Our late night comedians were on rare form this week, so don't forget to watch #4 and #6.....wonderful....
1/ Last week the economist Paul Krugman wrote a glowing review of the President's performance in his first six years, but it was a little too good to be [completely] true, and Thomas Frank writes a more nuanced view of President Obama and the chances he missed to make a difference.
Of the two articles, the positive one by Krugman and this more negative one by Frank, I'm afraid Frank's is more realistic.....but we report, you decide!
For anyone interested in politics.....
Paul Krugman, Barack Obama (Credit: Reuters/Tim Shaffer/Jim Bourg/photo montage by Salon)
Paul Krugman is easily the best newspaper columnist at work today; for years, he has been the only American columnist who matters. His relentless, one-man war on austerity, I believe, should have earned him a second Nobel Prize.
As Salon readers know, Krugman has for years been willing to criticize the Obama administration. However, in a much-discussed essay the economist published in Rolling Stone last week, he reverses himself and declares that Obama has won him over; that the president is “one of the most consequential and, yes, successful presidents in American history.”
What makes Krugman’s article peculiar is that he now derides as irresponsible “Obama-bashing” some of the very criticisms of the administration that he himself has made over the years. In 2010, for example, he strongly hinted that bankers had been engaged in “white-collar looting”; in Rolling Stone he laughs at people who complain that “Wall Street hasn’t been punished.” The Krugman of today also, amazingly, distances himself from certain misguided souls who are upset because “income inequality remains so high”; amazing because this is a subject on which Krugman has written for decades—indeed, just a few months ago he penned a scorcher against people who deny the mushrooming problem of inequality.
Krugman tells us that his regard for the president was late to bloom. I myself moved in the opposite direction. I liked Obama a lot in 2008; in fact, I even voted for him during his ill-fated run for Congress in 2000. I anticipated great things from his presidency, in part because he wasn’t connected in any obvious way with the Clinton administration. And I have been increasingly disappointed by his performance as the years passed.
2/ A pretty good Bill Maher with some great zingers, but in a more serious mood, like a reporter almost.....but the good news that even anaverage Maher "New Rules" is excellent.....
Bill Maher ended his show last night with some advice to Democrats about how to “speak to the one group of people that actually votes in the midterms: caucasians.” He said Republicans may be able to talk to that group fine, but Democrats may have “lost the art of talking to whitey.”
Maher proceeded to give Democrats all sorts of advice about how to appeal to white people, like emphasizing hard work, giving a “Bill Cosbyspeech” to the black community,” and even using code words to make white people think about race.
He also said they should talk about how much they love small businesses (“You love them! You wish you could fuck small businesses!”) and about being the world’s policeman. Because to white dads, Maher explains, “any foreign strategy except ‘Nobody move or the girl gets it!’ is appeasement.”
3/ Elizabeth Warren is certainly my hero.....here she is interviewed by Thomas Frank, and gives her opinions on what is happening now and what might have been, that will be of great interest to Democrats.....including a little pop at Obama.....
Elizabeth Warren (Credit: AP/Charles Dharapak)
Senator Elizabeth Warren scarcely requires an introduction. She is the single most exciting Democrat currently on the national stage.
Her differentness from the rest of the political profession is stark and obvious. It extends from her straightforward clarity on economic issues to the energetic way she talks. I met her several years ago when she was taking time out from her job teaching at Harvard to run the Congressional Oversight Panel, which was charged with supervising how the bank bailout money was spent. I discovered on that occasion not only that we agreed on many points of policy, but that she came originally from Oklahoma, the state immediately south of the one where I grew up, and also that high school debate had been as important for her as it had been for me.
In the years since then, Professor Warren helped to launch the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (which will probably be remembered as one of the few lasting achievements of the Obama Administration); she wrote a memoir, A Fighting Chance; and she was elected to the United States Senate from Massachusetts.
This interview was condensed and lightly edited.
I want to start by talking about a line that you’re famous for, from your speech at the Democratic National Convention two years ago: “The system is rigged.” You said exactly what was on millions of people’s minds. I wonder, now that you’re in D.C. and you’re in the Senate, and you have a chance to see things close up, do you still feel that way? And: Is there a way to fix the system without getting the Supreme Court to overturn Citizens United or some huge structural change like that? How can we fix it?
That’s the question that lies at the heart of whether our democracy will survive. The systemis rigged. And now that I’ve been in Washington and seen it up close and personal, I just see new ways in which that happens.
