Quite a few Florida stories today, and I wish they were positive ones.....but they're not......
1/ The main political event of last week was the final Republican debate in Arizona, and Matt Taibbi has a unique take on what happened and indeed the entire process of picking a candidate acceptable to the 20% of backward idiots that form the base of the GOP. It's a race to the bottom......
An excellent article, and if you are even remotely interested in politics you should read this one.....
How about that race for the Republican nomination? Was last night's debate crazy, or what?
Throughout this entire process, the spectacle of these clowns thrashing each other and continually seizing and then fumbling frontrunner status has left me with an oddly reassuring feeling, one that I haven't quite been able to put my finger on. In my younger days I would have just assumed it was regular old Schadenfreude at the sight of people like Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich suffering, but this isn’t like that – it's something different than the pleasure of watching A-Rod strike out in the playoffs.
No, it was while watching the debates last night that it finally hit me: This is justice. What we have here are chickens coming home to roost. It's as if all of the American public's bad habits and perverse obsessions are all coming back to haunt Republican voters in this race: The lack of attention span, the constant demand for instant gratification, the abject hunger for negativity, the utter lack of backbone or constancy (we change our loyalties at the drop of a hat, all it takes is a clever TV ad): these things are all major factors in the spiraling Republican disaster.
Most importantly, though, the conservative passion for divisive, partisan, bomb-tossing politics is threatening to permanently cripple the Republican party. They long ago became more about pointing fingers than about ideology, and it's finally ruining them.
2/ There are so many choices of stories, videos and articles about Rick Santorum you don't know where to start. The man is unspeakably awful, and it's an indictment of this society there are idiots out there actually voting for him......but let's hope he gets the nomination anyway......
Here is a 1 minute clip of him saying something amazingly stupid.....and look at the audience.....
3/ The Montana decision to invalidate Citizens United for the State of Montana is going to be appealed, and at the very least the Supreme Court has to put it's imprint on the disgusting Citizens United decision again, inviting all of the non-corporate TV media to weigh in on how bad this judgement has been for our democracy. But here is an article by Linda Greenhouse, the legal correspondent for the Times, that says there are straws in the wind.......
Is there really a chance that the Supreme Court might reconsider Citizens United?
A week ago, I wouldn’t have thought so, and I still think it’s an extreme long shot. But a provocative statement last Friday by Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen G. Breyer makes this crazy idea worth pondering – which is undoubtedly what the two justices intended.
Their three sentences were attached to an order issued by the full court granting a stay in a case from Montana on the right of corporations to make independent political expenditures. We all know, from the Citizens United decision two years ago, that corporations have a robust First Amendment right to spend as much as they want on politics, a right they are exercising to the hilt in the current election season.
However, the Montana Supreme Court saw things quite differently in a decision it issued two months ago. Voting 5 to 2, the state court rejected a constitutional challenge to a century-old Montana law that bans corporate political contributions and expenditures unless made through a tightly circumscribed political action committee.
A majority acknowledged the United States Supreme Court precedent, as it had to. But it then went on to say that “Citizens United does not compel a conclusion” that Montana’s law is unconstitutional. “While Citizens United was decided under its facts or lack of facts,” the state court said pointedly, Montana is different: although the Citizens United majority could find no evidence that corporate political spending led to corruption, Montana’s history is replete with proof.
Note - the TV media love Citizens United because they are making record profits from the political ads.....
4/ No wonder the Republicans hate Nancy Pelosi - she is charming, articulate, smart and sensible.....and here she holds her own against Stephen Colbert which is no small accomplishment! A good interview, and some great zingers as always.....8 minutes......
Nancy Pelosi and Stephen Colbert have a deal.
The House Minority Leader will encourage her members to appear on the comedian's "Better Know A District" series, and the comedian will support the DISCLOSE Act, which would make campaign finance more transparent.
The negotiation transpired when the California congresswoman appeared on "The Colbert Report" Wednesday.
"Can we make a deal?" asked Colbert.
"Anything," replied Pelosi.
"This DISCLOSE Act, is it important to you?"
"Yes, it's very important."
