1/. Thinking of taking a European River cruise this year? It's going to be unlikely.....droughts!
Lac de Montbel, a major reservoir and boating lake in the French Pyrenees, is more than 80% empty due to exceptionally low winter rain and snow fall. Photograph: Valentine Chapuis/Getty ImagesMultiple governments warn of critical water shortages as heatwaves and lack of rain leave river systems depleted
The scenes are rare enough in mid-summer; in early March, they are unprecedented. Lac de Montbel in south-west France is more than 80% empty, the boats of the local sailing club stranded on its desiccated brown banks.
In northern Italy, tourists can walk to the small island of San Biagio, normally reached only by boat, from the shore of Lake Garda, where the water level is 70cm (27in) lower than average. The Alps have had 63% less snow than usual.
2/. The SNL cold open - Fox and Friends sendup....
A good one for a change.....
3/. Bob Lefsetz on getting old......if you're over 60 or getting there soon, you need to read this.....
Today is my father’s birthday. He would have been 102. I didn’t expect him to live that long. I don’t expect to live that long. But I hope I don’t die at 70, like he did.
But the weird thing is my dad’s birthday no longer feels weird anymore, I don’t get that pang, of remembrance, of loss. Maybe because I’m close to the end myself. That’s the way the world works. And what they tell you is true, it goes by in the blink of an eye, not that that will affect anything you do.
I heard a great one yesterday. There are three stages of life. Childhood, adulthood, and GEE, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC!
4/. Weekend Update #1 - good one, for once Michael Che gets the best lines....
Weekend Update #2....the lads are amused by their own [quite decent] jokes....
Weekend Update #3 - "Sarah News"...Sarah Sherman is an acquired taste.....I like her, but some don't...
5/. Of all the stories I have read on the Fox news depositions, Andrew Sullivan says
it best.......it's all about the money...
The great and obvious flaw in the political right’s legitimate criticism of mainstream media bias is that the most dishonest, cynical, postmodern, post-truth, “everything-is-power” media enterprise is Fox News.
You only have to watch it for a few minutes to immediately grasp this, which is why most visitors from other democratic countries are shocked that it exists at all, when they see it.
But it’s rare to get real, actionable, behind-the-scenes proof of the deception, and thanks to the Dominion lawsuit, we have it. It will be important to watch the trial, of course, and see how Fox tries to counter the specific claims. But it seems indisputable to me that many Fox journalists absolutely knew they were peddling lies without any foundation, from top to bottom, and broadcast them anyway for the sole purpose of ratings and money.
6/. SNL - Travis Kelce [Kansas City Chiefs] in a really funny sketch.....weird, but funny....
7/. And I'm sure this story is causing anguish over at Fox News.....
WASHINGTON — A little more than a week after television networks called the 2020 presidential election for Joseph R. Biden Jr., top executives and anchors at Fox News held an after-action meeting to figure out how they had messed up.
Not because they had gotten the key call wrong — but because they had gotten it right. And they had gotten it right before anyone else.
Typically, it is a point of pride for a news network to be the first to project election winners. But Fox is no typical news network, and in the days following the 2020 vote, it was besieged with angry protests not only from President Donald J. Trump’s camp but from its own viewers because it had called the battleground state of Arizona for Mr. Biden. Never mind that the call was correct; Fox executives worried that they would lose viewers to hard-right competitors like Newsmax.
8/. Very amusing .....commercials...
9/. Interesting article.....don't write Trump off just yet.....he may well win the primary...
Trump at his Presidents’ Day event at the Hilton Palm Beach Airport hotel in Florida in February.Photograph: Giorgio Viera/AFP/Getty ImagesIn some ways, Trump may be even more difficult for his Republican rivals to beat next year than he was seven years ago.
It's worth remembering that most Republican voters didn’t back Donald Trump in the race for the party’s nomination in 2016. Trump came away with something like 45% of the vote in the Republican primaries; though the field had by then shrunk to just three candidates – Trump, John Kasich, and Ted Cruz – polls showed Trump struggling to hit 50% support among Republicans as late as early April of that year.
10/. Time for this classic again - "Meet Your Second Wife"...
I swear this gets funnier every time I watch it.....
11/. Umair is worried.....Republicans are getting more devious on their road to authoritarianism.....
