Make sure you watch #10.....excellent.....
Quote of the day
Science will fly you to the moon, religion will fly you into buildings.
1/ The master of political commentary, Frank Rich, with his take on the events of last week.......if you want to know what's behind the lamestream media stories, he has the insight....
A stopped clock is right twice a day, and though Rand Paul may be a flake, his all-too-short-lived piece of performance art was admirable for several reasons. First, he actually stimulated some debate about the Obama administration’s murky and arguably extralegal use of drones. Second, he made a case for, not against, filibuster reform. If filibusters required those blocking Senate action to actually give old-school Jimmy Stewart–style speeches, they’d be few and far between, and we’d possibly have a less dysfunctional Senate. By ending his filibuster only when he finally had to take a leak, Paul made a powerful case for the proposition that our government might function far more smoothly if our elected representatives’ bladders rather than their brains called the shots.
2/ Bill Maher with a decent "New Rules".....even his average show is pretty good.........
Here he asks a good question - why is everything political?.....love the first 30 seconds.......
Bill Maher closed Friday's episode of "Real Time" with a fundamental question: "Since when does everything in America have to be political?"
He broached the topic by first addressing the outrage many conservatives seem to feel every time Michelle Obama appears on television: "If seeing this nice lady on TV saying she likes the movies or nutrition or exercise fills you with rage, get help."
But Maher made it clear he wasn't making a point about the first lady, but about the increasing need Americans feel to draw a line in the sand... any sand, any time.
"Eating a corn dog used to be just a guilty pleasure, now it's a blow for freedom against the radical Obama nutrition agenda," Maher explained. He went on to cite numerous examples of over-politicizing, finally landing on the media: "There's Fox for conservatives, MSNBC for liberals and CNN for airports."
3/ I have always maintained the only way anything will ever be done about climate change is when the stupids realise that it's real, but based on this story from the Times apparently the farmers of America, and more importantly the Big Ag corporations are still in denial about man made global warming.....ignoring the droughts, extreme weather and blistering heat which are affecting them directly......
Oh well.....maybe next year.......and does this mean farmers are really, really stupid?
Everybody loves a farmer, judging by the popularity of this year’s hit Super Bowl ad about the virtues of those who coax food from dirt. And yet nobody wants to be one, with less than 1 percent of the population claiming it as an occupation.
But somewhere among the 315 million Americans is a farmer who is (rarer still) a Democrat willing to serve President Obama. Should this person be found, he or she should be put in charge of the daunting task of convincing food producers that nothing imperils their future more than climate change.
I realize that summoning images of wilted wheat, lizard-skin ground and scrawny cattle nosing through drought-ravaged forage just a few days after a major winter storm is not the most timely approach. Whenever it snows over a large portion of the country, climate change-deniers point to the blanket of white outside and cry “hoax!”
But with the announcement this week of the usual suspects of city-bred, East Coast, well-credentialed types to the cabinet-level team that Obama is assembling to fight climate change, it’s time to consider a farmer as a leader of that cause.
Farmers don’t care much for Obama, so why should he reach out to them? He lost the rural vote by almost 20 points. And among big farmers (I’m talking productivity here, not bib overall size), he lost by 50 points. No surprise. Farmers haven’t had anything nice to say about a Democrat since Franklin Roosevelt was touring cornfields in his open-air car.
Farmers don’t care much for Obama, so why should he reach out to them? He lost the rural vote by almost 20 points. And among big farmers (I’m talking productivity here, not bib overall size), he lost by 50 points. No surprise. Farmers haven’t had anything nice to say about a Democrat since Franklin Roosevelt was touring cornfields in his open-air car.
The people who grow grain for breakfast cereal and raise pigs for prosciutto are also among the biggest deniers of the consensus scientific view that humans have altered the earth’s climate. While acknowledging that, yes, sir, the weather does appear to be changing for the worse, most farmers don’t think it is human-caused, according to several polls. You’d have to survey the leading talk-radio hosts to find a higher percentage of disbelievers of the obvious.
