Monday, August 4, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Monday August 4

 

1/. Heather Cox Richardson with a summary of how the Trump administration is following Project 2025's 
playbook......sobering and scary.....

On July 2, 2024, just about a year ago, president of the right-wing Heritage Foundation Kevin Roberts told the listeners of Steve Bannon’s War Room webcast: “[W]e are going to win. We’re in the process of taking this country back.” Roberts pointed to the Supreme Court’s decision in Donald J. Trump v. United States the day before giving the president absolute immunity for committing crimes while engaging in official acts.

“That Supreme Court ruling yesterday on immunity is vital, and it's vital for a lot of reasons,” Roberts said, adding that the nation needs a strong leader because “the left has taken over our institutions.” “[W]e are in the process of the second American Revolution,” he said, “which will remain bloodless if the left allows it to be.”

Roberts was the man who organized Project 2025, the blueprint for a new kind of government dictated by a right-wing strongman. Creating that new government would require a president willing to act illegally, stripping the secular language of civil rights from public life, packing the government with loyalists, ending the social safety net, killing business regulations, and purging American institutions of all but right-wing ideologues.



2/. Very cleverly done......an actual interview Trump [when he was 3] gave after meeting with the head of the EU......



3/. I don't think the question is whether or not our society is going to collapse, but when. 
A very well written but disturbing story on the forces at work that are putting us all in danger, and #1 is wealth inequality. 
Well worth reading.....

“We can’t put a date on Doomsday, but by looking at the 5,000 years of [civilisation], we can understand the trajectories we face today – and self-termination is most likely,” says Dr Luke Kemp at the Centre for the Study of Existential Risk at the University of Cambridge.

“I’m pessimistic about the future,” he says. “But I’m optimistic about people.” Kemp’s new book covers the rise and collapse of more than 400 societies over 5,000 years and took seven years to write. The lessons he has drawn are often striking: people are fundamentally egalitarian but are led to collapses by enriched, status-obsessed elites, while past collapses often improved the lives of ordinary citizens.

Today’s global civilisation, however, is deeply interconnected and unequal and could lead to the worst societal collapse yet, he says. The threat is from leaders who are “walking versions of the dark triad” – narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism – in a world menaced by the climate crisis, nuclear weapons, artificial intelligence and killer robots.



4/. This is a sad story - we are entering a post=literate world where the ability to think and reason will be lost....

When I was a kid in the 1980s, my parents sent me to a Waldorf school in England. At the time, the school discouraged parents from allowing their kids to watch too much TV, instead telling them to emphasize reading, hands-on learning and outdoor play.

I chafed at the stricture then. But perhaps they were on to something: Today I don’t watch much TV and I still read a lot. Since my school days, however, a far more insidious and enticing form of tech has taken hold: the internet, especially via smartphones. These days I know I have to put my phone in a drawer or in another room if I need to concentrate for more than a few minutes.          https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/28/opinion/smartphones-literacy-inequality-democracy.html



5/. CBS Morning Shows for kids.....



6/. Bob Lefsetz on CTE, the NFL, big money and music.......

This is what happens when government and big business refuse to address a problem or pay lip service and sweep it under the rug.

Roger Goodell makes in the neighborhood of $65 million a year, do you think he’s going to do anything that challenges the financial success of the NFL?

Ditto United Health.

The public is disillusioned. If I hear one more Democrat tell me to wait until 2028… If you believe there will be a fair election that year you’re delusional. Trump has already requested the voter rolls from every state. Furthermore, it has been documented that Republicans deleted many legitimate Democratic voters from the rolls in 2024. I’m not saying Trump didn’t win, but I am saying that once you control the apparatus of the system, you can put your finger on it to tip the result. And who wants to give up their job anyway, the Republicans in Congress are so afraid of Trump that they refuse to challenge him, because if they do they’ll be primaried and out of a job.