5/ This story should be familiar to you by now - yet another industry owns Congress, but this is serious - it's the gas fracking companies who are doing huge damage to our water supplies and even causing earthquakes......but nothing is done, because the politicians are bought off.....again.....
They are trying to crush the EPA which has hard evidence fracking is causing horrible diseases and permanent damage to the environment.....but our Republicans in the House could care less......
WASHINGTON, DC, February 16, 2012 (ENS) - A natural gas drilling rush is on in rural North Dakota. And with it, residents are reporting growing numbers of respiratory ailments, skin lesions, blood oozing from eyes, and the deaths of livestock and pets.
Elsewhere, residents of Texas, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Wyoming and other states who thought they'd hit the lottery by signing natural gas drilling leases have watched their drinking water turn noxious: slick, brown, foamy, flammable.
In December, for the first time, federal regulators scientifically linked hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to the contamination of an aquifer, refuting repeated industry claims that the practice does not pollute drinking water.
Elsewhere, residents of Texas, Pennsylvania, Colorado, Wyoming and other states who thought they'd hit the lottery by signing natural gas drilling leases have watched their drinking water turn noxious: slick, brown, foamy, flammable.
In December, for the first time, federal regulators scientifically linked hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, to the contamination of an aquifer, refuting repeated industry claims that the practice does not pollute drinking water.
It happened in the rural ranching community of Pavillion, Wyoming, an area riddled with 162 natural gas wells dug between 1990 and 2006. Despite a decade of complaints from residents that their reeking water was undrinkable - and that many suffered from nerve damage, asthma, heart trouble and other health problems - state officials did nothing.
Finally the EPA stepped in, launching a three-year study running from 2008 to 2011.
In its report, the EPA identified numerous fracking chemicals in Pavillion's water. Cancer-causing benzene was found at 50 times safe levels, along with other hazardous chemicals, methane, diesel fuel, and toxic metals - in both groundwater and deep wells.
Now, across the country in Pennsylvania, the EPA is testing drinking water in 61 locations in Susquehanna County for possible fracking-related contamination.
Nationwide, residents living near fracked gas wells have filed over 1,000 complaints of tainted water, severe illnesses, livestock deaths, and fish kills. Complaints, sometimes involving hundreds of households, have risen in tandem with a veritable gold rush of new natural gas wells - now numbering about 493,000 across 31 states.
This month's hearings on the EPA's Pavillion report, led by the House subcommittee on Energy and the Environment, have been contentious, with pro-drilling politicians and industry representatives attacking its conclusions.
"The EPA is trying to go after fracking everywhere they can," said subcommittee chairman Andy Harris, a Maryland Republican. "They've had absolutely no proof that fracking had polluted drinking water, that I know of."
Both he and industry spokesmen implied that the media had created a poorly-informed frenzy, spreading fear and mistrust of fracking.
Finally the EPA stepped in, launching a three-year study running from 2008 to 2011.
In its report, the EPA identified numerous fracking chemicals in Pavillion's water. Cancer-causing benzene was found at 50 times safe levels, along with other hazardous chemicals, methane, diesel fuel, and toxic metals - in both groundwater and deep wells.
Now, across the country in Pennsylvania, the EPA is testing drinking water in 61 locations in Susquehanna County for possible fracking-related contamination.
Nationwide, residents living near fracked gas wells have filed over 1,000 complaints of tainted water, severe illnesses, livestock deaths, and fish kills. Complaints, sometimes involving hundreds of households, have risen in tandem with a veritable gold rush of new natural gas wells - now numbering about 493,000 across 31 states.
This month's hearings on the EPA's Pavillion report, led by the House subcommittee on Energy and the Environment, have been contentious, with pro-drilling politicians and industry representatives attacking its conclusions.
"The EPA is trying to go after fracking everywhere they can," said subcommittee chairman Andy Harris, a Maryland Republican. "They've had absolutely no proof that fracking had polluted drinking water, that I know of."
Both he and industry spokesmen implied that the media had created a poorly-informed frenzy, spreading fear and mistrust of fracking.
