Saturday, December 4, 2010

Davids Daily Dose - Saturday December 4th


1/  Tax Cuts for the Rich.


A/  Wonder where President Obama stands on the unnecessary and stupid tax cuts to the wealthy? Now we know. Paul Krugman with a devastating column....

But he didn’t. Instead, he apparently intended the pay freeze announcement as a peace gesture to Republicans the day before a bipartisan summit. At that meeting, Mr. Obama, who has faced two years of complete scorched-earth opposition, declared that he had failed to reach out sufficiently to his implacable enemies. He did not, as far as anyone knows, wear a sign on his back saying “Kick me,” although he might as well have.
There were no comparable gestures from the other side. Instead, Senate Republicans declared that none of the rest of the legislation on the table — legislation that includes such things as a strategic arms treaty that’s vital to national security — would be acted on until the tax-cut issue was resolved, presumably on their terms.
It’s hard to escape the impression that Republicans have taken Mr. Obama’s measure — that they’re calling his bluff in the belief that he can be counted on to fold. And it’s also hard to escape the impression that they’re right.
..........................................................................................................

Instead, however, Mr. Obama almost seems as if he’s trying, systematically, to disappoint his once-fervent supporters, to convince the people who put him where he is that they made an embarrassing mistake.
Whatever is going on inside the White House, from the outside it looks like moral collapse — a complete failure of purpose and loss of direction.
So what are Democrats to do? The answer, increasingly, seems to be that they’ll have to strike out on their own.
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/03/opinion/03krugman.html?_r=1



B/  A New York Times editorial on how disastrously bad an idea the top 2% tax cuts are, how focused and ruthless the Republicans are and how weak our President is.......

Just remember - the only people the Republicans care about are the rich. Unemployed? Screw 'em. National security? Nope. 

The Dems pretend to be concerned about the middle class but aren't. All of them, Obama included, are dancing to the tune of the oligarchs, who want us, the middle class, to make the wealthy even richer and make us pay for their tax cuts....or the Chinese....or our kids and grandkids......as long as it isn't them.....

A sense of resolve and a clear purpose should not be partisan commodities, yet, in Washington, only the Republicans seem to have them. They know exactly what they want and pursue it with ruthless efficiency: preserve all the Bush-era tax cuts, no matter the cost, and make sure President Obama gets nothing done.
In the last few weeks, Republicans have blocked or vowed to kill: an extension of jobless benefits; the first real arms reduction treaty with the Russians in nearly a decade; the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell”; and, most significantly for the nation’s financial future, the expiration of unnecessary and expensive tax cuts for the rich.
Where has the president been through all this, as the sand runs out on a Congress with two Democratic majorities? He has issued a few mild statements and urged everyone to work together, when everyone knows the Republicans will refuse.





C/  And how do the oligarchs persuade the American public to vote against their own interests, time and time again? Through our corrupted corporate media, led by Fox News. 

And why do the scum in the media ignore or downplay the tax cut story? Because they will benefit from it. The outgoing Alan Grayson on the House floor, showing how Rush Limbaugh will get an additional $2.7m on his $58 million salary, and Hannity, and O'Reilly.......I have a feeling Grayson will be back.....















2/  David Brooks, the conservative columnist with a tax plan for the President that makes a lot of sense and might even work.....but of course it might take some nerve and guts to do.....so we'll just file this under "President Weenie".....

If every concession is regarded as an unprincipled surrender that takes us inexorably farther down the road to serfdom, then nothing will get done and the nation will go bankrupt.
If Obama moved vigorously on this sort of tax reform, starting at the State of the Union, he would vindicate my description of him, which would be nice. He would also change the tone in Washington. The health care reform debate was polarized, but the tax reform debate is not. Almost everybody agrees on the basic outlines. The current system is so rotten everybody could get something they want out of reforming it.














3/  When we see these videos of incredible athletic skill they all seem to be Chinese, so here's a video of two German girls doing amazing stuff on bicycles in what appears to be a local gym....about 5 minutes.....achtung.....














