The news for the last two days has been dominated by the Colorado shootings......I'm a gun owner, but I see no reason whatever why a citizen of this country should be allowed to own an military grade automatic rifle.....
1/ Paul Krugman looks at the attacks on Mitt Romney's record at Bain Capital, and concludes this is an excellent way to focus voters on the real issue being decided in 2012, which is the war on the middle class of America by the rich....
Great article for anyone with any interest whatever in politics.....
A lot of people inside the Beltway are tut-tutting about the recent campaign focus on Mitt Romney’s personal history — his record of profiting even as workers suffered, his mysterious was-he-or-wasn’t-he role at Bain Capital after 1999, his equally mysterious refusal to release any tax returns from before 2010. Some of the tut-tutters are upset at any suggestion that this election is about the rich versus the rest. Others decry the personalization: why can’t we just discuss policy?
And neither group is living in the real world.
First of all, this election really is — in substantive, policy terms — about the rich versus the rest.
The story so far: Former President George W. Bush pushed through big tax cuts heavily tilted toward the highest incomes. As a result, taxes on the very rich are currently the lowest they’ve been in 80 years. President Obama proposes letting those high-end Bush tax cuts expire; Mr. Romney, on the other hand, proposes big further tax cuts for the wealthy.
The impact at the top would be large. According to estimates by the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center, the Romney plan would reduce the annual taxes paid by the average member of the top 1 percent by $237,000 compared with the Obama plan; for the top 0.1 percent that number rises to $1.2 million. No wonder Mr. Romney’s fund-raisers in the Hamptons attracted so many eager donors that there were luxury-car traffic jams.
What about everyone else? Again according to the policy center, Mr. Romney’s tax cuts would increase the annual deficit by almost $500 billion. He claims that he would make this up by closing loopholes, in a way that wouldn’t shift the tax burden toward the middle class — but he has refused to give any specifics, and there’s no reason to believe him. Realistically, those big tax cuts for the rich would be offset, sooner or later, with higher taxes and/or lower benefits for the middle class and the poor.
So as I said, this election is, in substantive terms, about the rich versus the rest, and it would be doing voters a disservice to pretend otherwise.
In that case, however, why not run a campaign based on that substance, and leave Mr. Romney’s personal history alone? The short answer is, get real.
Look, voters aren’t policy wonks who pore over Tax Policy Center analyses. And when a politician — say, Mr. Obama — cites actual numbers in a speech, well, there’s always a politician on the other side to contradict him. How are voters supposed to know who’s telling the truth? In fact, earlier this year focus groups given an accurate description of Mr. Romney’s policy proposals refused to believe that any politician would take such a position.
2/ This article in Bloomberg Business Week got a lot of flak for it's cover, which is controversial and funny too, but the article is most interesting because it describes the secretive ways the Mormon Church invests it's huge mountain of [tax free] cash, and how little it gives back to the community......it's a giant corporation with no accountability whatever.......
Good stuff......and by the way Mitt is an elder in this 'church".......
Late last March the Mormon Church completed an ambitious project: a megamall. Built for roughly $2 billion, the City Creek Center stands directly across the street from the church’s iconic neo-Gothic temple in Salt Lake City. The mall includes a retractable glass roof, 5,000 underground parking spots, and nearly 100 stores and restaurants, ranging from Tiffany’s (TIF) to Forever 21. Walkways link the open-air emporium with the church’s perfectly manicured headquarters on Temple Square. Macy’s (M) is a stone’s throw from the offices of the church’s president, Thomas S. Monson, whom Mormons believe to be a living prophet.
On the morning of its grand opening, thousands of shoppers thronged downtown Salt Lake, eager to elbow their way into the stores. The national anthem played, and Henry B. Eyring, one of Monson’s top counselors, told the crowds, “Everything that we see around us is evidence of the long-standing commitment of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to Salt Lake City.” When it came time to cut the mall’s flouncy pink ribbon, Monson, flanked by Utah dignitaries, cheered, “One, two, three—let’s go shopping!”