6/ An amusing spoof of a local news crew inventing a "Pegasus" [flying horse} sighting.......if for some reason you watch local TV news, you will appreciate this......
In a sneak preview of tonight's episode of "Key & Peele," we see the comedy duo spoof a viral news report about a Leprechaun sighting in Mobile, Alabama that took the Internet by storm in 2006.
Instead of a Leprechaun, we see a local news crew investigate a "Pegasus sighting" (that they incite) which quickly becomes a nearly shot-for-shot remake of the original, ridiculous news segment. Bonus: "Reno 911" star Cedric Yarbrough cameos as one of the revelers (he's dressed sort of like the "magic flute" guy in the first video) as well as Jerry Minor from "Mr. Show."
7/ "Cabin in the Woods" is a horror movie coming our way in April, that apparently has a real kicker in the plot......can't wait!
Pretty good 2 minute trailer......
8/ The ethereal and impossibly beautiful Taylor Swift sings a song from the upcoming movie "Hunger Games".......the video is misty, a little eerie and excellent.....
9/ A booking engine car rental companies don't want you to have......"AutoSlash" will save you money.....
In a perfect world, we would get the lowest price for everything we buy without having to lift a finger to hunt for the best deal.
We are far from living in that world, alas. In the last couple of columns, we’ve called out car insurers that don’t tell you when you’re entitled to a 50 percent premium cut and written about the continued culture of obfuscation in auto shopping.
But there is a glimmer of hope in carland, and it exists in a most unlikely place: auto rentals, an industry known mostly for pushing insurance and charging $9 a gallon for gasoline.
A little online booking engine called AutoSlash, however, offers the following promise: Book free on its site, and a couple of times a day until your travel date it will search for coupons or lower rates. If it succeeds, it rebooks you automatically. AutoSlash claims success 85 percent of the time, a statistic born out by my own experience using it for all of my own rentals.
The reaction in some corners of the industry has been something like revulsion. Enterprise, which owns National and Alamo, won’t let AutoSlash show its cars and wouldn’t say why. Avis, which owns Budget, also steers clear and offered some feeble reasoning that I’ll explain below.
Hertz and the company behind Dollar and Thrifty are still playing ball, however, along with discounters like Fox.
It’s enough to make AutoSlash my first and only stop for auto rental booking. Using its service feels practically subversive, especially when airlines nickel and dime you for any number of services and fancy hotels want $10 a day for Internet access.
But it’s the story behind AutoSlash’s emergence that is so revealing: an industry with archaic rules sets itself up to have a third party threaten the integrity of its prices. And when it happens, the industry — auto rental companies and their partners — react by doing their utmost to keep consumers from getting the good deals.
AutoSlash might not exist but for the fact that auto rental companies mostly let you change or cancel reservations as much as you want and decline to penalize you if you don’t show up to pick up your car. And travelers don’t show up in droves — 20 percent of the time, according to a longtime industry consultant,Neil Abrams.
10/ It's the Oscars tonight, so a subversive British website imagines movie posters that tell the truth.....pretty good.....especially the Meryl Streep movie "iron Lady"............
11/ Excellent article from the Orlando Sentinel that shows exactly how corrupt our Legislative pond scum up in Tallahassee really are.....pay for play......
All of these disgusting vermin should be voted out in November.......
TALLAHASSEE — Gov. Rick Scott told supporters in 2010 his hard-fought electoral win was leaving Tallahassee insiders "crying in their cocktails" as a Tea Party-fueled election wave swept record Republican super-majorities into the Capitol.
But in reality, those insiders are laughing all the way to the bank.
Year-end reports indicate that companies, unions, trade associations and local governments spent a record $127 million to lobby the Florida Legislature in 2011 – topping the $116 million spent in 2010. The figure represents the mean of all individual contracts, most of which are reported to the state in $10,000 ranges.
The 2011 total is roughly $30 million more than what contract lobbyists reported after lawmakers first started requiring them to disclose their pay ranges in 2006. Lobbyists have said their services were in greater demand because a new governor and a more-dominantGOP majority were in control last year – and 2011 turned out to be a banner year for interest groups trying to get growth-management controls repealed, union protections weakened and more limitations on lawsuits.
