1/ A creepy little story....
Photo-Illustration: Intelligencer. Screenshot via Fox News
It was somewhere around the 100th response that my brain turned to mush.
Last week, I devoted an installment of my newsletter Welcome to Hell World to a dozen stories from people who, like me,
had close relationships that had been strained or ruined by family members who’d become obsessed with Fox News.
2/ The SNL cold open with Jason Sudakis as Joe Biden.....quite good, six minutes....
3/ A cast iron reason for avoiding hospitals if you can possibly do it.....superbugs! This is a scary one.....a report from the Times....
Last May, an elderly man was admitted to the Brooklyn branch of Mount Sinai Hospital for abdominal surgery. A blood test revealed that he was infected with a newly discovered germ as deadly as it was mysterious. Doctors swiftly isolated him in the intensive care unit.
The germ, a fungus called Candida auris, preys on people with weakened immune systems, and it is quietly spreading across the globe. Over the last five years, it has hit a neonatal unit in Venezuela, swept through a hospital in Spain, forced a prestigious British medical center to shut down its intensive care unit, and taken root in India, Pakistan and South Africa.
Recently C. auris reached New York, New Jersey and Illinois, leading the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to add it to a list of germs deemed “urgent threats.”
4/ SNL spoof's HBO's new shows now Game of Thrones is ending....mildly amusing....two minutes...
5/ Confession time - I sent this out last week but had only read Part 1 of 3 Parts.....I went back and read the complete article this week and realize I didn't get the full horror of the Murdoch empire and how this one man has changed our country and brainwashed almost half our citizens. And how it's not going to stop - when Rupert M. goes, his son Lachlan is even more evil.
Fox News isn't funny folks - it's killing us all....
A major story from the Times - an investigation into the Murdoch empire.....it's long but essential reading if you want to understand what has happened to this country and indeed the world.....excellent journalism, and will make you truly hate the Murdochs even more........
Rupert Murdoch was lying on the floor of his cabin, unable to move. It was January 2018, and Murdoch and his fourth wife, Jerry Hall, were spending the holidays cruising the Caribbean on his elder son Lachlan’s yacht. Lachlan had personally overseen the design of the 140-foot sloop — named Sarissa after a long and especially dangerous spear used by the armies of ancient Macedonia — ensuring that it would be suitable for family vacations while also remaining competitive in superyacht regattas. The cockpit could be transformed into a swimming pool. The ceiling in the children’s cabin became an illuminated facsimile of the nighttime sky, with separate switches for the Northern and Southern Hemispheres. A detachable board for practicing rock climbing, a passion of Lachlan’s, could be set up on the deck. But it was not the easiest environment for an 86-year-old man to negotiate. Murdoch tripped on his way to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
6/ Devin Nunes is a shameless publicity whore.....and Jimmy Kimmel rips him a new one....very funny....three minutes....
Jimmy Kimmel delivered a brutal set mocking Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) over the congressman’s defamation lawsuit against McClatchy, calling Nunes a “sensitive little snowflake” who is “basically the toilet paper stuck to Trump’s shoe.”
Nunes is suing the publisher over a story that ran in The Fresno Bee that connected Nunes to a yacht party at which there were allegedly cocaine and prostitutes present.
On Tuesday night’s edition of Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel introduced the story by noting that Nunes has “thinner skin than Donald Trump,” and that Nunes is “basically the toilet paper stuck to Trump’s shoe,” which is a thing that happened in front of the entire world.
7/ "How far along is Trump's dementia" is the question, not "does he have dementia". It's pretty clear he does...
President Donald Trump’s recent confusion with words and facts, including about his own father, could be signs of pre-dementia and deteriorating cognitive skills, some mental health experts warn.
“The ‘Tim Apple’ episode a few weeks ago, his calling Venezuela a company, and then yesterday, confusing his grandfather’s birthplace with his father’s, mispronouncing ‘oranges’ for ‘origins,’ and stating out of the blue, ‘I’m very normal,’” recited Bandy Lee, a professor of psychiatry at Yale University who has been waving red flags about Trump’s mental state for years. “There is no question he needs an examination.”
“I think he’s suffering from pre-dementia. And it’s only getting worse,” said John Gartner, a clinical psychologist with practices in New York City and Baltimore.
Both acknowledged that they have not given Trump a full examination and could not offer a definitive diagnosis, but Gartner noted that the president’s behaviors are on full view every single day. “The evidence is right in front of our eyes,” he said.
8/ SNL's Weekend Update....four amusing minutes....
The jokes in Update’s first half address Biden’s unfolding dilemma and Trump’s visit to the border. Colin Jost isn’t impressed by Biden’s weird apology video, but he doesn’t care for a Republican faction hoping to discredit Biden when the current president is a sexual predator. (“The group is Independent Republicans of New York, or IRoNY.”) Apparently, if the Mexico border was closed, the U.S. would run out of avocados in three weeks. “This guy must really hate white women,” Michael Che says. “Why else would he declare a war on brunch?”