4/ Stefon [Bill Hader] was a fixture of SNL a few years ago.....
This weekend he was back, and as funny as ever....... he and Seth Myers almost lose it.....a very good 4 minutes.......
Last year, Bill Hader said he might pull back this season on appearances by City Correspondent Stefon in order to keep it exciting when we do see him. We understand the thinking, but if we saw Stefon every day for the rest of our lives, each and every time would be a thrill.
Fortunately, he turned up on "Weekend Update" on Saturday to give some ideas for Spring Break fun in the city, and they were as wonderfully off-base as always. Plus, Hader appeared to be barely hanging on the entire sketch, and Meyers nearly lost it as well, adopting Stefon's patented "I am definitely not laughing" gesture at one point.
5/ The only time you really realise how much "stuff" you have is when you move, which Mary and I are doing right now, so this story in the Times connected.....here is someone who has pared his possessions down to the essentials....
Living With Less. A Lot Less.
Maxwell Holyoke-Hirsch
By GRAHAM HILL
Published: March 9, 2013 329 Comments
I LIVE in a 420-square-foot studio. I sleep in a bed that folds down from the wall. I have six dress shirts. I have 10 shallow bowls that I use for salads and main dishes. When people come over for dinner, I pull out my extendable dining room table. I don’t have a single CD or DVD and I have 10 percent of the books I once did.
I have come a long way from the life I had in the late ’90s, when, flush with cash from an Internet start-up sale, I had a giant house crammed with stuff — electronics and cars and appliances and gadgets.
Somehow this stuff ended up running my life, or a lot of it; the things I consumed ended up consuming me. My circumstances are unusual (not everyone gets an Internet windfall before turning 30), but my relationship with material things isn’t.
We live in a world of surfeit stuff, of big-box stores and 24-hour online shopping opportunities. Members of every socioeconomic bracket can and do deluge themselves with products.
There isn’t any indication that any of these things makes anyone any happier; in fact it seems the reverse may be true.
For me, it took 15 years, a great love and a lot of travel to get rid of all the inessential things I had collected and live a bigger, better, richer life with less.
6/ David Bowie is still making music despite having disappeared off the radar for 10 years, and this is his latest song.....it's more like a movie than a music video, with the wonderful Tilda Swinton as his wife and two lesbian[?] supermodels as witches? Or is it demons?
You won't see this on MTV due to the androgynous nipplage.......and if you wonder what the word androgynous means, Bowie, the supermodels and indeed Swinton define it......
Not quite sure about this as a music video, but it's visually amazing and very weird......song is just OK, but jeez - it's David Bowie!
7/ The absolutely smartest thing that has happened in politics in the last couple of years is having Elizabeth Warren as a Senator on the Senate Banking Committee.....watch as she demolishes the smug asshole "regulators" nicely, politely and relentlessly.....for seven minutes.....
You go girl!!!
Sen. Elizabeth Warren unloaded on bank regulators Thursday about the fact that British bank HSBC is still doing business in the U.S., with no criminal charges filed against it, despite confessing to what one regulator called "egregious" money laundering violations.
Her comments came just a day after the attorney general of the United States confessed that some banks are so big and important that they are essentially above the law. His Justice Department's failure to bring any criminal charges against HSBC or its employees is Exhibit A of that problem.
During a Senate Banking Committee hearing about money laundering, Warren (D-Mass.) grilled officials from the Treasury Department, Federal Reserve and Office of the Comptroller of the Currency about why HSBC, which recently paid $1.9 billion to settle money laundering charges, wasn't criminally prosecuted and shut down in the U.S. Nor were any individuals from HSBC charged with any crimes, despite the bank confessing to laundering billions of dollars for Mexican drug cartels and rogue regimes like Iran and Libya over several years.