4/ When Mary and I watch a Jon Stewart, it's normally a chuckle or occasionally a laugh but in this seven minutes there were multiple guffaws and belly laughs - it's the funniest clip we've seen for a while.......about Ebola, and the media freakout......
Jon Stewart went after the media freakouts this week over Ebola in the U.S., suggesting that maybe they start listening to all those experts they keep bringing on. He listened to all the panicked questions and cried, “What is wrong with you people?!”
Stewart marveled at how all these news networks bring on experts but they completely ignore them just to freak out again. Hell, sometimes they even bring on experts who will “validate their hysteria.”
But news networks are also talking to members of Congress (“the opposite of an expert,” as Stewart put it), and even one of them isn’t listening to the experts. Stewart deduced he must have a “sanity-resistant strain of fear that has now gone airborne.”
5/ Interesting story on how climate denial is beginning to affect Republican candidates, and how amusing it is to watch them thrash about dodging the subject.....
Republicans flail about looking for alternative to climate denialism
As I have said before, the GOP position on climate is unstable, both intellectually and politically. You can’t credibly deny the science at this point, but if you accept it, “do nothing about it” is an incoherent response. They’ve only gotten away with it for this long because the media and the public don’t care enough to press them on it.
Climate hawks are always predicting that now, finally, is the time when that position will start to crumble. I’ve predicted it myself, and been wrong, or at least premature.
Nonetheless, it really does feel like something is starting to happen. The GOP’s incoherent climate shuck-and-jive is under pressure and the cracks are starting to show.
—
The conservative base is convinced that climate change is a U.N. plot for world government. Meanwhile, mainstream elites in the U.S. and virtually every other country in the world, along with every major scientific institution on the planet, say climate change is a real problem. This puts some Republicans in a bit of a pickle.
There are many Republicans in the House of Representatives, and some in the Senate, who have no reason to care about anything but what the base wants. They are elected with sufficiently large and safe majorities that their only real worry is attack from their right. And of course there are lots of conservative commentators, pundits, and gasbags who make a living appealing to the base and have no incentive whatsoever to challenge it.
There are some in the conservative fold, however, who need either the votes or the support of people outside the right-wing bubble. And to people outside the bubble, “climate change is a hoax” has started to look like a crazy conspiracy theory.
6/ One of the best Stephen Colbert pieces for a long time where he takes on sexist campaign ads, using Rick Scott as an example....Mary and I watched this together, and I thought she was going to fall on the floor laughing.....four hysterical minutes.....
Stephen Colbert (Credit: screenshot/"
On Monday night Stephen Colbert turned his attention to a series of sexist midterm campaign ads released by the College Republican National Committee.
It is no secret that the GOP is having a tough time communicating an outdated values system to female voters. (Values that don’t involve equal pay, or the right to choose what one does with their body, or the right to employer-covered contraception.)
The College Republican National Committee decided to create ads specifically aimed at female voters, and they’re modeled after a wedding show, “Say Yes to the Dress.”
“This ad shows that the modern GOP finally understands the real concerns of women, weddings!” Colbert explains. “I mean who needs access to contraception or equal pay, you’re getting married! Let him take care of that hard stuff.”
7/ An essay on what living is like in North Dakota in the middle of the oil rush, by a lady journalist who found herself pursued because of the shortage of women.....
At 9 p.m. on that August night, when I arrived for my first shift as a cocktail waitress at Whispers, one of the two strip clubs in downtown Williston, I didn’t expect a 25-year-old man to get beaten to death outside the joint. Then again, I didn’t really expect most of the things I encountered reporting on the oil boom in western North Dakota this past summer.
