During and shortly after the rout of the Democrats this week the instant pundits weighed in, but one needs time to digest these events, so here are some more reflective views from writers we respect.....it's awful news for Democrats, and strangely enough it's also a challenge for Republicans. But a couple of things are clear : people across the country are angry and disillusioned, with differing ways to channel their anger. Republicans are blaming Obama, and Dems were fed up enough to stay at home and not vote.
Anyway, read a few of these great stories and watch our comedians.....
And ponder this - as of 2014 we have now slipped into a plutocractic form of government - we are not a democracy any more and you and I are living in a plutocracy. Noone is telling you this yet, but the oligarchs have won.
1/ The always excellent Frank Rich on what the midterms meant......if you only read one political story this week, read this one......
Every week, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich talks with contributor Eric Benson about the biggest stories in politics and culture. This week: The GOP's midterm triumph, and what it means for the President, Congress, and the 2016 race.
The Republican Party triumphed in yesterday's midterm elections, taking back control of the Senate (with seats to spare), solidifying its House majority, and prevailing in nearly all the tight gubernatorial races. Was this completely a repudiation of President Obama? Merely a consequence of an unfavorable map that featured a critical mass of red- and purple-state Democrats? Or have reports of the GOP's demographic apocalypse been greatly exaggerated?This deeply dispirited country wanted to throw the bums in power out, and the bums in power were the Democrats, led by the bum-in-chief President Obama. The electorate’s message could not have been more clear: Having soured on hope and change, Americans voted for change without hope.
Sure, the 2014 map favored the GOP, and so did the traditional midterm turnout, heavy on the white and the old and light on minorities and the young. And the Republicans’ demographic apocalypse remains on track as the country gets younger and more Hispanic. But that will hardly be a panacea for the Democrats’ ills. You can’t fight something with nothing. We know what the right stands for. What do the Democrats stand for? If the GOP’s only overriding strategy was to run against Obama, the Democrats’ only coherent national message was to run away from Obama, including his signature achievement, the Affordable Care Act. It’s only on social issues that the Democratic party has a clear profile, and as was seen last night most spectacularly in Mark Udall’s defeat in Colorado, running a narrowcasting campaign focused on the GOP “war on women” is not a blueprint for victory.
2/ One of the best panel discussions I have seen on Bill Maher's show, with insightful conversation from all of the members, even the Republican, on the elections this week. The wonderful Senator Bernie Sanders was impassioned and very articulate....a great nine minutes, and as good a televised political review of the results as you will find anywhere.
It's come to this with our pathetic corporate media - the only place you can see intelligent discussion of any political issue is on the comedy shows.....
Bill Maher broke down this week’s midterm elections by venting some of his frustrations with the Democratic Party, saying rather bluntly that “Democrats suck” and “they’re horrible” if they can’t even beat the current crop of Republicans. That being said, he still had some issues with Republicans, like how, Maher claimed, the entire GOP victory was all about a continuing resentment of the “first black president.”
Maher said their entire strategy was “screw Obama, we hate Obama,” and was amazed that it actually worked. Senator Bernie Sanders said it’s very easy to beat up on Obama instead of talking about big issues that affect the country. Maher pointed out how few Democratic candidates said anything positive about Obama and said they just suck.
He argued they didn’t have that hard of a record to run on, and when actual Democratic policies were on the ballot, voters approved them. Maher said the Democrats were just horrible and “treated Obama like a teenager treats his mother.”
3/ A [rare] Paul Krugman column on politics, and he is aghast at how the country voted for the party that is basically wrong about everything.....
The race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet midterms to men of understanding. Or as I put it on the eve of another Republican Party sweep, politics determines who has the power, not who has the truth. Still, it’s not often that a party that is so wrong about so much does as well as Republicans did on Tuesday.
I’ll talk in a bit about some of the reasons that may have happened. But it’s important, first, to point out that the midterm results are no reason to think better of the Republican position on major issues. I suspect that some pundits will shade their analysis to reflect the new balance of power — for example, by once again pretending that Representative Paul Ryan’s budget proposals are good-faith attempts to put America’s fiscal house in order, rather than exercises in deception and double-talk. But Republican policy proposals deserve more critical scrutiny, not less, now that the party has more ability to impose its agenda.