4/  Jeb Bush, a possible Republican presidential candidate for 2012, held a two day conference on education reform....but look at the sponsors of the meeting. A who's who of the oligarchy.....
Not quite sure what this means, but if it's good for the oligarchs, it's bad for our kids and the middle class. I really don't like this new attitude I have but the evidence is all around us....so if Jeb Bush is pushing something, you know it's really good for our Jeb.....and may have some minor, peripheral benefits for education. Maybe. A little....a smidgin....

Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation
The Broad Foundation
The Walton Family Foundation
Charles and Helen Schwab Foundation
IQity
The Lynde and Harry Bradley Foundation
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
McGraw Hill Education
WIN
Apex Learning
Cisco
Learnin3.com
Susan and Bill Oberndorf
The Foundation for Educational Choice
SMART
Apex Learning
Barton Malow Design/Construction Services
Charter Schools USA
Big money, big business. That’s school reform today.













5/  Funny video of how some of our older rock stars might update their lyrics.....good one.....6 minutes....














6/  A crack in the facade - a distraught man barricaded in his home, a nasty murder.....
Celebration, Florida - Disney's wonderful vision of living revealing an ugly side. 
Of course - they're not immune from the disaster that is Florida's real estate market. Homes that were $1 million are now half that....and it's creating pressure....

.....two major crimes in the span of less than a week have made even the fake snow that blankets the town square every evening hour on the hour seem a little less cheery.
Late into Thursday night, sheriff’s deputies barricaded several blocks in this neo-traditional town of 10,000 people and miles of white rail fencing, trying to talk a despondent and armed 52-year-old man out of his home. After more than 14 hours, sheriff’s deputies entered his home early Friday and found him dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound.



And here's an essay by two people who lived in Celebration on what it's like to live there, and how it's changed.....amusing.....

We moved to Celebration with our two children in 1997. We were among the first residents, though we arrived with our eyes wide open and a contract to write a book about living in Disney’s brave new town. We found out just how strange a place we had chosen when a new neighbor told us that he and his family had considered going to Mexico for vacation, but found they had just as much fun at the Mexico pavilion at Epcot Center at Disney World. Another neighbor — a security guard at Disney — kept a six-foot-high Mickey Mouse in his front window, which our children found a little creepy. But there was a spirit of camaraderie that everyone embraced, even we skeptics.














7/  A pretty good Jon Stewart on the lame duck session of Congress......6 minutes....














8/  Wikileaks - a story on how their servers are under attack......remember they have released thousands of secret cables from US and many other governments.......so they are not popular with a lot of countries......and Julian Assange is now wanted by Interpol for alleged and transparently bogus sexual assault charges. Straightforward you think? Wikileaks has angered governments, so this is what happens?

Well consider this - they announced a couple of weeks ago their next target was a major US bank, and they had huge files of internal emails and documents relating to the recent financial crisis.....so now they have one very pissed oligarch against them......coincidence? Ha......

Given the delicate political nature of the documents released by WikiLeaks, chatter in technology circles immediately centered on the notion that a government body had spearheaded the disruptions.
But security experts cautioned that the attacks were likely to remain murky because data about them had not been made public, and because it was easy for hackers to conceal their identity. “We’re at a loss as to what individuals they are and whose behalf they might be acting on,” said Dr. Jose Nazario, senior security researcher at Arbor Networks, which provides network security technology.




Wikileaks - Canada
Some diplomatic correspondence from Canada....nothing earth-shattering, but our Canadian readers might find this amusing.....

In a confidential diplomatic cable sent back to the State Department, the American Embassy warned of increasing mistrust of the United States by its northern neighbor, with which it shares some $500 billion in annual trade, the world’s longest unsecured border and a joint military mission in Afghanistan.













9/  Afghanistan - how billions and billions of dollars are being wasted.......why bother....this story writes itself, it's hard to care any more.....our government doesn't, so what are wegoing to do.....slideshow....
When Afghanistan's vice president visited the United Arab Emirates last year, local authorities working with the Drug Enforcement Administration discovered that he was carrying $52 million in cash. With wry understatement, a cable from the American Embassy in Kabul called the money "a significant amount" that the official, Ahmed Zia Massoud, "was ultimately allowed to keep without revealing the money's origin or destination." (Mr. Massoud denies taking any money out of Afghanistan.)
Yes, that's "a significant amount" of money by normal standards. But by Afghan standards, it's actually small change. The U.S. is spending more than $2 billion a week in a country with a gross domestic product of about $14 billion a year-- and a lot of it isn't going where it's supposed to. Here is a look at some other examples of the vast waste of U.S. taxpayer money in Afghanistan.















