Wednesday, December 16, 2020

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday December 16th

 



1/  Where is Trump going on January 20th? Not to Mar-A-Lago to live if the City of Palm Beach has anything to do with it....there are 
seriously wealthy "old money" people who will nail him legally if he tries to reside there....
Trump at Mar-a-Lago in January 2000. Photo: Getty Images
In November 2019, President Trump announced he was moving his permanent residence from his tower in Manhattan to his resort at Mar-a-Lago for reasons that seemed pretty straightforward: He was reluctantlycoughing up millions in state and local taxes to declare residence on an island on which he is despised. On the island of Palm Beach, Florida, at least there is no state tax.



2/  Hilarious....30 seconds....



3/  Thomas Edsall with a nerdy and thorough examination of how our politics is broken and will be for a 
long time....this is a seriously depressing column....
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The turbulence that followed the Nov. 3 election has roiled American politics, demonstrating an ominous vulnerability in our political system.

Donald Trump used the 41-day window between the presidential election and the Dec. 14 meeting of the Electoral College to hold the country in thrall based on his refusal to acknowledge Joe Biden’s victory and his own defeat.

Most troubling to those who opposed Trump, and even to some who backed him, was the capitulation by Republicans in the House and Senate.



4/  You can't unsee this one....
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5/  The election was a relief in that we got rid of Trump, but in other ways it was a disaster for Democrats....the Guardian on how 
Republicans have cemented power for at least a decade in Republican and swing states, including of course Florida. 
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While the world focused on the election between Donald Trump and Joe Biden in November, some of the most consequential contests were in state legislative races between candidates many have never heard of.

State lawmakers have the authority to redraw electoral districts in most US states every 10 years. 



6/  Melissa Villasenor on SNL with her Dolly Parton schtick....an amusing three minutes....



7/  Thomas Friedman in the Times with an excellent suggestion for Joe Biden - use Kamala Harris to 
repair the damage done to rural America....
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I was speaking recently to Matt Dunne, founder of the Center on Rural Innovation, which promotes digital economic development in small-town America, and he was telling me about a Vermont community near his home with a great public library: “You could drive by on any Sunday and the parking lot would be full,” he said. “There was just one problem: The library was closed on Sundays.”

The parking lot was full of cars with kids doing their homework and adults doing their office work — using the wireless connectivity spilling out of the empty building because their rural homes lacked high-speed broadband. 



8/  Ever fly into St Barts? This is the view from the cockpit....2 minutes....



9/  Matt Taibbi on how Democrats have totally screwed up the Covid relief bill negotiations....you don't get this POV from our media....
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A senior Democratic congressional aide is irate tonight.

“The Democrats,” the aide seethed, “have just done the worst negotiating in modern history.”

At issue: a pair of new Covid-19 relief bills, just submitted by a bipartisan group of Senators. Republican Senator Susan Collins gushed that a“Christmas Miracle” allowed the two parties came together on the twin bills, which the press describes as totaling $748 billion and $160 billion, respectively. “Bipartisanship and compromise is [sic] alive and well in Washington,” clucked West Virginia Democrat Joe Manchin.



10/  "Tape Face" on America's Got Talent.....really, really good...three minutes....



11/  Fascinating story about how the ruling class in this country still support Trump - it's the money he has given them, and the power. 
You don't often hear what the wealthy think, but this article rings true.
A long read, deep background with insight on why the top sliver [the 0.1%] love Trump....
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Prescott Bush, the father and grandfather of future Presidents, was the eight-time club champion on the golf course at the Round Hill Club, one of eight country clubs in Greenwich, Connecticut. Bush was a staunch believer in standards; he required his sons to wear a jacket and tie for dinner at home. He was tall, restrained, and prone to righteousness; friends called him a “Ten Commandments man.” In the locker room at Round Hill, someone once told an off-color joke in front of his fourteen-year-old son, George H. W. Bush, and Prescott stormed out, saying, “I don’t ever want to hear that kind of language in here again.”



12/  Now available at the Post Office....
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13/  If you ever have to talk to a QAnon person, the Guardian tells you how to
 try to deal with them.....interesting.... 
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Unless you’ve been on a silent retreat for the past year, you will have almost certainly heard the rumours – that the pandemic is an elaborate hoax, or that the virus was created as a Chinese weapon, or that dangerous elites are trying to kill off the elderly and to establish a new world order, or that the symptoms are caused by 5G.

