1/ No wonder our systems of government are corrupted - Matt Taibbi details the latest scandal in the financial industry, major cheating by the big banks again [remember LIBOR?]. With so much money at stake they spend unlimited sums to keep politicians and regulators distracted, but with a conspiracy this big it leaks out eventually.
Taibbi is our best financial reporter, and a major story like this is important in exposing these bastards for the criminals they are. Think about it - the financial industry and the big banks are criminals - yes, we all use them but they are rigging the game in their favour, without consequences. It's disgusting......
A long story, but definitely worth reading......
Conspiracy theorists of the world, believers in the hidden hands of the Rothschilds and the Masons and the Illuminati, we skeptics owe you an apology. You were right. The players may be a little different, but your basic premise is correct: The world is a rigged game. We found this out in recent months, when a series of related corruption stories spilled out of the financial sector, suggesting the world's largest banks may be fixing the prices of, well, just about everything.
You may have heard of the Libor scandal, in which at least three – and perhaps as many as 16 – of the name-brand too-big-to-fail banks have been manipulating global interest rates, in the process messing around with the prices of upward of $500 trillion (that's trillion, with a "t") worth of financial instruments. When that sprawling con burst into public view last year, it was easily the biggest financial scandal in history – MIT professor Andrew Lo even said it "dwarfs by orders of magnitude any financial scam in the history of markets."
That was bad enough, but now Libor may have a twin brother. Word has leaked out that the London-based firm ICAP, the world's largest broker of interest-rate swaps, is being investigated by American authorities for behavior that sounds eerily reminiscent of the Libor mess. Regulators are looking into whether or not a small group of brokers at ICAP may have worked with up to 15 of the world's largest banks to manipulate ISDAfix, a benchmark number used around the world to calculate the prices of interest-rate swaps.
Interest-rate swaps are a tool used by big cities, major corporations and sovereign governments to manage their debt, and the scale of their use is almost unimaginably massive. It's about a $379 trillion market, meaning that any manipulation would affect a pile of assets about 100 times the size of the United States federal budget.
It should surprise no one that among the players implicated in this scheme to fix the prices of interest-rate swaps are the same megabanks – including Barclays, UBS, Bank of America, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland – that serve on the Libor panel that sets global interest rates. In fact, in recent years many of these banks have already paid multimillion-dollar settlements for anti-competitive manipulation of one form or another (in addition to Libor, some were caught up in an anti-competitive scheme, detailed in Rolling Stone last year, to rig municipal-debt service auctions). Though the jumble of financial acronyms sounds like gibberish to the layperson, the fact that there may now be price-fixing scandals involving both Libor and ISDAfix suggests a single, giant mushrooming conspiracy of collusion and price-fixing hovering under the ostensibly competitive veneer of Wall Street culture.
2/ Rachel Maddow had a wonderful 6 minute segment last week, where she recapped the 'Poop Cruise" on the Carnival Triumph, and compared this to the opening of the George W. Presidential library.........an amusing segment for Rachel......
She also muses on "how quickly we forget".......
Rachel Maddow wondered why the country had to "endure" what she called "the public relations onslaught" of the George W. Bush Presidential Center opening, comparing it to the awful Carnival Triumph "poop cruise."
Broadcast and cable networks spent considerable time on Thursday covering the private opening of the Bush Center. Networks sent some of their top-level anchors to cover the ceremony live from Dallas. As Maddow mentioned, all five living U.S. presidents were there. Fox News' Roger Ailes was also spotted in the VIP section.
3/ And for a funny look at the same news item, Jon Stewart had some thoughts on W's library, and talks to Al Madrigal who visited the facility......three very amusing minutes.....Madrigal is excellent....
On Thursday, Jon Stewart revisited a topic near and dear to his heart: The presidency of George W. Bush. The dedication of the Bush presidential library in Dallas, Tex. was an opportunity for Stewart to take digs at the 43rd president's administration.
He criticized the Bush center for the memorabilia from his White House years on display, calling it "the Hard Rock Cafe of catastrophic policy decisions."
Another area Stewart found laughable was the notion that 41st president George H.W. Bush's legacy has improved since leaving office in 1992. "Because he's being compared to George W.! If one of G.W.'s kids becomes president in 2032 and somehow invades the moon, I'm sure he'll look a lot better, too."
4/ The master of politics, Frank Rich, on the issues of the week, including the pathetic attempts by Republicans to make the Boston bombings Obama's fault for not stopping it....
Also the gun bill, the Koch Brothers entering the newspaper industry and "W's" library......