So now is a good time to remember just how wrong the new rulers of Congress have been about, well, everything.
4/ The political media get a narrative and no matter how wrong it is they can't let it go, and the current thread is the Republicans of course have to seek common ground with the President to try to get things done in Washington. Rachel Maddow is having none of this bullshit - she is doing what the Beltway media aren't doing - listening to the Republicans on Fox News, and the mantra is "impeach Obama".....eight minutes of analysis by one of our best TV journalists.....
MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow it’s a “fairy tale” that the Republican Party will now focus on working with President Barack Obama after taking control of both houses of Congress in the 2014 midterm elections.
The prevalent post-midterm Beltway narrative holds that GOP congressional leaders Sen. Mitch McConnell and Rep. John Boehner will focus on governing rather than filibustering or stymieing legislative action.
Bunk, said Maddow in her Friday evening monologue. “You should have taken it as a hint when the Republican Party press conference the morning after the election was done in front of a giant red screen that said ‘Stop Obama,’” she remarked.
She took aim at both conservative media and politicians for openly agitating against the president, despite their victories. “When Republicans talk to each other, which is what Fox News is for,” she said, “what they’re talking about this week is not freaking constructive policy-making, it’s ‘When do we impeach the president? When do we get to start?’”
Using clips of Fox News hosts discussing the possibility of the GOP impeaching Obama over executive orders on issues like immigration, along with Boehner and RNC chair Reince Priebus lambasting the possiblity of such actions, Maddow argued that while much is unclear following the midterms, it’s far from “unsettled” that the GOP sees “the destruction of President Obama as their reason for living.”
“The Beltway keeps telling themselves this fairy tale about Republicans and how Republicans must feel now,” she concluded. “But listen to them actually talk to each other.”
5/ Thomas Frank with his commentary on the defeat, and he's not happy.......he is especially incredulous about Kansas, both the Senate and the Governors race, where even though Governor Sam Brownback has wrecked the state's economy, somehow he got back in.....
Kansas is a very stupid state....
“The president is basically in hiding”: Thomas Frank unloads on Dems, Kansas and crushing midterm losses
The Salon columnist dissects Tuesday's GOP rout and a tumultuous Kansas cycle -- and slams the Democrats' response
In an election that witnessed crushing Democratic losses in the U.S. Senate, the House of Representatives, and in key gubernatorial races, the victories of Kansas Republicans Sam Brownback and Pat Roberts have been among the most painful for many Democrats to absorb.
Gov. Brownback, after all, trailed Democratic challenger Paul Davis in the polls for most of the 2014 cycle, owing to the destructive fiscal consequences of his large tax cuts. While Democrats expected to sustain tough losses elsewhere, the prospect of knocking off a right-wing governor in Kansas in an otherwise good year for the GOP provided at least some solace. Likewise, the perception that Sen. Roberts had lost touch with the Sunflower State after 34 years in Congress and the vigorous campaign waged by independent Greg Orman presented a rare opportunity to defeat a GOP Senate incumbent.
Neither victory was to be. Brownback will preside over Kansas for another four years, while Roberts dispatched Orman by a larger-than-expected 11-point margin. What went wrong — and what lessons can be drawn about the GOP’s other election night victories? In the interview that follows, Thomas Frank, my Salon colleague, fellow native Kansan, and author of What’s the Matter with Kansas dissects the results — and goes hard after what he calls an inept Democratic Party’s pathetic response to its electoral defeats.
So to start, you obviously know a thing or two about Kansas politics. What happened Tuesday night – how did Brownback and Roberts manage to pull it off?
The crazy thing is that the polls were showing the opposite. I mean, Kansas is a notoriously difficult place to poll, because it has so many rural voters. But nevertheless the polls showed both Orman and Davis winning right up till the end there.
It’s something of a surprise. I guess you have to chalk it up to the national Republican wave.
6/ A thoughtful Bill Maher on our youth culture, and he makes some excellent points on wisdom and experience.....fewer jokes than usual, but still an amusing five minutes.....
Bill Maher ended his show tonight by railing against ageism, of all things, as “the last acceptable prejudice in America.” He ranted about how youth-obsessed culture has now wormed its way into governance and older politicians are considered out-of-touch instead of maybe wiser than the younger ones.
