Saturday, May 13, 2023

Davids Daily Dose - Saturday May 13th

 1/. This is a frightening story from Jonathan Chait - how Republicans all over the country are targeting education and 

gutting it, right out of the Viktor orban playbook. And yet the media is passive, and so are we cos we 
think it's not going to get worse. 
Folks, the Republican lunatics are on a mission, and won't stop.
Republicans have begun saying things about American schools that not long ago would have struck them as peculiar, even insane. Senator Marco Rubio of Florida has called schools “a cesspool of Marxist indoctrination.” Former secretary of State Mike Pompeo predicts that “teachers’ unions, and the filth that they’re teaching our kids,” will “take this republic down.” Against the backdrop of his party, Donald Trump, complaining about “pink-haired communists teaching our kids” and “Marxist maniacs and lunatics” running our universities, sounds practically calm.



2/. Private Equity saves the day.....


3/. Bob Lefsetz with a challenging post.....interesting.....

Joe Biden will not be the Democratic nominee.

We’re seeing a repeat of 2016, when the Democratic establishment told us to trust them, that they were the experts, and the numbers said that Hillary was going to win. She didn’t. Now these same experts are telling us Biden is the safe bet, when the numbers indicate otherwise.

You may have caught the Post-ABC poll that indicated if the election were held today, Trump would beat Biden by six points.




4/. George Santos still has some solid support.....here are some endorsements.....


5/. Andrew Sullivan with two interesting stories - the first about Trump and how he is more dangerous than you might 
imagine especially if he is running against Biden, the second uses statistics about gun violence and murders 
that say something you might call racist.....

The reason so many are freaking out about CNN’s astonishing ad for the Trump re-election campaign this week is that he was on tip-top form. Donald Trump is, as a performer, in a class of his own. From the second the show began, he was in command: withering, funny, sharp, powerful. He may be one of the most effective and pathological demagogues I’ve ever encountered: capable of lying with staggering sincerity, of making up stories with panache: shameless, and indefatigable.



6/. Oohhhh goodie - there is an Equalizer 3 coming.....Denzel rocks....



7/. Insurers are waking up - your homeowners insurance bill now has global warming baked into it.....

If you don’t think you’ve been affected by global warming, take a closer look at your last homeowners’ insurance bill: The average cost of coverage has reached $1,900 a year nationwide, but it’s $4,000 a year in New Orleans and about $5,000 a year in Miami, according to Policygenius, an online insurance marketplace. And that is pocket change compared with the impact climate change may ultimately have on the value of your home.

We have reached a turning point: Climate risk is driving insurer decisions like never before.




8/. Liz Chaney narrates a brutal new ad on Trump....but does the base care? They probably love this ad, shows he's "strong"....



9/. Michelle Goldberg with a depressing column - Timothy McVeigh has won......

Timothy McVeigh, the right-wing terrorist who killed 168 people in the 1995 Oklahoma City bombing, cared about one issue above all others: guns. To him, guns were synonymous with freedom, and any government attempt to regulate them meant incipient tyranny.

“When it came to guns,” writes Jeffrey Toobin in “Homegrown,” his compelling new book about the Oklahoma City attack, “McVeigh did more than simply advocate for his own right to own and use firearms; he joined an ascendant political crusade, which grew more extreme over the course of his lifetime and beyond.”




10/. Maybe one of the best music videos ever.....Above and Beyond with "We're All We Need". 
Beautiful music and an ultimately tragic story.......



11/. Ever heard of Temu? Me neither, but this Chinese company is coming to replace Amazon.....

In March, TikTok user scotty..pimpin posted from inside an anonymous run-down shipping facility. In the video, packages fall from a conveyor belt down metal slides, like a luggage carousel in reverse. Things are getting backed up. There are Amazon packages, generic cardboard boxes, and a variety of polyethylene packets. Mostly, there are the orange bags. “I’m gonna need y’all to stop ordering Temu shit,” the poster says. “Because what the fuck is all this? This is all work!”



12/. Bob Lefsetz is on a roll - here he vilifies Democrats for ignoring social media to the point where the right wing owns it....

He’s got no online strategy. No identity. Joe seems to be hiding from the country.

Don’t tell me otherwise, that just means you’re in the bubble. You’re operating under the old paradigm, you devour the words of the mainstream media and talk politics with similarly minded people. Which is why you were flummoxed when Trump won in 2016. You didn’t know anybody voting for Trump!

