Sunday, June 12, 2022

Davids Daily Dose - Sunday June 12th

 


1/. The Democrats need a vision - quickly! It's not enough to not be Trump, you've got to stand for something.....
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer
On Thursday evening, Democrats are staged a spectacle. The House committee investigating the attack on the Capitol broadcast its findings on prime-time TV — except for on Fox News. The committee has conducted over 1,000 interviews and reviewed 140,000 documents, according to Roll Call. It’s a mammoth task born of necessity. The people have a right to know what the committee has uncovered. There is no harm, then, in the broadcast, and it may even accomplish some good. Yet there’s more to politics than spectacle. The hearing has its limitations



2/. This article is titled "Twilight Of the NIMBY", how California is pushing back against activists 
who fight change to try to get more affordable housing. 
This story is interesting, but totally academic to anyone who lives in Florida where 
local cities, counties and the state love developers and let them build 
anything, anywhere and screw the locals if they object.....

Susan Kirsch is a 78-year-old retired teacher who lives in a small cottage home in Mill Valley, Calif., on a quiet suburban street that looks toward a grassy knoll. A Sierra Club member with a pesticide-free garden, she has an Amnesty International sticker on her front window and a photograph on her refrigerator of herself and hundreds of other people spelling “TAX THE 1%” on a beach.

The cause that takes up most of her time, however, is fighting new development and campaigning for the right of suburban cities to have near total control over what gets built in them.




3/. Bill Maher with one of his better "New Rules".....Dumb America.....worth watching.....8 minutes...



4/. A really interesting column from Andrew Sullivan, about the reaction of the public [you and me] 
to the shifts in culture driven by the woke left......
Is he right? Definitely a little....

Culture is upstream of politics; and the culture is clearly changing.

We’re now two years out from what may in retrospect be seen as peak “social justice.” In the summer of 2020, a hefty section of the elite was enthralled with the idea of the police being defunded, demobilized and demonized. Critical theory’s critique of liberal democracy as a mere mask for “white supremacy” everywhere. Countless people were required to read woke tracts — from DiAngelo to Kendi — as part of their employment. Corporate America jumped in, shedding any pretense of political neutrality; mainstream media swiftly adopted the new language and premises of critical theory. The Trump madness, and his attempted sabotage of an election, largely silenced liberals in their clash with the left. They had a more immediate threat. And rightly so.

But now look where we are.                    https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/the-vibes-they-are-a-shiftin?s=r




5/. Remember Jack Welch of General Electric? A new book cements his place as the man who single handedly 
made American business the evil system it is today, exploiting workers ruthlessly and enriching CEO's. 
An excellent article from the Times....

When Jack Welch died on March 1, 2020, tributes poured in for the longtime chief executive of General Electric, whom many revered as the greatest chief executive of all time.

David Zaslav, the C.E.O. of Warner Bros. Discovery and a Welch disciple, remembered him as an almost godlike figure. “Jack set the path. He saw the whole world. He was above the whole world,” Mr. Zaslav said. “What he created at G.E. became the way companies now operate.”

Mr. Zaslav’s words were meant as unequivocal praise. During Mr. Welch’s two decades in power — from 1981 to 2001 — he turned G.E. into the most valuable company in the world, groomed a flock of protégés who went on to run major companies of their own, and set the standard by which other C.E.O.s were measured.



6/. More guns needed!


7/. Chaos in John Roberts' Supreme Court.....and it's just started......
The leak of U.S. Supreme Court justice Samuel Alito’s first draft of an opinion overturning the 50-year-old precedent of Roe v. Wade, along with the constitutional right to abortion that it recognized, is yet another distressing sign of an institution in increasing disarray. Whether the leak came from someone associated with the Court’s newly emboldened extreme-right majority, which has engaged in other acts reflecting diminished respect for the Court’s norms and traditions, or as a tit for tat from someone on the left, hoping to preview or mobilize the outrage that will greet Alito’s opinion, if issued, it was a grave violation of the Court’s long-held protocols protecting the confidentiality of its deliberations.