Maher ran down a list of old people who have done great things compared to young people, like how the Rolling Stones could shut down Justin Bieber any day of the week and how Larry Kingcontinued to do good work after he was replaced by “the man who disproved the adage that all English people are smart.” The main thrust of his editorial was that California Governor Jerry Brownshouldn’t be discounted as a potential 2016 candidate because of his age.
Maher then went off on youth culture, people not respecting the elderly, and… the pop music fascination with butts. Yeah.
7/ A gloomy assessment of what's ahead for Democrats - "gridlock or disaster"......from the excellent Jonathan Chait in New York magazine.....
A cardinal fact of American politics that has emerged during the Obama years is that demographic forces are slowly and inexorably driving the electorate leftward. But the Republican Party has its own corresponding advantages. Its voters turn out for elections reliably, not just in spasms of quadrennial excitement. They are dispersed efficiently in rural and exurban House districts, and reside disproportionately in small states that have more per capita voting power in the Senate. All these things give the Republican coalition, even as it remains unable to muster a presidential majority, unassailable control of Congress.
The midterm elections did not alter this bifurcated structure. Instead, they exposed a grim reality for liberals. The Democratic presidential majority is a fragile asset, and its value as a driver of positive change is presently exhausted. In the near term of American politics, the enervating stalemate of the last four years is the best possible outcome. The next party to have a chance to impose its vision upon the federal government will very likely be the Republican.
8/ Jon Stewart the evening after the rout - his first segment [4 mins.] is classic Daily Show, meaning funny with clips from the Fox and CNN coverage, the second [3 mins] is with Jordan Klepper who is quite good, but the third clip with Jessica Williams is more of an eye opener as well as being really amusing - the Republicans have found black, latina and gay candidates who won new seats which is taking the Democratic demographic and flipping it. Scary stuff for the Dems.......
Jon Stewart kicked off tonight’s Daily Show going over the “tectonic skullf*cking” the Republicans delivered to the Democrats, as well as the sea of sh*t-eating grins at Fox News.
How good a night was it for Republicans? Well, as Stewart explained, the Blue Man Group is now the Red Man Group, Blue’s Clues is now Red’s Clues, and the only thing Democrats still have left to their name is blue balls.
And as for Fox News, well, Stewart said they were happy enough to betray “grins capable of eating massive amounts of shit.”
But a lot of the mockery tonight was at the Democrats’ expense for losing HARD. Jordan Klepperroasted the Democratic Party for making a mess of the entire election and not running on a single accomplishment, while Jessica Williams made fun of how the supposedly old, white Republicans suddenly scored a lot of diverse wins and taking the identity politics card away from the Democrats.
9/ Sad to think Stephen Colbert will be moving to being just another late night host instead of one of the great satirists of our time.......oh well, everything changes doesn't it......
Stephen Colbert’s final Fox News election coverage segment may have been his greatest
The "Colbert Report" host also poked fun at CNN from his "Mountain of Midterm Madness"
Stephen Colbert (Credit: Comedy Central)
We all lost on Tuesday night — and no, I’m not talking about the GOP taking the Senate. Tuesday night marked the last time that Stephen Colbert and “The Colbert Report” would be bringing the Colbert Nation live election coverage.
Colbert marked the occasion by lampooning others who host live election coverage, namely Fox News and CNN. He teased their “brain rooms” and “magic walls” and then took it to a whole other satirical level with Stephen’s “Mountain of Midterm Madness.”
10/ John Oliver with an excellent background piece which aired Sunday Nov. 2 on our State Legislatures......as usual a great combination of comedy and reporting on something we neglect, and as usual he nails it - how many of you can name your state House member and Senator? Do you know how they have voted, or what they stand for?
However, on Sunday night’s episode of Last Week Tonight, John Oliver made the case for why our local elections are just as important. While this U.S. Congress has been stuck in partisan gridlock as one of the least productive in history, state legislatures have been passing bills by the thousands, including important laws about abortion, gay marriage, and other issues.
So while the only time we might hear about state legislators is when they run hilariously bad ads or make entertainingly outrageous statements, we should follow the influential laws they’re passing, too—especially when many legislatures lack any strong oversight, as Oliver explains. Of course, because it’s Last Week Tonight, there’s plenty of those crazy ads and outrageous statements, too.
