1/ Paul Krugman with an excellent column, titled "Pink Slime Economics"........with commentary on the Paul Ryan budget, which guts all of our middle class safety nets while preserving the tax breaks for billionaires and the largest corporations.....
The big bad event of last week was, of course, the Supreme Court hearing on health reform. In the course of that hearing it became clear that several of the justices, and possibly a majority, are political creatures pure and simple, willing to embrace any argument, no matter how absurd, that serves the interests of Team Republican.
But we should not allow events in the court to completely overshadow another, almost equally disturbing spectacle. For on Thursday Republicans in the House of Representatives passed what was surely the most fraudulent budget in American history.
And when I say fraudulent, I mean just that. The trouble with the budget devised by Paul Ryan, the chairman of the House Budget Committee, isn’t just its almost inconceivably cruel priorities, the way it slashes taxes for corporations and the rich while drastically cutting food and medical aid to the needy. Even aside from all that, the Ryan budget purports to reduce the deficit — but the alleged deficit reduction depends on the completely unsupported assertion that trillions of dollars in revenue can be found by closing tax loopholes.
And we’re talking about a lot of loophole-closing. As Howard Gleckman of the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center points out, to make his numbers work Mr. Ryan would, by 2022, have to close enough loopholes to yield an extra $700 billion in revenue every year. That’s a lot of money, even in an economy as big as ours. So which specific loopholes has Mr. Ryan, who issued a 98-page manifesto on behalf of his budget, said he would close?
None. Not one. He has, however, categorically ruled out any move to close the major loophole that benefits the rich, namely the ultra-low tax rates on income from capital. (That’s the loophole that lets Mitt Romney pay only 14 percent of his income in taxes, a lower tax rate than that faced by many middle-class families.)
So what are we to make of this proposal? Mr. Gleckman calls it a “mystery meat budget,” but he’s being unfair to mystery meat. The truth is that the filler modern food manufacturers add to their products may be disgusting — think pink slime — but it nonetheless has nutritional value. Mr. Ryan’s empty promises don’t. You should think of those promises, instead, as a kind of throwback to the 19th century, when unregulated corporations bulked out their bread with plaster of paris and flavored their beer with sulfuric acid.
Come to think of it, that’s precisely the policy era Mr. Ryan and his colleagues are trying to bring back.
2/ If you watch TV in the morning [go on, just admit it] you may have heard of the competing co-host publicity bubble, which included Katie Couric on ABC and Sarah Palin on the Today show.....
This was, of course, irresistible to Jon Stewart who gleefully roasts Caribou Barbie again.....and again.....a most amusing six minutes......
There was much anticipation for former Governor Sarah Palin's stint co-hosting NBC's "Today Show" on Tuesday, and while Jon Stewart thought she was quite good and likable, he, like many, were baffled by her notion that she was "infiltrating" the show by being invited.
Sporting Jesus fish earrings and an "Iwo Jima-sized" American flag lapel pin, Palin poked fun at herself and appeared to have a good time chatting with her co-hosts. But Stewart couldn't help noticing how passive aggressive the Fox News pundit and sometimes candidate was with Matt Lauer, as if she was under attack.
"You're pretending this whole appearance is some uncommonly ballsy way of sticking it to the 'lamestream media,'" Stewart said. "It's just another way for you to tout your brand of homespun nonsense unchallenged."
3/ The Republican war on women continues at the state level - this story is from Georgia, where a religious whack job Representative compared women to farm animals.....
Commonly referred to as the “fetal pain bill” by Georgian Republicans and as the “women as livestock bill” by everyone else, HB 954 garnered national attention this month when state Rep. Terry England (R-Auburn)compared pregnant women carrying stillborn fetuses to the cows and pigs on his farm. According to Rep. England and his warped thought process, if farmers have to “deliver calves, dead or alive,” then a woman carrying a dead fetus, or one not expected to survive, should have to carry it to term.
This continues the assault of the abortion loonies on women's rights to determine their own health treatment. Old, stupid middle age white guys know best.
How can any woman possibly vote Republican, with the contempt the Republican Party has for all you ladies......
The bill as first proposed outlawed all abortions after 20 weeks under all circumstances. After negotiations with the Senate, the House passed a revised HB 954 that makes an exemption for “medically futile” pregnancies or those in which the woman’s life or health is threatened.
