed on all the news the show had missed:
– Every single person is now running for President
– Jeff Bezos told us all to keep an eye out for his dick pic
– The President has been very busy.
Among Trump’s accomplishments of the past few months, he famously posed for a feast of 300 hamburgers, or as he put it in a tweet “over 1,000 hamberders,” Oliver said.
On Christmas eve he told a little girl on the phone that her belief in Santa Claus was “marginal” at her age – “perfectly on brand” for Trump, given his talent for “f*cking up” children, Oliver said as a photo of Trump’s kids aired.
But the “major drama” during Last Week Tonight’s break was Trump’s ongoing effort to get Congress to fund 
his border wall, including shutting down the government for about a month.




3/  The SNL cold open with Alec Baldwin as the idiot in chief announcing his emergency.....this is the skit Trump angrily tweeted about and threatened Baldwin's family....six amusing [painfully amusing] minutes...
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4/  You may have seen this week how Amazon paid zero, yes zero taxes on it's $11 billion in revenue.....but this isn't the only way this monster [who we all use] is crippling America....interesting story from Nation of Change....
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Capitalism is failing in America, and Amazon is both the cause and beneficiary of much of the breakdown. Jeff Bezos said, “We’ve had three big ideas at Amazon that we’ve stuck with for 18 years, and they’re the reason we’re successful: Put the customer first. Invent. And be patient.” He might have added three capitalist practices familiar to his company: (1) Pay no taxes; (2) Drive competitors out of business; and (3) Exploit workers. https://www.nationofchange.org/2019/02/18/how-a-failing-capitalist-system-is-allowing-amazon-to-cripple-america/


5/  David Wallace-Wells in the Times with a story on climate change titled "It's Time To Panic".....how scientists are finally 
speaking up....
The age of climate panic is here. Last summer, a heat wave baked the entire Northern Hemisphere, killing dozens from Quebec to Japan. Some of the most destructive wildfires in California history turned more than a million acres to ash, along the way melting the tires and the sneakers of those trying to escape the flames. Pacific hurricanes forced three million people in China to flee and wiped away almost all of Hawaii’s East Island
We are living today in a world that has warmed by just one degree Celsius (1.8 degrees Fahrenheit) 
since the late 1800s, when records began on a global scale. We are adding planet-warming carbon 
dioxide to the atmosphere at a rate faster than at any point in human history since the beginning of industrialization.




6/  A British view of Trump.....well written.....
Someone asked "Why do some British people not like Donald Trump?" 
Nate White, an articulate and witty writer from England, wrote this magnificent response:
"A few things spring to mind.
Trump lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem.
For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace - all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed.
So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw Trump’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.
Plus, we like a laugh. And while Trump may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing - not once, ever.
I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility - for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman.
But with Trump, it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is - his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.
Trump is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers.
And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults - he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.
There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface.
Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront.
Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul.
And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist.
Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that.
He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat.
He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.
And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully.
That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a snivelling sidekick instead.
There are unspoken rules to this stuff - the Queensberry rules of basic decency - and he breaks them all. He punches downwards - which a gentleman should, would, could never do - and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless - and he kicks them when they are down.
So the fact that a significant minority - perhaps a third - of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think 'Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:
* Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.
* You don't need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.
This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss.
After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum.
God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid.
He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart.
In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws - he would make a Trump.
And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish:
'My God… what… have… I… created?
If being a twat was a TV show, Trump would be the boxed set."



7/  I love Bill Maher - he really cuts through the BS, especially politically correct nonsense....this "New Rules" is one of his better ones....
At the end of his show Friday night, HBO’s Real Time host Bill Maherripped Democrats for “swiping left” on good candidates.
He started off by saying that nearly 45 million Americans now identify as Democrats and “all of them” are running for president.
Maher then said this, drawing applause: “This time, let’s give them a chance. Let’s not eat our own, the way we nitpicked Hillary [Clinton] to death over her emails and other bullshit.”