9/ An interesting story from the conservative Economist, suggesting ethical standards have slipped in corporate America.....
Two things stand out about business in America today. One is how successful American firms are: they account for 57 of the world’s 100 most valuable listed firms. The other is the bad smell hanging over a number of powerful companies.
Boeing faces claims that it sold 737 max planes with dangerous software. It says it is “taking actions to fully ensure the safety of the 737 max”. Criminal charges have been filed against Goldman Sachs in Malaysia for its role in arranging $6.5bn of debt for a state-run fund that engaged in fraud. Goldman says it is co-operating with investigators. A jury in California has just found that Monsanto failed to warn a customer that its weedkiller could, allegedly, cause cancer. Bayer, a German firm which bought Monsanto in June, says it will appeal the verdict.
10/ Weekend Update #2 - Michael Che visits with Charles Barkley....two minutes...
Kenan Thompson comes on as Charles Barkley, who, as an Auburn grad, was happy they appeared in the Final Four but refused to go because “the only thing black in Minnesota is toenails.” He also considers how he made 50 million over the course of his career, “and gambled away 60 million.” Thompson’s impression isn’t fantastic, and there’s nothing new about Barkley here, but Thompson will always sell his material.
11/ I know Pete Buttigieg is the flavour of the month [including last weeks story from Andrew Sullivan], but Benjamin Studebaker has some other thoughts....interesting.... Pete Buttigieg Governed South Bend Like a Republican
Have you ever lived in a place with a Republican mayor? I have. My hometown has been governed by a Republican mayor since 2004. Republicans have a simple strategy for running cities–they try to attract as many high-income residents as possible. This means doing everything you can to make the town pretty. It means offering investors all sorts of incentives to come to town. If you live in a town run by a Republican mayor and you’re doing well, it seems like the town is getting a lot better. It gets prettier. They built parks. You read in the local paper about new business coming to town. It all sounds great, and Republican mayors often get re-elected by large margins.
But there’s a problem.
12/ SNL does some weird skits, but this one is exceptionally strange.....Rolling Stone loved it, so maybe you will.....four minutes...
Having him do a burlesque number would yield about 10 seconds of amusement, but what really sends things over the top here is Kate McKinnon’s “teacher/prostitute/ghost,” providing instruction and/or hypnotic suggestions to Harington’s malleable groom-to-be. Her chaos agent makes everything truly unsettling, and every line she says is weirder than the last. “The puppy must be in the car seat, otherwise it will fly through the window” is the best line about tucking ever written, and should henceforth be re-inserted via ADR into the famous Buffalo Bill scene in The Silence of the Lambs.
The final reveal that Bryan’s thirstiest fan is his sister comes out of left field, but it also provided the biggest jolt of laughter outside of the monologue. Melissa Villaseñor has carved out a niche of developing characters that are inexplicably excited by events that horrify or confuse everyone else. https://www.youtube.com/
13/ Todays Floriduh story.....if it was in a book you wouldn't believe it - too far-fetched....from the Miami Herald....
Only in Florida could a billionaire’s massage parlor pit stop unmask a possible spy ring
14/ April's best TV - Netflix, Amazon HBO and more.....from the Times.....
Clockwise from top left: Kit Harington and Emilia Clarke in “Game of Thrones”; Albane Courtois and Suranne Jones in “Gentleman Jack”;
Gina Rodriguez and Lakeith Stanfield in “Someone Great.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/
15/ This coming Sunday, the Game of Thrones final season woop woop.....here's a snarky recap from Rolling Stone of the current state of play....
We swear it by the old gods and the new: The last time we stepped foot in Westeros back in August of 2017, Game of Thrones had just finished its most ambitious and high-fantasy-epic season to date. (Three words: zombie ice dragon.) We know it’s a matter of logistics and visual-effects production that has kept the series from returning for over a full year, but let’s be honest: Didn’t it feel like everyone involved just needed a breather?
Todays retiree joke
They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you!! What'll it be, gentlemen?"
There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred, and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."
The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a dollar yet.
Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"
"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix," the bartender says, "and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime.
Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same."
"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.
As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.
Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired people from Florida. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."
Todays rude British jokes
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning.
Can you believe that - 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't
get an erection.........but she did.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum
cleaner.
F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death....
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a labrador."
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead"
The operator says how do you know?
A man walks into a Welsh pub and orders a white wine spritzer.
He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up!
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"
The bar goes silent as everyone stares at him..."Where are you from?
You sound English", "I'm from across the Severn," replies the man
nervously.
"What do you do, just across the Severn?",
"I'm a taxidermist."
"What on earth is one of those?",
"I mount animals."
"Its alright boys," shouts the barman "he's one of us".
Spent £40 on ebay last week for a p*nis enlarger.
Just opened it and some bastard's sent me a magnifying glass!
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.
An old lady is being examined by the Dr. He asks have you ever been
bedridden?
She says yes I have and I've been table ended and backskuttled a few
times too....
Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going
fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse!
Do you think I should change dentists?
Todays oldies joke
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