8/ Steven Colbert is normally ice cool and firmly in character while making his jokes, but in this one minute clip he finally loses it.....very funny.......
9/ When we lived in South Florida, Century Village in Delray Beach was a joke.....a place where old New Yorkers went to die......noisily. A place to be avoided at all costs........
Now it is slowly coming back as a condo complex where boomers are moving in....because it's great value, and they have run out of affordable choices.....
Too Young to Retire, but These Deals Can’t Wait
By HOWARD GOODMAN and MICHAEL WINERIP
Published: March 9, 2013 198 Comments
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Susan Shapira, who is 58, recently moved into a condominium in Century Village, a gated retirement community here where most residents are almost as old as the name.
In the nine months she has lived here, she has learned some of the drawbacks of being a baby boomer among the very old.
“I don’t see anyone after dark,” she said. There is zero night life. The bus is often delayed — walkers slow people getting on and off. And her building’s resident representative had been hard to find after going into rehab for a back injury.
But Ms. Shapira says she has no regrets. She bought her two-bedroom condo for cash — $26,900.
“It’s like a car,” she said.
Sometimes it is like a used car.
Last year a condo here sold for $7,000, according to the real estate industry’s Multiple Listing Service. One in Kings Point, a similar retirement community in nearby Delray Beach, sold for $3,000, according to the listings.
The prices in these large retirement communities are not low because the properties have deteriorated since they were built in the 1970s and ’80s. In fact, they are mostly well kept.
But they hold little appeal to most baby boomers, who never imagined hanging out in the same sprawling retirement complexes that attracted their parents to come here.
10/ This is the wonderfully clear and simple explanation of how wealth is distributed in America.......it's the best six minutes you will spend today....
Send this to your Republican friends and relatives.....
"Wealth Inequality in America," a six-minute video produced by a YouTube user named "Politizane," casts an interesting angle on the plummeting savings rate. Set to depressing piano music and packed with crystal-clear animations, it gives a powerful snapshot of the American economic landscape. Noting that "The top 1 percent own nearly half the country's stocks, bonds, and mutual funds," the video goes on to contrast those impressive holdings with the rest of the country. By comparison, it points out, the bottom 50 percent of earners own only 0.5 percent of those investments.
11/ Following on from #9, Kings Point is similar to Century Village, but slightly down market.....but as this excellent story says there is a hidden crisis in how old people cope in this cruel society.......
This is one step lower than our own "The Villages", but it's the same scenario - people retire, sell their home up north and move to the Florida dream......
No Country for Old People: ‘Kings Point’ Exposes the Hidden Elder Crisis
by Donald A. Davidoff Feb 16, 2013 4:45 AM ESTThe Oscar-nominated documentary, set to air on HBO on March 11, captures the fears of the residents of a Florida retirement community. A psychiatrist for the elderly says it should be required viewing for anyone who cares for the aged.
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I just finished proctoring the geriatric psychiatry station of the comprehensive examination that second-year students take at the Harvard Medical School. Serendipitously, I also viewed Sari Gilman’s Academy Award–nominated Kings Point, a 30-minute documentary covering 10 years in the life of an age-restricted community in Florida, that’s set to premiere on HBO on March 11. While the doctors-to-be all did well in interviewing and diagnosing a “standardized” geriatric patient, it occurred to me how their interactions could have been enhanced by viewing Gilman’s film.
Kings Point takes the viewer into the lives of five aging-in-place residents who are extremely insightful into their own circumstance. They accept with equanimity the true horror of aging alone, sundered from family and community. They all bought the Florida dream and left New York City for what they believed to be the Promised Land. The promise of home ownership, eternal sunshine, and companionship with like-minded people lured them into a desperate trap. For as they aged and developed infirmities, as their spouses died off, they were left alone and frightened. As one of the elders noted, “Nobody gets too close here; they are afraid.” And Kings Point elucidates these fears all too clearly and poignantly. They desire connection but are so afraid of loss that they shy away from closeness and commitment, two essential aspects of our human nature.