“Can you cover the floor?” the other waitress yelled around 11 p.m. as she and her crop-top sweater sidled behind the bar to take over for the bouncers and bartenders. They had rushed outside to deal with a commotion. I resolved to shuttle Miller Lites and Fireball shots with extra vigor. I didn’t know who was fighting, but assumed it involved my least favorite customers of the night: two young brothers who had been jumping up and down in front of the stage, their hands cupping their crotches the way white boys, whose role models are Eminem, often do when they drink too much. One sported a buzz cut, the other had hair like soft lamb’s wool.The rest of the night was a blur of beer bottles and customer commands to smile more. It was only later, after the clientele was herded out to Red Peters’s catchy “The Closing Song” -- “get the fuck out of here, finish up that beer” -- and the dancers had emerged from the dressing room in sweatshirts, that I realized everyone was on edge.“What’s wrong?” I asked the scraggly bearded bouncer walking me to my dusty sedan, whose backseat would soon double as my motel room.“The kid’s going to die,” he replied. Turned out one of the brothers had gotten his head bashed in by a man wielding a metal pipe. He’d been airlifted to the nearby city of Minot where he would pass away a few days later.Catalysts for InstabilityI hadn’t driven nearly 2,000 miles from Brooklyn to work as a cocktail waitress in a strip club. (That only happened after I ran out of money.) I had set off with the intention of reporting on the domestic oil boom that was reshaping North Dakota’s prairie towns as well as the balance of both global power and the earth’s atmosphere.This spring, production in North Dakota surged past one million barrels of oil a day. The source of this liquid gold, as it is locally known, is the Bakken Shale: a layered, energy-rich rock formation that stretches across western North Dakota, the corner of Montana, and into Canada.
8/ A frustrated Rachel Maddow on the Seth Myers show venting about how some of the Democratic candidates have totally lost their nerve about mentioning Obamacare and indeed the President......watch this, and then tell me she's wrong......
MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow has become increasingly frustrated with the way Democratic congressional candidates have run their campaigns ahead of the November midterm elections. When she appeared Thursday on Late Night with Seth Meyers, she admitted that liberals may “deserve” to lose the Senate, as most polling models are forecasting.
As Maddow explained, she believes it’s a “weird strategic move” for Democrats to distance themselves from President Barack Obama, especially given the overall success of his Affordable Care Act. Now that Republicans can no longer credibly run against Obamacare, Maddow expressed her disappointment that Democrats have given up on the issue as well.
“If your opponent loses the thing that they’ve been using as a crutch for six years and you just let them walk away from it like it never existed, maybe you don’t deserve to win,” Maddow told Seth Meyers. “They just don’t have the killer instinct it takes to make their opponents pay for a big mistake and I don’t understand why the Democrats are doing that.”
Of course, Maddow did not let the current Congress off the hook when it comes to ISIS. She said it takes a lot of “gall” for Congress to complain and spread fear about ISIS while refusing to actually do anything about it. “To be that wussy, and that cowardly, politically, while then still trying to score political points about what you’re being a wuss about, is why people feel the way they do about Congress,” she said.
9/ Remember the hilarious "Republicans Are People Too" ad campaign? Stephen Colbert noticed it too, and featured it on his show with wonderful results - a very funny four minutes.....
In an effort to expand the base of the party, the idea was to have Republicans then tweet about themselves using the newly crafted hashtag – #IAmARepublican. But as The Daily Banter reported, there is nothing more ill conceived than a social media push launched by people who don’t get social media. They reported that the hashtag “functioned as it was supposed to for all of maybe 48 hours before being hijacked and turned into one big flying snark bomb.” What do the snarky tweets reveal? They overwhelmingly reveal a public perception of Republicans as selfish, racist, sexist, gun-loving fundamentalists.
Having the hashtag overtaken by millennial snark was not enough for Stephen Colbert, though. When he went after the ad on his show he first revealed that it was created with a bunch of stock photos—and that many of the actual people in it, were not, in fact, Republicans. The Prius driver for instance? He’s not a Republican; he’s from Sweden.
And that leads Colbert to his best point. It’s time for all real Republicans to come out of the closet. So Colbert confesses to his fans that, even though he has described himself as a conservative independent, the truth is he is really a Republican. He then asks “all closeted Republicans who are afraid to be themselves” to join him. He then shows a montage of Bill O’Reilly repeatedly calling himself independent. Colbert’s retort? “Ok girlfriend whatever helps you cry yourself to sleep at night. We can talk when you’re ready.”
10/ In 38 states it's legal for banks to go after individuals who walked away from their mortgages in the housing crash......and when they do it's repo hell for people trying to rebuild their lives and credit.....
If you gave your house back to the bank, you might want to read this.....
A lock secures a chain on the steel fence of a foreclosed home previously owned by U.S. Bancorp in Los Angeles, California July 17, 2012.
CREDIT: REUTERS/MARIO ANZUONI
(Reuters) - Many thousands of Americans who lost their homes in the housing bust, but have since begun to rebuild their finances, are suddenly facing a new foreclosure nightmare: debt collectors are chasing them down for the money they still owe by freezing their bank accounts, garnishing their wages and seizing their assets.
