Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday July 17th


1/. A very thoughtful article from a Guardian reporter who was at the Biden press conference for NATO.....it was embarrassing for all present.
I also watched Joe with Lester Holt, and Joe was just good enough for it not to be too painful, but it's clear Joe is not the President we need to deal 
with Trump, MAGA, Republicans let alone taking on the Supreme Court. 
If he stays, we're toast.....

Should I stay or should I go? If I stay there will be trouble … This wasn’t so much a press conference, more a job interview conducted in front of an audience of millions. One where almost everyone had already made up their mind that they would rather almost anyone else got the nod.

This was politics as a bloodsport. Painful to watch. Like intruding on a personal grief. Because there could be no winner here. Were Joe Biden to be word perfect and razor sharp, the doubts would remain about his cognitive abilities. The US president cannot erase his recent past. The gaffes come with ever increasing frequency. The obvious confusion. The long silences. The middle-distance stares.



2/. A Poll out today [Wednesday] says 2/3 of Democrats want Biden to drop out.
Adam Schiff has said the same.....the first senior Democrat with some cojones.....

WASHINGTON (AP) — Nearly two-thirds of Democrats say President Joe Biden should withdraw from the presidential race and let his party nominate a different candidate, according to a new poll, sharply undercutting his post-debate claim that “average Democrats” are still with him even if some “big names” are turning on him.

The new survey by the AP-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research, conducted as Biden works to salvage his candidacy two weeks after his debate flop, also found that only about 3 in 10 Democrats are extremely or very confident that he has the mental capability to serve effectively as president, down slightly from 40% in an AP-NORC poll in February.



3/. A country divided.......but by who? 
David Remnick with an excellent and thoughtful piece on political violence and Trump's assassination attempt..........

On April 5, 1968, the day after Martin Luther King, Jr., was assassinated in Memphis, Robert F. Kennedy, who was pursuing the Democratic nomination for President, spoke to the Cleveland City Club about the “mindless menace of violence in America which again stains our land and every one of our lives.”

In a mournful cadence, Kennedy told the crowd that a sniper is a coward, not a hero; that the “uncontrolled, uncontrollable mob is only the voice of madness, not the voice of the people.” Violence, whether it is carried out by one man or a gang, he said, degrades an entire nation:



4/. A devastating "New Rule" from Bill Maher......Biden has to go, and he lists who could take his place. 
Truly a must watch.
Actually if you have time watch the whole show on MAX- It's one of his best ever......



5/. Another Biden story, this one related to the Lester Holt interview......

In the shadow of the Republican national convention in Milwaukee, where Donald Trump officially became the party’s nominee, days after surviving an attempt on his life, Joe Biden was still confronting a question he thought he’d answered: will he be the Democratic nominee in November?

“1,000%” the president said in an interview with Complex’s Chris “Speedy” Morman, which aired on Monday. So the president would remain the party’s standard-bearer, Morman asked? “Unless I get hit by a train, yeah,” Biden replied.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/article/2024/jul/15/biden-nbc-interview-analysis?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other




6/. Tom Tomorrow on the media......


7/. It's hot, and outside workers need breaks and water......but Republicans and DeSantis rejected a bill to do just that after Big Ag and other lobbyists gave them their orders. 
Republicans truly don't give a shit about workers.....

When we’re making a list of titles that remind us of our state’s elected leader, “cruel” is not a word we want to see.  But take a look at the latest headlines starring Gov. Ron DeSantis — the stories about rejected funding that would have kept hungry kids fed while school’s out, or the continuing coverage of Florida’s failure to care about the workers sweltering in brutal heat — and one song title comes to mind: “Cruel Summer.”

It fits all too well. It doesn’t even matter which “Cruel Summer” we’re talking about — Taylor Swift’s hit, which is still getting airplay, or the 1983 Bananarama song. Either works.

Florida’s workers, its children, don’t deserve this. And while DeSantis may not be on the ballot this fall, his actions should be. None of this could have happened without the eager compliance of the GOP- and DeSantis-dominated Legislature.

https://www.orlandosentinel.com/2024/07/10/editorial-desantis-lawmakers-gave-florida-the-cruelest-of-summers/




8/.  Tom Tomorrow gives us a history lesson.....



