Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Davids Daily Dose - Tuesday March 19th

Make sure you look at #11.....important!

1/  Frank Rich on last weeks news.....excellent as always...
Trump declaring an emergency at the southern border. Photo: Brendan Smialowski/AFP/Getty Images
Most weeks, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich speaks with contributor Alex Carp about the biggest stories in politics and culture. Today, Republican senators standing up to Trump, Beto O’Rourke’s presidential announcement, and the national fascination with the college admissions scandal.
The struggle between the White House and an empowered Congress has spread to the Senate — and to congressional Republicans — who have voted down Trump’s national emergency declaration and U.S. support for Saudi Arabia’s military campaign in Yemen. Is this about Congress trying to reclaim its position as a coequal branch of government, as some Republicans claim, or is the party turning against Trump? 
Republicans in general, who continue to give Trump a 90 percent approval rating, and the Vichy Republicans in Congress in particular, have not remotely turned against their dear leader.



2/  I love Bill Maher.....here he calls out Dems for being frightened of tough and/or stupid questions.....five good minutes....
Bill Maher closed his show Friday night by tearing into Democrats for not going on Fox News, even deciding not to let Fox News host any debates.
He told the party to “grow a pair” and play an away game, saying, “You want to be in the big leagues but you refuse to ever play an away game? You don’t like the questions that Fox News might ask so you’re deciding to not take any questions at all? How very Trump of you.”




3/  Andrew Sullivan on the power of the Israeli lobby.....it's frightening....
Rep. Ilhan Omar during a news conference on prescription drugs in January. Photo: Alex Wong/Getty Images
Let’s get this out of the way first: Using the phrases “all about the Benjamins” and “allegiance to a foreign country” when referring to the Israel lobby in D.C., as freshman Democratic representative Ilhan Omar recently did, is anti-Semitic. It should be possible to criticize Washington’s relationship with Israel without deploying crude and freighted language like this. But it got me wondering: Is it possible to write honestly about the Israel lobby’s power in D.C. without using any anti-Semitic “tropes” at all?
The basic facts are not really in dispute. A very powerful lobby deploys the money and passions of its members to ensure that a foreign country gets very, very special treatment from the U.S. Many of its supporters are Evangelical Protestants who want to accelerate the Second Coming.




4/  They ran a rerun of the Matt Damon SNL show from last year this last Saturday, and Trump apparently watched it and went berserk....calling for an investigation into why they are allowed to make fun of him. It's the "Wonderful Life" takeoff, and it's truly one of their best....and when you watch it you can see how it got under this asshole's skin.....an excellent six minutes....



5/  This is the Jane Mayer story from the New Yorker with the full scope of the way Fox News owns Trump, and basically runs the country....
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In January, during the longest government shutdown in America’s history, President Donald Trump rode in a motorcade through Hidalgo County, Texas, eventually stopping on a grassy bluff overlooking the Rio Grande. The White House wanted to dramatize what Trump was portraying as a national emergency: the need to build a wall along the Mexican border. The presence of armored vehicles, bales of confiscated marijuana, and federal agents in flak jackets underscored the message.
But the photo op dramatized something else about the Administration. After members of the press pool got out of vans and headed over to where the President was about to speak, they noticed that Sean Hannity, the Fox News host, was already on location.



6/  Yup....driven on all of them, and this is the way they are!
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7/  An excellent article that poses the question "why can't policies that a bipartisan majority of Americans agree on ever get through our government"?  
Good question, depressing answer.....
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We are told that America is divided and polarized as never before. Yet when it comes to many important areas of policy, that simply isn’t true.
About 75 percent of Americans favor higher taxes for the ultrawealthy. The idea of a federal law that would guarantee paid maternity leaveattracts 67 percent support. Eighty-three percent favor strong net neutrality rules for broadband, and more than 60 percent want stronger privacy laws. Seventy-one percent think we should be able to buy drugs imported from Canada, and 92 percent want Medicare to negotiate for lower drug prices. The list goes on.
The defining political fact of our time is not polarization. It’s the inability of even large 
bipartisan majorities to get what they want on issues like these.