By now, banks have usually sold the houses. But the proceeds of those sales were often not enough to cover the amount of the loan, plus penalties, legal bills and fees. The two big government-controlled housing finance companies, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, as well as other mortgage players, are increasingly pressing borrowers to pay whatever they still owe on mortgages they defaulted on years ago.
Using a legal tool known as a "deficiency judgment," lenders can ensure that borrowers are haunted by these zombie-like debts for years, and sometimes decades, to come. Before the housing bubble, banks often refrained from seeking deficiency judgments, which were seen as costly and an invitation for bad publicity. Some of the biggest banks still feel that way.
But the housing crisis saddled lenders with more than $1 trillion of foreclosed loans, leading to unprecedented losses. Now, at least some large lenders want their money back, and they figure it’s the perfect time to pursue borrowers:
11/ "All Is Full Of Love" by Bjork is on a list of one of the best 100 music videos ever made.....it's actually quite beautiful, with the dreamy moody sound of Bjork.....
Released: 1998
Director: Chris Cunningham
The schlock horror director made one of the most strangely beautiful promos with this clip of two robots mating. It’s one countless awards and is even on permanent display at New York’s Museum Of Modern Art.
Best bit: The wide angle shot of the first full-on cyborg kiss as the chorus kicks in.
Director: Chris Cunningham
The schlock horror director made one of the most strangely beautiful promos with this clip of two robots mating. It’s one countless awards and is even on permanent display at New York’s Museum Of Modern Art.
Best bit: The wide angle shot of the first full-on cyborg kiss as the chorus kicks in.
12/ Remember the recent story we had in DDD on Sept. 14th about Olive Garden, and the hedge fund that wanted to fire the board so they could "pump and dump"? They won.......
Major Shakeup At Olive Garden
The Huffington Post | By Jillian Berman
Posted: 10/10/2014 11:54 am EDT Updated: 10/10/2014 11:59 am EDT
There may soon be salt in the pasta water at Olive Garden.
In a rare move, shareholders at Darden, the parent company of Olive Garden, Capital Grille and other restaurants, voted on Friday to oust the company’s entire board and replace it with a slate put forth by Starboard Value, an investment firm. The vote was the culmination of a months-long fight between Darden and Starboard over the future of the company, which included the shocking revelation that Olive Garden does not salt its pasta water.
“Darden has all the right ingredients to regain the strength and prominence it once enjoyed,” Jeff Smith, the CEO of Starboard, said in a statement following the shareholder vote. “We look forward to continuing our hard work from inside the boardroom and working with management on a shared goal of excellence for Darden.”
Darden has struggled in recent years as Americans opt for eateries that spin themselves as fast and fresh, like Chipotle and Panera. The company reported a loss of $19.3 million in its latest quarter, and Olive Garden has been a major drag on its results. Despite a so-called “brand renaissance” that included a focus on quick online ordering and faster lunch eating, sales at stores open at least a year have dropped for five quarters in a row.
The story from Sept. 12th......
12/ The second [from Salon] delves into the financial details of Olive Garden's ownership, and the real reason the hedge fund owns it's stock - they want to do a "pump and dump", slicing off the lucrative real estate portion and leasing it back to the restaurants, probably leading to the bankruptcy of the company and thousands of employees out of a job.
This is a story of capitalism at work......and it's not pretty, just greed.....
(Credit: AP/Jae C. Hong/Pictureguy via Shuttersto
Last week, you may have noticed a kooky story about a hedge fund named Starboard Valuechastising Olive Garden for handing out too many unlimited breadsticks at a time, and failing to salt its pasta water. The snarky 294-page presentation
Business Insider’s Joe Weisenthal called the presentation a masterpiece. Vox and Mother Jones and Slate and the New Yorker debated its finer points. Business Insider even sent reporters on a field excursion to Olive Garden to check things out.
The story had all the proper elements for our Twitter-fueled “you won’t believe what happened next” media age. Readers could mock that silly chain restaurant they remember from their childhoods in the suburbs, and the silly hedge fund that took the time to write the world’s worst review.
Except Starboard Value does not spend its time crusading for better mid-market Italian meals for no reason. It owns a bunch of shares in Olive Garden’s parent company, Darden Restaurants, and wants to take control of the company’s board. The scheme it’s concocted to increase its share price has little to do with breadsticks and pasta water. It really wants to steal Olive Garden’s real estate, and make a billion dollars in the process.
13/ For our readers in their mid to late 60's and those of you getting close to the magic number [65], here is a primer on Medicare and the plans out there.....