Now I’ll get e-mail from Republicans saying I’m wrong. But one of the big problems is they’re reading different news, which intentionally leaves out anything negative about their party or its officials.



7/. Tom Tomorrow - Master Detective Trump!



8/. Floriduh is corrupt in every way, especially our Attorney General.
This is what happens when one party controls everything. 
It's the Democrats fault.......
A series of really dumb nominees for office did it.....Charlie Crist? Andrew Gillum?

In April, about two months after Gov. Ron DeSantis installed him as Florida’s Attorney General, James Uthmeier sued Snap Inc., accusing the owner of the vanishing-message app Snapchat of, among other things, breaking a new state law meant to keep kids off social media.

“We’re not going to let people cash in on our kids,” Uthmeier declared at a Tampa news conference announcing the suit.

The unelected attorney general is, however, happy to let high-priced lawyers cash in on Florida taxpayers.

Though Uthmeier never mentioned it, his office hired a politically plugged-in law firm to lead the suit against Snapchat — via a no-bid contract promising the firm as much as $50 million in legal fees.



9/. MAGA goes to heaven, or tries to.....clever......



10/. For as long as I can remember political support for Israel has been unwavering, but faced with the reports of 
deliberate genocide by the Netanyahu government this relex support is beginning to crack....

It was, in the context of an already surreal year, a shocking admission from the American president. “Based on television … those children look very hungry,” Donald Trump said on Monday. “Some of those kids are — that’s real starvation stuff.”

Appearing in Scotland with Keir Starmer, the U.K. prime minister, Trump delivered what amounted to, for him at least, a stinging rebuke of Benjamin Netanyahu. The past few days from an American political standpoint have been rather remarkable — a critical mass of politicians, now including Trump, seems to be acknowledging the cataclysm unfolding in the Middle East. Whether his words will lead to any particular action remains to be seen. He has stood by as Netanyahu, Israel’s prime minister, wages unrelenting total war in Gaza, and he has giddily supplied Israel with additional weaponry. Republicans still staunchly support the Israeli government — 71 percent approval of the military action in Gaza compared with only 8 percent among Democrats, according to a new Gallup poll — and stray comments on Palestinian starvation will not move them.



11/. Choose your chatbot, before it chooses you!



12/. The Atlantic on Jasmine Crockett, one of the few hopes for Democrats.....
BTW Crockett hated this story, maybe because it's accurate? Who knows....

all the comforts of a Waldorf Astoria city-view suite did not, at that moment, seem to cheer Jasmine Crockett. The 44-year-old Texas Democrat known for her viral comebacks was frowning as she walked into her hotel room in Atlanta last month. She glanced around before pulling an aide into the bathroom, where I could hear them whispering. Minutes later, she reemerged, ready to unload.

She was losing her race to serve as the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee, she told me, a job she felt well suited for. Members of the Congressional Black Caucus were planning to vote for the senior-most person in the race, even though that person wasn’t actually a Black Caucus member, Crockett complained. California members were siding with the California candidate. One member was supporting someone else in the race, she said, even though “that person did the worst” in their pitch to the caucus. Crockett was starting to feel a little used. Some of her colleagues were “reaching out and asking for donations,” she said, but those same colleagues “won’t even send me a text back” about the Oversight job.



13/. In this Daily Beast story, is video on Crockett ripping Trump to pieces.....one minute......



1/. Bob Lefsetz on Democrats, TikTok and the music business......

This is the most important article you will read today.

When I wrote about Maggie Q in “Ballard,” I was accused of Asian hate. Not by an Asian woman, but by a white man. If I mention anything negative about a woman, I get blowback from white males, not women.

That’s the Democratic party in a nutshell. Elites defending those who don’t ask for it. People who think they know better who have no idea what minorities and women really think.

Israel is dropping food aid and halting some military action in Gaza. Was it because people protested in the street? No, it’s because the “New York Times” has been on the country’s case. for months now. And yesterday published an article saying that the Israelis admitted that Hamas was not stealing U.N. aid.

