1/ Bill Moyers, the wisest commentator on the air interviews Bob Herbert who was a columnist for the Times and who has written a new book called "Losing Our Way". Herbert is a great writer, and has travelled the country interviewing ordinary Americans and telling their stories, documenting the destruction of the middle class and the hollowing out of our infrastructure.
Mary and I watched this 25 minute interview, and agreed that it's rare for someone to nail so many of the issues we have, and see where it's going. Mr. Herbert also has the solution, which you will need to watch the video to find out - but it's doable when enough people become aware of what is being done to them.
An intelligent, fascinating and [yes a little] depressing interview, but well worth your time........
Three years ago, reporter and former New York Times columnist Bob Herbert took to the road and traveled across the United States to gather research for his new book, Losing Our Way. In it, Herbert tells the stories of the brave, hard-working men and women he met who have been battered by the economic downturn. He found an America in which jobs have disappeared, infrastructure is falling apart and the “virtuous cycle” of well-paid workers spending their wages to power the economy has been broken by greed and the gap between the very rich and everyone else.
He tells Bill: “[W]e’ve established a power structure in which the great corporations and the big banks have allied themselves with the national government and, in many cases, local government to pursue corporate interests and financial interests as opposed to those things that would be in the best interests of ordinary working people… Once you do that, you lose the dynamic that America is supposed to be. It’s supposed to be an egalitarian society, a society of rising standards of living, a society of a vast and thriving middle class. And we are getting farther and farther away from that ideal.”
2/ Amusing, and very British commercial for Mini......one minute........
3/ Read or watched anything about the Ukraine lately? Thought not, and the reason is that the corporate owners of our foreign policy, in this case Chevron, had a rare defeat........
An insightful article about America's disastrous interventions all over the planet, with corporate interests being protected and advanced by the gub'mint..........
Secretary of State John Kerry (Credit: Reuters/Lefteris Pitarakis)
We do not read much about Ukraine lately, do we? With unseemly speed, among the most important developments of the last few years has fallen out of the paper. There is a reason for this: Washington has sustained another, in this case very major, defeat. The policy failed. And we Americans cannot talk about defeat and failure if they are our own.
The moment of truth was the cease-fire accord the Kiev government, Moscow and the two republics declared in eastern Ukraine signed in Minsk on September 5. With that document, Vladimir Putin succeeded in putting a stop to the preposterous charade wherein Ukraine was supposed to swerve smoothly into the Euro-American camp, so rolling out the neoliberal agenda like linoleum straight up to Russia’s borders.
Nice try, Victoria Nuland and all other “new world order” idolators. Actually, it was a very horrific try, costing several thousand lives and wrecking cities and vast parts of eastern Ukraine’s productive infrastructure. All this for the sake of deregulated capital and “free markets.” Is there a widow in Donetsk who will one day explain, “Son, your father died because the Americans put people in charge who wanted corporations such as Chevron to profit from our resources while pushing our family into poverty?”
The Minsk protocol provides for a sanitized corridor nearly 20 miles wide between Kiev-controlled territory and the eastern sections of the country, where Russian is the first language and the seductions of free-market capitalism have not gone over so well. This is near-term common sense.
Further out, the eastern Donbass is to get some degree of autonomy greater than the insincere offer Kiev has made to date. And the eastern region will hold its own elections, these now brought forward over Kiev’s objections to November 2.
We witness the federalization of Ukraine, in a word—the sensible way forward from the first, a perfectly good expression of the nation’s divisions, except that Russian leader Vladimir Putin advocated a federal Ukraine, so it could not be right.
From all one can make out, Putin shaped this deal in back-channel collaboration with Angela Merkel, the German chancellor. This is significant, in my view, and I will return to the point further on.
It is difficult to call this outcome, assuming it stays on track, a success for the neoconservatives at the State Department, or the phony foundations State sponsors to advance the corporatization of the planet in the name of democracy. Too many casualties, too much wreckage, the new government in Kiev is already revealed as another crew of corrupt incompetents, and all that got done was the stimulation of animosities that ought to have been discouraged.
4/ A summary of what's wrong with the world told in a rap format, but ending with an inspirational message of hope.......Prince Ea tells it like it is.....