If this makes its seem like Rep. England and the rest of the representatives looked beyond their cows and pigs and recognized women as capable, full-thinking human beings, think again: HB 954 excludes a woman’s “emotional or mental condition,” which means women suffering from mental illness would be forced to carry a pregnancy to term. It also ignores pregnant women who are suicidal and driven to inflict harm on themselves because of their unwanted pregnancy.
In order for a pregnancy to be considered “medically futile,” the fetus must be diagnosed with an irreversible chromosomal or congenital anomaly that is “incompatible with sustaining life after birth.” The Georgia “fetal pain” bill also stipulates that the abortion must be performed in such a way that the fetus emerges alive. If doctors perform the abortion differently, they face felony charges and up to 10 years in prison. Given all this, the so-called compromise suddenly does not look like much of a bargain.
4/ The latest amazing technology...
After opening the link below, type in the address you want.....slowly,
Melbourne, San Francisco, Budapest, overseas, anywhere, letter by letter, space by space, and watch each time where it takes you.
5/ It's very clear how the right wing have dominated all discussion in this country - by making everyone afraid.
They want you to be afraid of flying, of terrorism, of Muslims, gays, atheists, young black males.....anyone who is "different"....
This week the corrupt branch of the Republican fear machine, our Supreme Court, did their part by giving permission for police everywhere to strip search you for anything - unpaid traffic tickets, violating a leash law, getting behind on your child support etc etc.
They want you to be quiet, stay beaten down and above all no protesting, or you will be arrested and forcibly strip searched....
Vote Republican.....and keep watching Fox News.....
WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court on Monday ruled by a 5-to-4 vote that officials may strip-search people arrested for any offense, however minor, before admitting them to jails even if the officials have no reason to suspect the presence of contraband.
Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, joined by the court’s conservative wing, wrote that courts are in no position to second-guess the judgments of correctional officials who must consider not only the possibility of smuggled weapons and drugs, but also public health and information about gang affiliations.
“Every detainee who will be admitted to the general population may be required to undergo a close visual inspection while undressed,” Justice Kennedy wrote, adding that about 13 million people are admitted each year to the nation’s jails.
The procedures endorsed by the majority are forbidden by statute in at least 10 states and are at odds with the policies of federal authorities. According to a supporting brief filed by the American Bar Association, international human rights treaties also ban the procedures.
The federal appeals courts had been split on the question, though most of them prohibited strip searches unless they were based on a reasonable suspicion that contraband was present. The Supreme Court did not say that strip searches of every new arrestee were required; it ruled, rather, that the Fourth Amendment’s prohibition of unreasonable searches did not forbid them.
6/ Jimmy Fallon has some funny stuff - this is his "Best Pranks Ever" hashtags [translation - tweets]........3 minutes.....
7/ A moving article about a young woman watching her mother die out of the hands of the medical system....
The lesson from this story is that unless you explicitly make your wishes known, through a living will, or medical surrogate to make decisions on your behalf, if you become chronically ill the medical system will continue to treat you past the point of any common sense. They CANNOT let you die in peace......at least as long as your insurance, or Medicare, keeps paying.....
Get a living will folks.....
I WAS standing by my 89-year-old mother’s hospital bed when she asked a doctor, “Is there anything you can do here to give me back the life I had last year, when I wasn’t in pain every minute?” The young medical resident, stunned by the directness of the question, blurted out, “Honestly, ma’am, no.”
And so Irma Broderick Jacoby went home and lived another year, during which she never again entered a hospital or subjected herself to an invasive, expensive medical procedure. The pain of multiple degenerative diseases was eased by prescription drugs, and she died last November after two weeks in a hospice, on terms determined by explicit legal instructions and discussions with her children — no respirators, no artificial feeding, no attempts to buy one more day for a body that would not let her turn over in bed or swallow without agony.
The hospice room and pain-relieving palliative care cost only about $400 a day, while the average hospital stay costs Medicare over $6,000 a day. Although Mom’s main concern was her comfort and dignity, she also took satisfaction in not running up Medicare payments for unwanted treatments and not leaving private medical bills for her children to pay. A third of the Medicare budget is now spent in the last year of life, and a third of that goes for care in the last month. Those figures would surely be lower if more Americans, while they were still healthy, took the initiative to spell out what treatments they do — and do not — want by writing living wills and appointing health care proxies.