9/. More on the blatant corruption of Clarence Thomas.....

EARLIER THIS WEEK, two Democratic senators announced they have requested a criminal investigation into Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas — regarding, in part, a loan for a luxury RV provided by a longtime executive at UnitedHealth Group, one of America’s largest health insurers.

Thomas apparently recused himself in at least two cases involving UnitedHealth when the loan was active, according to a Rolling Stone review. Yet, he separately chose to participate in another health insurance case and authored the court’s unanimous opinion in 2004. The ruling broadly benefited the industry — shielding employer-sponsored health insurers from damages if they refuse to cover certain services and patients are harmed. Thomas’ advice to patients facing such denials? Pull out your checkbook.                                                                                                            https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/clarence-thomas-rv-loan-health-care-1235059440/#recipient_hashed=fbbe473f5037f7de779a9b352866aaa97ce40dede88d542358cbe645dd211019&recipient_salt=72f9aae92f438bcc1f8948b09959b8992e4c153d9d01266946bf43b0824dab99



10/. The ad ExxonMobil should have made......wonderful....



11/. Interesting story on how Norwegians bring up their kids. Hint - no helicopters!

It’s 1.30pm. Nila and Arion arrive home after finishing school for the day. They let themselves in, make some food, then sit down to do homework, or practise piano, or do the housework they’ve been asked to do. Their parents won’t be home for a few hours yet. The children sometimes go out with friends to play in the street or wander the fields. The only real rule is no screen time unless everything else has been taken care of.

So far, so normal, perhaps, except the sister and brother are just 10 and eight, and they’ve been living this kind of unsupervised mini-adult life for years.

They live in Stavanger, on the south-west coast of Norway. Like all of their friends, they’ve been walking to and from school alone since they first attended at the age of six. They were given their own set of house keys soon after. This is the parenting way in Norway – it’s decidedly free-range, with an emphasis on independence, self-determination and responsibility, with a dash of outdoor fun thrown in for good measure.



12/. If you were wondering what the hell is this Hawk Yuah thing, this is it......7 seconds of stupid.....



13/. If Joe stays, this could well be our future.....



14/. Live in Lake County FL? Your vote -by mail -registration you had last year may have expired....
You may need to re-apply, would advise you to check [thanks Ron DeSantis]....

Different from the previous general election cycle, voters need to re-apply to vote by mail (previously known as an absentee ballot). 

The deadline to request a Vote-by-Mail Ballot to be mailed to you is 5 p.m. on the 12th day before the election.

 If you prefer to pick up a Vote-By- Mail Ballot, the deadline is the close of business on the 11th day before the election. 

Go to Lake County's vote-by-mail for more instructions here. 




15/. Just by existing, liberals are the provocateurs....



16/. Sometimes you come across a story that is so awful and unfair it sticks with you......a man is in jail for life, and was sent there wrongly - but even the 
Prosecutor's office who thinks he is innocent can't get him out. Of course it's a Republican state, Tennessee....
Sunny Eaton never imagined herself working at the district attorney’s office. A former public defender, she once represented Nashville, Tennessee’s least powerful people, and she liked being the only person in a room willing to stand by someone when no one else would. She spent a decade building her own private practice, but in 2020, she took an unusual job as the director of the conviction-review unit in the Nashville DA’s office. Her assignment was to investigate past cases her office had prosecuted and identify convictions for which there was new evidence.



17/. It's coming......



18/. Bob Lefsetz went to see the Stones.....he was blown away!

they are no longer selling danger.

They’re selling rock and roll. A lost art. If you want to experience it in its original form, go to see the Stones.

What I’m saying is the emphasis is misplaced. It’s on Mick Jagger’s dancing, his onstage antics. The bottom line is this is necessary when you play in the vast stadiums the Stones appear in.

Have you ever been to SoFi? One of the most bizarre experiences in the sports stadium stratosphere.