8/  Paul Krugman with a column about how Trump is hiring the worst economists to run our institutions....scary stuff....
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U.S. political discussion has been dominated by the issue of Donald Trump’s wall — an issue on which Trump's irrationality keeps surprising even his critics. So I don’t imagine that many people have heard about Trump’s nomination of David Malpass, currently an under secretary at the Treasury Department, to lead the World Bank. But it’s a story worth following.
For one thing, while the U.S. traditionally gets to choose the World 
Bank’s president (Europe gets the International Monetary Fund), there will be a lot of opposition to Malpass, who has a history of being hostile to international institutions. Furthermore, the Malpass nomination highlights the remarkable character of Trump’s economic appointments.
Remarkable in what way? Well, remarkably bad.




9/  John Oliver with one of his brilliant comedic reporting segments, and this one is where the UK stands with Brexit. His summary is excellent and informative, and if you watch this 21 minute video you will be up to date with the disaster that is likely to happen....
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John Oliver kicked off the sixth season of Last Week Tonight on Sunday night by checking in on Brexit, which, you will perhaps not be surprised to hear, is still an enormous clusterfuck. To give his viewers some sense of the enormity of the clusterfuck in question, Oliver had to use extreme methods: a Churchillian address about how steadfastly the U.K. has committed to fucking itself, a mug reading “You’ve Pretty Much Fucked Yourself With a Rusty Piece of Rebar,” and most shockingly of all, a music video from a boy band called the Breunion Boys urging the U.K. to remain in the European Union. 




10/  The 8 most controversial late night moments from 2018 with the clips.....and I'm delighted to say DDD had five of the eight for you.....
The one I didn't that I should have is below.....James Corden with Paul McCartney.....wonderful!
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And especially in 2018, it seemed, the late-night men and still-too-few women frequently struggled to find the best ways to joke about this president and the madness that surrounds him. The daily onslaught of crazy from the White House, combined with a viewing public increasingly eager to call out any perceived transgression on social media, led to an unprecedented level of outrage, often of the “faux” variety. 
Here, in chronological order, are the most controversial late-night clips of 2018.



11/  Believe it or not Australia's government is a climate denier, but read how extreme weather is crippling Australia, from droughts, fires to flooding.....
WAMBOIN, Australia — This is what climate change looks like, Australia style: A viral video, released in early January, of two middle-aged men, one a local farmer, standing knee deep in the stagnant shallows of an outback river, cradling the corpses of two enormous fish.
The river is the Darling, just south of the Menindee Lakes in northwest New South Wales, and the fish are Murray cod, native, iconic and endangered. Given their size, these two could be more than half a century old. Behind the men, who are close to weeping, thousands more fish drift belly-up, asphyxiated in a cold snap that killed the blue-green algae blooming along the river and deprived the water of oxygen. Unprecedented summer temperatures and low water levels produced the algal bloom, which can itself be an indication of a waterway under stress.


12/  New York Magazine's Vulture with the 100 best movies on Netflix right now.....you might want to save this article....lots of great films you haven't seen yet....
And 10 points if you know which movie this is from....
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With thousands of movies to choose from, and a navigation system and algorithm that don’t always make the right choice easy to find, it can be difficult to know what to watch on Netflix. That’s why we’re here, breaking down the 100 best movies on the service at this minute, with regular updates for titles that have been removed and when new ones are added. We’ve done the hard work, so now the only thing you have to do is sit back and, uh, watch all 100 movies.




Todays video [finally] - James Corden and Paul McCartney....23 charming and amusing minutes....



