A bit longer [18 stories] and later than usual this week......sorry.....#1 is a must read......and #17 for those of you interested in Florida politics....
A treat - a double dose of Frank Rich......
1/ Did you watch the "60 Minutes" story on Benghazi, and their half-hearted apology? Then you are up to speed on the corporate media spin on this story, but read this - it's much worse than just carelessness......
Every week, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich talks with contributor Eric Benson about the biggest stories in politics and culture. This week: Lara Logan apologies for her Benghazi report, Bill Clinton calls for Obamacare changes, and The New Republic forwards Elizabeth Warren as the anti-Hillary.
On Sunday, CBS News correspondent Lara Logan issued a short and, many commentators felt, insufficient apology for her now-discredited 60 Minutes report on the Benghazi consulate attack. A year ago, Logan had publicly mockedthe notion that the Benghazi attack was a protest gone awry and advocated for a stronger U.S. military response. Should CBS have given her this story? How can Logan or her network satisfactorily explain the botched report? And do you see a double standard at work between Logan's fate (issuing a halfhearted apology, so far) and Dan Rather's much harsher penalty for his questionable 60 Minutes report in 2004?
Lara Logan’s story was not a mere journalistic mistake, but a hoax comparable to such legendary frauds as Life magazine’s purchase of the billionaire Howard Hughes’s nonexistent “autobiography” in the seventies and Rupert Murdoch’s similarly extravagant embrace ofthe bogus Hitler “diaries” in the eighties. In Logan’s case, she perpetrated an out-and-out fictional character: a pseudonymous security contractor who peddled a made-up “eyewitness” account of the murder of four Americans in Benghazi. The point seemed to be to further Benghazi as a conservative political cause (instead, Logan’s hoax boomeranged and extinguished it) and to melodramatically exploit the tragic slaughter of Ambassador Chris Stevens and his colleagues as titillating prime-time network entertainment. Logan’s phony source, who in fact was at a beachside villa and not on site to witness anything, cooked up violent new “details” for the Benghazi narrative that seemed to have been lifted from a Jean Claude Van Damme movie.
2/ An excellent Stephen Colbert on the CBS News fiasco......four minutes of nailing CBS, and of course Fox News.....and he sets up the next clip.....
A clever Colbert skit, with Sam Waterson as "the intern".......six minutes......
Determined to get to the bottom of what happened with 60 Minutes’ erroneous Benghazi report,Stephen Colbert happened upon a theory that perfectly fit his preconceived notions. During extensive coverage of the story Monday night, the host became convinced that the original piece was accurate but someone had forced CBS News toair the correction. “There’s only one logical explanation for what really happened here,” Colbert said. “Hillary Clinton got to them!”
To help give credibility to his premise, Colbert tracked down an eyewitness to reveal how CBS News decided to issue its apology Sunday night. The host’s exclusive interview with a 60 Minutes intern who would only identify himself with the alias “Pancho Denews.” The witness recounted how, as he was returning from picking up chewing tobacco for Lesley Stahl, he heard “explosions of shouting.”
3/ The elections were a week last Tuesday, and you may have heard the punditry pontificate on what the results meant.....but read Frank Rich and find out what really happened......
Frank Rich on the National Circus: Cuccinelli’s Near-Win Says More Than Christie’s Landslide
- By Frank Rich
Every week, New York Magazine writer-at-large Frank Rich talks with contributor Eric Benson about the biggest stories in politics and culture. This week: Christie's 2016 prospects, Rand Paul's Jonah Lehrer problem, McAuliffe's underwhelming victory, and De Blasio's first challenges.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie won a landslide reelection yesterday, significantly outperforming the national Republican Party among black, Hispanic, and female voters. Christie has been viewed as too moderate to win a Republican presidential primary, but he's popular, pragmatic, and has lots of momentum. Is he the 2016 GOP front-runner?