So while the only time we might hear about state legislators is when they run hilariously bad ads or make entertainingly outrageous statements, we should follow the influential laws they’re passing, too—especially when many legislatures lack any strong oversight, as Oliver explains. Of course, because it’s Last Week Tonight, there’s plenty of those crazy ads and outrageous statements, too.
10A/ Actually I do know who my state House member is - Jennifer Sullivan, Fl. District 31, who was elected in August after winning the Republican primary because she was unopposed by a Democrat. For those of you who just saw the yard signs around Mount Dora etc., she is a 23 year old Florida native, daughter of Jennifer Sullivan, head of the North Lake Tea Party and a radical Christian.
Below is a four minute interview with WESH2 after the election, and she seems charming.....but......she was home schooled by her Tea Party mother, and is taking online courses to get her degree from Liberty University, a Christian college so as the Jesuits say "get 'em young, and they're yours for life".
Why was she elected? I am sure most people saw her youth and cuteness and voted for the fresh voice, not knowing [or maybe they did] they were electing a zealot.
So for the next two years and beyond until she decides she wants to go higher in politics, you and I are represented by an extreme right wing-nut Christian, Tea Party anti-gub'ment charmer, who probably believes the Earth was created 7000 years ago.....oh lordy.....
The oldest of four children, all living at home, Sullivan holds the conservative Christian views of her mother, who allowed her Mount Dora home to serve as the campaign's headquarters but who otherwise stayed in the background.
"I wanted to stand on my own two feet," Jennifer Sullivan said.
She was widely viewed as the most conservative choice in the five-candidate race.
11/ Interesting article from a progressive [not necessarily a Democrat] who argues it's time for true progressives to stop supporting the least bad candidate for leadership of the Democratic party, and stand up for principles and policy....
If you like Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders, you might want to read this.......
Elizabeth Warren (Credit: AP/Timothy D. Easley)
I was born to parents who believed if you didn’t vote Democratic you couldn’t be buried in the Catholic Church. A family joke is that my first word was “vote.” The Church would later switch parties. Not me. On Tuesday I’ll stand at the polls as I do every year and say that if Democrats win, people’s lives will be better.
Each year it’s a harder case to make, even to other Democrats. Each year the middle class grows smaller, the democracy grows more corrupt and the chance of stopping global warming in time to save ourselves or our planet grows dimmer. You can’t run forever on the slogan “Die Slower! Vote Democratic!” Time’s running out on the democracy and the middle class, just as it is on global warming.
In the words of political upstarts everywhere, it’s time for a change. If it comes, it will be from within the Democratic Party, or rather from the progressives who still reside there. But for all the talk of a “populist revolt,” progressives have yet to spark one. If Democrats win the Senate on Tuesday, that’s unlikely to change. If they lose, progressives might wake up, which would be the best thing to happen to the Democrats in a long time. It may not feel like much consolation, but it’s true.
Let me be clear. There may be scant evidence of it lately, but it matters who runs the Senate. You don’t throw away a race on a theory; who knows if even losing the Senate would be a shock sufficient to revive Democrats? But we do know our politics grows ever more vicious and empty and that we are in desperate need of serious political debate. We know Wall Street colonized the Democratic Party and the Democratic Party colonized the left, and that we’ll have no such debate without a stronger, more independent progressive movement to help set its agenda.
This election has been an insult to democracy. The $4 billion spent on it has tightened the grip of the powerful without moving the needle on a single issue. Its ceaseless squalor has startled a public that thought politics hit rock bottom in the last election. The explosion of Super PAC and 527 “dark money” is one cause of it, but it only strengthened what is by now a 40-year trend.
Rail all you like against the Supreme Court or the Republicans. It isn’t just them. If you ever gave money to a Democrat you get the emails that read like pleas from phishing “friends” robbed in Majorca who need only your bank routing number to get home: “Bill, it’s seconds till our filing deadline. Our extreme Tea Party opponent has Congressman Bob locked in a basement. They’ve shot Fido. So much is at stake. Please send…”
12/ This is a strange four minute clip - "Between Two Ferns" is Zach Galiflanikis asking celebrities strange questions, and his show became much better known when the President sat with him and fielded some zingers.....but this interview with Brad Pitt is definitely weird.....Pitt does NOT look happy......