I knew plenty. Because my inbox was inundated with the words of Trump supporters. Still is. These people are relentless.

The Democrats used to control the internet. They took a victory lap after Obama’s victory in the 2008 election. But everything evolves faster on the internet. Those days are history. Today the right owns the internet, furthermore, they’re constantly pushing back, saying they’re getting a raw deal! Yes, the most shared stories on Facebook are right wing stories. But don’t let the facts get in the way of a good narrative.




13/. Jeff Sharlets goes deep inside the base, and lets us know what they're thinking....and it's not pleasant...

Maybe it’s hard to believe now, but liberalism once seemed ascendant. In 2008, the nation elected Barack Obama, its first Black president, a man who ran on hope and transformative change. Millennials were secularizing and liberalizing on issues like LGBTQ+ rights. Obama passed health-care reform. Toward the end of his second term, the Supreme Court would rule in favor of marriage equality, and joyful singing crowds swallowed up the bigots who stalked the grounds with their signs and their shofars. The America I knew as a child of the Christian right was far removed from the America I had come to inhabit, or so I thought.



14/. Umair looks at current events, and comes to the logical conclusion - our society is collapsing into fascism....
By now, America’s approaching what can only really be described as a state of free-fall. Massacres are now regular events. One side of politics is openly authoritarian, and incites them. Social bonds have collapsed. Neighbor kills neighbor. The existence of social groups isn’t to be tolerated, and books are to be banned. The other side opposes this — but all too weakly. And in between them sits a majority, bewildered, in shock, traumatized, confused. What’s happening to our country?



15/. Jason Garcia lists what the scum in the Florida Legislature got done this year.....you just can't believe the corruption.....

Florida’s Republican-controlled Legislature gaveled its 60-day session to a close on Friday, ending two months of lawmaking dominated by Gov. Ron DeSantis and his presidential ambitions. 

Florida lawmakers devoted an inordinate amount of attention to propping up DeSantis’ impending campaign for president. They delivered a series of conservative cultural policy wins meant to boost DeSantis’ standing with Republican primary voters, including a six-week abortion ban, universal private school vouchers, and restrictions on the public lives and healthcare of LGBTQ+ Floridians. They also removed potential obstacles standing in DeSantis’ way, changing the law so DeSantis can run for president without resigning as governor and can host political donors at the governor’s mansion without the public ever finding out.

But that’s not all they did.




16/.  Republican hypocrisy....



17/. One for the guys.....be careful, there's a lot of BS around prostate cancer and how "dangerous" it is.....

Last summer, Joe Loree made an appointment to see his urologist. He’d occasionally noticed blood in his urine and wanted to have that checked out. His doctor ordered a prostate-specific antigen, or P.S.A., test to measure a protein in his blood that might indicate prostate cancer — or a number of more benign conditions.

“It came back somewhat elevated,” said Mr. Loree, 68, an instructional designer who lives in Berkeley, Calif. A biopsy found a few cancer cells, “a minuscule amount,” he recalled.

Mr. Loree was at very low risk, but nobody likes hearing the c-word. “It’s unsettling to think there’s cancer growing within me,” he said.

But because his brother and a friend had both been diagnosed with prostate cancer and had undergone aggressive treatment that he preferred to avoid, Mr. Loree felt comfortable with a more conservative approach called active surveillance               https://www.nytimes.com/2023/05/08/health/prostate-cancer-screening.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare





18/. The best shows on Hulu....

The Disney-owned Hulu streaming service is still, more than 15 years into its existence, thought of first as a repository for new television (and, for many cord-cutters, the “live TV” option of choice) and second as a library of indisputable TV classics, usually in their entirety. But savvy viewers can also find a rotating library of movies, both new releases and recent classics, rivaling the collections of many of its competitors — if they know where to look. We’re here to help.




19/. Some summer TV to look forward to.....

No list of summer TV shows 2023 can truly capture everything. Even years after the network TV concept of “summer hiatus” went away, summer is still a time for experimenting on television and when an unlikely reality smash or dark comedy can suddenly take off. Maybe that’s why this year’s summer TV shows lineup feels especially intriguing, with prestige dramas, beloved comedies, reality revamps, and a strong handful of rom-coms all competing to be the indoor kid equivalent of a beach read. When you‘re not headed to the theater to catch one of the summer movies we can’t wait to see, there’s plenty to watch back at home. 