It is troubling enough to see these ideas on social media. But when you are hearing them from your family, your friends, or a casual acquaintance, it is even harder to know how to respond.



14/  Tom Tomorrow....
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15/  Quite remarkably wonderful dance routine in the classic swing mode....whatever that is....this is just an amazing three minutes....



16/  In all the frenzy of this election season the news about the climate has more or less vanished, but here with 
a summary of where we stand is Bill Mckibben with a good column from the New Yorker....

I’ve been writing this column for almost a year now, trying to shine a light on many of the climate crisis’s facets. Once in a while, it’s important to pull back and try to put it all in perspective. Now is such a time: this month marks the fifth anniversary of the Paris climate summit; we’ve more or less survived the Trump Administration, with an incoming Administration promising a new approach; and we’re less than a year away from what will be the next great global climate meeting, in Glasgow, Scotland.



17/  Cleverly done - Trump's concession speech....one minute....



18/  Matt Taibbi with a horror story of how student debt has economically crippled many 
Americans with debt that never goes away....

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Whether it’s CNBC telling us what issues mattered to the young in the presidential election, or Yahoo! Finance telling us the big winners in the 2020 election were “young people and student voters,” or Forbes telling us “young people with student loan debt have a harder time reaching financial milestones,” the student loan controversy is almost universally presented as a “youth” issue. 

This is the first of many deceptions baked into coverage of one of the more misunderstood and misreported issues of our time. Student loans matter to older people, too. In fact, that’s the problem. They matter far too much, to too many older people. 





19/  SNL with a brand new Cable channel - Sportsmax.....fairly amusing, 3 minutes....



20/  Toon....
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21/  Movie review - Wonder Woman 1984....Vox likes it....out in theaters 
and HBO on Christmas day...
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22/  The incredibly beautiful and talented Taylor Swift with her new video "Willow"....amazing what an unlimited budget will do....



23/  John Oliver has had a homo-erotic comedy thing with Adam Driver this year, and Driver called in to his show to 
abuse him verbally....it's weird, but really funny if you like John Oliver's humour...



24/  Do you have Hulu? You probably don't know they have a lot of movies.....
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When a lot of people think of Hulu, they might think of it as the best streaming service for current television, with a few of their original shows thrown in for good measure. That’s a shame: Film lovers still don’t really utilize the service’s surprisingly deep library of movies, all free to subscribers. As we have with Netflix and Amazon, we’re hear to provide a service — a regularly updated list of the best movies you can watch on Hulu right this minute. Get started.



25/  NYMag rates the best movies of 2020.....many you haven't heard of either....
“Why don’t all movies just come out online?” they asked in those B.C. (before COVID) years. “Who needs movie theaters?” they wondered. Then, in 2020, when the theaters shut down and the films came out online, many of those same people wondered, “Hey, what happened to all the movies?” We live in a world of many truths. One is that, with just about everything consigned to a streaming or on-demand release, there was an incredible bounty of films this year — smaller films, in some cases, but certainly more diverse in style, tone, subject matter, story, and origin. The other is that movies still, in many ways, need movie theaters, lest they sink into the all-consuming swamp that is content online, failing to raise the attention of its intended audience — or any audience, really.



Today's classic video - have another look at the Jimmy Fallon/Emma Stone LipSync contest......still a wow......



Today's little Johnny joke

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" 

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." 

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny,
decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. 

"And how about you, Sarah?" 

"I wanna be Johnny’s whore.



Today's canine joke...
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
 
 The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked, why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained, "That he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'."
"His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."
 
The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said, "Watch this."
 
 He told Sniffer to search.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.
 
The Policeman said, "Good boy," and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land."
 
"Gee, that's pretty good," replied the first man.
 
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.
 
The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The Policeman said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police."
 
"I like it!" said his seat mate. The Policeman then told Sniffer to search again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to Poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that. So he asked the Policeman, "What's going on?"
The Policeman nervously replied, "He's just found a bomb."
 