“People treat this as a momentous decision but they get scared of it, and the thing that worries me is that they don’t make the changes that they should,” said Joe Baker, president of the Medicare Rights Center in New York. “Don’t stay in a plan because you’re overwhelmed with the choices.”
Elizabeth Cooper, a 68-year-old former elementary schoolteacher, weighs her options each year. She has already tried a couple of plans, including one through Medicare Advantage, which lured her in because it had no monthly premium. But the plan required her to shoulder a significant share of her medical costs.
And this is what happens when the gub'mint sets standards.......good rules that we all can understand....
Medigap, with 10 plan levels that are labeled with letters from A to N, is federally standardized coverage, which means coverage must be exactly the same across insurers. For instance, the option known as Plan F will pay for your Part A and Part B deductibles.
14/ My old employer RCCL fined for overworking crew members.......
It happened in drydock in the Netherlands, where the ship is taken out of the water and the big maintenance stuff is done, including scraping and painting the hull. The trouble is they only give the ship's management a week, sometimes two, for all of the jobs that need doing, and there are always unexpected problems that take time to solve. It's very expensive to hire the shoreside workers and give them overtime if extra work is needed, so to cut costs they work the crew crew up to 16 hours a day to get the ship ready for the next cruise. Whatever it takes to "get 'er dun" is the mantra, and the trouble is this process means it's the lowest paid crew that suffer.
Unfortunately this story is true folks.....an analogy for our hopelessly unequal society......
A A newspaper in the Netherlands reports that Royal Caribbean has to pay at least €600,000 in fines for violating labor rules and regulations while the Oasis of the Seas was in the Netherlands. The newspaper says that ship employees lacked proper residence papers and worked excessive hours. Some of the crew members worked "up to 16 hours per day" the inspectors found.
The newspaper explains that the Oasis was undergoing maintenance and repairs while in dry-dock in in Rotterdam last month. Inspectors at the Netherlands labor department informed Royal Caribbean Cruises in advance that when its cruise ship would be in Rotterdam it would have to adhere to Dutch 
rules and legislation.
rules and legislation.
According to the newspaper, when ten inspectors boarded theOasis they found certain working conditions to be in violation of Dutch law. This lead to a second visit by 45 inspectors.
The inspections reportedly revealed that at least 48 crew members did not have proper Dutch work permits. The majority of these crewmembers were from the Philippines and South America.
The reported fine of at least €600,000 turns out to be over $760,000.The inspectors can access a fine of €12,000 per violation. The precise fine will be determined when the investigation is completed.
Two great movies out this weekend.......
15/ "Birdman" with Michael Keaton......sounds like a fantastic piece of cinema......
Embracing the principle of more, Mr. Iñárritu packs the movie with multitudes, assorted backstage shenanigans, showbiz clichés and commedia dell’arte types. As Riggan moves onstage and off, from rehearsal to dressing room, he finds romance in the wings, instigates a little cloak and dagger, and powers through some heart-to-heart encounters with his rehabbed daughter, Sam (a wonderful Emma Stone in sexy-cynical ragamuffin mode). A supercilious theater actor, Mike, played by a pitch-perfect, perfectly cast Edward Norton, challenges Riggan mentally and physically by declaring his allegiance to the theater (truth or bust!) at one point wielding a copy of Borges’s “Labyrinths” so ostentatiously that even the most myopic moviegoer should be able to read the title.
Action creates reaction, and together they create flowing, organic form in “Birdman.” Riggan isn’t the only man on the move: So is Mr. Iñárritu, who has staged and shot the movie so that it looks like everything that happens, from airborne beginning to end, occurs during one transporting continuous take. The camera doesn’t just move with the story and characters, it also ebbs and flows like water, soars and swoops like a bird, its movement as fluid as a natural element, as animated as a living organism. (Like that famous Steadicam shot in “GoodFellas“ but longer.) Mr. Iñárritu’s partner in illusionism is the director of photography, Emmanuel Lubezki, a Houdini of fluid camera movements whose genius is for keeping you watching rather than distractedly wondering.
The camerawork in “Birdman” is an astonishment, and an argument that everything flows together, which in this movie means the cinematography, the story, the people, even time and space. And as soon as Riggan floats down to earth, a series of walls — between character and actor, onstage and off, representation and reality — begin to collapse. The most obvious divide is between Mr. Keaton, who, starting in 1989, played Batman in two movies directed by Tim Burton, and Riggan, who made a killing playing Birdman, a feathered franchise jackpot. Years later, Riggan appears haunted by Birdman, whose image stares out from a poster hanging in the actor’s dressing room and who, in a creepy basso profundo rasp, offers a stream of Sammy Glick-isms about career and fame.