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2024/07/15/the-stones-at-sofi/





19/. "Bad Faith", a documentary on Christian Nationalism. is a riveting piece of film.....

The new documentary Bad Faith, directed by Stephen Ujlaki and Christopher Jacob Jones, begins with footage familiar to many Americans: an army of insurrectionists adorned in stars, stripes, and military gear storming the Capitol to stop the certification of the 2020 election results. It was a watershed moment that left many Americans wondering how we got here. Bad Faith seeks to help answer that question by looking at a crucial reason why American democracy ended up at a precipice: the rise of Christian nationalism. 

https://www.motherjones.com/politics/2024/05/bad-faith-christian-nationalism-documentary/




20/. Bob Lefsetz takes a break from Biden, and likes "Blue Lights", a British cop show....

This is a really good TV show.

But it’s on BritBox.

I know, I know, you’re sick of having to subscribe to another streaming platform, and I am too, but I was running out of blue chip shows.

As you know, I won’t watch week to week. Therefore I won’t pay for Apple TV+. And the interesting thing is when the series ends, I usually don’t go back and sign up to watch it straight through. I noticed this happening with movies a few years back. I’d make a notation to stream it when it came to television, but when it was finally available, I just couldn’t create the inner oomph to partake. And my point here is never, NEVER hold back anything from the audience today. You might think you’re winning, you might think you’re building water cooler buzz, but the joke is on you. If you don’t make something readily available, the masses will just move right past it, you’ll miss the target and not even know it.

Kinda like the Hawk Tuah girl. Are we going to be talking about her a year from now? Three months from now? Strike when the iron is hot. You think everybody is paying attention, everybody is hungry for your product, when in truth most people are just shrugging if they are even aware of it.

But there are a limited number of good series out there.

https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2024/07/11/blue-lights/





The good old days joke....
Peter Marshall: "Eddie Fisher recently said, 'I am sorry. I am sorry for them both.' Who was he referring to?"
Paul Lynde: "His fans."
Marshall: "According to Tony Randall, 'Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been...' what?"
Lynde: "Bitterly disappointed."
Marshall: "Paul, how many fingers in the girl scout salute?"
Lynde: "Gee, I don't remember. The last time I saw it was when I didn't buy their cookies."
Marshall: "Paul, does Ann Landers think there is anything wrong with you if you do your housework in the nude?"
Lynde: "No, but I have to be terribly careful when I do my ironing."
Marshall: "Paul, any good sailor knows that when a man falls off a ship you yell 'Man overboard!' What should you shout if a woman falls overboard?"
Lynde: "Full speed ahead!"
Marshall: "What are 'dual-purpose cattle' good for that other cattle aren't?"
Lynde: "They give milk... and cookies, but I don't recommend the cookies."
Marshall: "Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?"
Lynde: "Because chiffon wrinkles too easily."
Marshall: "According to the IRS, out of every 10 Americans audited, how many end up paying more taxes?"
Lynde: "11."
Marshall: "What's the one thing you should never do in bed?"
Lynde: "Point and laugh!"
Marshall: "In the Shakespearean play 'King Lear,' King Lear had three of them - Goneril, Cordelia, and Regan? Who were they?"
Lynde: "King Lear had Goneril?"
Marshall: "Paul, everyone knows the first verse: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / What shall we do with the drunken sailor? / Early in the morning? But what is the first line of the next verse?"
Lynde : [singing] "Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Put him in bed with Elizabeth Taylor / Early in the morning." [audience laughs] "How disgusting... that poor sailor!"
Marshall: "True or false, Paul Revere had 16 children?"
Lynde: "From ONE midnight ride?"
Marshall: "Back in the 1870s, Emile Berliner invented something, and without it, I wouldn't be able to do my job. What was it?"
Lynde: "Let's see... toupees? Facelifts? Contact lenses?"
Marshall: "Now cut that out!"
Lynde: "Makeup? Capped teeth? Loud sports jackets?"