8/  Sam Bee on Tucker Carlson.....very amusing....five minutes....



9/  If you are like me you are probably already sick of the Dems race for the 2020 candidate, but this is an excellent story from 
Rolling Stone on NOT picking the safe candidate.....and Beto is a safe candidate just like Biden....
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There is a powerful pull to the idea of electability, especially in a year when Democrats are desperate to dethrone Trump. But history tells us that the candidates we perceive to be electable rarely result in Election Day victories.
Back in mid-December, before setting out on his vision-quest road trip, Beto O’Rourke held one last town hall as El Paso’s three-term congressman. By then, he had already seen himself rapidly become the Democratic establishment’s dream candidate for president after narrowly losing his U.S. Senate challenge to Ted Cruz — “He’s Barack Obama, but white,” one big donor gushed to Politico. And then, just as quickly, he’d watched his voting record (more conservative than many Democrats) and “bipartisan” rhetoric undergo a level of harsh scrutiny he hadn’t experienced while running in Texas. So he couldn’t have been surprised at the question a reporter posed that day: Are you a progressive? 



10/  A millennial job interview.....two minutes, and I know it's not as bad as this....or is it?



11/  For anyone in their 60's and beyond this may be the most important story you will ever read. A researcher has discovered a link between an over the counter supplement and stopping the development of Alzheimers. You will ask why haven't we read about this before, but think about it - if a $15 bottle of a supplement will help you, it completely cuts out the medical-industrial's profits from treating the disease. Indeed, since this article was published in Fortune Magazine last month I am expecting lots of spin to come "disproving " the supplement....but read it - make up your own mind, and if you are like me and Mary you will be ordering your pills ASAP.
Don't wait for your doctor to tell you about this - they won't.
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In a small lab in Jackson Hole, Wyo., 65-year-old Paul Cox believes he’s closing in on a treatment that might prevent Alzheimer’s disease. And ALS. And a host of other neurodegenerative diseases, for that matter. Cox, we should point out, isn’t a neurologist. He isn’t a physician of any kind. He doesn’t work at a big drug company or an academic medical center or a government laboratory. His ideas come from so far outside the mainstream of neurological research that you might think he’s crazy or deluded or worse. But then, some very credible people think he might be on to something big—which might make the improbable, quixotic story you are about to read one of the most important as well.



12/  Melanie [and her sister?] paid a surprise visit to the Colbert show.....hilarious....six minutes...
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Laura Benanti returned to the Late Show on Friday to reprise her role as Melania Trump and talk about the body double conspiracy.
The theory  — which posits Melania is a fake — gained so much steam, even President Donald Trump felt the need to reply earlier this week.




13/  Umair with an article titled "Do Americans Know How Much Trouble They're In"? A good summary of our dysfunction....
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President who invokes absolute authority to…pardon himself. An ambassador to Germany who declares he wants to…topple the German government. Senators — the most powerful people in democracy, save the President — knocking on the door of a “detainment center”, looking for kids separated from their parents, only to be denied by guards who…laugh at them contemptuously, call the police, and have them shooed away like nobodies.
Do Americans understand how much trouble they’re now in? How grave the threat to America’s constitutional democracy, its civil society, its place in the world, and its ongoing survival is? Now. When I ask this question, you’ll protest: “Of course I do!” (or perhaps “You’re overstating it!!”, in which case the answer is already…no.) But I don’t mean you, yourself. I am asking you to ask yourself about everyone else, perhaps the mythical average American.



14/  Interesting article about kicking your screen addiction.....good one!
My name is Kevin, and I have a phone problem.
And if you’re anything like me — and the statistics suggest you probably are, at least where smartphones are concerned — you have one, too.
I don’t love referring to what we have as an “addiction.” That seems too sterile and clinical to describe what’s happening to our brains in the smartphone era. Unlike alcohol or opioids, phones aren’t an addictive substance so much as a species-level environmental shock. We might someday evolve the correct biological hardware to live in harmony with portable supercomputers that satisfy our every need and connect us to infinite amounts of stimulation. But for most of us, it hasn’t happened yet.
I’ve been a heavy phone user for my entire adult life. But sometime last year, I crossed the invisible line into problem territory. 