Sorry guys, that’s it. I guess I can’t write about Ron DeStalin — sorry, I meant DeSantis — anymore. Maybe you didn’t hear, but Florida Republicans want to pass a bill that makes anyone…blogging…about…them…well, they have to “register” with the state. If that sounds absurd, funny, sinister, and a little bit, well Gestapo, that’s because it’s very much all those things. I’m kidding when I say I can’t write about DeStalin anymore. I don’t know if the law applies to me, or only people who live in Florida. They’d like it to apply to everyone in the world, I’m sure, though. Still, this is a case of a very old principle at work.
The fascists are telling us all who they really are. In fact, they’re telling us everything we need to know: what kind of society they want, how they plan to get it, and even what they hope to do with the rest of us, who are hated subhumans. But are we listening? Or still a little bit in denial?
12/. And just in case you think Umair is OTT, read this from the Times Editorial Board on our Florida fascist.....
A homeowner gets angry at a county commission over a zoning dispute and writes a Facebook post accusing a local buildings official of being in the pocket of developers.
A right-wing broadcaster criticizing border policies accuses the secretary of homeland security of being a traitor.
A parent upset about the removal of a gay-themed book from library shelves goes to a school board meeting and calls the board chair a bigot and a homophobe.
All three are examples of Americans engaging in clamorous but perfectly legal speech about public figures that is broadly protected by the Constitution. The Supreme Court, in a case that dates back nearly 60 years, ruled that even if that speech might be damaging or include errors, it should generally be protected against claims of libel and slander. All three would lose that protection — and be subject to ruinous defamation lawsuits — under a bill that is moving through the Florida House and is based on longstanding goals of Gov. Ron DeSantis
13/. Remember "Freebird" by Lynyrd Skynyrd? Here's the iconic guitar solo played on the bagpipes....yes, the bagpipes....
14/. It's sobering to see how corrupt the Florida Government is when big donors
want something.....petty and nasty, bought and sold....
Major League Baseball wants Gov. Ron DeSantis and the Florida Legislature to let team owners pay their minor league players less than minimum wage.
The professional baseball league is lobbying Florida’s elected leaders for legislation that would cut baseball players out of the state’s minimum-wage law. That would allow MLB teams — all of which are owned by billionaires or near-billionaires — to get away with making minor leaguers work without salaries during key periods like spring training and fall instructional leagues.
https://jasongarcia.substack.com/p/major-league-baseball-wants-ron-desantis?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=687064&post_id=105588416&isFreemail=true&utm_medium=email
15/. This is a puzzling one....
16/. Article about Asheville's homeless problem, and how the downtown is beginning to be a little
unsafe......this problem is not just Asheville, it affects all liberal cities.....
Fed-up merchants describe the city’s downtown district as nearly lawless. Vagrants sleep and do drugs in doorways, barge into businesses yelling, brazenly shoplifting, and frightening customers and employees.
Some long-time downtown workers are calling it quits, disgusted with having to clean up human excrement, needles, broken windows, and trash. Aggressive panhandlers and transients, some appearing to be mentally ill, make them fear to walk alone to their cars at night.
They say they call the police, but the response is slow — if the police respond at all.
City officials have stayed mostly quiet — at least publicly.
On social media, out-of-town tourists — the mainstay of Asheville’s local economy — are calling the town “Trashville.” Some say they’ll never return.
17/. Bob Lefsetz on life.....
He is like the wise man up in the mountains in a cave giving us advice on how to live our lives, what's important and who to trust
and most importantly who and what NOT to trust.
When he has one of his philosophical rants like this one, I find it quite fascinating
NO ONE KNOWS WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT
Even your friends, but go to the grocery store, sit on a train, ride the chairlift, bring up a band, a TV show, any kind of recreational activity, even the NBA and NFL…and the other person will give you a blank stare, they can listen to your story, but they don’t know the reference points, the stars, the plot, nothing. And you’ll find out what is most important to you is not important to them. You may live for streaming television, they might have seen one show on HBO. They might be amped up for March Madness and not only do you not know who is involved, you don’t know who won last year, you don’t know who the coaches or players are and no matter what anybody says, you’ll ignore the hoopla and not watch the final.
18/. A SNL recurring segment with the writers.....going to a martial arts class.....good one!
19/. The Times on how men hate going to see the doctor.....interesting...