As the aging baby boom generation places unprecedented demands on the health care system, there is little ordinary citizens can do — witness the tortuous arguments in the Supreme Court this week over the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act — to influence either the cost or the quality of the treatment they receive. However, end-of-life planning is one of the few actions within the power of individuals who wish to help themselves and their society. Too few Americans are shouldering this responsibility.
8/ "Magic City" is coming on Starz.....it's a gangster series set in Miami Beach in the 50's......looks good....sexy too.....[note - brief boobage]....
9/ Very good article by Bill Moyers about how the broadcast media are profiting from the Citizens United decision, and are vehemently resisting even modest measures to make who is funding political ads more transparent.....
The oligarchs at work......
Over the years we've been reporting on how power is monopolized by the powerful. How corporate lobbyists, for example, far outnumber members of Congress. And how the politicians are so eager to do the bidding of donors that they allow those lobbyists to dictate the law of the land and make a farce of democracy. What we have is much closer to plutocracy, where the massive concentration of wealth at the top protects and perpetuates itself by controlling the ends and means of politics. This is why so many of us despair over fixing what's wrong: we elect representatives to change things, and once in office they wind up serving the deep-pocketed donors who put up the money to keep change from happening at all.
Here's the latest case in point. The airwaves belong to all of us, right? They're part of "the commons" that, in theory, no private interest should be able to buy or control. Nonetheless, government long ago allowed television and radio stations to use the airwaves for commercial purposes, and the advertising revenues have made those companies fabulously rich. But part of the deal was that in return for the privilege of reaping a fortune they would respect the public interest in a variety of ways, including covering the local news important to our communities. If they didn't, they would be denied their license to use the airwaves at all.
Alas, over the years, through one ruse or another, the public has been shafted. We heard the other day of a candidate for office in a Midwest state who complained to the general manager of a TV station that his campaign was not getting any news coverage. "You want coverage?" the broadcaster replied. "Buy some ads and then we'll talk!"
That pretty well sums up the game. But hold your nose: it gets worse.
10/ You may occasionally watch Spike TV, a channel for guys who like Jason Biggs [smut] and ultraviolence [Ultimate Fighter], i.e. all guys.....
Andy Samberg from SNL imagines that if Spike ever got the rights to Downton Abbey this would be their promo for the show.....2 minutes.....
11/ I think most reasonable people agree the justice system in this country is broken - prosecutors have too much power, blacks and minorities are unfairly treated and the rich can easily subvert the system.
For the criminal justice process to work, over 90% of cases are plea bargained. But what would happen if noone gave in?
Interesting premise, and makes you think.......
AFTER years as a civil rights lawyer, I rarely find myself speechless. But some questions a woman I know posed during a phone conversation one recent evening gave me pause: “What would happen if we organized thousands, even hundreds of thousands, of people charged with crimes to refuse to play the game, to refuse to plea out? What if they all insisted on their Sixth Amendment right to trial? Couldn’t we bring the whole system to a halt just like that?”
The woman was Susan Burton, who knows a lot about being processed through the criminal justice system.
Her odyssey began when a Los Angeles police cruiser ran over and killed her 5-year-old son. Consumed with grief and without access to therapy or antidepressant medications, Susan became addicted to crack cocaine. She lived in an impoverished black community under siege in the “war on drugs,” and it was but a matter of time before she was arrested and offered the first of many plea deals that left her behind bars for a series of drug-related offenses. Every time she was released, she found herself trapped in an under-caste, subject to legal discrimination in employment and housing.
I was stunned by Susan’s question about plea bargains because she — of all people — knows the risks involved in forcing prosecutors to make cases against people who have been charged with crimes. Could she be serious about organizing people, on a large scale, to refuse to plea-bargain when charged with a crime?“Yes, I’m serious,” she flatly replied.
I launched, predictably, into a lecture about what prosecutors would do to people if they actually tried to stand up for their rights. The Bill of Rights guarantees the accused basic safeguards, including the right to be informed of charges against them, to an impartial, fair and speedy jury trial, to cross-examine witnesses and to the assistance of counsel.