Watching a religious leader celebrate a mall may seem surreal, but City Creek reflects the spirit of enterprise that animates modern-day Mormonism. The mall is part of a sprawling church-owned corporate empire that the Mormon leadership says is helping spread its message, increasing economic self-reliance, and building the Kingdom of God on earth. “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints attends to the total needs of its members,” says Keith B. McMullin, who for 37 years served within the Mormon leadership and now heads a church-owned holding company, Deseret Management Corp. (DMC), an umbrella organization for many of the church’s for-profit businesses. “We look to not only the spiritual but also the temporal, and we believe that a person who is impoverished temporally cannot blossom spiritually.”
The controversial magazine cover......
3/ Yeay! Back after a two week break, Jon Stewart tears into Mitt Romney and his lying about Bain Capital......but just as a factoid, did you know the villain in the upcoming Batman movie is called Bane? A delicious moment coming up......
An excellent 8 minutes of comedy and reporting.......
"The Daily Show" returned from a two week hiatus Monday night, and could not have come back at a time more ripe for comedy. Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney is currently under scrutiny for both hisundisclosed tax returns and for his involvement with Bain Capital, the financial services company where he was CEO.
While the allegations -- namely, that Romney has been less-than honest about his finances and how long he was actually with Bain -- are heating up campaign tensions, Jon Stewart couldn't help but notice that the company's name bears a striking sonic resemblance to the name of a Batman villain.
International version......
4/ Frank Rich on Face the Nation explains why the Bain issue will continue to be important.....words of wisdom from the master of politics......2 minutes.....
5/ For decades conservatives have owned the patriotic arena and have attacked the Democrats for being "European" and socialist, but the tide may have turned in 2012 - for once the GOP is on the run, and it's all to do with Mitt Romney.....most interesting story by Michael Tomasky.....
Republicans have questioned the patriotism of Democrats for nearly a hundred years. But now, at long last, Barack Obama is turning the tables on the GOP.
John Sununu opened the “American” door the other day, and now the Romney campaign is barging through it, plotting attacks on Barack Obama’s “biography,” which will inevitably include veiled accusations about his alleged alien cast, his lack of American-ness. So now that it’s open, let’s stroll through it ourselves. What’s taking place in the room on the other side of that door? Republicans and conservatives are bouncing off the walls because they face a serious risk for the first time in a generation that their definitions of patriotism and Americanism are losing. And not just losing—losing to, of all people, Barack Hussein Obama!
http://www.thedailybeast.com/
6/ One for the lads - Michelle Jenneke is an Australian hurdler and this video has gone viral because of her sexy warm-up dance before a 100 meter hurdle race.......just getting you all in the Olympic mood......3 minutes.....
7/ Britain is the second most unequal large country in the world, behind the US, and the class divide is getting worse. We were in London for about 6 days last month, and it is astonishingly expensive, but everywhere you look are top of the line cars, and housing is absurdly costly. I think what has happened is that the UK isn't as corrupt as this country so they haven't ended up with the .01% owning a quarter of the wealth of the nation, and the 1% owning half - in the UK it's spread out a bit more equally - it's 10% of the country owning 80% of the assets, and many of those live in London.
This article from the Guardian argues the Barons are now back in control of Britain in the guise of large companies......a chilling story, especially if you are British and not a Baron.....
After 800 years, the barons are back in control of Britain
The Magna Carta forced King John to give away powers. But big business now exerts a chilling grip on the workforce
..............................
The diggers were evicted again, and moved down the hill into the woods behind the campus – pressed, as if by the ineluctable force of history, ever closer to the symbolic spot. From the meeting house they have built and their cluster of tents, you can see across the meadows to where theMagna Carta was sealed almost 800 years ago.
Their aim is simple: to remove themselves from the corporate economy, to house themselves, grow food and build a community on abandoned land. Implementation is less simple. Soon after I arrived, on a sodden day last week, an enforcer working for the company which now owns the land came slithering through the mud in his suit and patent leather shoes with a posse of police, to serve papers.