Four minutes, and really worth watching. Here at DDD we sift out the junk, and this video is good.......here's the beginning.....
The world is coming to an end.
The air is polluted. The ocean's contaminated. The animals are going extinct.
The economy's collapsed.
Education is shot.
Police are going corrupt.
Intelligence is shunned and ignorance rewarded.
The people are depressed and angry. We can't live with each other and we can't live with ourselves so everyone's medicated.
5/ Ahooooooggah........todays guy video is one of a Russian sailor climbing the 58 meter mast of a sailing ship......don't watch this if you're scared of heights.....three minutes.....
Here’s some GoPro video of a cadet at Russia’s Murmansk State Technical University climbing a 58-meter mast onboard the STS Sedov, a steel-hulled barque and one of the largest training vessels in the world.
The Sedov was originally built in Kiel, Germany for the commercial shipping company F.A. Vinnen & Co. and will in 2015 be celebrating its 95th birthday.
6/ You have to hand it to the right wing noise machine - they pick their talking points and keep repeating them, over and over, till the stupids believe whatever it is the oligarchs are selling. And once it's in a conservative brain, you can spout facts till you're blue in the face and it won't matter.....facts and reality just bounce off, not absorbed at all. Prime example - climate change......
Anyway, here are six Republican myths that aren't true, but will live forever in the right wing bubble - a good article from Rolling Stone.....
1. The Minimum Wage Doesn't Kill Jobs.
The Republican story on the minimum wage takes the inordinately complex interactions of the market and makes them absurdly simple. Raise the price of labor through a minimum wage, they claim, and employers will hire fewer workers. But that's not how it works. In the early Nineties, David Card and Alan Krueger found "no evidence that the rise in New Jersey's minimum wage reduced employment at fast-food restaurants in the state." Since then, international, national and state-level studies have replicated these findings – most recently in a study by three Berkeley economists. Catherine Ruetschlin, a policy analyst at Demos, has argued that a higher minimum wage would actually "boost the national economy" by giving workers more money to spend on goods and services. The most comprehensive meta-study of the minimum wage examined 64 studies and found "little or no evidence" that a higher minimum wage reduces employment. There is however, evidence that a higher minimum wage lifts people out of poverty. Raise away!
2. The Stimulus Created Millions of Jobs.
7/ "God Only Knows", from BBC Music........they assembled dozens of musicians and singers to make an ensemble version of this song for charity, and it's pretty impressive......
See how many of these stars you recognise.....three minutes......
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
Former Saturday Night Live cast member Bill Hader guest-hosted the show tonight and headlined a commercial asking for donations to impoverished people in Africa.
Mitt Romney, Bill O'Reilly, Jamie Dimon (Credit: David Goldman/Fox News/Reuters/Yuri Gripas)
Pollution above Santiago, Chile, with the Andes in the distance. Klein acknowledges that human activity has had an impact on the environment for millennia. Photograph: Alamy
A few years ago, my wife and I moved into a retirement development in
8/ A naughty commercial from SNL with Sarah Silverman......"Whites".....
"We're whites, and for now we're on top. We've had a great run, from presidents to senators, hundreds of years. But we know it won't last forever, so for these final years of white dominance, we're going to soak it all in."
The commercial is absurd and hilarious but also strikingly biting. Of course, unlike the fake ad's "intended" message about the decline of white people, the real message is clear: America is changing, and it's time to accept that.
9/ For a Congress with 9% approval ratings, almost every incumbent up for re-election will win this November - why? This doesn't make sense, but Timothy Egan has a stab at explaining it......
When you buy a new car, you dodge the sketchy salesman, read up on consumer ratings, get a feel for the ride. When you get married, you think about growing old with a person, love beyond lust, do a life gut check. And when you elect a federal lawmaker next month, you go against everything you believe in to reward the worst Congress ever.
How else to explain the confit of conventional wisdom showing that voters are poised to give Republicans control of the Senate, and increase their hold on the House, even though a majority of Americans oppose nearly everything the G.O.P. stands for?