Today's Viagra joke
Isaac falls asleep on a beach for several hours and gets sunburned. 
His legs are the worst and they are already starting to blister. 
In agony, Isaac goes to the local hospital and is immediately admitted after being diagnosed with 2nd degree burns.
Dr Cohen tells the nurse, "This man needs continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours."
The nurse is astonished by this and says, "Dr Cohen, what good will Viagra do him?"
"It'll keep the sheets off his legs," replies Dr Cohen.


Today's naughty joke
Bob went to the doctor's clinic for a checkup. 
The nurse asked him to remove his clothing and put on a gown to be checked by the doctor.
“In front of you?” He asks, shy.
The nurse says: “Well no, but I’ve seen the human body before. 
The man said, “Not one like mine. You’d die laughing at my body.”
“Of course I won’t laugh,” said the Nurse to the patient, “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.”
“Okay then,” said the patient, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing a huge male body with the smallest adult male organ the Nurse had ever seen in her life.
In length and width it was almost identical to a AAA battery.
Unable to control herself, the Nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out.
And then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing. 
Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man’s private part, she composed herself as well as she could.
“I am so sorry,” she said, “I don’t know what came over me. 
On my honor as a Nurse and a lady, I promise that it won’t happen again. Now, tell me, what seems to be the problem?
“It’s swollen,” Bob replied.
She ran out of the room....



Today's guy joke..
I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking. My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, "Nothing." The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?" At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions. Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know? Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts." I rest my case. Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.



Wednesday, July 10, 2024

DDD Special #2 - Biden - July10th

 

Let me be clear - President Bidenhas been the best President for 50 years. 
He has got more bills passed that benefit the average American than anyone you can think of. 
The economy is booming.....and Joe he is doing the most stressful job in the world at 81. And it shows....
As it stands right now, we will lose in November if he stays on the ticket. Presidency, Senate, House.
And yet despite this disaster of a Trump win looming, the Democrats are unable to do their jobs as Biden does a DiFi/RBG.....



On Capitol Hill, Democrats Panic About Biden but Do Nothing

The president has yet to do what many Democrats said he must to show he is up to remaining in the race. But so far, they have thrown up their hands, doing nothing to nudge him aside.




A Late Play by the Biden Campaign: Running Out the Clock

Time is on President Biden’s side. Every day that he defies pressure to end his re-election campaign, replacing him becomes harder for Democrats




Bob Lefsetz's latest.....great post....

He’s done.

And he’s the only one who doesn’t know it.

If you’re addicted to this story, I recommend not only that you subscribe to Apple News+. but that you click on the “Following” button in the lower right hand corner and when the menu/list comes up, select “Election 2024,” right there at the top, under the heading “Special Coverage.”

Of course you’ll see the headlines, but that’s not the nougat.

You’ll scroll past said headlines, and then the podcasts, and then you’ll get the “Latest Stories.” Scroll past the big blue box and you’ll find the “For You” section, which is the heart of the matter, to quote Don Henley.



James Carville has a plan....

Mark my words: Joe Biden is going to be out of the 2024 presidential race. Whether he is ready to admit it or not. His pleas on Monday to congressional Democrats for support will not unite the party behind him. Mr. Biden says he’s staying in the race, but it’s only a matter of time before Democratic pressure and public and private polling lead him to exit the race. The jig is up, and the sooner Mr. Biden and Democratic leaders accept this, the better. We need to move forward.

But it can’t be by anointing Vice President Kamala Harris or anyone else as the presumptive Democratic nominee. We’ve got to do it out in the open — the exact opposite of what Donald Trump wants us to do.

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/08/opinion/biden-democratic-nominee.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare



Classic Jon Stewart......comedic reporting and some excellent jokes as he skewers Biden....



Monday, July 8, 2024

Davids Daily Dose - Monday July 8th

 

1/. Biden says today [Monday] he's not stepping down......we're screwed.

Joe Biden came out swinging on Monday against critics of his calamitous June debate performance, telling Democrats in an open letter and Americans in a pugnacious live TV interview he is staying in the presidential race – rejecting growing calls to concede that at 81 he is too ineffective to beat Donald Trump and should drop out in favour of a younger candidate.