Already the crops the settlers had planted had been destroyed once; the day after my visit they were destroyed again. But the repeated destruction, removals and arrests have not deterred them. As one of their number, Gareth Newnham, told me: "If we go to prison we'll just come back … I'm not saying that this is the only way. But at least we're creating an opportunity for young people to step out of the system."
To be young in the post-industrial nations today is to be excluded. Excluded from the comforts enjoyed by preceding generations; excluded from jobs; excluded from hopes of a better world; excluded from self-ownership.
Those with degrees are owned by the banks before they leave college. Housing benefit is being choked off. Landlords now demand rents so high that only those with the better jobs can pay. Work has been sliced up and outsourced into a series of mindless repetitive tasks, whose practitioners are interchangeable. Through globalisation and standardisation, through unemployment and the erosion of collective bargaining and employment laws, big business now asserts a control over its workforce almost unprecedented in the age of universal suffrage.
The promise the old hold out to the young is a lifetime of rent, debt and insecurity. A rentier class holds the nation's children to ransom. Faced with these conditions, who can blame people for seeking an alternative?
8/ Madonna with her new video "Turn Up The Radio", a big budget production shot in Italy featuring hunky guys, hookers and of course Madonna being quite slutty....song is forgettable, but whatever.....
Once again, the Peter Pan pop star refuses to act her age, only this time she has us more than a little envious of all the fun she's having, not to mention how incredible she looks.
Yes, she's 53 and wearing hotpants, fishnets, a bra that's pushing what God gave her up so high it's threatening to obscure her vision, and sky-high heels, but get over it - it's Madonna!
9/ Remember when automation was touted as being the liberator of mankind? Most work would be done by machines, the work week would drop with most workers getting much more leisure time.......that was then......this is now........all of the financial benefits of the incredible efficiency of our work has been channeled upwards....and the bottom 90% are working harder than ever......
The article is written with British references, but it's even more applicable to the US......
It's the 21st century – why are we working so much?
The right calls for hard work, the left for more jobs. The dream of mechanisation leading to shorter working hours seems forgotten
If there's one thing practically all futurologists once agreed on, it's that in the 21st century there would be a lot less work. What would they have thought, if they had known that in 2012, the 9-5 working day had in the UK become something more like 7am to 7pm? They would surely have looked around and seen technology take over in many professions which previously needed heavy manpower, they would have looked at the increase in automation and mass production, and wondered – why are they spending 12 hours a day on menial tasks?
It's a question which isn't adequately answered either by the right or by the official left. Conservatives have always loved to pontificate about the moral virtue of hard work and much of the left, focusing on the terrible effects of mass unemployment, understandably gives "more jobs" as its main solution to the crisis. Previous generations would have found this hopelessly disappointing.
In almost all cases, utopians, socialists and other futurologists believed that work would come near to being abolished for one reason above all – we could let the machines do it. The socialist thinker Paul Lafargue wrote in his pointedly titled tract The Right To Be Lazy (1883):
"Our machines, with breath of fire, with limbs of unwearying steel, with fruitfulness wonderful inexhaustible, accomplish by themselves with docility their sacred labour. And nevertheless the genius of the great philosophers of capitalism remains dominated by the prejudices of the wage system, worst of slaveries. They do not yet understand that the machine is the saviour of humanity, the god who shall redeem man from working for hire, the god who shall give him leisure and liberty."
Oscar Wilde evidently agreed – in his 1891 essay The Soul of Man Under Socialism, he scorns the "nonsense that is written and talked today about the dignity of manual labour", and insists that "man is made for something better than distributing dirt. All work of that kind should be done by a machine". He makes quite clear what he means:
"Machinery must work for us in coal mines, and do all sanitary services, and be the stoker of steamers, and clean the streets, and run messages on wet days, and do anything that is tedious or distressing".
Both Lafargue and Wilde would have been horrified if they'd realised that only 20 years later manual work itself would become an ideology in Labour and Communist parties, dedicating themselves to its glorification rather than abolition.
10/ Make sure your stomach is nice and stable before you read this one - the 9 most loathsome Washington lobbyists and who they work for.......and who they purchase......