We live in a two-tiered system. The mainstream and the internet.

If you want to affect those in power, you must address them in the mainstream, most particularly in the “New York Times” and “Wall Street Journal,” although the “Washington Post” does have some influence.

Those in D.C. read the opinion pages of these newspapers and the letters in regard thereto. That’s how they take the temperature of what is going on. The world is run by print, not TV.



15/. CoreCivic is the prison company running the ICE concentration camps, and they don't care how badly they run these hell holes....

A Liberian-born man detained by Ice in Georgia was put in solitary confinement after complaining about flooding in the common area outside his cell at the Stewart detention center that he said was potentially dangerous for his electronic prosthetic legs, the Guardian can reveal.

Rodney Taylor recently spent three days in what CoreCivic calls a “restrictive housing unit” at Georgia’s Stewart detention center, after refusing to enter his cell because faulty air conditioning had left the floor in the area outside his cell covered with about an inch of water. That would be a potential disaster for Taylor, since his battery-powered, microprocessor-controlled prosthetic legs can’t get wet.



16/. "The Naked Gun" with Liam Neeson, sounds like fun!

Here is Liam Neeson doing a rumbly-menacing voice even sillier than the one he did in Taken – and he now presumably must decide whether, like Leslie Nielsen before him, he will pivot to spoof comedy full-time. To be fair, Neeson has more career capital to lose than Nielsen did. He deadpans it impeccably, but perhaps doesn’t quite have Nielsen’s eerie innocence. In any case, it doesn’t stop this reboot of the Naked Gun franchise from being a lot of fun: amiably ridiculous, refreshingly shallow, entirely pointless and guilelessly crass. It is a life-support system for some outrageous gags, including sensational riffs on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Sex and the City, and one showstopping are-they-really-gonna-do-it reference to OJ Simpson, who featured in the original films.

https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/jul/30/the-naked-gun-review-liam-neeson-spoof-reboot?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

Naked Gun trailer....



17/. Vanity Fair, with 25 movies on Netflix worth watching.....

It can be hard to find the best movies on Netflix. We all understand the struggle of scrolling time—hours lost to wading through all of the Netflix movie options that could instead have been spent, you know, watching something. Or maybe something has been sitting patiently on your queue, waiting for someone to give you a nudge to finally press play. So, like a beacon in the night, here’s a guide to 25 of the best films within Netflix’s huge selection—including everything from landmark films to cult classics to Netflix-original hidden gems—updated monthly as films appear on and leave the platform. Take that, decision fatigue. (And if you want a list of the best shows on Netflix, we’ve got one of those too.)




Today's religious joke
Four old school friends were having coffee.
The first, a Catholic woman, says, "My son is now a Priest. 
When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’."
The second Catholic woman then says, "My son is a bishop. 
Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic says, "My son is a Cardinal. 
Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth woman, a Jewish lady, just sat there and sipped her coffee in silence. 
So the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?"
So she replies, "My son is 6' 6", has plenty of money, broad square shoulders, terribly handsome, dresses very well, tight muscular body, 
tight hard buns and a very nice bulge. Whenever he walks into a room, women gasp, 'Oh, my God...'."



Today's love story joke
A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

 Though initially
 embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

 At 1:00 AM, the man
 leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second 
blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

 'I have a better
 idea,' she replied, 'Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married.'

 'Wow!  That's
 a great idea!' he exclaimed.

 'Good,' she
 replied, 'Get your own fucking blanket.'

 After a moment of
 silence, he farted.

 

Today's oldie joke
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,

And every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." 

Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." 

To this, Esther replied, "Morris, that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! 

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. 

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out so I'd get paid, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'  
  
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!" 


Today's redneck joke
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the
  perfect woman.

Shortly thereafter he met a Redneck who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, " They're lookin' to get
married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em
over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the
Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not
that you can hardly notice ... pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

"Well, "the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell,...... cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. 