8/. This story highlights what a worthless scumbag Jared Kushner is.....he's busy now trying to 
revamp his image, but it's way too late for that....

Jared Kushner knew his father-in-law and boss Donald Trump had lost to Joe Biden. But that didn’t stop Kushner from trying to help his wife’s dad cling to power.

Nowadays, as Kushner seeks investments for his firm and attempts to launder his image, the former senior White House aide would like everyone in the public and the press to believe he had nothing to do with the January 6 insurrection or Team Trump’s most scandalous efforts to overthrow the American democratic order. However, there is one problem: Kushner absolutely was intimately involved with Trump’s scheme to overturn President Joe Biden’s win in the 2020 election. It’s just that he bailed on the mission early to save himself.



9/. Tom Tomorrow on history and judgement.....nails it again....



10/. Remember Jesse Ventura? Pro wrestler, Governor of Minnesota? A really interesting story from 
Matt Taibbi on this potential President who got a really bad deal from MSNBC and the elites in the early 00's........
What a shame he got screwed....we could use him now...

Back on March 12th, not long after Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine, the New York Times ran one of the first of what would become a series of gloating articles about the demise of Russia Today. The state-sponsored TV network had just been yanked off the air by government fiat in Europe, and removed in America by private carriers like Comcast, Xfinity, and DirecTV. About the channel, the Times wrote:

A role at RT America was a rare job in an industry where if you had screwed up, were washed up or were completely new to the field, there weren’t many other options…

The Times then listed a series of those “screwups” and “washouts,” including the paper’s own former star war reporter Chris Hedges (also thriving now on Substack) and the father-son tandem Jesse and Tyrel Ventura. The paper neglected to mention that none of these figures had failed at anything, but rather had been driven out of the mainstream press essentially over opposition to the Iraq war.                                       https://taibbi.substack.com/p/the-incredible-political-and-media




11/. Amy Hoggart from Samantha Bee's show interviews gun nuts....



12/. The Great Salt Lake in Utah is drying up, with potentially disastrous consequences.....but is anything 
being done in this deep red state? Of course not....

SALT LAKE CITY — If the Great Salt Lake, which has already shrunk by two-thirds, continues to dry up, here’s what’s in store:

The lake’s flies and brine shrimp would die off — scientists warn it could start as soon as this summer — threatening the 10 million migratory birds that stop at the lake annually to feed on the tiny creatures. Ski conditions at the resorts above Salt Lake City, a vital source of revenue, would deteriorate. The lucrative extraction of magnesium and other minerals from the lake could stop.

Most alarming, the air surrounding Salt Lake City would occasionally turn poisonous. 
The lake bed contains high levels of arsenic and as more of it becomes exposed, wind storms 
carry that arsenic into the lungs of nearby residents, who make up three-quarters of Utah’s population.



13/. Umair with another knee-slapper "Our Planet Is Dying".....he unfortunately makes some excellent points....

See that pic above? That was last summer. On planet earth. July 2021. And one month from now, it’s going to begin happening all over again.

There’s a single, simple fact that I think everyone should know right now. It should be the central focus of our culture, society, and economics. Nothing matters more than this fact. It goes like this.

Our planet is dying



14/. Jimmy Kimmel with street interviews with people so dumb you can't believe it.....



15/. Welcome to the future, women being prosecuted for miscarriages.....
Graphic illustration of a pregnant woman caught in a net by an oversized hand wearing a bracelet with a scales of justice charm.

On 4 November 2019, TV stations across California blasted Chelsea Becker’s photo on their news editions. The “search was on” for a “troubled” 25-year-old woman wanted for the “murder of her unborn baby”, news anchors said, warning viewers not to approach if they spotted her but to call the authorities.

The next day, Becker was asleep at the home she was staying in when officers with the Hanford police department arrived.

“The officer had a large automatic weapon pointed at me and a K-9 [dog],” 
Becker, now 28, recalled in a recent interview. “I walked out and surrendered.”