"Birdman" trailer.....a little confusing and very intense, so we have to take the reviewers word for it.....
16/ An Los Angeles Times review of "Dear White People"......they really like it.....
'Dear White People' makes you laugh at things that make you furious
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ASHLEY NGUYEN / ROADSIDE ATTRACTIONS
Tyler James Williams is the socially awkward Lionel in “Dear White People,” Justin Simien’s feature film debut that mixes comedy and touchy issues.
BY LORRAINE ALI
October 16, 2014, 8:00 p.m.
Does choosing the Syfy network over ESPN mean you're too white? If you like Robert Altman's films more than Tyler Perry's, are you not black enough?
These are the sorts of probing questions peppered throughout "Dear White People," first-time feature director Justin Simien's often hysterical look at the otherwise not-so-funny state of race relations in America.
Set on the campus of a fictional Ivy League school, a handful of black students must navigate Winchester University's institutionalized racism and its new, yet equally misguided notions about equality (racism is a thing of the past, according to the school president).
It's in this unwittingly hostile environment, where white students just can't seem to stop touching black students' hair, that the coeds must also deal with their own identity crises as minorities and young people.
Colandrea (Teyonah Parris of "Mad Men") wears her hair in a silky straight weave and calls herself Coco because her given name sounds too "ghetto." The gay and socially awkward Lionel (played wonderfully by the wry Tyler James Williams of "Everybody Hates Chris") ping pongs between black and white student housing because one dorm can't accept his sexuality and the other his color. The Vermont-bred Mitch (Keith Myers) talks like Tupac but looks more like a member of Mumford & Sons.
It's no wonder that black activist Samantha White (Tessa Thompson) hits a nerve with the pointed advice she dispenses to fellow students on her radio show, "Dear White People."
"Dear White People"......looks like a very funny movie with a bite.....good trailer.....
Todays video - an utterly compelling and hypnotic four minute compilation of women goose stepping, footage from China and North Korea intercut with Waffen SS troops from WW2.....an amazing soundtrack too......
Todays amusing insults
Here are 10 of history’s best insults and replies.
Alfred Hitchcock responding to actress Mary Anderson who asked him “What is my best side,” while filming “Lifeboat.”
“You’re sitting on it, my dear.”
Bette Midler on Princess Anne:
“She loves nature, in spite of what it did to her.”
Elizabeth Taylor:
“Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.”
Frank Sinatra on Robert Redford:
“Well at least he has found his true love – what a pity he can’t marry himself.”
Mahatma Gandhi asked by a reporter in a crowd “What do you think of Western civilization?”
“I think it would be a good idea.”
Pierre Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada, responding to hearing that President Richard Nixon had called him an “asshole.”
“I’ve been called worse things by better people”
Pope John XXIII, when asked “How many people work at the Vatican,” by a journalist:
“About half.”
Valentino Liberace to a critic:
“Thank you for your very amusing review. After reading it I laughed all the way to the bank.”
Winston Churchill and Bessie Braddock:
Bessie Braddock: “Winston, you are drunk, and what’s more you are disgustingly drunk.”
Winston Churchill: “Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly.”
Frank Zappa and TV talk show host Joe Pyne, a decorated WWII hero who lost one of his legs in combat:
Joe Pyne: “So I guess your long hair makes you a woman.”
Frank Zappa: “So I guess your wooden leg makes you a table.”
BONUS INSULT:
Winston Churchill and Lady Nancy Astor:
Lady Nancy Astor: “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee.”
Winston Churchill: “Nancy, if you were my wife, I’d drink it.”
Todays Scottish joke
This is straight from Scotland. Students in an advanced Biology class
were taking their mid-term exam.The last question was, 'Name seven
advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none
at all.One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven
advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as
needed............................................
And then the student was stuck.Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end
of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the
ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A.
Todays stupid guy joke
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.So next Saturday at 1pm Eastern Time, all American womenare asked to walk out of their house completely naked to helpweed out any neighborhood terrorists.Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in frontof their houses to demonstrate their support for the womenand to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-packat your side is further proof of your patriotism.The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terroristsand applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.God Bless America!!
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