Fascinating trailer for the HBO movie "Kings Point"....it aired March 11th, but HBO repeats these many times over so look for it....a 30 minute documentary.......
12/ Mary and I are delighted to say we are close to being Publix-free....the Mount Dora Farmers Market Sunday mornings has fresh fish, organic breads and cheeses, Vietnamese food and local greens from an organic farm......and there is a local market called Perrines that has great fruit and veggies, and now a deli selection.....
For all of the other stuff there's Costco...... and here is the reason they are better than the other big box stores. They are an old fashioned corporation.....you know, the way companies were before WalMart......
Costco CEO: Raise The Minimum Wage To More Than $10 Per Hour
The Huffington Post | By Bonnie KavoussiPosted: 03/06/2013 11:10 am EST | Updated: 03/06/2013 11:10 am EST
FOLLOW:
President Barack Obama wants to raise the federal minimum wage to $9 per hour. And the CEO of one of America's largest retailers says such a move would be good for workers and businesses alike. In fact, he says raise it even more.
On Tuesday, Costco CEO and President Craig Jelinek came out in support of the Fair Minimum Wage Act of 2013, which aims to raise the federal minimum wage to $10.10 per hour, then adjust it after that for inflation.
"At Costco, we know that paying employees good wages makes good sense for business," Jelinek said in a statement. "We pay a starting hourly wage of $11.50 in all states where we do business, and we are still able to keep our overhead costs low."
"An important reason for the success of Costco’s business model is the attraction and retention of great employees," Jelinek added. "Instead of minimizing wages, we know it's a lot more profitable in the long term to minimize employee turnover and maximize employee productivity, commitment and loyalty. We support efforts to increase the federal minimum wage."
13/ Sinkholes in Florida.......although theoretically I knew what they were I didn't fully understand why they were prevalent in Florida till I read this article....from the Guardian UK.......
Strange you have to read a British newspaper to get an explanation of what causes these sinkholes.......all the US media focused on was the death of the guy who was in his bedroom when it formed....
Last week, in a quiet residential suburb east of Tampa, Florida, the Earth opened up and swallowed a man. Jeff Bush, 37, was tucked up in bed late on Thursday evening when his entire bedroom floor simply gave way with a deafening crash that his brother, in the room next door, later described as "like a truck hitting the house".
Jeremy Bush, 35, heard his brother's scream and rushed towards his bedroom. "Everything was gone," he told local television stations. "My brother's bed, my brother's dresser, my brother's TV. My brother was gone. All I could see was the top of his bed, so I jumped in and tried digging him out. I thought I could hear him screaming for me and hollering for me."
As the house's floor threatened to collapse further into a gaping hole more than 9m across and 15m deep, a sheriff's deputy who had arrived on the scene with the emergency services eventually pulled Jeremy to safety. Jeff remained trapped. "I couldn't get him out," Jeremy said. "I tried so hard. I tried everything I could. No one could do anything."
As Jeremy and four others, including a two-year-old child, were led away uninjured, rescue teams lowered a microphone and video camera into the hole, but it was soon apparent that Bush could not have survived. By Saturday, the search for his body had also been abandoned. "We just have not been able to locate Mr Bush, and so for that reason, the rescue effort is being discontinued," a local official, Mike Merrill, said. "At this point, it's really not possible to recover the body."
When the ground begins opening up beneath our feet and plunging unsuspecting mortals into the abyss, some may be tempted to reach for the Bible and start predicting the End of Times (and a quick online search reveals that several of the wackier sort of website have not hesitated to do just that). But biblical as the story sounds, the sinkhole – as the phenomenon is called – that caused Jeff Bush's death was not an act of God but of geology
14/ Mount Dorans and Lake County locals - this might be interesting - an elected official deigns to speak to us, the common folk with no lobbyists.......