16/. Some details about the cult "People Of Praise" Amy Coney Barrett was in when she was younger...a cult with sexual abuse etc. etc.
Yes, a Supreme Court justice was a member of a "for real" cult. Why isn't this headline news?
Amy Coney Barrett gave the commencement address to Trinity graduates at People of Praise Center in South Bend, Indiana, in 2011.Amy Coney Barrett gave the commencement address to Trinity graduates at People of Praise Center in South Bend, Indiana, in 2011. Photograph: Barbara Allison/AP

The founder of the People of Praise, a secretive charismatic Christian group that counts the supreme court justice Amy Coney Barrett as a member, was described in a sworn affidavit filed in the 1990s as exerting almost total control over one of the group’s female members, including making all decisions about her finances and dating relationships.

The court documents also described alleged instances of a sexualized atmosphere in the home of the founder, 
Kevin Ranaghan, and his wife, Dorothy Ranaghan.



17/. It might be time to watch "The Wire" again......great story....

When critics get to assessing a classic TV show, we have a weird tendency to turn into evolutionary biologists. We pull out the old television family tree and gauge the series’s achievement by how many branches we can trace back to it — how many series modeled one or another aspect on it. “Dragnet,” “The Simpsons,” “Lost” — you shall know them by their copycats.

And sure, influence is one measure of greatness. But so is inimitability. There is the painter who leaves behind a school of disciples, but there is also the artist who sees a color that no one has envisioned before or since.

“The Wire” premiered on HBO on June 2, 2002. In the two decades since, its reputation has only grown, as has its audience. It is one of those series, like the original “Star Trek,” that future generations will refuse to believe struggled with low ratings during its entire run. (Let alone that it was nominated for an absurd two Emmys, and won exactly none.)



18/. We have just started on "The Staircase", so this was interesting....they mention a couple of other series as well....

The final stop on this Emmy season’s murdery assembly line, HBO Max’s The Staircasealways knew what it was. Less interested in a simple dramatization of an infamously grisly case than in unpacking our obsession with the grisliness, the limited series felt like a fitting cap to a string of projects that revisited sensational true events through an empathic lens. (As my colleague Richard Lawson wrote in his review, it’s “the true-crime series to end them all.”) But the show, created by Antonio Campos and co-run by American Crime Storyalum Maggie Cohn, became even more fascinating when airing alongside its spring 2022 brethren—subverting a genre once notorious for its voyeuristic focus on dead girls and women, now suddenly trendy post-MeToo.

The Staircase, FX’s Under the Banner of Heaven, and Hulu’s Candy all premiered within a two-week timespan, each brutally catalyzed by the particular tragedy of a woman dying in her own home. 



19/. The Times looks at summer TV - 27 shows to watch....

The recent travails of Netflix, and the tech sector in general, have served notice that the abundance of new series that you have gotten used to — and perhaps grown tired of — may not last forever. But if it turns out that this summer represented the beginning of the end, it will have been an impressive going-away party.

The big news is the arrival, within two weeks of each other, of the heavily anticipated prequel series 
“House of the Dragon” (taking place in the world of “Game of Thrones”) and “Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power.” 
But outside the universe of blockbuster fantasy-franchise extensions, there’s plenty to look forward to. 
Some of TV’s best comedies, like “Reservation Dogs” and “What We Do in the Shadows,” return; 
the creators of “The Americans” and “American Vandal” present new series



Today's video - Rodney Dangerfield on the Johnny Carson Show.....eight minutes of non-stop jokes.....some very funny....








Today's retiree joke 

One day a man decided to retire...


 

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

 

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

 


 

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

 


 

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

 

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

 

Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

 

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

 

"But, where did you get the tools?"

 

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

 

The guy is stunned.

 

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.

 

Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.


 

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

 

"Would you like a drink?"

 

 "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

 

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"

 

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, " I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

 

No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

 

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

 

 When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

 

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around? She stares into his eyes.