"Is it hard for you to maintain a suntan ... because you live in your wife's shadow?" Ouch.
"Fury" star Brad Pitt is the latest celebrity to appear on Zach Galifianakis' intentionally awkward web series, "Between Two Ferns," but after interviewing President Obama, Zach is even more disenchanted than ever.
Pitt keeps his cool as Galifianakis asks him about how he lost his virginity (his very first question), sees if he can "borrow one or two" of his sperms, and even has comedian Louis C.K. interrupt the interview to do a few seconds of hacky stand-up.
It isn't until Galifianakis plays him the "Friends" theme song and calls him, "a shitty actor" that Pitt offers the only appropriate reaction.
13/ I don't automatically believe in conspiracy theories, but after watching Homeland, Rubicon [excellent series], Blacklist, Scandal [Section B6-13] and other series where supersecret gub'mint units kill "enemies of the state" at will, I am thinking strange thoughts about this story.
The head of Total, the French oil giant, was killed in a light plane crash at a Russian airport after threatening to disrupt the oil cartel pricing strategy.....
The oil oligarchs are the most powerful entities in the world....truly transnational, who probably have their own Section B6-13's.....so goodbye Frenchie.....and someone please tell Elizabeth Warren not to fly in private jets - the big banks are very dangerous too....
Three months ago, the CEO of Total, Christophe de Margerie, dared utter the phrase heard around the petrodollar world, “There is no reason to pay for oil in dollars,” as we noted here. Today, RT reports the dreadful news that he was killed in a business jet crash at Vnukovo Airport in Moscow after the aircraft hit a snow-plough on take-off. The airport issued a statement confirming “a criminal investigation has been opened into the violation of safety regulations,” adding that along with 3 crewmembers on the plane, the snow-plough driver was also killed.
De Margerie, 63, joined Total in 1974 after graduating from the École Supérieure de Commerce in Paris.
14/ Daniel Radcliffe a rapper? No way, you say, but here he is with a three minute rap song "Alphabet Aerobics" on the Jimmy Fallon show, done perfectly.....
From A to Z, Radcliffe hardly looks fazed. He flawlessly enunciates every word in the rap and brings a charming energy to the Tonight Show performance. Meanwhile, Fallon stands in the back, bobbing along and pulling cue cards. And at the end, his face totally reads "nailed it."
The whole thing is pretty darn ..
The 25-year-old has gotten a bit of attention in recent weeks. He just did an Ask Me Anything on Reddit the other day and called out how the world sexualizes young women in a recent interview. It wasn't the first time Radcliffe has proven himself to be outspoken and intelligent while talking to journalists.
15/ I remember 20 years ago we never heard anything about gluten - it wasn't a problem, but now it is for a huge number of people. Why is this?
A new report links GMO crops to increased sensitivity to gluten, which kind of fits the timeframe AND the fact gluten issues are unheard of in Europe where genetically modified products are not allowed to be sold.
This link is a bit nerdy, so if I find a better written one I'll put it in.....
There is a video as well that I didn't watch, but if you have gluten issues you may want to.....
“Gluten sensitivity can range in severity from mild discomfort, such as gas and bloating, to celiac disease, a serious autoimmune condition that can, if undiagnosed, result in a 4-fold increase in death,” said Jeffrey M. Smith, executive director of IRT in a statement released on their website.
Institute for Responsible Technology (IRT), and cites authoritative data from the US Department of Agriculture, US Environmental Protection Agency records, medical journal reviews as well as international research.
Smith cited how a “possible environmental trigger may be the introduction of genetically modified organisms (GMOs) to the American food supply, which occurred in the mid-1990s,” describing the nine GM crops currently on the market.
In soy, corn, cotton (oil), canola (oil), sugar from sugar beets, zucchini, yellow squash, Hawaiian papaya, and alfalfa, “Bt-toxin, glyphosate, and other components of GMOs, are linked to five conditions that may either initiate or exacerbate gluten-related disorders,” according to Smith.
It’s the BT-toxin in genetically modified foods which kills insects by “puncturing holes in their cells.” The toxin is present in ‘every kernel’ of Bt-corn and survives human digestion, with a 2012 study confirming that it punctures holes in human cells as well.