The president lashed out at “elites in the party” in a live telephone interview with the MSNBC show Morning Joe, saying they were behind calls for him to quit.

He added: “If any of these guys don’t think I should run, run against me. Go ahead. Announce for president – challenge me at the convention!”



2/. This is Bob Lefsetz's follow up to his original posting....he makes a music business analogy to Biden needing to step down.....

Deny the public what it wants at your peril.

And the public does not want Joe Biden to be the Democratic nominee for President.

It always happens first in music. It’s the canary in the coal mine. It’s the hottest medium amongst the young people, our future (they’re here to replace us as Jerry Seinfeld said). Songs are small, malleable, can be created and distributed nearly instantly, nothing is holding listeners back from adopting the new, they’re not tied into mortgages or long term car leases. They’re open to the modern and different. https://lefsetz.com/wordpress/2024/07/01/the-napster-analogy/



3/. A Biden video going around right wing media....."Sharp As A Tack"....really depressing....



4/. And if you didn't read my DDD special last week, here it is again....



5/. Tom Tomorrow pretty well nails it..



6/. Biden is dug in, says he's not going to resign so this article sheds some light on why he is 
being so stubborn.....most interesting.....

After his shockingly poor performance in last week’s debate, President Biden is facing mounting pressure to drop out of the 2024 election. Influential voices in his own party have called for him to step aside. Polls indicate that many voters hope he will. Yet so far, he is staying the course.

There’s a formal name for this trap: escalation of commitment to a losing course of action. In the face of impending failure, extensive evidence shows, instead of rethinking our plans, we often double down on our decisions. It feels better to be a fighter than a quitter.



7/. Here is a 2 minute podcast from the WSJ, on how European officials have been worried about Biden's 
weakness for months....and question whether he could do another term as President....



8/. SCOTUS runs us all now.....



9/. Matt Taibbi says they have been hiding Biden's condition for years..... 
The above video by Matt Orfalea contains no manipulated imagery. Uncomfortable pauses were not stretched. None of the commentators using terms like, “He’s as sharp as a tack” or “He’s totally focused… and the proof is in the performance” were taken out of context. He didn’t make up the line about him being like “Eminem in his famous 8 Mile rap battle.” It all happened. 

“If anything, he looks better in my video than the actual debate,” Orfalea says. 

The press coverup about Joe Biden’s cognitive state has been comprehensive, starting before his 2020 run. As Orfalea shows, the lie ballooned in scale, with what began as mere denial of the problem expanding in the space of four years to far more aggressive deceptions, eventually landing on maximalist go-to lines compiled above: “Sharp as a tack,” “On top of his game,” “On the ball,” etc. These descriptions are even more damning in the context of the long overall campaign to cover up the obvious:



10/. Tom Tomorrow and the Governor of NY..



11/. The Supreme Court needs reform, and the corrupt Justices [Thomas, Alito, Roberts] removed.
But will Biden do it? No, according to this story....

ON MONDAY, THE  Supreme Court ruled that American presidents have “absolute immunity” from prosecution for any “official acts” they take while in office. For President Joe Biden, this should be great news. Suddenly a host of previously unthinkable options have opened up to him: He could dispatch Seal Team 6 to Mar-A-Lago with orders to neutralize the “primary threat to freedom and democracy” in the United States. He could issue an edict that all digital or physical evidence of his debate performance last week be destroyed. Or he could just use this chilling partisan decision, the latest 6-3 ruling in a term that was characterized by a staggering number of them, as an opportunity to finally embrace the movement to reform the Supreme Court.
But Biden is not planning to do any of that. 



12/. Remind me never to go to Louisiana.....



13/. A look at the totality of Joe Biden by David Remnick in the New Yorker.....
More of an intellectual piece.....

There is an immense bounty of bunk about the wisdom of age available to all of us who require it from time to time, but, as the pitiless Mark Twain put it in his autobiography, “It is sad to go to pieces like this, but we all have to do it.”

