Since it's bloody cold, you'll have time to read #7!
Joe Biden last week said the American response in Ukraine would be proportional to Vladimir Putin’s actions. “It depends,” the president posited, thoughts drifting like blobs in a lava lamp. “It’s one thing if it’s a minor incursion…”
We’re entering our third year of Covid, and America’s nurses — who we celebrated as heroes during the early days of lockdown — are now leaving the bedside. The pandemic arrived with many people having great hope for reform on many fronts, including the nursing industry, but much of that optimism seems to have faded.
The Gallup agency released a picture of the comet that is the Joe Biden presidency on its first anniversary. This is what a one-year, 14-point party affiliation swing looks like:
Kaia was nearly 42 when she learned her fetus had a chromosomal abnormality that would likely lead to a painful death. Liz found out she was pregnant right after a long-distance relationship ended. Ophelia, already perimenopausal, was raising two children with mood disorders. Natalie wanted to be homecoming queen. Dima knew the dude wasn’t right. Layidua was undocumented and attempting to change her immigration status after getting married. Yas was about to start her senior year of high school. Deb had just graduated college.
This newsletter is not a chronicle of everything I’ve experienced…every book, TV show, movie and concert. And it’s certainly not a list. A list is not writing, and not that intriguing.
However, one of the main reasons I read a book or watch a TV show or movie is because of the plot. So it’s not easy to write about something I’ve consumed. Because I want you to have the same experience I do, of the story unfolding, the surprises, the twists and turns.
“Damnation Spring” is not a hidden book. It’s got nearly a thousand reviews on Amazon. That’s one of the criteria I employ to decide whether or not to read a book.
From whodunnits to cerebral sci-fi: what movie trends will 2022 bring?
https://www.theguardian.com/
Many years ago, a junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney telegraphed the firm: “Justice prevailed.” The senior partner replied in haste: “Appeal immediately.”
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz and, after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.”
“Why?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want him arrested for?”
“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole.”
“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $25.'”
A lawyer, who was talking to his son about entering college, said, “What goes into your head that you want to be a doctor instead of lawyer?”
“Well, Dad,” answered the son, “Did you ever hear anybody get up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?'”
What’s the difference between a porcupine and two lawyers in a Porsche? . . . With a porcupine, the pricks are on the outside.
“You’re a high-priced lawyer! If I give you $500, will you answer two questions for me?
“Absolutely! What’s the second question?”
What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.
Two lawyers walking through the woods spot a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opens his briefcase, pulls out a pair of sneakers, and puts them on.
The second lawyer looks at him and says, “You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!”
“I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replies. “I’ only have to outrun you.”
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply. “Except for one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards.”
When an attorney gets married, they don’t say, “I do.” They say, “I accept the terms and conditions.
Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
Law school.
What do you get when you cross a librarian with a lawyer?
All the information you need, but you can’t understand a word of it.
A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road. The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask. The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed it and put it away. “Aren’t you going to have a drink yourself?” asked the doctor. “Sure… after the police leave,” replied the lawyer.
Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek?
Nobody will look for them.
A young lawyer is working late one night when his door opens and in walks Satan himself. “I have an offer,” says Satan. “If you give me your soul and the soul of everyone in your family, I’ll make you a full partner in your firm.
The lawyer stares icily at the devil for a full minute before demanding, “So, what’s the catch?”
Why are there no Irish lawyers?
They can’t pass the bar.
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He’s in a cent.
Judge: You’re going to jail with him.
What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
Accountants know they’re boring.
David Feherty does a stand up show that is quite spectacular. It's all about his life in golf, the drinking and lots of stories about life on the tour. Here's one of his stories:It was back in the 70's and a soon-to-be prominent golfer Ray Floyd, was playing at Augusta for his first Masters. Back then the players could not bring their own caddies but had to use one of the locals. Floyd told the caddy master he wanted a big fellow who could handle his bag, but who also would keep quiet, no advice needed.The caddy who was assigned Floyd said, "Hello Mr. Floyd."Floyd said "Hello." And followed that with, "That's the last I want to hear from you unless I ask you a question."Everything went well until the 10th hole when Floyd pushed his drive into the right trees on thepar 4. After surveying the scene he said out loud, "I'm going to hit a low fade out through that opening to carry and land mid green and then roll over the crest down near the hole."Surprisingly he pulled it off exactly and turned to his caddy and said, "How's that?"The caddy spoke for the first time and said, "That wasn't your ball."
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