Todays blond jokes - male versions!
A friend told the blond man: "Christmas is on a Friday this year." The blond man then said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
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Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
 
One asked, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says,"We'll lie and say we only found two."
------------------------------------ 
    
A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: "Close your curtains the next time
 you & your wife are having sex. 
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blonde man replied: "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even
at home yesterday."
------------------------------------ 
    
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
------------------------------ 
    
A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
The blond man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". ------------------------------------ 
    
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
    
------------------------------------ 
    
A blond man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
------------------------------------ 
    
A blonde man was driving home, drunk as a skunk. Suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a
tree, then another, then another.
A cop pulls him over, so he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "That's your air freshener swinging about!"
------------------------------------ 
    
A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.
------------------------------------ 
    
A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"It should be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
------------------------------------


Todays religious joke

A 65 year old wealthy widow had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she  asked "Is my time up?" 
And God said, "No, you have another 33 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

 Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it and find a young stud.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.   
While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

 Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 33 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of that ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you!!!!!"
 

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Davids Daily Dose - Thursday February 14th



1/  We may be seeing Trump's tax returns in the future, but it will be in spite of Republicans' feeble efforts to block this process....interesting details of the blatant hypocrisy of the Republicans...
Donald Trump, President of the United States and legitimate businessman. Photo: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images
The first two years of the Trump administration, Republicans controlled both chambers of Congress and could quash any movement to compel the release of President Trump’s tax returns without much public discussion. Now that Democrats control the House, and have the legal power to get the tax returns, Republicans have been forced to muster positive arguments for why Trump should be able to conceal his financial information.




2/  You may have watched SOTU, but only Bad Lip Reading knows what they really said....an amusing three minutes...
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3/  An "on form" Samantha Bee with her take on how Fox News is attacking the "Green New Deal", a good one - five excellent minutes with some great zingers....
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Samantha Bee dedicated the opening segment of her show to the “terrifying thing that has been tearing America apart.” No, not Will Smith’s Genie from Aladdin, but rather the progressive Green New Deal that was introduced by “Republicans’ wet nightmare” Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.” 
After playing a montage of various pundits criticizing the plan, the Full Frontalhost said, “It’s ‘too expensive’ and ‘too hard’ isn’t a reason not to save the world. It’s a reason not to have a destination wedding.” She added, “The Green New Deal has been controversial, but the idea behind it really shouldn’t be. An overwhelming number of experts agree we only have about 12 years to stop climate change from devastating our planet.”




4/  Benjamin Studebaker with some words on the Democratic candidates in the 2020 race.....he might surprise you....
I want to argue that these metrics are largely useless. Instead, I want to give you a much better toolkit for assessing candidates–one that most journalists don’t know how to use.
Image result for democratic presidential candidates 2020
At this point, many media people have figured out that politicians can use rhetoric in misleading ways. Someone can promise you “hope” and “change” or claim to be “progressive” but unless you have a sense for what those words mean to that politician they are just words. So these days we demand that candidates tell us what their policy positions are. We think that we’re so smart for caring about policy–unlike the unwashed masses that fall for the rhetoric.




5/  SNL sketch that nails the Virginia blackface issue.....hey, it's Virginia in the 80's.....a most amusing four minutes....
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SNL did not steer clear from the blackface controversy surrounding Virginia governor Ralph Northam and the state’s Attorney General Mark Herring during their latest show.
Instead, they hit it hard and early.
In an early clip, Kenan Thompson played a government official who asked — after the room came to an agreement that the state’s  Lt. Governor should resign — if those in the room had every worn blackface.




6/  A painfully funny Tom Tomorrow....
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7/  Seth Meyers with a look at the alternate reality Trump lives in, fueled and reinforced by Fox News.....good comic journalism, 9 minutes.... 
Seth Meyers went after Fox News for reinforcing President Donald Trump’s “alternate reality” in his latest Closer Look.
In an interview that aired after Trump’s Texas rally on Fox News, Trump admitted to Laura Ingraham that he had actually chosen to do the interview with her, rather than read the proposed bipartisan deal to avoid the shutdown.
Meyers did not let that presidential comment slide.
“He literally said, I had a choice between running the government and going on Fox News, and I chose Fox News,” Meyers said. “No quote has ever summed up Trump’s presidency better than that.