Months later the baby was born.

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. 

He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell 
a weeeeeee bit......pregnant when you met her."



Sunday, July 27, 2025

Davids Daily Dose - Sunday July 27

1/. Angus Petersen is angry......not with you [even if you are a boomer], it's the billionaires and elites who've wrecked the planet.....

It gets old writing about how bad things are getting. My everyday writing process is like sitting down with the Four Horsemen for dinner every night. But every day, there’s something else that happens that makes be a) a little bit sadder and b) resolved to let people know about it.
To that point, this article is about the wholesale destruction of any reasonable belief that American might actually give a damn about the climate crisis. It’s not due to incompetence, or bureaucratic bungling, or even your run-of-the-mill political cowardice. No, this is willful. It’s strategic. It’s the calculated unraveling of any moral or scientific credibility the U.S. once had. And it’s happening in broad daylight while the planet roasts like a Costco rotisserie chicken.


2/. Tom Tomorrow with the Magnificent Trump!


23/. It's OK to cut MAGA family out of your life......

In June, a woman who goes by Shannon Hill said that her 36-year-old son would not acknowledge her birthday gift to him. “Why? Because he hasn’t spoken to my husband or I in seven months because we voted for Trump,” she explained on X. Hill’s viral tale worked like a Rorschach test. MAGA parents read it and saw their own snowflakes, who are triggered so easily. Others saw a narcissist who could not accept the consequences of her actions. We don’t know the truth, and we probably never will. Maybe Hill’s vote was the only reason her son needed to block her. Maybe it was the final crack in a longer disintegration. Whatever the reason, the result — estrangement — has become more common.                                                                                                                                                                                                    https://nymag.com/intelligencer/article/david-litt-response-no-contact-parents-maga.html?ueid=757da4c757bd7d86b040a18975d30c93&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Intel%20Daily%20-%20July%2018%2C%202025&utm_term=Subscription%20List%20-%20Daily%20Intelligencer%20%281%20Year%29



5/. One of these is coming to replace Colbert.....



6/. The disturbing thing about this story is the role of FHP - we know the ICE thugs are just that - thugs, but I had a better opinion of FHP. 
Not any more....

On the morning of 2 May, teenager Kenny Laynez-Ambrosio was driving to his landscaping job in North Palm Beach with his mother and two male friends when they were pulled over by the Florida highway patrol.

In one swift moment, a traffic stop turned into a violent arrest.

A highway patrol officer asked everyone in the van to identify themselves, then called for backup. Officers with US border patrol arrived on the scene.

Video footage of the incident captured by Laynez-Ambrosio, an 18-year-old US citizen, appears to show a group of officers in tactical gear working together to violently detain the three men*, two of whom are undocumented. They appear to use a stun gun on one man, put another in a chokehold and can be heard telling Laynez-Ambrosio: “You’ve got no rights here. You’re a migo, brother.” Afterward, agents can be heard bragging and making light of the arrests, calling the stun gun use “funny” and quipping: “You can smell that … $30,000 bonus.”



7/. You absolutely have to see the latest South Park episode......hysterically funny, and no wonder Trump has melted down.
It's on Paramount, and on the link below there's a "try it free" button.....go for it!



8/. A fascinating article about why the right is obsessed with the Epstein case - it's a culmination of a "protect the children" 
mantra that has gripped QAnon for years....

There is no cause on the American right quite like the quest to save children from sex abuse.

The harming of children is at the center of Pizzagate, the wholly fake theory that began circulating around the 2016 election that Hillary Clinton was running a child sex-trafficking ring out of the basement of a Washington, D.C., pizza parlor. It’s the ultimate sin in the tales spun by QAnon followers, who believe that millions of children are going missing, their bodies harvested for a drug enjoyed by elites.