Tis the bleak post-Citizens United season in America—money equals speech, and corporations, super PACs, and an egregiously wealthy minority have the biggest mouths in the land. But the oligarchs’ work is never done. After the elections are bought, it’s back to the business of business—and, presumably, consuming yacht-loads of caviar and foie gras. Maximizing profit demands that high-powered lobbyists grease the wheels of legislation or grind them to a shrieking halt—whichever yields the highest return.
For your edutainment, below is a list of some of the most depraved lobbyists money can buy.
9) Chris Dodd
The former Connecticut Senator, and internationally renowned eyebrow-haver, isn’t the most prodigious scum in the Beltway swamp, but he may be the most hypocritical. When asked in 2010 what would follow his thirty-year legislative career, which ended amid financial scandal, Dodd bluntly said, “No lobbying, no lobbying.” He then promptly became, as The Hill put it, “Hollywood’s leading man in Washington, taking the most prestigious job on K Street,” as chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America. The gig comes with a $1.2 million annual salary, and complimentary tickets to the Academy Awards.
Dodd’s most public, and ultimately ill-fated, advocacy was in pushing two potentially disastrous bills: the Stop Online Piracy Act, and its Senate counterpart, Protect IP Act—both of which would’ve given the federal government the right to shut down any website that was merely being accused of copyright infringement. The bills were shelved indefinitely after a massive online protest in which thousands of sites went voluntarily dark for a day. Dodd unironically called the blackout an “irresponsible . . . abuse of power.” So it’s OK for the Feds to make your site go black, but it’s not OK for you to do it yourself. Dodd doesn’t want you to post the Jack and Jill movie trailer to warn Americans of the danger. Because every time someone sees an Adam Sandler film, the terrorists win.
11/ If you try to eat properly and buy organic foods, this is an incredibly depressing story about the organic food industry, a lot of which has been bought up by Big Agra.....read carefully, as some of your favourite brands are corrupted.......
Good companies [as mentioned in the article] are Eden Foods, Amy's Kitchen, Clif Bar and Company and Lundberg Farms.....
Even better are your local farmers markets, who need your support as much as you need their fresh produce......
Michael J. Potter is one of the last little big men left in organic food.
More than 40 years ago, Mr. Potter bought into a hippie cafe and “whole earth” grocery here that has since morphed into a major organic foods producer and wholesaler, Eden Foods.
But one morning last May, he hopped on his motorcycle and took off across the Plains to challenge what organic food — or as he might have it, so-called organic food — has become since his tie-dye days in the Haight district of San Francisco.
The fact is, organic food has become a wildly lucrative business for Big Food and a premium-price-means-premium-
Bear Naked, Wholesome & Hearty, Kashi: all three and more actually belong to the cereals giant Kellogg. Naked Juice? That would be PepsiCo of Pepsi and Fritos fame. And behind the pastoral-sounding Walnut Acres, Health Valley and Spectrum Organics is none other than Hain Celestial, once affiliated with Heinz, the grand old name in ketchup.
Over the last decade, since federal organic standards have come to the fore, giant agri-food corporations like these and others — Coca-Cola, Cargill, ConAgra, General Mills, Kraft and M&M Mars among them — have gobbled up most of the nation’s organic food industry. Pure, locally produced ingredients from small family farms? Not so much anymore.
12/ An amusing 4 minute segment from Jimmy Fallon where he presents his "Do Not Read These Books" list.......
13/ Once you open this I challenge you to stop after the first few pictures - the Awkward Family Photos "Taboo Hall of Fame"..........funny....
14/ Remember Dr. Jack Cassell? He is a urologist from Mount Dora who became briefly famous after he put a sign up on his office door "if you voted for Obama please go elsewhere", which attracted national media attention. He is also married to Leslie Campione, a Lake County Commissioner.
So what do you do after you have had your 15 minutes in the spotlight? It must prey on your mind......which is why this photo from "Style Magazine" Villages edition is so fascinating. What does this photo mean? Dr. Jack with a 9mm and silencer.......is this a political statement? Duh........you betcha.......