8/  The full clip of Michelle Obama at the Grammys.....roll this forward to the 2.40 mark to see her introduction and her remarks....and her standing O from the audience!
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9/  AOC in Congress exposing how easy it is for politicians to be corrupt.....this is a glimpse of the charisma and intelligence of this rising star.....five excellent and viral minutes...
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10/  Bill Maher shreds the media narrative of both Republicans and Democrats are to blame for our corrosive politics....it's only the Republicans!
An excellent five minutes....
Bill Maher attempted to put to rest the conventional wisdom that both political parties are to blame for the apocalyptic nightmare we are currently in. On Real Time Friday night, he started his argument using former Starbucks CEO and possible 2020 Independent presidential candidate Howard Schultz as an example. Schultz’s main stated motivation to run is to save Americans from both Democrats and Republicans.
Schultz’s “central premise that we need an independent because both sides have become equally extreme” and “this idea of a pox on both of their houses is just factually wrong,” Maher said during his New Rules segment.




11/  Meathead!
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12/  If you've seen the incredibly good movie "Green Book" you will like this story about how the pivotal scene in the Alabama restaurant was changed.....most interesting. If you haven't seen the movie, you missed a great one....
Mahershala Ali (left) and Viggo Mortensen in Green BookPhoto: Patti Perret/Universal Pictures
Over the next few weeks, Vulture will speak to the screenwriters of 2018’s most acclaimed movies about the scenes they found hardest to crack. Which pivotal sequence underwent the biggest transformation on the way from script to screen? Today, Green Book writer-director Peter Farrelly — who is nominated for an Academy Award for best original screenplay and whose film is up for a best picture Oscar — unpacks his difficulty plotting a key scene in which jazz/classical pianist Don “Doc” Shirley (Mahershala Ali) is turned away from a whites-only hotel dining room, putting his driver-cum-bodyguard Tony “Lip” Vallelonga (Viggo Mortensen) in a tricky situation. The scene is then excerpted below.




13/  This looks good, "Russian Doll" on Netflix....article has spoilers....
Nadia has to deal with a very long night in the terrific Russian Doll. Netflix
Natasha Lyonne is one of my favorite actors. 
That’s one of my few shareable reactions to the new Netflix comedy Russian Doll, because the less you know about this terrific new series, the better. So let me just assure you that Lyonne is the star, she gets to showcase her considerable range, and her gift for wildly unconventional line readings is on full display. The series is probably too weird to win a bunch of Emmys, but God willing, Lyonne will be nominated. She’s so good.



Todays diary joke
Wife’s Diary;
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk
 He agreed, but he didn't say much
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "nothing."
 I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior.
I don't know why he didn't say, “I love you, too.” 
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
 He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep; I cried.
I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

Husband's  Diary:
A one-foot putt...who misses a one-foot putt?



Todays mixed bag of groaners....
  1. Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
  2. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
  3. I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
  4. My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
  5. I'm so good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes closed.
  6. My boss told me to have a good day.. so I went home.
  7. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
  8. A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"
  9. The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
  10. Why do blind people hate skydiving? It scares the hell out of their dogs.
  11. When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs.
  12. My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"
  13. What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? Roberto.
  14. What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old? Aye matey.
  15. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  16. I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  17. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn't see that well.
  18. I ate a clock yesterday, it was very time consuming.
  19. Whatdya call a frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
  20. A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
  21. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.
  22. What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
  23. Did you hear about the italian chef that died? He pasta way.
  24. Why couldn't the bicycle stand up? Because it was two tired!
  25. Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
  26. My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  27. Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
  28. When a deaf person sees someone yawn do they think it’s a scream?
  29. As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
  30. How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the physco path.
  31. And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". John came fifth and won a toaster.
  32. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
  33. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do *not* read it!
  34. What did one hat say to the other? You stay here. I’ll go on ahead.
  35. Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure? Because he was a little shellfish.