15/  The 50 best TV shows on Netflix.....you might want to save this one....
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We’ve already broken down the 100 best movies that you can watch on Netflix right now, but maybe you don’t like movies? Maybe you’re in the mood for a new TV series to binge or a classic you haven’t seen in a generation? A lot of people would rather spend hours or even days with the same characters in a TV series, and Netflix has one for every mood. Here are the 50 best TV shows you could binge right now, updated regularly as new shows enter and old shows leave. Watch all 50 and report back!     https://www.vulture.com/article/best-tv-shows-on-netflix.html



16/ Movie review....."Us", directed by Jordan Peele.....a scary one!
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But if his latest film proves nothing else, it’s that Get Out was not a fluke and the former sketch comedian is not a horror-movie dilettante — as if that really needed confirming. And while this story of a family who find themselves staring down homicidal dopplegängers has its share of laugh-out loud moments, the man has doubled down on the sharp-shock intensity. Us is terrifying. It is extraordinarily made, impeccably composed and paced, completely in control of how out of control it gets and genuinely seat-soiling scary.



Todays video - funny commercials....



Todays retiree joke
This is what all of us 70+ to 80+ year olds  have to look forward to!!
 
This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there had small apartments but they all ate at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly, so she went back to the dining area. 

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room but found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. 

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast. 

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first stair step so they called an ambulance for him. 

A couple hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. 

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one side of his boxer shorts. 

am sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know all the facts.
  

Todays puns
1. A man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation for a local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
2. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day. Even the cake was in tiers.
3. I was getting into my car the other day and a man said 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, chase your dreams, go for it!'
4. My wife and I were happy for 20 years. But then we met.
5. The thing about dwarfs and midgets is that they have very little in common.
6. How do prisoners call each other? On their cell phones!
7. Did you hear about the man who lost his entire left side in an accident? He's all right now.
8. Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box.
9. People who lack the patience for calligraphy will never have properly formed characters.
10. What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.
11. The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.
12. Waking up this morning was an eye-opening experience.
13. I tripped over my wife's bra. It seemed to be a booby trap!
14. She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
15. My math teacher called me average. How mean!
16. Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Thursday, March 7, 2019

Davids Daily Dose - Thursday March 7th



1/  The excellent Frank Rich on the weeks news....
It appears Kushner has lies and nepotism to thank for his security clearance. Photo: MANDEL NGAN/AFP/Getty Images
Most weeks, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich speaks with contributor Alex Carp about the biggest stories in politics and culture. Today, new revelations about Jared Kushner’s security clearance, the fallout from the Michael Cohen hearing, and Mark Meadows’s birtherism.
According to a report in the New York TimesJared Kushner received his top-secret security clearance because of an “order” by Donald Trump, spurring the White House counsel and chief of staff to compose memos at the time outlining their concerns. In previous interviews with the press where they had been asked about this directly, Trump and Ivanka both seem to have lied. Should Kushner be forced to resign?
Surely you are not suggesting that Jared resign before he unveils his Middle East peace plan! 




2/  Ben Stiller as Michael Cohen and Bill Hader as the angry Congressman Jordan in the SNL cold open....seven pretty good minutes...
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Ben Stiller once again reprised the role of Michael Cohen as Saturday Night Live‘s cold open spoofed the former Trump lawyer and fixer’s testimony to the Congressional Oversight Committee.
“Now, for any other president, this hearing would be the most damning and humiliating of their lives,” Kenan Thompson’s Elijah Cummings said. “But for Trump, it’s just Wednesday, so please welcome our witness, Mr. Michael Cohen.”
Stiller’s Cohen then delivered his opening statement, co-written by the screenwriter of Green Book. “In conclusion, I know that I was wrong, and I know it because I got caught,” the lawyer said. “For too many years, I was loyal to a man when I should not have been. Now I know how Khloe Kardashian feels.