But in this era of mass incarceration — when our nation’s prison population has quintupled in a few decades partly as a result of the war on drugs and the “get tough” movement — these rights are, for the overwhelming majority of people hauled into courtrooms across America, theoretical. More than 90 percent of criminal cases are never tried before a jury. Most people charged with crimes forfeit their constitutional rights and plead guilty.
“The truth is that government officials have deliberately engineered the system to assure that the jury trial system established by the Constitution is seldom used,” said Timothy Lynch, director of the criminal justice project at the libertarian Cato Institute. In other words: the system is rigged.
In the race to incarcerate, politicians champion stiff sentences for nearly all crimes, including harsh mandatory minimum sentences and three-strikes laws; the result is a dramatic power shift, from judges to prosecutors.12/ It's Easter weekend, so here are some Awkward Family Photos of past Easters....... some of the theme park rabbits look demonic.....very strange.....
13/ Surprise - Rupert Murdoch's serious legal issues in the UK and Australia get minimal media coverage in this country, perhaps because Fox will punish any media outlet who dared comment on Murdoch? Maybe.......
Last week, PBS aired a Frontline documentary, more then six months in the making, about Rupert Murdoch's phone-hacking scandal. The big budget film, hosted and reported by Lowell Bergman, one of the pre-eminent US investigative journalists, broke no news nor offered new perspectives about the affair. Rather, the show – the first US documentary to delve into the Murdoch scandals – gave a diligent, if somewhat flat-footed account of events that came to a head last summer, for an audience that, the producers seemed to assume, had missed most of the story.
In the same week, the BBC and the Australian Financial Review, opened up an entirely new chapter in the ever-expanding chronicles of News Corporation's scandals: NDS, a News Corp subsidiary company that developed encryption technology for pay TV outlets, had allegedly mounted a long-term effort of piracy and hacking in an effort to undermine its competitors. News Corp's Australian arm has denied the allegations.
Here's the thing: Murdoch's empire may be under siege in one of the most riveting business tales of our time – featuring wounded celebrities, a dynastic family drama, and toadying at the highest levels of government – but American journalism has been mostly absent from the story. At best, it has been a sidelined presence, late to the game, and generally confused about how to get ahead of events happening in another country. This is, arguably, the best thing Murdoch has going for him: in the US, the seat of his company and the main motor of his fortunes, he has been able to hide in plain sight.
So, why the disconnect? In a universe of equal-access global information, how can such parallel worlds comfortably exist? In the world abroad, almost everything is coming apart for Murdoch: his top executives, including his son, face possible imprisonment, his businesses face dismemberment, his reputation is in ruins. In the world at home, he remains the largely untouchable chief executive of one of the most influential companies in the nation. Within the US business and journalistic community, there is no real sense that he is even vulnerable – precisely, or circularly, because it would require a US outcry to bring him down. And the business and journalistic communities, which would have to lead that outcry, haven't begun to stir.
Bill Moyers refers to a PBS "Frontline" documentary on the Murdoch empire's problems - here it is, 53 minutes......disclaimer - I haven't watched it yet.....but I'm sure it's excellent.....
14/ When you think of "farmers", is your image mom and pop with a few cows and a tractor? Think again - agiculture is dominated by huge corporations who are doing their best to destroy small farmers.....
This story is about the Florida sugar barons, and how they continue to pollute the Everglages and get us all to pay for it....because they own the Republican politicians in Tallahassee......
Farming in Florida is not like the good old days when sticking a seed in the ground, keeping the soil not too wet and not too dry, was a formula for profit. Today industrial scale agriculture-- like growing sugar cane in 700,000 acres around Lake Okeechobee -- requires thousands of tons of fertilizer and soil amendments each year to grow (highly profitable) crops in exhausted soil.
So when Miami-Dade and other county commissioners get on soap boxes with how farmers are the best environmentalists, living close to the land and all that, know it may be true for a few but it is largely a bunch of crap to the big farmers who run the Farm Bureau. Its business is to balance the risks of farming against the friction of environmental regulations, the uncertainty of loan repayments based on developable potential, and the future value of land as crappy subdivisions.