This issue of Style magazine has a feature called "2012 Businessmen of Style" and most of men featured look polished and professional. Jack has opted for a more aggressive image with a statement accompanying the photo describing him as "politically active leading local opposition to national healthcare". He also states his fondness for shooting his arsenal of weapons at a friend's land.
All I can say is that if I see him going into the cinema when I go and see Batman I'm out of there.......
Here is the really, really funny Jon Stewart clip that features Dr. Jack after he put the sign on his office door and got the national media interested.......starts at the 3.50 minute mark......and check out Dr. Jack's explanation of why he is against Obamacare.......
15/ "The Dark Knight Rises" opened yesterday, but the movie itself has been overshadowed by the tragedy in Colorado.......
However the review in the Times is excellent - Christopher Nolan has delivered a masterpiece........Christian Bale stars......note they recommend seeing it in IMAX.......
After seven years and two films that have pushed Batman ever deeper into the dark, the director Christopher Nolan has completed his postmodern, post-Sept. 11 epic of ambivalent good versus multidimensional evil with a burst of light. As the title promises, day breaks in “The Dark Knight Rises,” the grave and satisfying finish to Mr. Nolan’s operatic bat-trilogy.
His timing couldn’t be better. As the country enters its latest electoral brawl off screen, Batman (Christian Bale) hurtles into a parallel battle that booms with puppet-master anarchy, anti-government rhetoric and soundtrack drums of doom, entering the fray as another lone avenger and emerging as a defender of, well, what?
Truth, justice and the American way? No — and not only because that doctrine belongs to Superman, who was bequeathed that weighty motto on the radio in August 1942, eight months after the United States entered World War II and three years after Batman, Bob Kane’s comic creation, hit. Times change; superheroes and villains too. The enemy is now elusive and the home front as divided as the face of Harvey Dent, a vanquished Batman foe. The politics of partisanship rule and grass-roots movements have sprung up on the right and the left to occupy streets and legislative seats. It can look ugly, but as they like to say — and as Dent says in“The Dark Knight,” the second part of the trilogy — the night is darkest before the dawn.
The legacy of Dent, an activist district attorney turned murderous lunatic, looms over this one, the literal and metaphysical personification of good intentions gone disastrously wrong. (He looms even more in Imax, which is the way to see the film.) Eight years later in story time, Batman, having taken the fall for Dent’s death, and mourning the woman both men loved, has retreated into the shadows. Dent has been enshrined as a martyr, held up as an immaculate defender of law-and-order absolutism. Gotham City is quiet and so too is life at Wayne Manor, where its master hobbles about with a cane while a prowler makes off with family jewels (the intensely serious Mr. Nolan isn’t wholly humorless) and Gotham sneers about the playboy who’s mutated into a Howard Hughes recluse.
Batman has always been a head case, of course: the billionaire orphan, a k a Bruce Wayne, who for assorted reasons — like witnessing the murder of his parents when he was a child — fights crime disguised as a big bat. Bruce’s initial metamorphosis, in “Batman Begins,” exacts a high price: by the end of the second film, along with losing the girl and being branded a vigilante, Bruce-Batman rides virtually alone, save for Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman) and the Wayne family butler, Alfred (Michael Caine), a fussy uncle with a remarkable skill set. It’s central to where Mr. Nolan wants to take “The Dark Knight Rises” that Batman will be picking up new acquaintances, including a beat cop, John Blake (a charming Joseph Gordon-Levitt), and a philanthropist, Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard).
Mr. Nolan again sets his machine purring with two set pieces that initiate one of the story’s many dualities, in this case between large spectacle and humanizing intimacies: one, an outlandishly choreographed blowout that introduces a heavy, Bane (Tom Hardy); the other, a quieter cat-and-bat duet between Bruce and a burglar, Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway). After checking in with his personal armorer, Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), Bruce-Batman swoops into an intrigue that circles back to the first film and brings the series to a politically resonant conclusion that fans and op-ed bloviators will argue over long after this one leaves theaters. Once again, like his two-faced opponents and the country he’s come to represent, Batman begins, feared as a vigilante, revered as a hero.
I liked Trailer #3 the best.......