3/  Interesting article from Eric Levitz about the right's climate denial - but what happens when they accept it? When the food starts to run out, and climate refugees start to pour across borders? Scary stuff, and the scenarios are plausible....
Warming’s coming. Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer; Photos: Getty Images
The reality of climate change has a well-known liberal bias.
Once you accept that the (so-called) free market’s price signals have guided humanity to the brink of destruction, laissez-faire conservatism becomes a filthy joke. And once you recognize that industrial policy in India could determine the fate of your grandchildren — just as the past century of industrial policy in the developed world has (literally) shifted the ground beneath Bangladesh’s feet — jingoistic nationalism becomes a childish indulgence.




4/  Ever wonder how they get the food in food commercials to look so yummy? Watch this three minute expose, and you 
won't be so impressed! Interesting how they do it....



5/  A most interesting story from Vox that makes the case that John Oliver's show "Last Week Tonight" has shaped out TV comedy scene for the better...a quote from the article....
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 But actual information — lucid, fact-checked information — delivered watchably can feel in short supply on the small screen; a thorough investigation that takes the audience’s intelligence seriously and lasts more than a few minutes is increasingly rare.
So a lot of the deeper analysis has increasingly fallen to comedy shows, and Last Week Tonight — which by its very nature can’t cover things as they are happening, since it only airs once per week — has figured out a way to make the news entertaining without making it merely entertaining.

Here at DDD we try to sift through the week's comedic reporting and present the good ones....and a lot of the time it's Oliver's pieces....




6/  SNL Weekend Update skit on delicious meat from stupid animals....Kate McKinnon can't hold it together, very amusing....three minutes...
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This show has a way of making the impossible seem mundane on a weekly basis. We just take it for granted that SNL can do the equivalent of walking across a tightrope while also juggling flaming swords while also blindfolded. That’s what producing a live show in this manner essentially entails. When the seams show, usually it means things have broken down. In this case, Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant confront the oncoming iceberg head-on and manage to steer the ship away from disaster. The results? One of the single funniest segments of any episode this season, all thanks to some surprisingly pungent meats.
That same tension suffused this “Weekend Update” segment from the moment Bryant noted the incredible smell coming from the meat basket prop. The fumes, giggles, and near-gagging soon became contagious. I don’t know how the sausage is made (pun intended) on show night, but it wouldn’t surprise me to learn this was a different meat basket from dress rehearsal, and most likely not intended to break the two performers in the same way SNL would replace the cue cards to mess up Hader while performing Stefan.




7/  Yup....this is what happened...
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8/  This SNL piece was cut for time, but it's three hilarious minutes.....Senator Diane Feinstein, kids and the Green New Deal....
A “Saturday Night Live” video cut from the show because of time constraints this weekend is not doomed to obscurity.
The show posted on its YouTube page the video that takes a jab at Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) for her painfully awkward exchange last month with children on the Green New Deal.
Cecily Strong portrays Feinstein as she tries to make amends for her earlier encounter with students. She discusses the Green New Deal with youngsters but repeatedly needs “do-overs.”