The obsession can be found closer to the mainstream, too. Conservative activists have stoked fears that transgender adults are “grooming” children for abuse. In the summer of 2023, the movie “The Sound of Freedom,” a thriller about a swaggering federal agent who rescues children from sex trafficking, was an unexpected blockbuster, powered by loyal conservative fans.




9/. I wish this was funny - it's all here already......


10/. Democrats need to learn from Trump - will they?

In the first six months of his second term as president, Donald Trumphas dominated the national political conversation, implemented an aggressive agenda of constitutional reform, scrambled longstanding American alliances, and helped alter US political culture.

Pro-democracy forces have been left with their heads spinning. They (and I) have spent too much time simply denouncing or pathologizing him and far too little time learning from him.

And there is a lot to learn.

Not since the middle of the twentieth century, when Franklin Delano Roosevelt led a constitutional revolution, has any president achieved so much of his agenda in so short a time. But to recognize Trump’s political genius is not to say that it has been put to good use or that he has been a good president.                                                                     https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/jul/20/to-defeat-trump-the-left-must-learn-from-him



11/. Meanwhile life goes on in Florida, getting more corrupt and stupid by the day......

With his new hand-picked chief financial officer standing obediently by his side, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis announced last week that he will begin sending auditors into city and county halls around the state to scrutinize local government spending.

DeSantis is branding the effort as a state-level “DOGE,” an attempt to tap into some of the media attention that once surrounded the often-chaotic cost-cutting at the federal level imposed by the Trump administration and teams of Elon Musk-led consultants. And the governor is using a suite of new powers granted to him by the Florida Legislature at the last minute of this year’s legislative session — powers that enable DeSantis to demand access to local government employees, buildings and data systems.

DeSantis announced the impending audits during a pair of Tuesday morning stops in the first two communities on his hit list: Broward County, the sprawling south Florida county that includes the city of Fort Lauderdale, and Gainesville, the north Florida college town home to the University of Florida.



12/. What does MAGA see and hear? No evil....


13/. Very interesting article about thriving in your later years - ageing joyfully!

Anyone who says “age is just a number” has not reached the high numbers. Ageing is not easy, and “forever young” is not a plan. Regardless of how many burpees you can do or protein smoothies you chug, the passing of time brings challenges. Roles that you relished change, words on menus seem to shrink, necks sag, diagnoses arise.

On the other hand, ageing is not the downhill slide that people believe it is. A multibillion-dollar anti-ageing industry profits when you feel awful about yourself and fear ageing like the plague. The tragedy of ageing is not that we will all grow old and die, but that ageing has been made unnecessarily, and at times excruciatingly, painful and humiliating. Ageing does not have to be this way.             https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/ng-interactive/2025/jul/18/best-ageing-advice-expert-tips?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other


14/. That's ICE folks.....



15/. A British view of Trump's foreign policy......how other countries see us now.

Donald Trump’s victory in last November’s US presidential election presented Keir Starmer, Britain’s Labour prime minister, with a choice – and an opportunity. Either cosy up to a man whose obnoxious, hard-right, ultra-nationalist policies are inimical to UK security and foreign policy interests, economic prosperity and democratic values; or risk a rupture with the US, a longstanding but overbearing ally, and seize the moment to redefine Britain’s place in the world, primarily through reintegration in Europe.

Starmer made the wrong call – and Britain has paid a heavy price ever since. The cost to national dignity and the public purse will be on painful show this weekend as Trump, pursued by the Epstein scandal and angry protesters, makes an expensively policed, ostensibly private visit to his golf courses in Scotland. On Monday, the prime minister will travel north to kiss the ring. More humiliations loom. In September, Trump will return for an unprecedented second state visit, at Starmer’s unctuous behest. At that point, the full, embarrassing extent of Britain’s thraldom will be there for all the world to see.



16/. CBS - these fine shows are coming soon......



17/ "The Assassin" review from the Guardian - 5 stars!
Note - not in the US yet......