It is becoming more obvious every year that there is a real correlation between interest groups with big bank accounts, their hiring of high-priced lobbyists with connections and expertise, and the policies that come out of Tallahassee.
"Strength in the legislative and political arenas is measured by relationships and political resources," Miguel A. Machado, president of the Florida Medical Association, wrote to his member doctors last week, explaining why the organization was cutting a deal on a years-long battle between ophthalmologists and optometrists over whether optometrists should be allowed to prescribe medications.
The final reason for the compromise, he explained, was that the eye doctors didn't bring enough cheese to the party – fundraising – and that was damaging the FMA's efforts to pass tighter medical malpractice lawsuit limitations, which are now moving through both chambers.
Like the doctors and optometrists, there are thousands of special interests combating each other every year, and the victors appear to be more clearly than ever the ones with the most money and lobbying power – though sometimes it takes more than one year.
For example, the biggest spender -- AT&T, at $1.68 million – was finally successful last year in a years-long battle to deregulate land-line telephones.
12/ Underrated music style - the blues.....if you like the blues, you will appreciate Gary Clark with "Don't Owe You a Thang".....video appears to be live, in black and white, old and grainy.....very cool......
13/ The excellent Lauren Ritchie with a follow-up to her column on duck hunting on West Crooked Lake , and how the Republicans in the Legislature have changed our gun laws.....
The shooting at her neighbor's property can go on for 12 straight hours in the east Orange County subdivision where Gwen Shegda lives, leaving her shaken but furious.
"Constantly hearing gunfire gets on your nerves, and you can't take it anymore," said the 51-year-old Tudor Grove resident, her voice carefully controlled. "We need to somehow amend or repeal — give the right back to property owners to live in peace. There's nothing saying they can't have their guns.
"Constantly hearing gunfire gets on your nerves, and you can't take it anymore," said the 51-year-old Tudor Grove resident, her voice carefully controlled. "We need to somehow amend or repeal — give the right back to property owners to live in peace. There's nothing saying they can't have their guns.
Decency? A priority of the Florida Legislature? C'mon. During last year's smooch-fest with the powerful National Rifle Association, members passed a law with one of those pesky unintended consequences that happen when folks fire first, then aim.
The new law created penalties of up to $100,000 for local governments that impose gun laws more restrictive than Florida's. Counties and cities rushed to repeal their ordinances, causing an uproar over where people with permits could carry concealed weapons.
During the hurry, local governments also quietly rescinded ordinances that made it illegal to whip out the AK-47 and blast away for funsies in populated areas.
Orange County didn't have an ordinance prohibiting random shooting. But now, when ordinary people like Shegda have their lives made an unceasing misery, local governments can do nothing to muzzle the gun nuts who have the right to fire when and where they want.
This is not what Thomas Jefferson and his cronies had in mind when they declared in the Bill of Rights that Americans have the right to keep and bear arms.
14/ One of the interesting races in Florida is who will get the Republican nomination to challenge Senator Bill Nelson [D]......and one of the names in contention and maybe the favourite is Connie Mack IV.....
If you are like me you know the name, but know nothing whatever about this guy......so read this column from the St. Pete Times if you want some amusing background on this daddies boy....
To summarise, he appears to be an A rated, certified asshole......
This is hardly a point of personal honor, but by the time I turned 45 somehow I had managed get through life without being involved in numerous bar brawls.
And, it appears safe to say I like to drink as much as Connie Mack IV, whose record is 0-4 in road rage/gin mill bouts.
Indeed, it seems weird to see the name Connie Mack in the same sentences that also include "bar," "brawl," "property lien" and "overdraft fees." After all, Connie "The Glass Jaw" Mack is the namesake son of Florida's former Republican U.S. senator.
The elder Mack is a soft-spoken man of courtliness, impeccable manners and understated dignity.
As for the son? This is like discovering Ronald Reagan was the paterfamilias of Dennis Rodman.
Now the very junior Mack is running for the Senate. And in no time he became an opposition research operative's dream come true. Connie Mack IV is a Bacchus feast of personal finances that make Haiti look like the German economy with a history of unpaid bills, nightclub slugfests and, of course, a nasty divorce.