Ahead we've collected a list of 26 shows we’re excited to spend our summers with, including plenty of old favorites and, hopefully, a few new ones. Pick your shows for the summer now, no SPF required.



Today's farmer joke....
A farmer went to a local bar and ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman sitting next to him said, 'How about that?
I just ordered champagne, too!'
'What a coincidence' the farmer said.
'This is a special day for me.
I am celebrating.'
This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'
'What a coincidence!' said the farmer.
As they clinked glasses he added: 'What are you celebrating?'
'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'
'What a coincidence!' said the man.
'I'm a chicken farmer and all last year my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying eggs again.'
'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'
'I used a different cock,' he replied.
The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said 'what a coincidence'!


Today's redneck hooker joke
A redneck was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the Shadows.
“Twenty dollars”, she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a hooker before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It’s a police officer.
“What's going on here, people? asks the officer.
“I'm making love to my wife!”, Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
“Oh, I'm sorry”, says the cop, “I didn't know.”
Bubba says, “Well, neither did I, til ya shined that light in her face!




Today's British jokes
  These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. newspapers:
   FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
   8 years old.
   Hateful little bastard.
   Bites!
 
   FREE PUPPIES.
   1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
 
   FREE PUPPIES.
   Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
   Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.
 
   COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
   Also 1 gay bull for sale.
 
   JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
   Must sell washer and dryer £100.
 
   WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE ...
   Worn once by mistake.
   Call Stephanie.
  
   **** And the WINNER is... ****
   FOR SALE BY OWNER.
   Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
   Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.
 
   Statement of the Century
   Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly.
   "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time.




Today's Confucius jokes

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY.... 
Man who wants pretty nurse must be patient. 
 
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly. 
 
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent. 
 
Squirrel who runs up woman’s' leg will not find nuts. 
 
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion. 
 
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted. 
 
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money. 
 
War does not determine who is right; it determines who is left. 
 
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. 
 
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it. 
 
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there. 
 
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot. 
 
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. 
 
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.   
 
Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . . 
LAST, BUT NOT LEAST: 
 
“A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!!!” 




Monday, May 8, 2023

Davids Daily Dose - Monday May 8th


1/. Scientists are warning that this El Nino summer will be a scorcher....
Severe droughts can occur in Australia, Indonesia and parts of southern Asia during an El Niño pattern.
Severe droughts can occur in Australia, Indonesia and parts of southern Asia during an El Niño pattern. Photograph: Outback Australia/Alamy

The chance of an El Niño weather phenomenon developing in the coming months has risen, the United Nations has said, warning that it could fuel higher global temperatures and possibly new heat records.

The UN’s World Meteorological Organization (WMO) said on Wednesday that it now estimated there was a 60% chance that El Niño would develop by the end of July, and an 80% chance it would do so by the end of September.



2/. Thomas Friedman with a related topic - we have unleashed two huge forces, AI technology 
and climate change, and have no idea what might happen....

Merriam-Webster notes that a “Pandora’s box” can be “anything that looks ordinary but may produce unpredictable harmful results.” I’ve been thinking a lot about Pandora’s boxes lately, because we Homo sapiens are doing something we’ve never done before: lifting the lids on two giant Pandora’s boxes at the same time, without any idea of what could come flying out.





3/. Definitely different [and a little rude] SNL skit - "The Toilet Death Ejector"....



4/. Ladies - think long and hard before you spring for a designer anything.....

Once upon a time, the legend goes, Theseus slew the Minotaur and sailed triumphantly home to Athens on a wooden ship. The vessel was preserved by Athenian citizens, who continually replaced its rotting planks with strong, fresh timber so a pilgrimage to Delos could be made each year in their hero’s name. Fascinated by this mythical tale, the philosopher Plutarch found it to embody a “logical question of things that grow”: After Theseus’s ship had been stripped of all its original material, could it still be considered the same ship? His question has caromed through centuries of Western thought. What if, Thomas Hobbes wondered, someone rustled up a second boat out of the discarded planks; would you now have two original vessels? And what about our own era of machine-made duplication — does replication strip away the soul of creation?



5/. Tom Tomorrow looks into the future....



6/. An awwwww story ....charming.....dolls in a mailbox....something nice for a change!

Don Powell was sliding the usual assortment of envelopes from the mailbox outside of his home when he noticed something out of the ordinary:

A tiny doll couple was sitting on a love seat inside the mailbox. A small sticky note was also tucked inside.