The bottom line-- Tea Party pay attention here!-- is that scale farm operations are major polluters who use millions of dollars-- earned through farm bill policies tacitly endorsed by voters through politicians they elect-- to shift billions of dollars of pollution costs to taxpayers.
Now, a reality check: in 1996, nearly 70 percent of Florida voters approved an amendment to the Florida constitution requiring sugar farmers to clean up 100 percent of the pollution they cause in the Everglades. Keep that number in your head. How did that work out for nearly 70 percent of Florida voters who voted for billions of dollars of Everglades cleanup to be assessed where it belongs?
A new study funded by the Everglades Foundation, by independent economist firm RTI, shows that in the past decade Big Sugar has only funded 24 percent of the clean up costs associated with Everglades restoration.
So when Miami-Dade and other county commissioners get on soap boxes with how farmers are the best environmentalists, living close to the land and all that, know it may be true for a few but it is largely a bunch of crap to the big farmers who run the Farm Bureau. Its business is to balance the risks of farming against the friction of environmental regulations, the uncertainty of loan repayments based on developable potential, and the future value of land as crappy subdivisions.
The bottom line-- Tea Party pay attention here!-- is that scale farm operations are major polluters who use millions of dollars-- earned through farm bill policies tacitly endorsed by voters through politicians they elect-- to shift billions of dollars of pollution costs to taxpayers.
Now, a reality check: in 1996, nearly 70 percent of Florida voters approved an amendment to the Florida constitution requiring sugar farmers to clean up 100 percent of the pollution they cause in the Everglades. Keep that number in your head. How did that work out for nearly 70 percent of Florida voters who voted for billions of dollars of Everglades cleanup to be assessed where it belongs?
A new study funded by the Everglades Foundation, by independent economist firm RTI, shows that in the past decade Big Sugar has only funded 24 percent of the clean up costs associated with Everglades restoration.
15/ A very unusual music video - Arcade Fire with "The Suburbs", directed by Spike Jonze.......tells a story of a possible American future, and I attach some notes by a teenage blogger on what this video is about.....sort of "Hungergamesy"
Visually excellent, and the song is good too.....
These kids grow up in the suburbs where they do kid like stuff. A war breaks out. The long haired kid gets drafted into the military. He comes back and his old best friend stole his girl and gets pissed off and beats him up.
Its a about the tragedy of losing your innocent childhood and growing up into the real world where life isn't warm and fuzzy anymore.
16/ Yeay - Florida is one of the top 5 states in the country! Yeay! Go Florida......
Whats that? One of the top 5 for taking away peoples voting rights? ......Oh......
The Center for American Progress released a report today on voter suppression efforts carried out by Republican-led state legislatures around the country, listing Florida as one of “five worst states for voting rights in 2011.”
As we at The Florida Independent have been reporting, Florida lawmakers passed a new voting law last year that has drawn fire from federal officials, legislators, advocacy groups and voting rights experts from all over the country. The many critics of the law have said the law is a concerted effort to keep minorities, young people, the elderly and the poor from the polls on Election Day.
Florida’s contentious law places prohibitive rules and restrictions on third-party voter registration groups, creates a shortened “shelf life” for signatures collected for ballot initiatives, places new restrictions on voters changing their registered addresses on election day, and reduces the number of early voting days — among many other provisions.
Experts have warned, though, that Florida is not alone. Last year, a slew of strict voter ID laws and prohibitive voter registration rules were passed in state legislatures all over the country. These laws have experts warning that marginalized groups could be facing increased barriers to the polls and a rollback of their voting rights. Specifically, critics of these laws have warned that women, African-Americans, Latinos, students, low-income voters, the elderly and the disabled would be most affected.
17/ Coming on April 13th is a pretty good film - "Cabin in the Woods", written by Joss Weldon.
It seems to be the usual horror movie, of the "teens get killed by redneck zombies" genre, but isn't. This Variety review says this film much smarter than that......
Not since "Scream" has a horror movie subverted the expectations that accompany the genre to such wicked effect as "The Cabin in the Woods," a sly, self-conscious twist on one of slasher films' ugliest stepchildren: the coed campsite massacre. The less auds know going in, the more satisfying the payoff will be for this long-delayed, much-anticipated shocker, which was caught in limbo for more than two years during MGM's bankruptcy. Finally surfacing as the opening-night selection of SXSW after sneaking last December at the Austin-based Butt-Numb-A-Thon, this Lionsgate release should cause something of a sensation when it opens April 13.