There is no front-runner for 2016. But the excessive valuation given by the GOP Establishment to Christie’s New Jersey landslide (against an underfinanced and pallid Democratic sacrificial lamb who was no Cory Booker) is a fascinating window into the power of denial. That Establishment is desperate to believe that the tea party is dying, that the radicals in the House cannot pull another stunt like a government shutdown, and that a restoration of centrist Republicanism is at hand. And so if you tune in to the unofficial headquarters of the Christie ’16 campaign, Morning Joe at MSNBC, Christie is not only the front-runner, he’s his party’s savior, and is within a step of two of measuring the drapes for the White House. Christie is also the great white hope of Wall Street barons, of the foreign-policy neocons, and of mainstream conservative pundits. How many of the latter have written columns recently about “what the right can learn from Chris Christie”? I lost count after Peggy Noonan, Ramesh Ponnuru, and Jennifer Rubin. The point seems to be that a gregarious Republican presidential candidate can win over blue America by putting a happy face on conservative ideology and showing up to help poor people when a natural disaster hits. In other words, though no one will say this out loud, Christie is viewed by Republican grandees as a panacea in the way George W. Bush once was — a “compassionate conservative” with crossover appeal — albeit with a touch of the bullying once admired in another blue-state Republican boosted for president by much the same crowd: Rudy Giuliani.
4/ A funny two minute video about how men don't listen to women's problems, and women don't listen when men try to help.....that's a serious description of an amusing little clip......
5/ Most interesting discusion on the limits of plutocratic power in our politics, and how De Blasio in New York and the minimum wage votes may herald the beginning of something.....but the oligarchy will I am sure stomp on this populism ASAP......
An excellent story for anyone who thinks about our politics......
OPINION
Plutocrats vs. Populists
By CHRYSTIA FREELAND
Published: November 1, 2013 276 Comments
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TORONTO — HERE’S the puzzle of America today: the plutocrats have never been richer, and their economic power continues to grow, but the populists, the wilder the better, are taking over. The rise of the political extremes is most evident, of course, in the domination of the Republican Party by the Tea Party and in the astonishing ability of this small group to shut down the American government. But the centrists are losing out in more genteel political battles on the left, too — that is the story of Bill de Blasio’s dark-horse surge to the mayoralty in New York, and of the Democratic president’s inability to push through his choice to run the Federal Reserve, Lawrence H. Summers.
All of these are triumphs of populists over plutocrats: Mr. de Blasio is winning because he is offering New Yorkers a chance to reject the plutocratic politics of Michael R. Bloomberg. The left wing of the Democratic Party opposed the appointment of Mr. Summers as part of a wider backlash against the so-called Rubin Democrats (as in Robert E. Rubin, who preceded Mr. Summers as Treasury secretary during the Clinton administration) and their sympathy for Wall Street. Even the Tea Party, which in its initial phase was to some extent the creation of plutocrats like Charles and David Koch, has slipped the leash of its very conservative backers and alienated more centrist corporate bosses and organizations.
The limits of plutocratic politics, at both ends of the ideological spectrum, are being tested. That’s a surprise. Political scientists like Larry M. Bartels and Martin Gilens have documented the frightening degree to which, in America, more money means a more effective political voice: Democratic and Republican politicians are more likely to agree with the views of their wealthier constituents and to listen to them than they are to those lower down the income scale. Money also drives political engagement: Citizens United, which removed some restrictions on political spending, strengthened these trends.
Why are the plutocrats, with their great wealth and a political system more likely to listen to them anyway, losing some control to the populists? The answer lies in the particular nature of plutocratic political power in the 21st century and its limitations in a wired mass democracy.
6/ The wonderful Matt Taibbi with some great news - JP Morgan Chase and the fine of $13 billion is just to start of a new round of investigations and potential fines on the bastards who wrecked the world economies. There are even more scandals in the works.....
The best, and most truthful financial reporting we have is in Rolling Stone folks.....
I've been away for weeks now on a non-financial assignment (we have something unusual coming out in Rolling Stone in a few weeks) so I've fallen behind on some crazy developments on Wall Street. There are multiple scandals blowing up right now, including a whole set of ominous legal cases that could result in punishments so extreme that they might significantly alter the long-term future of the financial services sector.
As one friend of mine put it, "Whatever those morons put aside for settlements, they'd better double it."
Firstly, there's a huge mess involving possible manipulation of the world currency markets. This scandal is already drawing comparisons to the last biggest-financial-
Regulators on multiple continents are investigating the possibility that at least four (and probably many more) banks may have been involved in widespread, Libor-style manipulation of currencies for years on end. One of the allegations is that traders have been gambling heavily before and after the release of the WM/Reuters rates, which like Libor are benchmark rates calculated privately by a small subset of financial companies that are perfectly positioned to take advantage of their own foreknowledge of pricing information.