The message is: We hate you for your inaction, your partisanship, your nut-job conspiracy theories; now do more of the same. Democracy — nobody ever said it made sense. Of course, November’s election will be a protest vote against the man who isn’t on the ballot, a way to make a lame duck president even lamer in his final two years.
But before buyer’s remorse sets in, voters should consider exactly what Republicans believe, and what they’ve promised to do. It ranges from howl-at-the-moon crazy talk and half-truths to policies that will keep wages down and kill job growth.
10/ Wow. WOW. A one minute commercial that I guarantee will move you.......nicely......it's Swedish and will give you tingles down your spine......no lads, not those tingles, a nice video......
11/ No matter what happens at the national level this November, the continuing dominance of the Republicans at the state house level will continue, mainly because the state Democratic parties still have no idea what they are up against....
Good analysis of state politics by Thomas Edsall, and every Democrat who cares about winning needs to read his last paragraph......
While politics in Washington remain gridlocked, the conservative revolution has been thriving outside the Capitol beltway.
Republicans in states across the Midwest and the South are determined to eviscerate liberal policies and to entrench the political power of the right.
Twenty-three state governments are now under the complete control – governor, house and state senate — of the Republican Party, more than at any time since Dwight D. Eisenhower won the presidency in 1952. Democrats control 14 states. The rest are divided.
Not only are Republicans today in charge of more states, they are exercising their power to gain partisan advantage far more aggressively than their Democratic counterparts.
The state-based revival of the right has the strong backing of conservative groups like the American Legislative Exchange Council, Americans for Tax Reform, Karl Rove’s American Crossroads/Crossroads GPS and the network of tax-exempt organizations tied to the Koch brothers.
There are some common themes to the current Republican state-based agenda.
12/ A two minute commercial from SNL with Bill Hader asking for only 39c a day to feed a village......it's very, very funny.......
Just 39 cents a day is what Charles Daniels, as played by Hader, asked for to help the people of Africa. One person implored him to “ask for more,” while another was seen wearing a Buffalo Bills Super Bowl Champions t-shirt (LOL).
But Daniels said 39 cents is all they need. Other villagers joined in saying they’d like more money, maybe 99 cents, but Daniels held fast to 39 cents because it’s “all they need” and was “decided by very educated and caring people.”
But the residents of the starving African village still weren’t having any of it. To make the situation worse, when asked what country he was in, Daniels said “Africa.”
13/ One of the themes of DDD is exposing the pervasive corruption we see in our society - we all feel it and see the results every day, so it was heartening to find this article about the new definition of corruption. It's not bags of cash changing hands - it's more subtle and insidious than that.....
Mitt Romney, Bill O'Reilly, Jamie Dimon (Credit: David Goldman/Fox News/Reuters/Yuri Gripas)
Excerpted from “Unaccountable: How Elite Power Brokers Corrupt our Finances, Freedom, and Security.”
What does “SWIMNUT” know that the world’s supposed experts on corruption or the elites who gather each year for skiing and schmoozing in Davos do not?
This anonymous commenter was responding to an online article about the 2013 ranking of the world’s most corrupt countries, as measured by the best-known international arbiter of corruption, the organization Transparency International. In TI’s survey, the experts canvassed perceive Somalia, North Korea, and Afghanistan as the worst transgressors. But “SWIMNUT” sees it differently:
Not quite sure how corruption is defined but I think the US needs to be included as one of the most corrupt “civilized” countries in the world. . . . In the US . . . we have created a political elite that extorts hard working people for their own political and financial gains.
“SWIMNUT” wasn’t the lone voice of skepticism. Well over half of the 180-odd commenters to this article targeted the United States as an offender that was grievously under-scrutinized. Amid the usual partisanship, name-calling, and crackpot conspiracy theories that one finds in comment sections, many of these readers conveyed undeniable threads of truth, ones I’ve been weaving together for decades.
From “kolar63”: . . . Washington DC knows very well how to hide and disguised their corruption thru lobbying elites . . .
From “onelifelive”:
We are not on top of this list because we call it “LOBBYING”, “FAVORS”, “GIFTS”, “CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP”, “PACS”, ETC. ETC.