10/  Movie - "Black Swan" with Natalie Portman.......ballet movie with a difference, not just the glamour and the beauty but also the pain....looks like a chick-flick but still good....




Here's the two minute trailer....













Todays video - funny condom ad.....











Todays Florida oldies joke


A Florida couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office. 

The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?' 
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?' 

The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees. 


When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'  He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50 and he says good bye. 



The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees. 


This happens several weeks in a row.  The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.
 

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?' 



The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.  She's married; so we can't go to her house.
  I'm married; and we can't go to my house.  The Holiday Inn charges $98.  The Hilton charges $139.  We do it here for $50, and Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving me a net cost of $7.  
 I wonder if your supplemental insurance would pick up the $7.00?












Todays religious jokes

A Nun Grading Papers
Can you imagine the nun sitting at her desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR
 CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.

1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH. 
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE
 OF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES. 

15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
 











Todays Atheist joke [we have to be fair and balanced!]

The Atheist in the Woods

Christian Joke SitesAn atheist was walking through the woods, thinking to himself,
"How beautiful the animals are!"
"How majestic the trees are!"
"How powerful the rivers are!"
As he walked along the river, he heard rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned and saw an 8-foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran along the path as fast as he could, but when he looked over his shoulder, he saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He kept running, but when he looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. Then he tripped and fell on the ground. The bear was right on top of him with his right paw raised to strike him. At that instant, the atheist cried, "God help me!"
Time Stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.
A bright light shone upon the man and a voice from the sky said, "You've denied my existence for all these years and have taught others that I don't exist. You've even credited creation to a cosmic accident. Why would you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Are you now a believer?"
The atheist looked into the light and said, "Well, I would be hypocrite to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but could you, maybe, make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very Well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
The bear lowered his right paw and brought both paws together. He bowed his head, and said: "Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive from Your bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Davids Daily Dose - Wednesday December 1st




1/  An intelligent and challenging column from Thomas Friedman....if we want to solve the problems of underperforming schools, yes attention is needed to the schools and teachers but parents also need to take responsibility for their kids. The price of not getting a decent education is.....

” When kids drop out today, “they’re condemned to poverty and social failure.” There are barely any jobs left for someone with only a high school diploma, and that’s only valuable today if it has truly prepared you to go on to higher education without remediation — the only ticket to a decent job.

But the world is also getting tougher.....globalization is flattening business opportunities, technology has created a lot of jobs but eliminated many of the low end work that was done by the less educated.....so his point is this country needs to step up and work together to improve our educational system, otherwise we will continue the slow but inexorable decline in living standards.....and I don't know about you but I am deeply pessimistic about the chances of any of this happening..... 

Beyond the recession, this triple whammy is one of the main reasons that middle-class wages have been stagnating. To overcome that, we need to enlist both the U.S.G. and the P.T.A. We need teachers and principals who are paid better for better performance, but also valued for their long hours and dedication to students and learning. We need better parents ready to hold their kids to higher standards of academic achievement. We need better students who come to school ready to learn, not to text. And to support all of this, we need an all-society effort — from the White House to the classroom to the living room — to nurture a culture of achievement and excellence.













2/  Elizabeth Warren - looks like she is the only hope for the middle class, and of course the Republicans are gunning for her bigtime. If President Weenie finds at least one cojone and fights for her we might have a chance of getting someone in the Government 1/ not corrupted by lobbyists....2/ not a wimp....3/ on the side of the middle class.......

Again, I'm pessimistic as the power of the oligarchs trying to get rid of her is overwhelming.....