Last year, my husband Tom received this memorable text from his father: “FYI, getting brain surgery tomorrow. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”
This was the first we had heard about his brain surgery. When Tom phoned his dad and asked why he wasn’t told sooner, my father-in-law had a clear explanation: He’d delayed his visit for so long that, when he finally saw a doctor, his symptoms had progressed and he was immediately booked for the procedure. (Happily, he fully recovered and is fine.)
It appears that this is a shared trait among the men in my family. Over the summer, my husband pretended an abscess on his back didn’t exist until it resembled a dolphin’s dorsal fin, and he ended up in Urgent Care, still protesting that it was probably a bug bite.
20/. The Times lists the best movies on Netflix.....
The sheer volume of films on Netflix — and the site’s less than ideal interface — can make finding a genuinely great movie there a difficult task. To help, we’ve plucked out the 50 best films currently streaming on the service in the United States, updated regularly as titles come and go. And as a bonus, we link to more great movies on Netflix within many of our write-ups below. (Note: Streaming services sometimes remove titles or change starting dates without giving notice.)
21/. Lefsetz says we need to see the brand new Chris Rock special.....on Netflix....
It was an event.
And everybody knew what he was talking about.
Do you know how rare that is?
I forgot it was tonight until I got a text from Daniel Glass saying he was waiting to see it, it was only ten minutes away.
So I pulled up Netflix and I didn’t see it on the homepage, which I found very surprising, but then I searched on Chris’s name and found the link and clicked, and even though it was ten minutes before the hour, there was live programming, a pre-game show.
And it was not that the pre-game was so funny, but there was this feeling, that something was going to happen. Anticipation. And we don’t get that much in today’s society, where if you miss something it’s available right thereafter, and forever, online. Adrenaline doesn’t pump like it used to. And most of what we anticipate today are the results of elections, trials, Supreme Court decisions. But then nothing really changes we go back to our regular lives. We all feel disconnected and lost.
22/. Vanity Fair finds the best TV shows on Netflix.....
We’ve all been overwhelmed by streaming TV choices, only to give up and watch something you’ve already seen. But this curated list of the b
est shows on Netflix is here to narrow down your choices and help you figure out exactlywhich titles you want to sample next.
23/. If you liked Schitts Creek, Eugene Levy's new travel show is a must....
‘I couldn’t have said no more times’: Eugene Levy. Photograph: Willy Sanjuan/InvisionThe Schitt’s Creek star on his unlikely new travelogue, the thrill of working with family and his pal Jennifer Coolidge stealing the show
he much-loved Canadian comic actor Eugene Levy is best known for co-creating and co-starring in Schitt’s Creek with his son Dan. The sitcom, which also starred his daughter Sarah, became a cult hit during the pandemic and won multiple awards for its sixth and final season, including a best actor Emmy for Eugene. His film roles include four collaborations with Spinal Tap creator Christopher Guest (such as Best in Show) and the flustered father Noah Levenstein in the American Pie teen comedies. Now Levy brings his deadpan wit and distinctive brows to an eight-part TV travelogue, The Reluctant Traveler.
Today's video - an old one, but good - Jewel [remember her?] undercover in a Karaoke Bar.....
Today's Bank joke....
A little old lady went into the Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She asked to speak with the bank president to open an account because, "It's a lot of money..!" The reluctant staff finally ushered her into his office.
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash on his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets." The president then asked, "Bets..? What kind of bets..?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet..?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square..!"
The old lady said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness..?"
"Sure..!" replied the confident president.
That night, he was very nervous about the bet and often checked his balls in the mirror.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office.
She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square..!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see.
The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.
The president said, "What's wrong with your lawyer..?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have the Bank president's balls in my hand..!"
Today's groaner
Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road carefully, got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it!
They were in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
As I expected, cars started slowing down looking at my lifelike men.
And of course, traffic starts backing up. Everybody is tooting horns and waving like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking toward me.
I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire", I said calmly.
"Well, what the hell are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him.........
"Hellooooo, those are my emergency flashers!"
Something different today - a spot of poetry......
THE WOMAN POEM:
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart, and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Will pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh, send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
THE MAN POEM:
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac gymnast with big boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me hunting, fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a rats ass.
Today's bartender joke....
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.
He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules." So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"
He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!
Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.
Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar.
His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?”
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