Every week, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich talks with contributor Eric Benson about the biggest stories in politics and culture. This week: the GOP calls for an "enemy combatant" in Boston; gun control suffers an unsurprising defeat; and David and Charles Koch float a new identity — press barons.
Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham called for the Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev to be held as an "enemy combatant." There's no agreed upon legal precedent for holding a U.S. citizen as an "enemy combatant" or even holding a foreign fighter captured on U.S. soil under that distinction. (Both the "20th hijacker" Zacarias Moussaoui and the "Blind Sheikh" were successfully tried in civilian court.) What are McCain and Graham up to here?There’s no such thing as farcical relief from a horror as painful and raw as the terrorist bombings in Boston. But the attempts by McCain, Graham, and some of their colleagues to find some way, any way, to politicize these attacks border on dark farce nonetheless. There have already been at least three waves in the GOP effort to turn Boston into the new Benghazi. First, Chuck Grassley implied that the bombings be used as a pretext to delay immigration reform.
5/ "Why does Jesus only forgive Republicans?"
Bill Maher asks the question, and answers it cleverly.....very good and vintage Maher.....
Bill Maher had a field day when former Congressman Anthony Weiner's "private" photos hit the web, and now that Weiner's considering a run for Mayor of New York City, he's asking: why is redemption so much easier for Republicans than Democrats?
On Friday night's "Real Time," Maher compared Weiner's uncertain political future to that of former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford. He argued that if Sanford can be forgiven for having "week-long international f**k fiestas," then Manhattan intellectuals should be able to forgive Weiner for "basically masturbating online."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
6/ This is interesting. You may have seen some of the "TED" talks, which are smart people taking about an issue of the day in front of an audience - not flashy, and TED talks are not afraid of science.
This specific talk was censored for political reasons......TED would not release it because the five minute piece was by a self made multi-millionaire saying rich people were not job creators.....
It obviously offended Republicans.......
Multi-millionaire Nick Hanauer has an important message for those who think the rich are America's job creators. Problem is, he can't seem to get it out.
"For thousands of years people were sure that earth was at the center of the universe. It's not, and an astronomer who still believed that it was, would do some lousy astronomy," Hanauer said at a March 1 speech, according to the Atlantic. "In the same way, a policy maker who believed that the rich and businesses are 'job creators' and therefore should not be taxed, would make equally bad policy."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/
7/ Jon Stewart had some pithy comments on our elected scum in Congress, and their deal to get air traffic moving again....
A good one.....five minutes.....
Jon Stewart must have been in a hurry on Monday, because it only took him 24 seconds to call Congress a bunch of "do nothing f@#ktards."
In a show that focused largely on the sequester cuts, Jon opened with a segment on legislators coming together to fix the one problem that affects them... more specifically, their vacations.
8/ This column from Charles Blow resonated, because he writes about the constant them of fear - be afraid, be very afraid - that pervades all parts of the right wing mindset. Obama's coming to take your guns, the gumment's too big......repeated over and over on Fox and maybe more importantly the most underestimated part of the media, radio.
This is why there are angry old white men out there.....
The politics of the political right have become the politics of paranoia.
Stephen Colbert got in some of his brilliant zingers at Fox & Friends a few nights ago – and who could be more deserving of ridicule? Colbert caught the Curvy Couch Crew not just regurgitating the same talking points, but the exact same cliché, “singing like a canary,” which was their phrase to describe what Boston bomb suspect Dhzokhar Tsarnaev was supposedly doing until, as Colbert put it, “our secret Chechen president” “screwed the whole thing up” by advising Tsarnaev of his Miranda rights.
According to too many of them, the country is collapsing, and the government is not to be trusted. The circle of safety is contracting. You must arm yourselves to defend your own.
It is no wonder, then, that in this environment, aWashington Post/Pew Research Center poll released Wednesday found that while 47 percent of Americans were angry or disappointed that new gun control legislation in the Senate (including the enormously popular background-checks provision) had failed to pass, 39 percent were very happy or relieved. Fifty-one percent of Republicans had those sentiments, compared with 22 percent of Democrats.
This underscores just how frightened of the government far-right Republicans are.
A Quinnipiac University poll this month found that 91 percent of Americans (including 88 percent of Republicans) said that they supported background checks for all gun buyers. But that same poll found that 61 percent of Republicans worried that if there were background checks for all gun purchases, the government would use that information in the future to confiscate legally owned guns.
Furthermore, a January Pew Research Center report found that for the first time since the question was asked in 1995, most Americans now believe that the federal government threatens their personal rights and freedoms.