 

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,


 
"You've built a Golf Course too?"

 







Today's Philosophical jokes....
I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number? 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water. 

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive. 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you. 

When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they only look at the covered parts. 

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it. 

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y? 

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won't cross the street to vote. 

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? 

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that. 

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night. 

Money talks ..but all mine ever says is good-bye. 

You're not fat, you're just... easier to see. 

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. 

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?” 

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women's clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.” 

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me. 

My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then. 

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in Denny’s and it's your birthday, your life sucks! 

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something. 

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese. 

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient. 

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos. 

Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! 





Saturday, June 4, 2022

Davids Daily Dose - Saturday June 4th

 



1/  Did you know the Middle East is having apocalyptic dust storms? Of course not....
A man walks past the Kuwait Towers shrouded in heavy dust in Kuwait City
A man walks past the Kuwait Towers shrouded in heavy dust in Kuwait City last month.Photograph: Noufal Ibrahim/
Blankets of thick gritty haze and ominous orange skies since early April have sent thousands to hospitals and resulted in at least four deaths in Iraq and in Syria.
The apocalyptic scenes have affected everyone. Hospitals in Syria have been on standby for residents unable to breathe. 
Iraq forced schools and offices to close in some provinces, and on 16 May declared a state of emergency. 
In the Gulf states, flights were halted in Kuwait, and both Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates issued dust storm alerts.



2/  As a boomer, I can relate to this story - it's time for the oldies to let go....

America’s top political leaders are remarkably old. Our president will turn 80 this year. His predecessor, who is contemplating running again, is about to turn 76. The speaker of the House is 82. The Republican leader in the Senate is 80, and his Democratic counterpart is a comparatively sprightly 71.

This is very unusual. 



3/  Tom Tomorrow nails it again.....
TMW2022-06-01color.png


4/  Democrats are quietly looking for alternatives to Biden running in 2024.....



5/  And if you want to know why, read this pathetic story. Biden is still looking for "rational Republicans"...

Joe Biden is once again butting up against the limits of his presidency — and with not much working in his favor other than “hope” that he can will the political world of today to look again like the one he once knew.

“I think things have gotten so bad that everybody is getting more rational about it,” Biden told reportersMonday, suggesting there might be enough “rational Republicans” on Capitol Hill to help his party get at least some gun reforms passed. “At least, that’s my hope.” 

That hope, for even modest measures to address the scourge of gun violence in this country, depends entirely on the largess of a party that has shown none of it, on the idea that Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell — who has filled his coffers with NRA money by routinely blocking common sense gun regulations — can be trusted to be “rational” now where he hasn’t before. https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2022/05/biden-pins-gun-reform-hope-on-rational-republicans-mitch-mcconnell



6/  Jordan Klepper digs deep into the lunacy of Trumpies....scarily amusing, 'cos these are your neighbors....



7/  Republicans' plans for our schools....
schoolcontrol915.png



8/  Why are Democrats so weak? Here is one theory, which sounds correct to me......
After Tuesday’s mass shooting at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, we saw an instant outcry, as we often do after a mass shooting, for some kind of action on gun control. Instead of seizing the moment, Senate Democrats demurred and recessed for the holiday weekend, because they do not have enough votes in their own caucus to abolish the filibuster, and therefore 10 Republican votes would be needed to pass any gun-safety legislation. Swing vote Sens. Kyrsten Sinema, D-Ariz., and Joe Manchin, D-W.V., said they would reach out to their Republican colleagues, an effort that is absolutely guaranteed to fail.



9/  MichelleGoldberg with an excellent column.....
merlin_178468047_4af078e0-225c-4210-a993-7664e21d0294-superJumbo.jpg

In an ad released last year, Blake Masters, a leading candidate in Arizona’s Republican Senate primary, cradles a semiautomatic weapon. “This is a short-barreled rifle,” he said, ominous music playing in the background. “It wasn’t designed for hunting. This is designed to kill people.”