“We’ve decided to live here,” the message read. It was signed from Mary and Shelley.




7/. A relatively restrained Umair with his observations on the TV Writers strike......interesting.....

Leave it to Bernie Sanders to sum it up best. “Last year, 8 Hollywood CEOs made nearly $800 million, yet pay for TV writers has fallen by 23 percent over the last 10 years.” Ouch. That’s a concise description of the reason more than 11,000 writers are now on strike. And in America? That’s a big deal, because the Writers’ Guild is one of the few labour organizations which still functions. You don’t see a strike at this scale often, even in Europe — but especially not in America.                https://eand.co/what-happens-when-economies-go-into-a-winner-take-all-death-spiral-america-2023-does-bb542b9412de



8/. Yes it's May, but here's the Christmas Miracle skit from SNL......most amusing....



9/. Andrew Sullivan on our politicians who are too old to function properly....but won't retire...

I have seen the future and I do not want it. It’s a sunlit vista of the over-80s — too healthy to die, too old to fully live. They are the experiential bookend to all those “deaths of despair” among the young and middle-aged that plague America in the era of the poppy, the reason our life expectancy isn’t in free fall. Pharmaceuticals — miraculous, ever-improving, ever-more innovative — make it all possible, and the result is a healthier life in our prime but, as we age, an endless, crepuscular twilight zone of the undead.                                         https://andrewsullivan.substack.com/p/americas-leaders-in-the-twilight?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=61371&post_id=113341470&isFreemail=false&utm_medium=email




10/. Funny funny funny......ventriloquist Nina Conti with a classic....."Project Manager"....
Did I mention it's very funny?



11/. A very aggressive bit of Big Ag is Big Beef, mainly because they are in trouble on two fronts - dietary and climate change. 
The problem is their tactics seem to be working.... 

The US beef industry is creating an army of influencers and citizen activists to help amplify a message that will be key to its future success: that you shouldn’t be too worried about the growing attention around the environmental impacts of its production.

In particular, it would like you not to be especially concerned about how meat consumption needs to be reduced if we are to avoid the most violently disruptive forms of planetary heating (even if all fossil fuel use ended tomorrow).



12/. Miss Anita NewJob.....



13/. Bob Lefsetz with more insightful thoughts on Tucker Carlson.....he says he's done.....

“Carlson’s Text That Alarmed Fox Leaders: ‘It’s Not How White Men Fight’ – The discovery of the text message contributed to a chain of events that ultimately led to Tucker Carlson’s firing.”: Free link: https://nyti.ms/3HwwAF9

The world needs someone.

But it doesn’t need you.

By time this is over, Tucker Carlson will be marginalized. Not extinguished, but marginalized. And he didn’t commit a faux pas, this is who he is. And it caught up with him.

I’m not saying white nationalists won’t continue to like Carlson, but I’m saying the mainstream, and it’s always about the mainstream in the end, elections are mainstream, never forget that, will back away from him.




14/. If you have watched "What The Health", you will appreciate this story about processed 
food affecting your brain.....

Roughly 60 percent of the calories in the average American dietcome from highly processed foods. We’ve known for decades that eating such packaged products — like some breakfast cereals, snack bars, frozen meals and virtually all packaged sweets, among many other things — is linked to unwelcome health outcomes, like an increased risk of diabetes, obesity and even cancer. But more recent studies point to another major downside to these often delicious, always convenient foods: They appear to have a significant impact on our minds, too.





15/. The corruption of the Supreme Court is blatant - Maureen Dowd with an excellent column....
And BTW the graft includes John Roberts....

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court is still great.

It’s the greatest gathering of grievances we’ve ever seen on the high court. The woe-is-me bloc of conservative male justices is obsessed with who has wronged them.

It might be an opportune time to hire a Supreme shrink so these resentful men can get some much-needed therapy and stop working out their issues from the bench.

Neil Gorsuch is settling a score for his mother.

In her memoir, Anne Gorsuch Burford wrote that when she was forced out as Ronald Reagan’s Environmental Protection Agency administrator in 1983, her 15-year-old son, Neil, “was really upset.” He told her: “You should never have resigned. You didn’t do anything wrong. You only did what the president ordered. You raised me not to be a quitter. Why are you a quitter?”




16/. Ron vs Disney.....



17/. Just like Republicans with conspiracy theories, we get food myths in our heads and they 
won't go away...here is the Times with some truths....