According to the report:
“The growing view that the federal government threatens personal rights and freedoms has been led by conservative Republicans. Currently 76 percent of conservative Republicans say that the federal government threatens their personal rights and freedoms and 54 percent describe the government as a ‘major’ threat.”
9/ Every year the sitting President attends the White House Correspondents dinner, and noone except perhaps Bill Clinton has done it better than President Obama.....there is a career in stand-up waiting for him when he leaves office. His timing is impeccable, and he isn't afraid to make fun of himself.
Here is the full speech [23 minutes] - 19 minutes of jokes, but note the last four minutes are a message to those in power - let's do our jobs better.
Amen.
10/ We know climate change is producing extremes of weather, and we know this will have serious effects that will be getting worse over the next few decades, but I haven't seen anything that spells out what might happen, and to whom, better than this story.
Michael Klare has a stab at letting us know some likely scenarios, and don't worry folks - it won't affect you too badly for a few years because you are living in a rich country. However, if you are black or brown, you are in trouble........
Remember - by reading these articles you can take some steps to protect yourself.....if I was still living in South Florida I would seriously think about selling my house and renting instead....in a few years you won't be able to get flood insurance, and watch home values change........
Entering a Resource-Shock World
How Resource Scarcity and Climate Change Could Produce a Global Explosion
By Michael T. KlareBrace yourself. You may not be able to tell yet, but according to global experts and the U.S. intelligence community, the earth is already shifting under you. Whether you know it or not, you’re on a new planet, a resource-shock world of a sort humanity has never before experienced.Two nightmare scenarios -- a global scarcity of vital resources and the onset of extreme climate change -- are already beginning to converge and in the coming decades are likely to produce a tidal wave of unrest, rebellion, competition, and conflict. Just what this tsunami of disaster will look like may, as yet, be hard to discern, but experts warn of “water wars” over contested river systems, global food riots sparked by soaring prices for life’s basics, mass migrations of climate refugees (with resulting anti-migrant violence), and the breakdown of social order or the collapse of states. At first, such mayhem is likely to arise largely in Africa, Central Asia, and other areas of the underdeveloped South, but in timeall regions of the planet will be affected.To appreciate the power of this encroaching catastrophe, it’s necessary to examine each of the forces that are combining to produce this future cataclysm.
Resource Shortages and Resource WarsStart with one simple given: the prospect of future scarcities of vital natural resources, including energy, water, land, food, and critical minerals. This in itself would guarantee social unrest, geopolitical friction, and war.It is important to note that absolute scarcity doesn’t have to be on the horizon in any given resource category for this scenario to kick in. A lack of adequate supplies to meet the needs of a growing, ever more urbanized and industrialized global population is enough. Given the wave of extinctions that scientists are recording, some resources -- particular species of fish, animals, and trees, for example -- will become less abundant in the decades to come, and may even disappear altogether. But key materials for modern civilization like oil, uranium, and copper will simply prove harder and more costly to acquire, leading to supply bottlenecks and periodic shortages.Oil -- the single most important commodity in the international economy -- provides an apt example. Although global oil supplies may actually grow in the coming decades, many experts doubt that they can be expanded sufficiently to meet the needs of a rising global middle class that is, for instance, expected to buy millions of new cars in the near future. In its 2011 World Energy Outlook, the International Energy Agency claimed that an anticipated global oil demand of 104 million barrels per day in 2035 will be satisfied. This, the report suggested, would be thanks in large part to additional supplies of “unconventional oil” (Canadian tar sands, shale oil, and so on), as well as 55 million barrels of new oil from fields “yet to be found” and “yet to be developed.”
11/ A brilliant two minute clip from Stephen Colbert, where he catches the "Fox and Friends" crew parroting their stupid talking points, over and over.....wonderful!
http://www.newshounds.us/
12/ Interesting, logical and quite scary article about how our homes are actually laboratories for the chemical industry to test their products without our knowledge or consent, and this has been going on for decades......
Protect yourself folks.....read the warning labels, if it's edible look at the ingredients, and be very careful using chemicals.....
A hidden epidemic is poisoning America. The toxins are in the air we breathe and the water we drink, in the walls of our homes and the furniture within them. We can’t escape it in our cars. It’s in cities and suburbs. It afflicts rich and poor, young and old. And there’s a reason why you’ve never read about it in the newspaper or seen a report on the nightly news: it has no name -- and no antidote.