What struck me in the case of SWIMNUT is that s/he and fellow readers were no longer buying this media performance. A website was engaging in an annual ritual of presenting these metrics without much context or reflection, something that looks and feels like news but really isn’t and probably never was. In fact, the real news story can be found in the comments themselves. They show the chasm between corruption as measured, on the one hand, and corruption as experienced by Americans, who see something deeply amiss in their own land, not just in the far-flung and exotic. Wealth has been fast accumulating among the few, leaving the rest of us languishing with stagnant pay and rampant unemployment among the young.
How is it that ordinary people have an instinctual grasp of the real nature of corruption and the inequality that often results, while many experts are still wedded to the idea that corruption happens somewhere “out there”?
14/ An absolutely lovely story about a dying cancer patient who just wanted "one more good day".......another nice
A COUPLE of years ago, I got a call from the husband of Peg Bachelder, my daughter Hunter’s piano teacher. “Peg’s in the hospital,” Martin said.
She’d been treated in 2010 for a rare pelvic cancer requiring chemotherapy, radiation and radical surgery.
She returned to teaching and refilled her student roster in no time. She was in her early 60s, tall, with a lovely, gentle way that made her immensely popular. Two years later, however, she developed a leukemia-like malignancy caused by her treatment. She went back on chemotherapy but somehow kept teaching. Then for two straight weeks, Peg postponed Hunter’s lessons. That was when I got Martin’s call from the hospital.
He put his cell on speaker for Peg. She sounded weak and spoke in long pauses. She said the leukemia treatment was not working. It had impaired her immune system, however, making her sick with fevers and an infection. Imaging also showed that her original cancer had come back in her hip and liver. The recurrent disease caused immobilizing hip pain and made her incontinent. That was when she checked into the hospital. She didn’t know what to do.
What had the doctors said they could do? I asked.
“Not much,” she said. She sounded utterly hopeless. They were giving her blood transfusions, pain medications and steroids for the fevers caused by her tumor. They’d stopped giving her chemotherapy.
This is the moment we continue to debate in our country.
15/ I'm sure by now, dear readers, you don't need food advice because you are eating healthily but in case you need a refresher, here's a list of food to avoid and a recap of the ways Big Food tries to trick you......
A pretty good summary......
Nutrition is full of nonsense. You will find bold health claims for all kinds of foods, most often based on zero evidence.
Here are the top 11 “health foods” that are actually very harmful.
1. Fruit Juices
The fruit juices you find at the supermarket aren’t always what they seem.
They may have small amounts of real fruit in them, but often they are little more than water, artificial flavor and sugar.
But even if you’re drinking real fruit juice, it is still a bad idea.
Fruit juice is like fruit with most of the good stuff removed.
All that is left is the sugar and a few vitamins. Orange juice, for example, contains the same amount of sugar as Coca Cola.
There’s no fiber in it, no chewing resistance and nothing to stop you from downing massive amounts of sugar in a short amount of time.
Eating too much sugar is associated with all sorts of diseases. These include obesity, type II diabetes, cardiovascular disease and many others (1, 2, 3).
It is much better to avoid fruit juices and eat real fruits instead.
Bottom Line: Most fruit juices contain the same amount of easily digestible sugar as sugar-sweetened soft drinks. It is best to eat whole fruits instead.
16/ Climate Change and Naomi Klein
Some of you may remember Klein's first book "Future Shock" from 6 years ago and for those of us who read it, many of her predictions have come true since the financial crisis - here's a quick WiKi synopsis.....
Central to the book's thesis is the contention that those who wish to implement unpopular free market policies now routinely do so by taking advantage of certain features of the aftermath of major disasters, be they economic, political, military or natural. The suggestion is that when a society experiences a major 'shock' there is a widespread desire for a rapid and decisive response to correct the situation; this desire for bold and immediate action provides an opportunity for unscrupulous actors to implement policies which go far beyond a legitimate response to disaster. The book suggests that when the rush to act means the specifics of a response will go unscrutinized, that is the moment when unpopular and unrelated policies will intentionally be rushed into effect. The book appears to claim that these shocks are in some cases intentionally encouraged or even manufactured.