Jimmy Connor, Vice Chairman of the Lake County Commission will speak.........Monday March 18th, at the Lakeside Inn....
Lakeside Inn Town Hall Series – State of the CountyMount Dora, FL – Lakeside InnThe mission of Lakeside Inn’s Town Hall is to educate and to inform, through a series of public lectures promoting no particular social or political agenda, and to enrich the depth and quality of the public discourse essential to a free society. The first of the series will feature Jimmy Conner, Vice Chairman of the Lake County Commission on The State of the County, Monday, March 18, 2013. The program will start at 5:00PM followed by a cash bar reception at 6:00PM. This event is public and free.
15/ Movie reviews
Guys - one for you....."Dead Man Down"...have a few cocktails and go see this one!
One of the pleasures of movie watching is the suspension of disbelief. Yet while you can be fully absorbed in a movie, unless you’re a child or certifiable, you never actually put aside your belief in the real world — you just happily agree to go along with the fictional flow. Some directors never spin their lies successfully enough for this to happen, while others blow it with anachronisms, miscasting, shoddy filmmaking, dumb choices or merely a solitary false note. Other movies lose you, only to reel you back in tentatively with a jolt of intelligence or an image that sticks.
Such is “Dead Man Down,” a thriller that piles on its absurdities so fast and with such apparent obliviousness that you hope (pray) you’ll soon be watching either a diverting art-film intervention, like Werner Herzog’s remake of “Bad Lieutenant,” or joy riding with one of those rarest of screen delights: the demented howler. “Dead Man Down,”unfortunately, turns out to be too innocuous to qualify as either actually good or delectably bad. Yet while Colin Farrell and his sensitive, hardworking eyebrows help keep it from becoming a full-bore lampoon, the gangland clichés, nutty plot and seemingly random casting choices (F. Murray Abraham, Armand Assante, Isabelle Huppert) stoke your hopes that true movie madness may rise out of the darkening shadows and pessimism.
And one not to see - "Oz, The Great and Powerful"......bad review.......
Can the major studios still make magic? From the looks of “Oz the Great and Powerful,” a dispiriting, infuriating jumble of big money, small ideas and ugly visuals, the answer seems to be no
Todays video - "First Position" trailer......this prizewinning movie documentary on how difficult it is to make it in ballet looks really, really interesting......
And on the ballet theme, here's a beer commercial for you lads.....
Todays ladies joke
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!”
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change..
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!”
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid’s pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss..
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
25) Begin cussing fit.
26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28) Beer.
29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30) Beer.
31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
32) Beer.
33) Lower car from jack stands..
34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
35) Beer.
36) Test drive car.
37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
38) Car gets impounded.
39) Call loving wife, make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But you know the job was done right!”
Todays mama joke
Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers.
One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 90th birthday gifts
One evening, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the 90th birthday gifts
they were able to give their elderly mother who moved to Florida.
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read
The first said, "You know I had a big house built for Mama."
The second said, "And I had a large theater built in the house."
The third said, "And I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her."
The fourth said, "You know how Mama loved reading the Bible and you know she can't read
anymore because she can't see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot who
could recite the entire Bible. It took ten people almost 8 years to teach him. I had to pledge to
contribute $50,000 a year for five years to the church, but it was worth it.
Mama only has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."
The other brothers were impressed. After the birthday celebration Mama sent out her
The other brothers were impressed. After the birthday celebration Mama sent out her
"Thank You" notes.
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room,
She wrote: "Milton, the house you built is so huge that I live in only one room,
but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway."
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered,
"Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries delivered,
so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks."
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people,
"Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound and it can hold 50 people,
but all of my friends are dead, I've lost my hearing, and I'm nearly blind. I'll never use it.
Thank you for the gesture just the same."
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
"Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift.
The chicken was delicious. Thank you so much."
Love, Mama
Love, Mama
Todays toon
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