 

Monday, December 7, 2020

Davids Daily Dose - Monday December 7th

 



1/. David Wallace-Wells with an excellent story on how the epidemic could end very quickly....and why we won't and can't use this method - home testing for Covid. It's a sad story, because you know we are in the hands of bureaucrats, the medical establishment and incompetent leaders....
For much of the pandemic, Harvard epidemiologist Michael Mina has been just about the country’s biggest and most enthusiastic proponent of mass testing. For most of the year, the country has been relying on PCR testing, which is relatively expensive and typically returns results in (at best) a few days. https://nymag.com/intelligencer/2020/12/how-rapid-antigen-tests-could-end-the-pandemic-within-weeks.html



2/. SNL's cold open with the Michigan State Senate hearing from Guiliani [Kate McKinnon] and 
others.....an amusing 9 minutes if you follow the news!



3/. Really, really interesting story from the LA Times on why people believe the election was stolen from Trump with no 
evidence at all.....it plays into their desire for order and simplicity....fascinating theory, very revealing....

A month after the presidential election, President Trump’s claim that the election was rigged to benefit Joe Biden has been debunked by numerous Republican state elections officials. Dozens of lawsuits filed by the Trump campaign and its proxies have been rejected by judges in both state and federal courts. There is no evidence to support any of the campaign’s baseless charges of election fraud, though its power to undermine faith in American democracy is real                                                                                                                                 https://www.latimes.com/opinion/story/2020-12-06/donald-trump-election-fraud-lies-psychology



4/  A clever ad from the Meidas Touch for the Georgia Senate race....30 amusing seconds...


5/. A long article by Jeff Goodell in Rolling Stone about how the Covid-19 pandemic is just the beginning of what's coming, caused by climate change and the relentless destruction of wilderness for development.....things change under pressure. If you're a mature adult, this story makes you grateful you probably won't see the worst of the new diseases coming....

Jennifer Jones spent most of her summer at home, as so many of us did, trying to avoid the plague. Jones, 45, lives in Tavernier, a community in the Florida Keys just south of Key Largo, and passed a lot of time in her yard, puttering around with plants. At some point, a mosquito landed on her. That’s not unusual in Florida, and Jones doesn’t remember this mosquito bite in particular. But it was not a garden-variety backyard mosquito. It was Aedes aegypti, an exquisitely designed killing machine that is one of the most deadly animals in human history.



6/. "Nobody Likes Kelly", a Meidas touch ad about Georgia Senator Kelly Loeffler featuring Fox News 
personalities as well as real news footage....



7/. Were you a Bernie supporter? Well Biden just sent you a message....Matt Taibbi with a good column....

The Democratic Party is not known for its sense of humor, but news that Joe Biden will appoint longtime Center for American Progress chief Neera Tanden to his government qualifies as a rare, well-earned laugh line. 

Tanden is famous for two things: having a puddle of DNC talking points in place of a cerebrum, and despising Bernie Sanders. 




9/. The Weekend Update boys with some good zingers....3 amusing minutes....



10/. Will Wilkinson in the NYT askes why so many Americans voted for Trump? 
Not the obvious answers, quite perceptive....

President Trump’s disastrous mishandling of the coronavirus pandemic probably cost him re-election. Yet it seems mind-boggling that he still won more votes than any incumbent president in American history despite his dereliction of responsibility at a time of a once-in-a-century health crisis and economic devastation.



11/. The Lincoln Project with "Whispers".....good one, love the ending...



12/. Another interesting story about why 72 million people voted for Trump.....and you won't like the answer.....

Joe Biden may have won the election, but what many of us can’t seem to wrap our heads around is how Donald Trump received over 73 million votes. That means one out of every five Americans voted for him. Isn’t that incredible? I mean, I trust nothing that comes out of his mouth. Well, that’s not quite true. I believe he’s being honest when he calls himself “great” or “the best”. Sadly, as far as I can tell, everything and everyone playsecond fiddle to his self-interest.





14/. Colin Jost gets the publicity, but Michael Che of Weekend Update is pretty funny too.....two minutes of good jokes....



15/. Even as Trump fades away, and we certainly hope he will, the culture wars will be with us for a long
 time....good column from Charlie Warzel in the Times, and he has coined a new word - doomloop........


Donald Trump’s win in 2016 never brought his followers the cultural power they’d hoped it would. Quite the opposite, it prompted many cultural institutions — from professional sports to Hollywood — to oppose Mr. Trump and his political project with more fervor.