It seems after young master Connie was elected to Congress, he began caucusing with Rep. Mary Bono, who was in the House because her late husband, Sonny Bono, was killed in a skiing accident.
So it was Mack the Lowlife dumped the wife and kiddos back in Florida and began his own version of I Got You Babe with Bono. Now IV is running for the Senate, and he's getting plenty steamed that people keep bringing up his past. He was fuming earlier this week after one his opponents, former Sen. George LeMieux, referred to Mack the Snipe as the "Charlie Sheen of Florida politics." That's a horrible thing to say, because I wish I had thought of the line first.
15/ On the list of best comedy videos of the decade is this one - "Presidential Reunion"......is Barack Obama having a dream, or is it really all of the ex-Presidents coming back to advise him.....
Very funny, with lots of subtle zingers.....4 minutes......
16/ Stephen Goldstein in the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel muses on Florida and the 1%......I have copied the article in full because it so good.....or bad, if some of the numbers he quotes sink in to your Florida brain......
We truly have some of the worst stats in the nation.......
Florida is the poster child for the tension between "the 1 percent" and "the 99 percent," a microcosm of the deep-seated ills causing our national, economic malaise. It's way bigger and longer than the recent recession. Our problems have been festering for years, glossed over by ideologues peddling failed policies that an ignorant public has been all-too willing blindly to accept.
In the post-Ayn Rand-Milton Friedman-supply-side-free-
But, like it or not, facts matter — a lot. So, don't read on, or read on and be dismissive, and you'll have to take responsibility for the long-term destruction of the state of Florida — and the nation.
Take in the full implication of the disaster we're in as I lay it out and become an activist to save us. The future of 100 percent of us is at stake.
Since 1999, when Jeb Bush became governor, Florida has been dominated by the Republican Party, the party of the 1 percent — now hijacked by the tea-party extremist fringe. As a result, we have deep-seated, long-standing problems that their short-sighted, ideologically driven solutions have not only failed to solve, but have created and compounded.
A January 2012 Issue Brief, "The Condition of Florida by the Numbers," from the Florida Center for Fiscal and Economic Policy, tells a tragic tale:
Poverty: "16.5 percent, or 3,047,373 Floridians, lived below the federal poverty level in 2010 ($17,374 for a family of three)." These are the people that Mitt Romney recently said he wasn't worried about because they had a social safety net.
Think about what it would mean for you and two family members to live on that kind of money — and get back to Romney. Almost unimaginably, "1,356,324 [Floridians] lived at 50 percent of the poverty level or less. Among children under 18, 23.5 percent lived in poverty."
Income inequality: "Florida ranked as the fifth-worst state in 2010 on the GINI Index, a measure of income inequality used by economists to measure the gap between those making most of the income and those making the least."
No health insurance: While tea party/GOP Gov. Rick Scott, Attorney General Pam Bondi, and the Legislature continue their relentless fight to kill President Obama's Affordable Care Act but offer no alternative, "21.3 percent of Floridians had no health insurance [in 2010], third-highest in the U.S., and 12.7 percent of children under 18 have no insurance coverage, fourth-highest."
Food stamps: There were "3,187,157 [Floridians on food stamps] in September 2010, the third-highest total in the nation."
Fairness of the tax system: Florida's is the "second-worst in the nation."
State tax revenue: Contrary to all the government-costs-too-much bashing emanating from Tallahassee, "Florida ranked 42nd in state revenue per capita and 46th in state tax revenue as a percentage of the state's total income in 2010."
State employees: Contrary to all the state-government-is-bloated rhetoric, Florida has the "lowest number of state employees per 10,000 population and the lowest payroll costs per resident."
Unemployment insurance: Florida's "average weekly payment was $229.90, 48th in the nation. ... Of the unemployed, only 18 percent received regular unemployment insurance, 51st in the nation."
Education Expenditures: "Over the last five years ... total annual funding for public education declined by $4.4 billion, or 18.4 percent." Florida ranks "50th in per capital state government expenditures for all education."