The culprit behind this silent killer is lead. And vinyl. And formaldehyde. And asbestos. And Bisphenol A. And polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs). And thousands more innovations brought to us by the industries that once promised “better living through chemistry,” but instead produced a toxic stew that has made every American a guinea pig and has turned the United States into one grand unnatural experiment.
Today, we are all unwitting subjects in the largest set of drug trials ever. Without our knowledge or consent, we are testing thousands of suspected toxic chemicals and compounds, as well as new substances whose safety is largely unproven and whose effects on human beings are all but unknown. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) itself has begun monitoring our bodies for 151 potentially dangerous chemicals, detailing the variety of pollutants we store in our bones, muscle, blood, and fat. None of the companies introducing these new chemicals has even bothered to tell us we’re part of their experiment. None of them has asked us to sign consent forms or explained that they have little idea what the long-term side effects of the chemicals they’ve put in our environment -- and so our bodies -- could be. Nor do they have any clue as to what the synergistic effects of combining so many novel chemicals inside a human body in unknown quantities might produce.
How Industrial Toxins Entered the American Home
The story of how Americans became unwitting test subjects began more than a century ago. The key figure was Alice Hamilton, the “mother” of American occupational medicine, who began documenting the way workers in lead paint pigment factories, battery plants, and lead mines were suffering terrible palsies, tremors, convulsions, and deaths after being exposed to lead dust that floated in the air, coating their workbenches and clothes.
Soon thereafter, children exposed to lead paint and lead dust in their homes were also identified as victims of this deadly neurotoxin. Many went into convulsions and comas after crawling on floors where lead dust from paint had settled, or from touching lead-painted toys, or teething on lead-painted cribs, windowsills, furniture, and woodwork.
Instead of leveling with the public, the lead industry through its trade group, the Lead Industries Association, began a six-decade-long campaign to cover-up its product’s dire effects. It challenged doctors who reported lead-poisoned children to health departments, distracted the public through advertisements that claimed lead was “safe” to use, and fought regulation of the industry by local government, all in the service of profiting from putting a poison in paint, gasoline, plumbing fixtures, and even toys, baseballs, and fishing gear.
As Joe Camel would be for tobacco, so the little Dutch Boy of the National Lead Company became an iconic marketing tool for Dutch Boy Lead Paint, priming Americans to invite a dangerous product into their children’s playrooms, nurseries, and lives. The company also launched a huge advertising campaign that linked lead to health, rather than danger. It even produced coloring books for children, encouraging them to paint their rooms and furniture using lead-based paint.
http://www.nationofchange.org/
13/ Speaking of a common household chemical used in gardening, Monsanto is killing you slowly......
Roundup is the most widely used insecticide in the world, and GMO farming uses Roundup-resistant seeds to improve efficiency in the huge factory farms. Both Roundup and the seeds are Monsanto products.
A new scientific study of the long term and cumulative effects of the primary ingredient in Roundup shows some alarming data in diseases caused by this chemical, Glyphosate, including diabetes, cancer and autism. The study was published in the scientific journal Entropy, and the full study is linked in the article.
So.....even if you have faith in our system, and do not believe Monsanto has bought off the regulators who are supposed to protect us from toxic chemicals in our everyday lives, do yourself a favour - if you use Roundup, wear rubber gloves, don't use it when it's windy in case the spray gets on your skin and wear one of those disposable masks so you don't breathe any of the fumes.
And think about the GMO seeds......and buy organic.
A new peer-reviewed scientific review paper has been released in the US stating that glyphosate-based herbicides such as Roundup are contributing to gastrointestinal disorders, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, depression, autism, infertility, cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.
The review paper states that “glyphosate enhances the damaging effects of …food borne chemical residues and environmental toxins. Negative impact on the body is insidious and manifests slowly over time as inflammation damages cellular systems throughout the body. Here, we show how interference with CYP enzymes acts synergistically with disruption of the biosynthesis of aromatic amino acids by gut bacteria, as well as impairment in serum sulfate transport. Consequences are most of the diseases and conditions associated with a Western diet, which include gastrointestinal disorders, obesity, diabetes, heart disease, depression, autism, infertility, cancer and Alzheimer’s disease.”
For the full study click here .
14/ Pink with "Try and Try", a strange video from such a big star. It's got Pink as a gladiator in the desert, Pink in a quite violent dance routine with a guy with six-pack abs, as well as some sexual hi-jinks. Her costume is a little strange as well....
Oh well....