That reaction helped fuel a sort of Möbius strip of grievance: We came to power because we were the overlooked, hated silent majority. But, when we came to power, our opposition hated us and treated us unfairly. The result of that treatment is the loss of our power and proof that the system is rigged against us. Once again, we’re the overlooked, silent majority.



16/. Bill Maher's last "New Rules" of the season was a good one - how to deal with Trump supporters....8 good minutes....



17/. No one in the media calls what is happening right now with the election results what it really is - an attempted coup....and it's not over yet...
Historian Ruth Ben-Ghiat with a slightly alarmist but still possible scenario....

Dismiss Donald Trump and the GOP's attacks on the 2020 election at your peril, warns Ruth Ben-Ghiat, historian and author of the new book, "Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present." In our recent interview for Salon Talks, Ben-Ghiat — a professor of history and Italian studies at NYU — observes that Trump probably hasn't actually studied other leaders in history who transformed functioning democracies into authoritarian regimes. Nonetheless, his actions line up almost perfectly with many who have done just that, from Benito Mussolini in fascist Italy to Vladimir Putin in contemporary Russia.



18/. Even if you take the standard deduction this year they added a Covid charitable deduction for 2020....yeay!

Thinking of making a donation to a charitable cause before the end of the year? This is a good time to do it, as the pandemic rages again. Plus, you can take a deduction for contributions in 2020, even if you don’t itemize on your income tax return.

Under the CARES Act, part of the federal government’s pandemic relief program that passed in March, individual taxpayers can take a deduction of up to $300 for cash donations made in 2020 when they file their tax return in the spring.




19/. For New Yorkers - Pete Davidson on SNL about Staten Island....three minutes....



20/. We just watched "The Undoing" on HBO....as this story says, perfect pandemic TV...

The star-studded HBO show may have had an underwhelming ending, plot holes and shockingly bad accents, but watching New York in all its pre-pandemic glory more than made up for it

Nicole Kidman strutting around Manhattan in one of her fabulous coat in The Undoing.
Nicole Kidman strutting around Manhattan in one of her fabulous coat in The Undoing. Photograph: HBO/Sky



21/. Every HBO miniseries, ranked....and you have missed some!





Today's video...from a time not too long ago....
A clever and amusing ad for Emirates, starring Jennifer Aniston.....one minute......





Today's classic joke - The Texas chili cookoff...
 *Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better!  For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time the Rodeo comes to town.  It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome. 
And love the names of the chili!
 
The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named "FRANK", who was
visiting Texas from the East Coast:
 
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened
to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted."
 
Here are the scorecards from the event:
 
Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili:
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could
remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
 
Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
when they saw the look on my face.
 
Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from
all of the beer.
 
Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. bitch is
starting to look HOT ... . . just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
chili an aphrodisiac?
 
Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
screaming. Screw those rednecks!
 
Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
garlic. Superb!
Judge #3-- I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.
 
Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like poop to
match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
 
Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to
really hot chili?
 


Today's clever jokes....
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear
 
2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.
 
3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
 
4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!
 
5. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
 
6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.
 
7. It's a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters but I can Samurais it for you.
 
8. It's not that the man couldn't juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
 
9. So what if I don't know the meaning of the word 'apocalypse'? It's not the end of the world.
 
10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year old was resisting a rest.
 
11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.
 
12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.
 
13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.
 
14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
 
15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
16. Did you know they won't be making yardsticks any longer?
 
17. I used to be allergic to soap but I'm clean now.
 
18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.
 
19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.
 
20. Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!
 
21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of trousers for me. Or sew it seams.
 
22. What is a thesaurus's favorite dessert? Synonym buns.
 
23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.
 
24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
 
25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.



BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old, Hateful little bastard. Bites! FREE PUPPIES 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES. Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd. Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. JOINING NUDIST COLONY ! Must sell washer and dryer £100. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE . Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie. ** And the WINNER is... ** FOR SALE BY OWNER. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything. Statement of the Century Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?" >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Children Are Quick __________________________________ TEACHER: Why are you late? STUDENT: Class started before I got here. __________________________________ TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' TEACHER: No, that's wrong GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it. (I Love this child) ____________________________ ________________________________ TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. WINNIE: Me! ________________________________________ TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty? GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. _____________________________________ ____________________________ TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him? LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand..... ____________________________________ TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook. ____________________________ TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog. (I want to adopt this kid!!!) _________________________________ TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher. ____________________________