On Thursday night, it was Joe Biden’s turn. But, unlike the rest of us, he went to pieces on CNN, in front of tens of millions of his compatriots. At some level, Biden’s supporters were hoping that he would defy the realities of time, the better to puncture the vanities and malevolence of his felonious opponent. And so there was a distinct cruelty to it all, the spectacle of a man of eighty-one, struggling terribly with memory, syntax, nerves, and fragility, his visage slack with the dawning sense that his mind was letting him down and that, as a result, he was letting the country down. It must be said, with fellow-feeling, but it must be said: This was an event that, if unremedied, could bring the country closer to another Trump Presidency and with it a diminishment of liberal democracy.



14/. I wish this was funny.....




15/. Now for a more emotional article...."I'm tired of Joe Biden gaslighting us"....

“The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.”
― George Orwell, 1984

From the bully pulpit

If you’ve watched the news anytime in the last few days, you’ve probably seen President Biden telling us what’s going on in Gaza isn’t a genocide.

He clearly alleged this is what the International Criminal Court is charging Israel’s Prime Minister and Minister of defense with and he rejects the court’s assertion of a genocide.

https://medium.com/open-microphone/im-sick-and-tired-of-biden-gaslighting-us-3bcf1cfc85ba



16/. The left is feeling persecuted.....




17/. Rolling Stone selects the 15 best TV shows of 2024.....



18/. "The Bear"....fairly good review for Season 3.....
Carmy, Sydney, Richie, and the gang bring as much heart, anxiety, and intensity as ever. Yet a slew of real-chef cameos, multiple Faks, and is-this-real-or-imaginary moments make these episodes feel slightly overstuffed



19/. Vanity Fair picks the 25 best movies on Netflix....

The great conundrum of the streaming age is that dozens, if not hundreds, of movies are available at your fingertips to stream—but it can be extremely hard to decide on the best movies on Netflix. Let this list be your guide as you navigate Netflix’s catalog of feature films. These 25 movies feature something for everyone—comedy, sports, big green monsters of all kinds, Daniel Craig, Laura Dern, and Glenn Powell. From some of the best movies of recent years to a few stone-cold classics, you’re sure to find plenty worth checking out without wasting half your life on a never-ending scroll.




Today's marital issue
Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. 
These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... 
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. 
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. Y
ou ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. 
You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. 
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. 
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesn’t work. 
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ 
Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. 
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. 
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. 
So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica 
But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. 
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. 
My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem.



Today's little Johnny joke
Johnny," says the teacher, "what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"
"He takes a shit, sir," says Johnny.
"Oh," says the teacher, "and what does your father do for a living?"
"He's a bricklayer," says Johnny.
The teacher thinks, hmm, working class, what else can you expect?
"Bobby," says the teacher, "what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"
"He takes a shit, sir," says Bobby.
"Hmm," says the teacher, "and what does your father do for a living?"
"He's a joiner," says Johnny.
The teacher sees this as confirming his suspicions about the lack of linguistic skills among working class children.
"Freddy," he says. "What does your father do for a living?"
"He's a lawyer, sir" says Freddy.
"And what's the first thing your father does in the morning?"
"He reads The Times, sir," says Freddy.
"Interesting," says the teacher, "and how much time does he spend reading the paper?"
"Not long," says Freddy, "just until he's finished taking a shit."



Today's heroic joke
"Florida Woman Stops Alligator Attack Using a small .22 caliber Ruger Pistol.
Another good reason to have a concealed weapons permit.
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator.
Here's her story in her own words: "While walking along the edge of a pond just outside my house in the Villages discussing a property settlement with my 
soon-to-be ex-husband, and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft alligator which suddenly emerged from the murky water.
It began charging us with its large jaws wide open. 
She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
"If I had not had my little Ruger 22 caliber pistol with me, I would not be here today! 
Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.
The gator got him easily, and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. 
The amount I saved in lawyer's fees was really incredible and his life insurance was also a big bonus!"



Today's wildlife joke
In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. 
The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.
The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.
Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. 
Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.
Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son.
As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing.
The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. 
The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.  
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant
Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. 
He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. 
The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dan's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn't the same elephant.