Given the provenance of the project, which was co-written by Joss Whedon and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" collaborator Drew Goddard, it's no wonder the film has assumed near-mythic status in the imaginations of fear-friendly fanboys. Designed as a response to the recent torture-porn strain of horror cinema, "Cabin" feels less like the final nail in that trend's coffin than the start of something new: a smarter, more self-aware kind of chiller that still delivers the scares.
Trailer is enigmatic.......but looks amazing........
Todays video - Amish centerfold......
Todays Easter redneck joke.....
Each Friday night after work ole Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak right out of the meat supply in his freezer.
Most all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic. And when Lent occurred every spring, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. Well, during Lent the delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks caused such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Bubba, and after a few minutes he suggested that Bubba become a Catholic. Bubba thought that was a wonderful idea. And after many classes and much study, Bubba attended his first Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and you were raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly impressed and relieved by Bubba's conversion.........until the first Friday night of Lent arrived. The wonderful aroma of grilled venison again filled the entire neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the disgruntled neighbors, and as the Priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, the Priest stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
Todays classic [and classy] insults jokes
When Insults Had Class!
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language was
boiled down to 4-letter words. Enjoy!
boiled down to 4-letter words. Enjoy!
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable
disease."
disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies
or your mistress."
or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas
reading it." - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain
approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar
Wilde
Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second......... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop
Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S.Cobb
trivial." - Irvin S.Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles Count Talleyrand
Charles Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain
it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -
Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -
Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx
Todays Cajun redneck joke
Boudreaux, an 80-year-old South Louisiana Cajun, goes to the doctor for his every year check-up.
The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"
“I stay in the swamp and I hunt and fish every day", said the old Cajun. "Dat's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out hunting or fishing all day. I have a beer for breakfast and at lunch and wid my supper. And, I have a shot of hooch before bed time. And, I say my prayers every night. And all is well wid me."
Well", says the doctor, "I'm sure the prayers help, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
"Who said Pop is dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you are 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old he is?"
"Pop be 100 next month," replied Boudreaux. "In fact, he hunted with me dis mornin', and den we went to a beer joint for a while and had a few beers and dat's why he's still alive. He is a tough Cajun man and he hunts and fishes everyday, too.”
"Well, the doctor says, that's great! But, I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my Paw Paw's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you are 80 years old, your father is 100 and your grandfather is still living? Incredible! How old he is?"
"We tink 'bout 118." says the old Cajun. He likes his beer, too, but he won't touch the hard stuff."
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess your grandfather went hunting and fishing with you and your father this morning, too?"
"No, Paw Paw couldn't go dis time. He's gettin' married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married! Why would a 118-year-old man want to get married?"
Boudreaux looked down at the floor and mumbled "Who said he wanted to?"
The doctor is amazed at what good shape he is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition, Boudreaux?"
“I stay in the swamp and I hunt and fish every day", said the old Cajun. "Dat's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out hunting or fishing all day. I have a beer for breakfast and at lunch and wid my supper. And, I have a shot of hooch before bed time. And, I say my prayers every night. And all is well wid me."
Well", says the doctor, "I'm sure the prayers help, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
"Who said Pop is dead?"
The doctor is amazed. "You mean you are 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old he is?"
"Pop be 100 next month," replied Boudreaux. "In fact, he hunted with me dis mornin', and den we went to a beer joint for a while and had a few beers and dat's why he's still alive. He is a tough Cajun man and he hunts and fishes everyday, too.”
"Well, the doctor says, that's great! But, I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your father's father? How old was he when he died?"
"Who said my Paw Paw's dead?"
Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you are 80 years old, your father is 100 and your grandfather is still living? Incredible! How old he is?"
"We tink 'bout 118." says the old Cajun. He likes his beer, too, but he won't touch the hard stuff."
The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess your grandfather went hunting and fishing with you and your father this morning, too?"
"No, Paw Paw couldn't go dis time. He's gettin' married today."
At this point the doctor is close to losing it. "Getting married! Why would a 118-year-old man want to get married?"
Boudreaux looked down at the floor and mumbled "Who said he wanted to?"
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