For the worst part of 30 years, since Ronald Reagan became president, U.S. politics and public policy have been dominated by the Republican Party, now dominated by the tea party.
In 2012, Floridians and other Americans can vote to take back the country for the 99 percent or leave it in the hands of the 1 percent. Simple arithmetic, not to mention morality, shows the only way we come out ahead.
17/ And continuing on the theme, there is a proposal to cripple the already pathetic mental health system we have......Fred Grimm in the Miami Herald.....
Thank God for Texas. Else we’d rank as the most barbaric backwater in the nation. Even infamously unenlightened states like Mississippi, Alabama and South Carolina spend more per capita on mental health than Florida.
Joe Negron aims to fix that. The powerful state senator from Hobe Sound, who oversees the Budget Subcommittee on Health and Human Services Appropriations, has pushed a $76.1 million reduction in the state’s mental health services budget through the Senate. Another $31.6 million would come out of the state’s substance abuse treatment programs.
Florida would be alone at the nadir. (Thank God, then, for Honduras.)
If the Senate version prevails over a less Draconian appropriation in the House, 34 percent of the mental health funding, and 25.5 percent of the money for substance abuse, would disappear. Some 140,000 patients would be tossed from their community treatment programs. A number of these non-profit programs would shut down. (Even without the Negron cuts, the Department of Children & Families has admitted that it hasn’t been able to provide services to 170,000 adults and 40,000 children with serious mental illnesses.)
But Negron, a self-described libertarian, doesn’t believe in funding community treatment programs as a matter of philosophy. Last September, in a rambling opening statement before the Senate appropriations committee, Sen. Negron explained why he thought treatment money would be better spent elsewhere. He dismissed the notion that if we sent our mentally ill and drug addicts (often, in the real world, the same patients) to “classes, and have more programs, they would not do the things that they are doing and we don’t want them to do.
“I would argue that the majority of things that people do that cause negative things to happen to [them] and the people they care about are not a result of the lack of information, they’re a result of a lack of willpower, a lack of discipline, a lack of character.”
Mental illness, as far as Negron’s concerned, seems to be a lifestyle choice by an irresponsible rabble.
To be fair, he did admit that some of Florida’s afflicted are victims of circumstance. But he still wasn’t inclined to help.
18/ I am delighted to say my musings on "Downton Abbey", the PBS series from Britain, have resonated with a few readers of DDD and they have become hooked on this series.....there will be a season 3, we understand.
If you haven't watched it I suggest you start with Season 1, but the extended version shown in the UK.....Netflix has it......
Here is an interview with Julian Fellowes, the creator of this wonderful series.....
Warning: this post contains spoilers. If you don’t want to know how World War I turned out, don’t read any further.
When you have only a few episodes and a Christmas special to address World War I and its aftermath, needless to say, you have to cover a lot of ground very quickly. So it went for the Crawley family and its servants at “Downton Abbey,” the PBS “Masterpiece” series that concluded its second season on Sunday night after a stretch in which: the heir presumptive, Matthew Crawley (played by Dan Stevens), appeared to be grievously wounded in battle and left paralyzed, only to make a miraculous recovery; Lady Mary (Michelle Dockery) pursued her practical if unromantic courtship of the ruthless newspaper publisher Sir Richard Carlisle (Iain Glen); the kitchen maid Daisy (Sophie McShera) married ill-fated William (Thomas Howes) before he died from war injuries; the housemaid Anna (Joanne Froggatt) and valet Mr. Bates (Brendan Coyle) married before he was arrested for the suspected murder of his previous wife; and, just when everything seemed to have settled down, a bout of Spanish influenza knocked off Matthew’s fiancée, Lavinia Swire (Zoe Boyle), leaving him free to become engaged to Lady Mary.
Also: the Dowager Countess (Maggie Smith) made some cutting remarks and the dog Isis went missing for a bit.
Todays ladies joke
She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."
She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum....
She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.
"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" . . . Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy!
Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."
Todays cowboy joke
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Todays clever and funny intellectual jokes
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part.It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. (I have to remember this one)
We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; To steal from many is research.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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