For Masters, this isn’t an argument against allowing such guns to proliferate. Rather, it’s an acknowledgment of why access to these weapons is, for the right, a matter of existential importance. “The Second Amendment is not about duck hunting,” said Masters. “It’s about protecting your family and your country. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/27/opinion/uvalde-shooting.html?referringSource=articleShare



10/  A typical school room, coming soon.....really soon in Texas....
1588ckCOMICrichardscarryclassroom.png



11/  Matt Taibbi really hates Hillary, but in this article spells out some things I didn't know......for instance how Rachel Maddow 
fell hook line and sinker for the Russiagate narrative.....which is now officially BS....
it's good to read challenging stories folks....

Last week, in the trial of former Clinton campaign lawyer Michael Sussmann, prosecutor Andrew DeFilippis asked ex-campaign manager Robby Mook about the decision to share with a reporter a bogus story about Donald Trump and Russia’s Alfa Bank. Mook answered by giving up his onetime boss. “I discussed it with Hillary,” he said, describing his pitch to the candidate: “Hey, you know, we have this, and we want to share it with a reporter… She agreed to that.”

In a country with a functioning media system, this would have been a huge story. Obviously this isn’t Watergate, Hillary Clinton was never president, and Sussmann’s trial doesn’t equate to prosecutions of people like Chuck Colson or Gordon Liddy. But as we’ve slowly been learning for years, a massive fraud was perpetrated on the public with Russiagate, and Mook’s testimony added a substantial piece of the picture, implicating one of the country’s most prominent politicians in one of the more ambitious disinformation campaigns we’ve seen. 





12/  A John Oliver special on Kandiss Taylor, a lunatic running for Georgia Governor in the primary - she [of course] 
lost, but she's crazy enough to be funny.....



13/  Some books for the summer....
05-26-2022-mcfadden-915px.png



14/  Lefsetz loves this show....hmmm, might be a challenge....

Love On The Spectrum U.S.

Netflix Official Trailer: https://bit.ly/3PS6DCz

This is riveting television.

It will make you smile and it will bring tears to your eyes. As a matter of fact I’m holding back the waterworks right now.

You know someone on the spectrum. Even though they may not even know it themselves. But in the last thirty years incredible advancements have been made.

The spectrum… Usually with every little thing taken away, something is added back in. You’ll be wowed at Subodh’s mathematical skills.

So that’s what this show is about, people on the spectrum dating, many for the very first time.




15/  A Doctor in the UK is super stressed.....TV series....
“You think that you are the cleverest person in the room, and that makes you dangerous,” a colleague tells Dr. Adam Kay, the British obstetrician at the center of the UK limited series This Is Going to Hurt. Ordinarily, this is the kind of sentiment hurled at the protagonist of a modern antihero drama, or at least the main character of a slightly complex network procedural. (If that exact sentence was never said to Dr. Gregory House, the general sentiment surely was, many times over.)




16/  A Danish TV series "Borgen" with an excellent review......note, Lefsetz loves this show too....



Today's circus joke
A husband and wife go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child. They are well dressed and well spoken,
and the social workers are quite impressed with them. However, when asked about their profession,
the couple said that they run a circus.
Hearing that made the social workers raise an eyebrow. It didn’t sound so good to them, an environment with animals,
that is moving all the time? Doubts were raised about their suitability as parents.
So the couple produce photos of their 55 foot motor home , which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a large and spotless nursery.
The social workers are happy to see this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.
The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along
with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, child welfare,
proper nutrition and exercise – all that a child requires.”
Their questions met with such excellent answers, the social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple,
“What ages were you looking to adopt?”
The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as they fit in a cannon.”



Today's "Out of the mouths of babes" jokes
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN. 
 
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
 
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
 
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIG
 
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
 
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
 
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
 
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD, WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
 
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
 
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
 
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
 
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
 
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
 
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
 
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
 
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
 
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED, THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
 
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
 
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
 
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
 
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
 
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
 
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
 
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
 
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
 
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY


Today's jokes for nerds

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