Amenopausal assassin has been a long time coming, even though there is literally no more perfect pairing in the world than a woman rapidly emptying of oestrogen and a gun. I blame the patriarchy, but I understand its unwillingness to confront the truth that if women were free to express themselves instead of raised in mental straitjackets, then armed at 40, the world would look very different indeed.

Keeley Hawes, who just gets better and more impressive with every outing, is that menopausal assassin, in the aptly named six-part series The Assassin. Julie is her name and trying to live quietly in Greece and spurning every overture of friendship in the village is her game. Alas, she is called by her handler Damian, after 10 years of quietude, to perform one more time. This happens just as her son Edward (Freddie Highmore, absolutely shining in what is essentially a light comic part in a bloody, murderous caper) comes to visit for the first time in four years too! Even hitwomen have to juggle home and work demands. Oh, and Edward’s gone vegan since they last spoke and she got wagyu steaks in for tea. Handlers and kids, eh? Anyway, Edward’s here to ask her about the fortune that landed in his account when he turned 30 and if it’s anything to do with the father she has always refused to tell him about. She, more or less, tells him to shut up and eat his goddamn tofu.


18/. Since it's too damn hot to go out, why not read a book! The Times lists some of the best mysteries this year..... 



19/.  Vanity Fair with the best 25 movies on Netflix.....

.It can be hard to find the best movies on Netflix. We all understand the struggle of scrolling time—hours lost to wading through all of the Netflix movie options that could instead have been spent, you know, watching something. Or maybe something has been sitting patiently on your queue, waiting for someone to give you a nudge to finally press play. So, like a beacon in the night, here’s a guide to 26 of the best films within Netflix’s huge selection—including everything from landmark films to cult classics to Netflix-original hidden gems—updated monthly as films appear on and leave the platform. Take that, decision fatigue. (And if you want a list of the best shows on Netflix, we’ve got one of those too.)



20/. The Guardian lists 11 great spoof movies.....

Ahead of Spın̈al Tap II and the Naked Gun reboot, we count down the best cinematic send-ups, from the Life of Brian and Scary Movie to Clueless and Airplane!




21/. "The Narrow Road to the Deep North" review......powerful TV....

There is an overwhelming darkness to The Narrow Road to the Deep North, Justin Kurzel’s adaptation of Richard Flanagan’s Booker prize-winning novel. Thematically, this is to be expected: it is about a group of Australian prisoners of war constructing the Burma railway in the mid-1940s, at the tail end of the second world war. It is about the lasting trauma of conflict and imprisonment. It spans half a century, and though it tempers its darkness with a rich love story, it is largely violent, fatalistic and sorrowful. But visually, too, you may find yourself fiddling with the contrast and brightness settings. This very much matches its mood to its palette.https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/jul/20/the-narrow-road-to-the-deep-north-review-immensely-powerful-tv?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other



Today's AI fantasy.......from Pillart AI



Today's Appalachian joke
A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" 
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. 
After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.
"How many customers bought something from you today?" 
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One". 
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day.
That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. 
We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. 
One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. 
He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. 
Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. 
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. 
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."
The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing


Today's motherhood joke
After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. 
She then carefully applied cold cream all over her face except her eyes, which she outlined with a different cream. 
She then proceeded to put her hair in high rollers.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"


Today's spam joke
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
"Hello sir, how are you today?"
"I'm very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?"
"Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I'm calling you from Microsoft".
"Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How's the weather there today?"
" No, sir - MICROSOFT, the computer company. I'm calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -"
"REALLY?? Well, that's quite concerning......"
"Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -"
"No, I meant it's very concerning because you see I don't HAVE a computer".
"You don't?"
"I don't".
"Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -"
"Don't have one".
"Ipad?"
"Nope".
"Tablet?"
"Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don't even have a telephone".
After a few seconds of silence he said "Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!"
I said "Well, you started it!!" and put the phone down.


Today's farmer joke
A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that?
I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence,' the farmer said.
'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'!