A month ago, Bloomberg reported that it had observed a pattern of spikes in trading in certain pairs of currencies at the same time, at 4 p.m. London time on the last trading day of the month, when WM/Reuters rates are released. From the article:
In the space of 20 minutes on the last Friday in June, the value of the U.S. dollar jumped 0.57 percent against its Canadian counterpart, the biggest move in a month. Within an hour, two-thirds of that gain had melted away.The same pattern – a sudden surge minutes before 4 p.m. in London on the last trading day of the month, followed by a quick reversal – occurred 31 percent of the time across 14 currency pairs over two years, according to data compiled by Bloomberg. For the most frequently traded pairs, such as euro-dollar, it happened about half the time, the data show.The recurring spikes take place at the same time financial benchmarks known as the WM/Reuters (TRI) rates are set based on those trades…
The Forex story broke at a time when the industry was already coping with price-fixing messes involving oil (the European commission is investigating manipulation of yet another Libor-like price-setting process here) and manipulation cases involving benchmark rates for precious metals and interest rate swaps. As Quartz put it after the FX story broke:
For those keeping score: That means the world's key price benchmarks for interest rates, energy and currencies may now all be compromised.
7/ A great Bill Maher, taking Christians to task for their hypocrisy....excellent stuff....seven minutes.....
Bill Maher closed Friday's episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher" by going off on one of his favorite subjects: Christians who refuse to help others, despite their religion's call to do so.
"It's okay if you don't want to feed the hungry, heal the sick or house the homeless. Just don't say you're doing it for their own good," Maher said.
He continued: "Don't say you'd like to help people, but your hands are tied, because if you did it would cause a culture of dependency, or go against the Bible, or worst of all, rob them of their freedom to be sick and hungry."
"Just admit you're selfish," he added.
8/ We all have an image of "the poor" as the bottom of the barrel in our society and this image is rammed home by the right wing media constantly. But according to recent studies up to 54% of Americans will be poor at some point in their lives through job loss, catastrophic expenses and other circumstances but that the time they are in poverty is relatively short, a couple of years or less.
The Republicans in Congress are relentless in trying to dismantle our safety nets, which over half of the country might need at some point in their lives......just being the heartless bastards their owners want them to be....
Few topics in American society have more myths and stereotypes surrounding them than poverty, misconceptions that distort both our politics and our domestic policy making.
They include the notion that poverty affects a relatively small number of Americans, that the poor are impoverished for years at a time, that most of those in poverty live in inner cities, that too much welfare assistance is provided and that poverty is ultimately a result of not working hard enough. Although pervasive, each assumption is flat-out wrong.
Contrary to popular belief, the percentage of the population that directly encounters poverty is exceedingly high. My research indicates that nearly 40 percent of Americans between the ages of 25 and 60 will experience at least one year below the official poverty line during that period ($23,492 for a family of four), and 54 percent will spend a year in poverty or near poverty (below 150 percent of the poverty line).
Even more astounding, if we add in related conditions like welfare use, near-poverty and unemployment, four out of five Americans will encounter one or more of these events.
In addition, half of all American children will at some point during their childhood reside in a household that uses food stamps for a period of time.
Put simply, poverty is a mainstream event experienced by a majority of Americans. For most of us, the question is not whether we will experience poverty, but when.
But while poverty strikes a majority of the population, the average time most people spend in poverty is relatively short. The standard image of the poor has been that of an entrenched underclass, impoverished for years at a time. While this captures a small and important slice of poverty, it is also a highly misleading picture of its more widespread and dynamic nature.
9/ Stephen Colbert on Fox News's commentary on how unfair the Affordable Care Act is to......men? Fox is so stupid......4 minutes......
Stephen Colbert took aim at Fox News on Monday night for complaining that women and men will pay the same premiums under Obamacare.
Several people at Fox News have ripped into Obamacare for "sticking it to men,"because men currently pay less than women for the same health insurance coverage.Guest Dr. Jane Hughes alleged that Obamacare will force men to contribute to the cost of maternity services, pediatric and dental care, birth control and other forms of contraception, which she said "none of which a young man needs or wants."