9/  Fascinating article about how the solutions to the financial crisis in 2008 spawned even greater inequality and unfairness in our society....this was in the UK's Financial Times, and it's in full because they have a paywall....but read it, you'll learn something about the real reason the banks were bailed out in 2008 - to keep the elites from suffering....
Is Ben Bernanke the father of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Not in the literal sense, obviously, but in the philosophical and political sense.
As we mark the 10th anniversary of the bull market, it is worth considering whether the efforts of the US Federal Reserve, under Mr Bernanke’s leadership, to avoid 1930s-style debt deflation ended up spawning a new generation of socialists, such as the freshman Congresswoman Ms Ocasio-Cortez, in the home of global capitalism.
Mr Bernanke’s unorthodox “cash for trash” scheme, otherwise known as quantitative easing, drove up asset prices and bailed out baby boomers at the profound political cost of pricing out millennials from that most divisive of asset markets, property. This has left the former comfortable, but the latter with a fragile stake in the society they are supposed to build.
As we look towards the 2020 US presidential election, could Ms Ocasio-Cortez’s leftwing politics become the anthem of choice for America’s millennials?
But before we look forward, it is worth going back a bit. The 2008 crash itself didn’t destroy wealth, but rather revealed how much wealth had already been destroyed by poor decisions taken in the boom. This underscored the truism that the worst of investments are often taken in the best of times.
Recommended FT Magazine Simon Kuper Edward Snowden and the millennial conscience Mr Bernanke, a keen student of the 1930s, understood that a “balance sheet recession” must be combated by reflating assets. By exchanging old bad loans on the banks’ balance sheets with good new money, underpinned by negative interest rates, the Fed drove asset prices skywards. Higher valuations fixed balance sheets and ultimately coaxed more spending and investment. However, such “hyper-trickle-down” economics also meant that wealth inequality was not the unintended consequence, but the objective, of policy.
Soaring asset prices, particularly property prices, drive a wedge between those who depend on wages for their income and those who depend on rents and dividends. This wages versus rents-and-dividends game plays out generationally, because the young tend to be asset-poor and the old and the middle-aged tend to be asset-rich. Unorthodox monetary policy, therefore, penalises the young and subsidises the old.
When asset prices rise much faster than wages, the average person falls further behind. Their stake in society weakens. The faster this new asset-fuelled economy grows, the greater the gap between the insiders with a stake and outsiders without. This threatens a social contract based on the notion that the faster the economy grows, the better off everyone becomes.
What then? Well, politics shifts.
Notwithstanding Winston Churchill’s observation about a 20-year-old who isn’t a socialist not having a heart, and a 40-year-old who isn’t a capitalist having no head, polling indicates a significant shift in attitudes compared with prior generations.
According to the Pew Research Center, American millennials (defined as those born between 1981 and 1996) are the only generation in which a majority (57 per cent) hold “mostly/consistently liberal” political views, with a mere 12 per cent holding more conservative beliefs.
Fifty-eight per cent of millennials express a clear preference for big government. Seventy-nine per cent of millennials believe immigrants strengthen the US, compared to just 56 per cent of baby boomers. On foreign policy, millennials (77 per cent) are far more likely than boomers (52 per cent) to believe that peace is best ensured by good diplomacy rather than military strength. Sixty-seven per cent want the state to provide universal healthcare, and 57 per cent want higher public spending and the provision of more public services, compared with 43 per cent of baby boomers. Sixty-six per cent of millennials believe that the system unfairly favours powerful interests.
One battle ground for the new politics is the urban property market. While average hourly earnings have risen in the US by just 22 per cent over the past 9 years, property prices have surged across US metropolitan areas. Prices have risen by 34 per cent in Boston, 55 per cent in Houston, 67 per cent in Los Angeles and a whopping 96 per cent in San Francisco. The young are locked out.
Similar developments in the UK have produced comparable political generational divides. If only the votes of the under-25s were counted in the last UK general election, not a single Conservative would have won a seat.
Ten years ago, faced with the real prospect of another Great Depression, Mr Bernanke launched QE to avoid mass default. Implicitly, he was underwriting the wealth of his own generation, the baby boomers. Now the division of that wealth has become a key battleground for the next election with people such as Ms Ocasio-Cortez arguing that very high incomes should be taxed at 70 per cent.
For the purist, capitalism without default is a bit like Catholicism without hell. But we have confession for a reason. Everyone needs absolution. QE was capitalism’s confessional. But what if the day of reckoning was only postponed? What if a policy designed to protect the balance sheets of the wealthy has unleashed forces that may lead to the mass appropriation of those assets in the years ahead?



10/  A painfully funny SNL game show What's That Name", with Bill Hader as the MC.....if you have a quirky sense of humour you'll love this....seven minutes...
SNL has done this sketch in the past with hosts such as Justin Timberlake and Paul Rudd, but all of them have been leading up to this installment. While earlier versions where great, this is next-level brilliant. I don’t want to imply this sketch series has a mythology, but every question anyone could possibly have about the logic of this self-contained universe has been answered at this point. It’s the Avengers: Endgame of the FGSU (Fake Game Show Universe)
Bill Hader, who also appeared in the cold open, demonstrates why he’s a first-ballot All-Time SNL cast member, serving as game show host/chaos agent Vince Blight. Hader isn’t doing anything particularly different from previous times serving in this capacity, but the specificity of backstory and intent are crystallized in this outing. Blight isn’t simply content to let the contestants hang themselves on national television. Now, he’s content to let his ulterior motives bubble to the surface, completely confident that laying his plans bare will have no affect on his ability to make the world burn. He is equal parts host of The Joker’s Wild and The Joker himself. It’s a bananas performance, one that undoubtedly will make fans of the show miss seeing him each week on their television. (Quick pitch: If/when Hader does host again, let there please be a sketch featuring Blight’s cadre of problematic bachelors, The Squad.)