16/ David Cronenberg is another excellent director and his new movie "Cosmopolis" was out in London last week - this film is noteworthy as it's a take on Wall Street excesses, and it follows a young billionaire [played by Robert Pattinson] who lives in a stretch limo as he cruises through Manhattan.......sounds a little strange, but really good movies often do......
David Cronenberg made his name directing body horror movies of an often emetic kind that seemed aimed at drive-in audiences. But underneath the urge to shock there has always been as great an interest in mental transformations as in physical ones, and his movies nowadays seem closer to the art house than the grind house. Following his versions of William Burroughs's Naked Lunch, JG Ballard's Crashand Patrick McGrath's Spider, his elegant, eloquent adaptation of Don DeLillo's Cosmopolis is the fourth time he's brought a work of literary fiction to the screen. And once again, it's both faithful to the text and a film that's very much Cronenberg's own.
Cosmopolis was published in 2003, and although on its first page DeLillo specifically states that the setting is April 2000, it was read at the time as a post-9/11 novel. We now see its account of Wall Street on the point of collapse and New York in a state of siege by angry anarchists as a prophetic anticipation of the banking crisis of 2008 and the Occupy Wall Street movement. The central character, Eric Packer, brings to mind two wilful financial anti-heroes, Sherman McCoy of Bonfire of the Vanities and Gordon Gekko of Wall Street. But the 28-year-old Packer is younger, infinitely richer, and altogether more self-knowing. As played with frightening conviction by Robert Pattinson he's a Gatsby-esque figure, remote, inscrutable and doomed.
The film is an urban road movie, set largely within a white stretch limo driving from east to west across midtown Manhattan. It's taking Packer on a long day's journey into a dark night of the soul. The ostensible purpose of Packer's mission is to get a haircut at some old, traditional place he presumably frequented in his childhood. But the film is a fable in which he appraises his life, and his ultimate appointment is with death. For much of the time he's in the sumptuously appointed car, packed with computer screens flashing out the latest financial information from around the world. The vehicle has been "Prousted" with cork-lined walls to exclude all outside noise, and it moves at around a mile an hour across the gridlocked city. Elsewhere on the island there's the funeral cortege of a Muslim rap star and a carefully guarded presidential motorcade with its echoes of the assassination in Dallas's Dealey Plaza. Everywhere there's rioting by anti-capitalist demonstrators, who deface Packer's immaculate car with their graffiti. But he remains inside, seemingly undisturbed. His bodyguards walk beside the car, and he's visited by a variety of colourful associates and employees. Among them is his doctor, there to make his daily examination, who comes to the startling conclusion that Packer has "an asymmetrical prostate". They all engage in cryptic, epigrammatic dialogues, often funny, stylised and obscure in a Pinter-esque way, about money, sex, power and such matters as where white limos are parked overnight. Virtually all the dialogue comes directly from the novel.
Cosmopolis trailer........
Todays video - actually an incredible musical, artistic, comedic, and technical piece of music - defies description.......excellent...
Todays medical joke [see Dr. Jack above!!!]
An old guy goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the Urologist as a precaution.
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
The old guy obeys and says,"99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
Again, the old guy says, "99". The doctor said, “Very good”.
"Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99'".
The old guy begins,
"One... two… three…"
When he gets there, he discovers the Urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says,"I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to.
I want you to lie on your right side,bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
The old guy obeys and says,"99".
The doctor says, "Great", now turn over on your left side and again, while I repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99'".
Again, the old guy says, "99". The doctor said, “Very good”.
"Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly.
I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way.
Now take a deep breath and say, '99'".
The old guy begins,
"One... two… three…"
Todays joke collection
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him..
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husba nd.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'........
------------------------------
'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.
The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..
'Who are you?' he asked him..
'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..
'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.
'And where are your clothes?' asked the husba nd.
The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'........
------------------------------
Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing ...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing ...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'
------------------------------
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
------------------------------
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'
------------------------------
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
______________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, no matter who left you the fortune!'
------------------------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humour!'
______________________________
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'..
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'. The wife apologized and went on with the housework..
Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit him again.
Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'.
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