After playing the clips on Monday night, Colbert chimed in with mock outrage. "Under Obamacare, men will pay the same amount as women and yet we still don't get to pass a cantaloupe with toenails through our genitals," he balked.
"As long as we're footing the bill for all this lady maintenance, I say we demand pap smears!" he added. "It's guy-necologist, not gal-necologist." Watch his complete takedown of Fox News in the clip above.
10/ Louis CK on Facebook posts......a good two minute clip from one of his recent shows......his comedy is very dry, but I find it really funny.....just sayin'......
11/ Get your food at WalMart? Buy pork there?
If you do ever buy pork or any meat there again after reading this article from the Times.........words fail me.
Note - the video in the second paragraph is VERY disturbing.....seriously - don't watch it if you are sensitive.
Activists Accuse Walmart of Condoning Torture of Pigs by Pork Suppliers
By NATALIE KITROEFF and ROBERT MACKEY
As part of a campaign to put pressure on Walmart, Mercy for Animals, an animal rights organization, released harrowing video this week documenting what activists call the torture of pigs by workers at a Minnesota pork farm that supplies the retail chain.
The extremely graphic, distressing video, which also includes explicit language, was recorded by an activist who worked undercover at Rosewood Farm in Pipestone, Minn. The video shows workers slamming piglets into concrete floors until they die, castrating them without painkillers, and roughly beating and cursing at sows. But the more egregious abuse, activists say, is standard industry practice: keeping sows in restrictive gestation crates for their entire lives.
The activist who recorded the video, who did not want to give her name because she is working on another undercover investigation, told The Lede in a telephone interview, “They had thousands of sows that were confined into these tiny gestation crates that were barely larger than their own bodies.” She added that she often found the animals “screaming and banging their heads against the cages,” and “lying in their own excrement, unable to turn around.”
Luke Minion, the chief executive of Pipestone Systems, which owns the Rosewood Farm and others, said in an interview that he fired one employee and reassigned another as a result of the activists’ investigation. “There are things depicted on the video that are not defensible nor are they our policies,” Mr. Minion said. “We want to be better than what’s on that video.”
..............................
Matt Rice, Mercy for Animals’ director of investigations, told The Lede that the retail chain was targeted because “Walmart is the largest pork retailer in the country and they’re virtually alone in their continued support for gestation crates.” While Mr. Rice acknowledged that a “majority of pork producers” still use gestation crates, he insisted that their impact on the animals was brutal. After years in a cage that is just two feet wide, he said, pigs begin to “exhibit stereotypic neurotic behavior, such as biting the bars of their cages and smashing their heads against the bars.” The investigator at the Pipestone farm said the farm manager told her that the sows “go so crazy that they start eating their babies.”
12/ After watching this hysterically funny ad for Poo Pourri we have bought some for our guest bathroom.....and I have to say it works a treat......expensive though.....
13/ A fascinating story about Coralville, Iowa, and how the Koch Brothers PAC Americans For Prosperity poured money into a small Iowa town of 20,000 peole to buy the town council elections.
Sound familiar, Mount Dorians? Substitute the Koch brothers for Medallion Homes and it's the same story......and it's happening more often and all around the country - big money getting into local races.....scary stuff.
By the way the Koch brothers and Americans For Prosperity lost, as did Medallion Homes in Mount Dora in three of the four seats...thanks to the citizens who woke up and fought back.
Koch Group Has Ambitions in Small Races
Nathan Weber for The New York Times
John Sevier, a volunteer with Americans for Prosperity, in Coralville, Iowa, where the group has aggressively campaigned.
By JOHN ELIGON
Published: November 3, 2013 480 Comments
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CORALVILLE, Iowa — Election seasons in this small eastern Iowa town are usually cordial affairs. But this year, a group backed by the billionaire Koch brothers has changed that.
Nathan Weber for The New York Times
Laurie Goodrich, a candidate for the City Council in Coralville, Iowa, said she originally planned to campaign on issues like painting the city's water tower and keeping the parks clean.