15/ Excellent column by Lauren Ritchie on the spinelessness and craven cowardice of Lake County's "leaders", both the School Board and the County Commission. I suppose we deserve these assholes, because either you elected them, or if you didn't vote you allowed them to get into office.....
So suck it up when we get national attention for stupidity...."Floriduh" indeed.....
After seemingly endless delays over whether to let a 14-year-old bisexual girl form a gay-straight club at Carver Middle School, the Lake County School Board faced a crowd of nearly 300 people last week — and voted to put off the decision. Again.
Ugh. Having a root canal on every single tooth at the same time would be more enjoyable than watching this School Board in action. The question is simple: Should a bunch of kids get to form a club with adult supervision? Really, this is just kids talking to one another. That's it.
A gay-straight alliance is not about sex, as some pastors seem to think. It's about acceptance. It's not about counseling kids who think they might be gay. It's about some young teens learning how to function in a world in which they don't fit — gay or straight. It's about getting together with others who won't judge.
16/ Saw this recently on Facebook, and I didn't realise some of the organic brands were owned by Big Food.......now I'm checking whether the organics I buy are family owned, or not corporate. The decent companies put this information on the label - if there is just an address, it's just a brand of a Big Food corporation..........
So no more Kashi or Bear Naked cereals, and did you know Tropicana was owned by PepsiCo?
DEMAND YOUR RIGHT TO KNOW WHAT’S IN YOUR FOOD
Boycott These Brands!
Boycott the organic and “natural” brands listed below, whose parent companies* donated millions to defeat Prop 37, the California Right to Know GMO labeling initiative. Call their customer hotlines listed below, and post on their facebook pages.
Tell them you’ll support their brands when they publicly and financially support your Right to Know!
Alexia · CON-AGRA · 630·857·1550
Bear Naked · KELLOGG’S · 800·962·1413
Ben & Jerry’s · UNILEVER · 802·846·1500
Boca Burgers · KRAFT · 877·966·8769
Cascadian Farm · GENERAL MILLS · 800·624·4123
Dagoba · HERSHEY’S · 866·972·6879
Gardenburger · KELLOGG’S · 800·962·1413
Honest Tea · COCA-COLA · 800·865·4736
Horizon Organic · DEAN FOODS · 888·494·3020
Hunt’s Organic and Natural Brands
CON-AGRA · 630·857·1550
Kashi · KELLOGG’S · 877·747·2467
Larabar · GENERAL MILLS · 800·543·2147
Lightlife · CON-AGRA · 800·769·3279
Morningstar Farms · KELLOGG’S · 800·962·1413
Muir Glen · GENERAL MILLS · 800·832·6345
Naked Juice · PEPSICO · 877·858·4237
Odwalla · COCA-COLA · 800·639·255
O Organics · SAFEWAY · 877·723·3929
Orville Redenbacher’s Organic
R.W. Knudsen · SMUCKER’S · 888·550·9555
Silk · DEAN FOODS · 888·820·9283
Tostito’s Organic · PEPSICO · 800·352·4477
Tropicana Organic · PEPSICO · 800·237·7799
White Wave · DEAN FOODS · 888·820·9283
* Parent Company Donations to defeat Prop 37: PepsiCo, $2.5M · Kraft, $2M · Safeway, Member of Grocery Manufacturers Association, which donated $2M · Coca-Cola, $1.7M · General Mills, $1.2M · Con-Agra, $1.2M Kellogg’s, $791k · Smucker’s, $555k · Hershey’s, $519k · Unilever, $467k · Dean Foods, $254k
For a complete list of all the companies that helped defeat Prop 37, and their brands, visit:
Information provided by the Organic Consumers Association and the Organic Consumers Fund, which donated more than $1.4 million to support Prop 37 and your Right to Know about GMOs. organicconsumers.org
Todays video - the new viral Evian commercial...."Babies Dancing".....
Todays kids jokes
1. How do you decide who to marry?
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin , age 10
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8
(isn't she a treasure)
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin , age 10
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
-When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
- - Howard, age 8
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8
And the #1 Favorite is.......
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
-- Ricky, age 10
Todays retiree joke
Someone asked me what I do since I have retired... Do I have a job?
I replied, “I am my wife's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, they said, "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple. My wife told me that when she wants my fucking advice she'll ask me for it!
Todays Blonde jokes
Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
A: Penicillin.
A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?"
Q: How do you get a blonde on the roof?
A: Tell her drinks are on the house.
Q: Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins?
A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: Why are blondes so easy to get into bed?
A: Who cares?
Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.
Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: What do smart Blondes and UFOs have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.
Q:Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.
Q: How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.
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