The GMO-related damage was linked to five different areas: Intestinal permeability, imbalanced gut bacteria, immune activation and allergic response, impaired digestion, and damage to the intestinal wall.
The IRT release also indicated that glyphosate, a weed killer sold under the brand name ‘Roundup’ was also found to have a negative effect on intestinal bacteria. GMO crops contain high levels of the toxin at harvest.
16/ One of the most hyped movies of the year is out, and according to the Times it's amazing - "Interstellar", directed by Christopher Nolan with an excellent cast......
Like the great space epics of the past,Christopher Nolan’s “Interstellar”
Trying to jot down notes by the light of the Imax screen, where lustrous images (shot by Hoyte van Hoytema and projected from real 70-millimeter film) flickered, I lost count of how many times the phrase “I’m sorry” was uttered — by parents to children, children to parents, sisters to brothers, scientists to astronauts and astronauts to one another. The whole movie can be seen as a plea for forgiveness on behalf of our foolish, dreamy species. We messed everything up, and we feel really bad about it. Can you please give us another chance?
The possibility that such a “you” might be out there, in a position to grant clemency, is one of the movie’s tantalizing puzzles. Some kind of message seems to be coming across the emptiness of space and along the kinks in the fabric of time, offering a twinkle of hope amid humanity’s rapidly darkening prospects. For most of “Interstellar,” the working hypothesis is that a benevolent alien race, dwelling somewhere on the far side of a wormhole near one of the moons of Saturn, is sending data across the universe, encrypted advice that just may save us if we can decode it fast enough.
What our planet and species need saving from is a slow-motion environmental catastrophe. Rather than explain how this bleak future arrived through the usual montages of mayhem, Mr. Nolan (who wrote the screenplay with his brother Jonathan) drops us quietly into what looks like a fairly ordinary reality. We are in a rural stretch of North America, a land of battered pickup trucks, dusty bluejeans and wind-burned farmers scanning the horizon for signs of a storm. Talking-head testimony from old-timers chronicles what sounds like the Dust Bowl of the 1930s, until we spot a laptop on the table being set for family dinner.
We've all seen the 30 second ads for "Interstellar"....the trailer is much more atmospheric......
Todays video - "Pass The Salt".......an absolutely wonderful 90 second slice of life......if you are over 50, you will like this one.....
Todays sexy joke
One night, after the older couple had retired for the night, the woman
became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist. He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh. By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself. The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed. "Why are you stopping darling?" she whispered. He whispered back, " I found the remote!" |
Todays Capitalism jokes
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. The cows go on strike to keep out American hormone-fed milk and launch a stampede through a McDonalds franchise at Euro-Disney. The French Cow Liberation Front hacks into the Cheddar website with images of Roquefort and WAV files declaring “Vive la France!” You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. They are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the U.S. government to find alternatives to milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
2009: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. The cows go on strike to keep out American hormone-fed milk and launch a stampede through a McDonalds franchise at Euro-Disney. The French Cow Liberation Front hacks into the Cheddar website with images of Roquefort and WAV files declaring “Vive la France!” You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. They are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.
CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
ISRAELI CORPORATION
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?
BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow. The cow is schizophrenic. Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish. The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow. The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk. The cow asks permission to be cut in half. The cow dies happy.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the U.S. government to find alternatives to milk production, but use the money to buy weapons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
2009: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So?
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute...
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows. They make real California cheese. Only five speak English. Most are illegal. Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.
Todays political joke
While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator is tragically hit by
a car and killed. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
a car and killed. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the
entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In
the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a
good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that, before the Senator realizes it,
it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven, where St. Peter
is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven for a day.”
So, the Senator joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,
playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns "Well then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so
we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where
to spend eternity."
"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down,
down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In
the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends
and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake
his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at
the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine
on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a
good time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that, before the Senator realizes it,
it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the
elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven, where St. Peter
is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit heaven for a day.”
So, the Senator joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,
playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes
it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns "Well then, you've spent
a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would
be better off in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland
full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to
hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land
covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags,
picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from
above The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there
was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank
champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland
full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,
"Yesterday we were campaigning to get your vote...Today, you voted."
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