11/  Movies coming to the SXSW show, lots of comedy and horror....
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It’s got premieres of rom-coms, raunch-coms, fem-coms, a few regular ol’ coms, a WTF movie starring a rum-soaked Matthew McDonaughey and the single most anticipated second film since Pulp Fiction. You like music docs? How about a whole sidebar of ’em, including ones on Lil Peep, Johnny Cash, boy-band impresario Lou Pearlman, CREEM Magazine, a legendary rock photographer and a guitarist who’s devoted his life to playing like Jimmy Page? Follow-up question: How does the idea of walking out of an early preview of a Hollywood blockbuster-to-be, the kind that features A-list stars, and then walking a few blocks to see a movie that was filmed on a phone and cost about as much as a weekend bar tab?
This is what you’ll get when you go to the 2019 edition of SXSW, the Austin, Texas-based film festival that began as an offshoot of the multi-tentacled music/tech/interactive/etc. event and has, over the years, transformed itself into the sort of destination fest you plan vacations around.




12/  The trailer for "Game of Thrones" - Season 8....two highly anticipated minutes....


And Colbert's one minute version "Shame of Thrones".....amusing!




13/  Weekend Update looks at Michael Cohen's testimony....a very good four minutes....
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Colin Jost kicked off Saturday Night Live’s “Weekend Update” this week by comparing Michael Cohen to the “chubby sewer rat” who got stuck in a manhole. “It’s this creature that usually seems gross, but under these circumstances, it’s kind of adorable and you almost feel sorry for it,” he said.
Michael Che, on the other hand, was less sympathetic. “I’m tired of Michael Cohen’s whole damsel in distress routine,” he said. “‘Oh, Mr. Trump took advantage of me, I guess I’m a fool.’ Ugh, you stole the United States presidency, why are you acting like a bitch now?” 
“Your voice wasn’t trembling when you was threatening school teachers and shaking down porn stars,” he continued. “I want to hear that guy talk to Congress! At least Donald Trump has the decency to slowly fall apart until he’s dragged off in handcuffs like a boss. I mean, that’s how I want to leave SNL.”


Todays gymnastics video - Katelin Ohashi's two minute perfect 10 floor exercise.....she just looks so happy!



Todays brave man jokes [apologies in advance ladies, these are pretty bad]

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry It! 


What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side. 


Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?

Because you could easily fit another pair in there.. 


How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it. 


Why do women fake orgasms ?

Because they think men care. 


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?

Nothing, she's been told twice already. 


If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
 done wrong?
Made her chain too long 


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you. 


Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.


Why do men pass gas more than women?

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure. 


If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
 front door, who do you let in first ?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. 


Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by
 90%..
It's called a Wedding Cake. 


Why do men die before their wives?

They want to. 


Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women who don't own a gun.

Todays married life joke
Husband takes the wife to a disco.
There's a guy on the dance floor living it large - break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.
The wife turns to her husband and says: "See that guy?
25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says:  "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!


Todays Welsh joke
Ventriloquist visiting Wales walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Welshman.
'Hiya, mind if I talk to your dog?'
Villager: 'The dog doesn't talk, you stupid English *****.
Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, how's it going mate?'
Dog: 'Yeah, doing all right.'

Welshman: (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this villager your owner?' (pointing at the villager)
Dog: 'Yep.'
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Dog: 'Yeah, real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play.'
Welshman: (look of utter disbelief)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'
Welshman: 'Uh, the horse doesn't talk either... I think.'
Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'
Horse: 'Cool.'
Welshman: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (Pointing at the villager)
Horse: 'Yep.
Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'
Horse: 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the shed to protect me from the elements.'
Welshman: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'
Welshman: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a liar......!!....