Congressional Republicans are apparently intent on a big showdown with Elizabeth Warren, who is currently building up the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB).
This is very good news for the White House, if they use this opportunity wisely.
Some Republicans seem to think that Ms. Warren is about “big government” or “intrusive regulation”.  But this is not the case – Elizabeth Warren’s approach is much more appealing and already popular with almost everyone on right and left: Transparency.
Look carefully at Ms. Warren’s September speech to the Financial Services Roundtable and think about how this plays as a broader political message.
Her political principle is clear and completely compelling:
““…the best way, in my view, to strengthen those middle class families is to find solutions that are deep and lasting, that strengthen the markets, and that will create a robust, competitive consumer credit industry that works for families, not against them.”















3/  We've had quite a few columns, stories and commentary recently about income inequality and how this drains the energy out of this country and screws the middle class. Well this piece [especially for political junkies] on how the best hope, the only hope for the Bush tax cut decision is to persuade two Republicans to vote to keep the higher tax rate for millionaires. President Wimpo yesterday was bleating about bi-partisanship, common ground and all of the other BS he spouts but the reality is he is about to sell out the middle class again to benefit the wealthy.....
Al least you know where the Republicans stand - they make no pretense that they are doing the work of the oligarchs....oh and by the way they hate gays, Mexicans, abortions, Muslims and Obama.....just to crank up and distract the Fox voters.
The Democrats pretend to care about the middle class, but in the end jump to the same tune the oligarchs are singing.......as you can tell I am superdisillusioned these days...

Good article anyway from David Leonhardt......

If they cannot come up with a plan that can win 60 votes in the Senate, which means at least two Republican votes, Republicans can filibuster any bill. All of the tax cuts would then expire on Dec. 31. When the new Republican House majority arrives in January, it will be able to make its first order of business a retroactive tax cut — forcing President Obama and Senate Democrats to choose between a purely Republican plan and an across-the-board tax increase.














4/  Last week's TSA story discussed as a media event, and the story had a lot of hot buttons for TV, print, radio and blogs.....great analysis of why this was so popular - I've copied four of the reasons below, and he has another six.....no mention however of the corruption behind the story [Michael Chertoff]....but a most interesting article nonetheless.....

What made the T.S.A. story so sticky and irresistible, a nearly perfect Perfect Storm?
TIMING It arrived during a news season slowed by holidays (how many stories can you do speculating about which turkey will be pardoned by the president?) in the midst of the busiest travel weeks.
EXECUTION The government’s below-the-radar rollout of the new protocol (Memo to the T.S.A.: never sneak up on the American public) gave it a conspiratorial sheen.
MYSTERY The screening technology seemed ominous, yet cool — like the X-Ray specs advertisements on the backs of comic books that promised to allow you to see through clothing.
DISTRUST OF GOVERNMENT At a time of incredibly fractionalized politics, the pat-down was a single issue we could all rally around.




Tom Tomorrow's take on the TSA.....[cartoon].....















5/  Movie review...."Inside Job".......a must see for anyone who wants to be aware of the reality of what happened to this country, and why......
Want to see one of the best true-crime flicks ever made? Go see Inside Job, a documentary about the financiers who turned our economy into a giant Ponzi scheme - enabled by a posse of politicians, regulators and academics beholden to Wall Street.
You might think you know this story, having lived through the financial crisis over the last two years. But filmmaker Charles Ferguson's masterpiece of cinema verite starkly connects the dots in a way that facilitates a full understanding of what happened, how it happened and who was responsible. You'll walk away informed and furious.
Ferguson, with precise narration by Matt Damon, takes you through the whole sordid mess, from the predatory mortgage lenders who drove up housing prices, to the Wall Street bankers who generated obscene bonuses for themselves by selling ticking-time-bomb mortgage-backed securities and derivatives, to the bought-off credit rating agencies, and finally to the politicians and government "regulators" who dismantled Depression-era limits on banks at the behest of their Wall Street pals, allowing the perfect crime to happen.
http://license.icopyright.net/user/viewFreeUse.act?fuid=MTA5MzM1ODU=



The trailer for 'Inside Job"....I looked it up and it's not showing in Orlando, nor is it out on Netflix yet....put it in your queue....if any of our alert readers see it playing in Florida please drop me an email.....















6/  The ballet "Swan Lake" performed by the Chinese State Circus....it's ballet with a touch of "Cirque de Soleil"......4 minutes...oooohhh their poor feet!!!!!