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The group, Americans for Prosperity, has jumped into the race to elect Coralville’s next mayor and City Council with an aggressive campaign, mailing fliers, advertising in newspapers, calling voters and knocking on their doors. Its latest leaflet hit mailboxes last week, denouncing the town’s growing debt and comparing it to the financial woes of Detroit. “Coralville is fast becoming Iowa’s version of Detroit,” it read.
Tuesday’s race here is not the only one that has drawn the interest of Americans for Prosperity, which was founded by Charles and David Koch. Local chapters have been involved in property tax fights in Kansas, Ohio and Texas, the group says.
In January, the group successfully fought an increase in a food and beverage tax in Fremont, Neb. And last spring, it opposed a tax increase in Gahanna, in central Ohio. Voters rejected the tax measure in May, but the City Council has put it back on Tuesday’s ballot.
Tim Phillips, the national president of Americans for Prosperity, said the organization could have a real effect on local races, where it does not have to deal with all the Washington special interests.
The main reason “we fight local issue battles is because they result in good policy outcomes, generally promoting economic freedom via less taxes, less government spending,” he said.
But here, in this town of fewer than 20,000 residents, the group has not been so welcome, and the nonpartisan campaign has become an informal referendum on the involvement of outsiders.
Even residents who agree with Americans for Prosperity’s core argument — that the city’s debt is out of control — question the group’s motives for wading into the race. That has forced the candidates who share the group’s beliefs to keep the organization at a distance.
Chris Turner, a first-time candidate for the City Council who has spoken out against the debt, said that although he disagreed with Americans for Prosperity on most issues, he could not seem to catch a break because his campaign platform aligns with the organization.
“Every time I go to a debate or anything, I’ve tried talking about the budget, and then they just go, ‘Koch brothers, Koch brothers, Koch brothers,’ ” he said of his critics, adding that he wished Americans for Prosperity “would just go away.”
14/ I found this story to be apropos....why?
Look at the title.......a human story we can all relate to......
I Want to Be Friends With Republicans
By DAVID JAMES POISSANT
Private Lives:Personal essays on the news of the world and the news of our lives.
TAGS:
REPUBLICAN PARTY,SOCIAL CONDITIONS AND TRENDS, UNITED STATES POLITICS AND GOVERNMENT,ZIMMERMAN, GEORGE
The trouble started the night Jeff, one of the guys I drink and talk about God with, announced that he’d been summoned to court for the Zimmerman trial jury pool. We’d kept politics out of our Wednesday night meetings, which are held on my back porch, the six of us seated at an old dining room table propped next to my broken hot tub (Florida short-sale homes come standard with broken hot tubs). Instead of Bible Study, we call it our Tavern Ministry, and while we were often drunk halfway through, a churchlike decorum had always held sway. Once the case came up, though, decorum collapsed.
I wanted George Zimmerman behind bars. With Sanford, the town where he killed Trayvon Martin, just a short drive from my home, I wanted to know that I’d never run into him with my daughters at the grocery store or on a late-night walk around my neighborhood.
But Jeff wasn’t so sure that Zimmerman was guilty. Another friend agreed. It was complicated, he said. He didn’t get why so many lefties thought the shooting had something to do with race.
“Let’s not go there,” I said. My wife, Marla, had warned me that some of the guys were conservative. But I liked who they were on Wednesdays, and I didn’t want politics to change that. Still, Jeff kept on, others chimed in and finally I said, “O.K., let’s go there.”
15/ Viral video - "I'll give you 200 euros if you drop the towel"......one minute.......and it's exactly what it sounds like!
16/ Herbal supplements....
1/ You don't need them
2/ They are't regulated at all
3/ According to tests done up to 1/3 are fraudulent, and don't contain what they say they contain....
This is free market commerce without the gumment involved, and boy are we getting screwed.....so if you feel the need to buy a supplement, you may be enjoying some very expensive rice and weeds....
Herbal Supplements Are Often Not What They Seem
Not-So-Herbal Supplements: A study using DNA testing offers perhaps the most credible evidence to date of adulteration, contamination and mislabeling in the herbal supplement industry.
By ANAHAD O’CONNOR
Published: November 3, 2013 405 Comments
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Americans spend an estimated $5 billion a year on unprovenherbal supplements that promise everything from fighting off colds to curbing hot flashes and boosting memory. But now there is a new reason for supplement buyers to beware: DNA tests show that many pills labeled as healing herbs are little more than powdered rice and weeds.