Naomi Klein has written a new book called "This Changes Everything" about climate change, and what can all of us do to try to save the planet. Mark Bittman in the Times refers to her book in an excellent column commenting on the recent 400,000 people march in New York.......
There remain several possible responses to climate change. One is stupidity: “There is no crisis.” (A subset of this is to acknowledge the crisis privately, but deny it or choose to ignore it publicly.) A second is hopelessness: “It’s all over.” (Sadly, many of my friends fall into this category.) A third is blind faith in technology, as if it were easier to modify the power of nature than to change a system that resists not only radical change but even tinkering.
But a fourth is action, a fight to regain democracy (a.k.a. “who is government for?”) and begin to remember quaint little slogans like “the greatest good for the greatest number,” to recognize that the payoff for seriously fighting climate change is not only the survival of our species (and others) but a better society. As Naomi Klein says, “Climate change isn’t just a disaster. It’s also our best chance to demand and build a better world.
”
”
Klein, whose new book, “This Changes Everything,” is the workbook for this new, more assertive, more powerful environmental movement (and the subtitle of which, “Capitalism vs. The Climate,” sums things up neatly), argues convincingly that “our economic system and our planetary system are now at war … there are policies that can lower emissions quickly, and successful models all over the world for doing so. The biggest problem is that we have governments that don’t believe in governing.”
If government believes that energy assets cannot possibly be stranded and capital must be allowed to pursue its interests no matter how harmful, there’s only one strategy for slowing the temperature rise that will eventually cripple the earth for 1,000 years. Unless you want to leave it to the very corporations that have a vested interest in maintaining the status quo and fighting change, which isn’t much of a strategy. Remember that Exxon Mobil remains in the world’s top three most profitable corporations. Why would it want anything to change?
Mary and I went to see Naomi Klein in Oxford on her book tour of the UK, and she gave a 45 minute presentation and took questions for an hour. A fascinating, intelligent discussion and some wonderful Q&A so it was well worth going......we were also heartened by the amount of young people in the theater, although Oxford has some of the smartest students in the country, so it wasn't too much of a surprise.
We bought the book, and when I read it will comment further.
Here is a two minute video promo for the book.......salty language alert!
And here is a book review from the Guardian.......says her book is mild........
This Changes Everything is as much about the psychology of denial as it is about climate change. “It is always easier to deny reality,” writes Naomi Klein, “than to allow our worldview to be shattered, a fact that was as true of diehard Stalinists at the height of the purges as of libertarian climate deniers today.” Much of this book is concerned with showing that powerful and well-financed rightwing thinktanks and lobby groups lie behind the denial of climate change in recent years. There is not much reasonable doubt as to the findings of science on the subject. As a result of human activities, large-scale climate change is under way, and if it goes on unchecked it will fundamentally alter the world in which humans will in future have to live. Yet the political response has been at best ambiguous and indecisive. Governments have backed off from previous climate commitments, and environmental concerns have slipped down the policy agenda to a point at which in many contexts they are treated as practically irrelevant.
For Klein none of this is accidental. Following on from her 2007 book,The Shock Doctrine, a timely and powerful exposé of the environmental and social devastation wrought by neoliberal policies of “shock therapy”, Klein interprets the marginalisation of climate change in the political process as the result of the machinations of corporate elites. These elites “understand the real significance of climate change better than most of the ‘warmists’ in the political centre, the ones who are still insisting that the response can be gradual and painless and that we don’t need to go to war with anybody… The deniers get plenty of the details wrong… But when it comes to the scope and depth of change required to avert catastrophe, they are right on the money.”
Todays video - an absolute classic, very funny indeed....."Monthly Man"......
Todays management jokes
Lesson 1 | A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stand Bob, the next door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,” husband says, “Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Morality: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders on time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2 | A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”. The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”
The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”. Arriving a the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Morality: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3 | A sale representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.”
“Me first! Me first!”, says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Puff! She’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!”, says the rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”
Puff! He’s gone.
“Okay, you are up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in office after lunch.”
Morality: Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4 | An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing?”
The eagle answered, “Sure, why not?”
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Morality: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high.
Lesson 5 | A turkey as chatting with a bull.