Soy milk can raise the risk of breast cancer. Fat-free foods are healthier than high-fat foods. Vegans and vegetarians are deficient in protein. Some false ideas about nutrition seem to linger in American culture like a terrible song stuck in your head.


So to set the record straight, we asked 10 of the top nutrition experts in the United States a simple question: What is one nutrition myth you wish would go away — and why? Here’s what they said.




18/. The Times lists the best movies on Amazon Prime.....
Save this one.....some really good movies listed, including a few you've forgotten about....

As Netflix pours more of its resources into original content, Amazon Prime Video is picking up the slack, adding new movies for its subscribers each month. Its catalog has grown so impressive, in fact, that it’s a bit overwhelming — and at the same time, movies that are included with a Prime subscription regularly change status, becoming available only for rental or purchase. It’s a lot to sift through, so we’ve plucked out 100 of the absolute best movies included with a Prime subscription right now, to be updated as new information is made available.





19/. Vanity Fair lists summer movies to look forward to......especially if you like franchises....

If you want to really get wild and start the summer movies 2023 season with an April release, things are already off to an excellent start—Universal’s Super Mario Bros. has become just the fifth movie to cross the global $1 billion mark since the pandemic, continuing what looks like a real trend of moviegoing coming back in force. So what summer movies are all these returning moviegoers going to watch next? Well, we’ve got superheroes, a book club, a handful of animated characters, and one very famous doll that would like some attention.

Ahead, we’ve selected 26 movies coming out this summer that are worth anticipating, from films that have become critical darlings to some mysterious tentpoles we were already looking forward to before the year even began. Heavy hitters like Marvel, DC, and Tom Cruise are all back, but there’s still room for surprises, with indie-darling filmmakers and even some teen turtles entering into the summer box office fray. Get your popcorn ready and join us at the movies.



20/. We mentioned this series "The Diplomat" a few weeks ago, and Mary and I have just finished  
every episode......and recommend it highly! The Guardian likes it too....
Dramatic, intelligent and well acted.....
Keri Russell as ambassador Kate Wyler in The Diplomat.
Keri Russell as ambassador Kate Wyler in The Diplomat. Photograph: AP

Diplomacy never works,” a character complains in the new Netflix series The Diplomat. “Diplomacy doesn’t open doors with a twist of the wrist.”

“Diplomacy is 40 days and nights in a Vienna hotel room, listening to the same empty talking points, getting trashed at the minibar,” the character continues. “It’s getting to ‘no’ over, and over, and over. Diplomacy never works. Until it does.”

This mixture of ennui and stubborn hope is instantly recognisable to real-life diplomats, former and current, American and British, who have watched the series with a mix of familiarity, amusement and incredulity.




Today's school joke....
A smart-arsed teenager at the back of the room raised his hand and asked.
"What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I would expect you to write the exam with your other hand."



Today's joke for the guys.....
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. 
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. 
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. 
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."


Today's bar joke
Two men are sitting at the bar at the top of the Empire State Building drinking, when the first man turns to the other one and says: "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the wind around the building is so intense that it carries you around the building and back into the window."
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar, but says nothing.
The second guy says, "What? Are you insane? There's no way in heck that could happen!"  
"No, no... it's true..." said the first man, "let me 
prove it to you."
He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony and plummets toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window. He takes the elevator back up to the bar.
He meets the second man, who is astonished. "Oh my God, I saw that with my own eyes! But that must've been a one-time fluke. That was scientifically impossible!"
"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps.
Again, just as his body hurtles towards the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. He takes the elevator ! back to the bar. Once upstairs, he successfully convinces his dubious fellow drinker to try it.
"Well, what the heck," the second guy says, "I've seen that it works, so I'll try it!"
He immediately jumps over the balcony - plunges downward - rapidly passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors... His body hits the
sidewalk...Splat !!!!
Back upstairs, the bartender who had been silent the whole time turns to the first drinker, and shakes his head "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."



Todays redneck joke
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla.
 
Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was
in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
 
Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. 
Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.
 
The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was 
approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
 
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would  have to think the matter
over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:
 
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." 
The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
 
"Second", he said, "She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt." 
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
 
"Third", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this." 
The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
 
"Fourth", Bobby Lee said, "I want all the children raised Southern Baptist. 
Once again it was agreed.
 
And last, Bobby Lee said, "I'll need another week to come up with the $500.00.