7/  Here's a surprise - the Florida Legislature has a lot of millionaires.....think these guys care about you? Even the ones with negative assets only want to make money by selling out the middle class......

TALLAHASSEE -- With multi-millionaire Republican Rick Scott heading into the governor's office, Florida voters also are turning to a Legislature packed with millionaires to lead the state out of its long and deep economic trench.
A News Service of Florida review of financial disclosure reports filed by lawmakers shows that almost half of the Florida Senate and more than one-third of state House members have a net worth topping $1 million.















8/  "Tron" - the real trailer that sort of explains the plot.....looks really good......but let's wait for the reviews.....2 minutes.....December 17th and its in 3-D!!! Wow....















9/  Stephen King - a more detailed review of his new book "Full Dark, No Stars"......a good one, vintage King.....

The stories in “Full Dark, No Stars,” whose lengths range from 30-some pages to well over 100, are for the most part only lightly supernatural and deal, instead, with the unlovelier aspects of merely human behavior. Serial rape and murder figure prominently in two of these stories; in another, a man kills his wife and forces his teenage son to help him; and in the only fully fantastic tale here, a man purchases — from the Devil, of course — health and happiness at the too-affordable price of the ruin of his best friend’s family. It’s grim stuff, but that’s what readers expect of Stephen King. After all, he’s been in our faces for 40 years.
What’s amazing, and maybe a little unsettling, about King is the consistency of his purpose and his manner over that long stretch of time. He’s essentially the same grab-you-by-the-lapels literary showman he was in the pulpy, punchy horror stories he used to peddle to men’s magazines and, a bit later, in his early novels “Carrie” and “ Salem’s Lot.” 












10/  Video compilation of bad stuff happening - 5 minutes.....wouldn't surprise me if half of these ended up in the hospital.....note - painful to watch!!!











Todays video - 3 reasons to quit drinking.....oooohhhh......









Todays irish joke


An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.
There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other  wall is a dazzling array of the finest
cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in.
 "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been  to confession, but I must first admit that the
confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."  The priest replies:
 
"Get out. You're on my side."
 









Todays Cop joke



police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says,'I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' 

The driver says, 
'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs
calibrating
. ' 

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 
'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.' 

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,
 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !! ?' 

The wife smiles demurely and says, 
'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.' 

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,

'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 
'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.
That's an automatic $75 fine.' 

The driver says, 
'Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me
over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'
 

The wife says, 
'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on.. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.' 

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks,   
'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??' 

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 
'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?' 

'Only when he's been drinking.!!'







Todays Engineer jokes

  • Top 25 Engineering Terms and Expressions (What they say and what they really mean)

  • Customer satisfaction is believed to be assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer will settle for anything.)

    Please see me / Let's discuss it. (I need your help. I've screwed up again.)

    The project is in process. (It's so tied up in red tape that it's completely hopeless.)

    We're trying a number of different approaches. (We still guessing, at this point.)

    We're following the standard. (We've always done it this way.)

    Close project coordination. (We met together and had coffee.)

    Years of development. (It finally worked.)

    Energy saving. (Turn off the power to save electricity.)

    We'll have to abandon the entire concept. (The only person who understood the thing just quit.)

    We had a major technological breakthrough. (It's boring, but it looks high tech.)

    We're preparing a report with a fresh approach. (We just hired a couple of kids out of college.)

    Preliminary operational tests proved inconclusive. (It blew up when we flipped the switch.)

    Test results proved extremely gratifying. (Yahoo! It actually worked.)

    Please read and initial. (We want to spread around the responsibility.)

    Tell us what you are thinking. (We'll listen, but if it disagrees with what we've already done or are planning to do, forget it.)

    Tell us your interpretation. (Let's hear your bull.)

    We'll look into it. (Forget it! We've got so many other problems already, we'll never get to it.)

    No maintenance. (If it breaks, we can't fix it.)

    Low maintenance. (If it breaks, we're not likely able to fix it.)

    All new. (None of the parts are interchangeable with the previous design.)

    Rugged. (Needs major equipment to lift it.)

    Robust. (More than rugged.)

    Light weight. (A little less than rugged.)

    Fax it to me. (I'm too lazy to write it down.)

    I haven't gotten your email. (It's been days since I've checked my email.)