“I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree.”, sighed the turkey, “But I haven’t got the energy.”
“Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?”, replied the bull. They are packed with nutrients.”
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by the farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Morality: Bullsh*t might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there.
Lesson 6 | A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began too sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morality:1- Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.2- Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.3- And when you are in deep sh*t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut.
Todays Villages joke
The Villages in Central Florida.
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all
talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in
bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to
make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know
it, it's time for lunch.
We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we
don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by
3:45 because we're late eaters.
The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clocknews. By 6:30 pm
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides
a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and
they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see
the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as
we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.
There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most
seniors can't remember where they parked their carts and wander the
parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Gary's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference --
they're both owned by Gary, who happens to be a cheap bastard.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can
be of any further assistance, please look me up when
you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Lady Lake.
There are 3,000 lakes in Florida; only three are real.
Our biggest retirement concern was time management. What were we going
to do all day? No longer. Let me assure you, passing the time is not a
problem.
Our days are eaten up by simple, daily activities. Just getting out of
our car takes 15 minutes. Trying to find where we parked takes 20
minutes. It takes a half-hour in the check-out line in Wal-Mart, and 1
hour to return the item the next day.
Let me take you through a typical day: We get up at5:00 am, have a
quick breakfast and join the early morning Walk-and-Fart Club. There
are about 30 of us, and rain or shine, we walk around the streets, all
talking at once. Every development has some late risers who stay in
bed until 6:00 am. After a nimble walk, avoiding irate drivers out to
make us road kill, we go back home, shower and change for the next
activity.
My wife goes directly to the pool for her underwater Pilates class,
followed by gasping for breath and CPR. I put on my 'Ask me about my
Grandchildren' T-shirt, my plaid mid-calf shorts, my black socks and
sandals and go to the clubhouse lobby for a nice nap. Before we know
it, it's time for lunch.
We go to Costco to partake of the many tasty samples dispensed by
ladies in white hair nets. All free! After a filling lunch, if we
don't have any doctor appointments, we might go to the flea market to
see if any new white belts have come in or to buy a Rolex watch for
$2.00.
We're usually back home by 2:00 pm to get ready for dinner. People
start lining up for the early bird about 3:00 pm, but we get there by
3:45 because we're late eaters.
The dinners are very popular because of the large portions they serve.
We can take home enough food for the next day's lunch and dinner,
including extra bread, crackers, packets of mustard, relish, ketchup
and Splenda, along with mints.
At 5:30 pm we're home, ready to watch the 6 o'clocknews. By 6:30 pm
we're fast asleep. Then we get up and make five or six trips to the
bathroom during the night, and it's time to get up and start a new day
all over again.
Doctor-related activities eat up most of our retirement time. I enjoy
reading old magazines in sub-zero temperatures in the waiting room, so
I don't mind.
Calling for test results also helps the days fly by. It takes at least
a half-hour just getting through the doctor's phone menu. Then there's
the hold time until we're connected to the right party. Sometimes they
forget we're holding, and the whole office goes off to lunch.
Should we find we still have time on our hands, volunteering provides
a rewarding opportunity to help the less fortunate.
Florida has the largest concentration of seniors under five feet and
they need our help. I myself am a volunteer for 'The Vertically
Challenged Over 80.' I coach their basketball team, The Arthritic
Avengers. The hoop is only 4-1/2 feet from the floor. You should see
the look of confidence on their faces when they make a slam dunk.
Food shopping is a problem for short seniors, or 'bottom feeders' as
we call them, because they can't reach the items on the upper shelves.
There are many foods they've never tasted. After shopping, most
seniors can't remember where they parked their carts and wander the
parking lot for hours while their food defrosts.
Lastly, it's important to choose a development with an impressive
name. Italian names are very popular in Florida. They convey world
travelers, uppity sophistication and wealth. Where would you rather
live: Gary's Condos or the Lakes of Venice? There's no difference --
they're both owned by Gary, who happens to be a cheap bastard.
I hope this material has been of help to you future retirees. If I can
be of any further assistance, please look me up when
you're in Florida. I live in the Leaning Condos of Pisa in Lady Lake.
Todays Grandma joke
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