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Using a test called DNA barcoding, a kind of genetic fingerprinting that has also been used to help uncover labeling fraud in the commercial seafood industry, Canadian researchers tested 44 bottles of popular supplements sold by 12 companies. They found that many were not what they claimed to be, and that pills labeled as popular herbs were often diluted — or replaced entirely — by cheap fillers like soybean, wheat and rice.
Consumer advocates and scientists say the research provides more evidence that the herbal supplement industry is riddled with questionable practices. Industry representatives argue that any problems are not widespread.
For the study, the researchers selected popular medicinal herbs, and then randomly bought different brands of those products from stores and outlets in Canada and the United States. To avoid singling out any company, they did not disclose any product names.
Among their findings were bottles of echinacea supplements, used by millions of Americans to prevent and treat colds, that contained ground up bitter weed, Parthenium hysterophorus, an invasive plant found in India and Australia that has been linked to rashes, nausea and flatulence.
Two bottles labeled as St. John’s wort, which studies have shown may treat mild depression, contained none of the medicinal herb. Instead, the pills in one bottle were made of nothing but rice, and another bottle contained only Alexandrian senna, an Egyptian yellow shrub that is a powerful laxative. Gingko biloba supplements, promoted as memory enhancers, were mixed with fillers and black walnut, a potentially deadly hazard for people with nutallergies.
Of 44 herbal supplements tested, one-third showed outright substitution, meaning there was no trace of the plant advertised on the bottle — only another plant in its place.
Many were adulterated with ingredients not listed on the label, like rice, soybean and wheat, which are used as fillers.
In some cases, these fillers were the only plant detected in the bottle — a health concern for people with allergies or those seeking gluten-free products, said the study’s lead author, Steven G. Newmaster, a biology professor and botanical director of the Biodiversity Institute of Ontario at the University of Guelph.
17/ Florida politics - the excellent Carl Hiaasen on Charlie Crist vs Rick Scott, and it's not going to be as easy for Crist as you think.....very interesting indeed.....
Charlie Crist is back, but he doesn’t deserve free pass
BY CARL HIAASEN
CHIAASEN@MIAMIHERALD.COM
Good-time Charlie Crist is back.
He wants to be governor again, and polls show he would beat Rick Scott if the election were held today.
Big deal. Richie Incognito would beat Scott if the election were held today.
The polls don’t mean much because Scott, although one of the most unpopular governors ever, is about to spend $100 million to get re-elected. Anybody who thinks Florida voters won’t get fooled again has been dipping into the bath salts.
Despite a stumbling first term, Scott’s prospects for 2014 are much better than they were in 2010.
Back then he was a political newcomer with zero charisma, zero credentials for public office and a ton of money. Today he’s a sitting governor with zero charisma, zero credentials for public office and even more money.
During the last campaign, Scott spent about $75 million of his own dough, having made a fortune presiding over a healthcare conglomerate that perpetrated one of the largest Medicare frauds since the beginning of Medicare.
In a sane and sensible place, that’s a résumé that would kill a person’s chances for high office. But not in Florida, the eternal land of suckers.
This time around, Scott will have the full backing of the Republican establishment, which basically shunned him in 2010, and a richer war chest for attacking Charlie Crist.
And Charlie definitely has weak spots.
18/ The recent disastrous spills from Lake Okechobee into the Atlantic estuaries killing all life for miles are the direct fault of the sugar industry.....but are the media telling you this?
Nope.....the sugar billionaires are investing heavily in PR and lobbyists to make sure you are distracted....
Sugar poisons people, poisons democracy and poisons the Everglades
One should not be surprised at the media blitz by Florida's sugar billionaires, meant to distract voters and citizens (not necessarily the same, as voter turnout shows) from the true cause of the disastrous water management policies that afflict the state. Sugar poisons people, poisons democracy and poisons the Everglades, yet earlier this summer its message machine sent millions of Florida voters mailers assuring that it was working to save Florida's Everglades and water quality. This, in the midst of the worst toxic water crisis in Florida's modern history, with rivers and estuaries so poisonous that people were advised by their governments not to touch the water. Period.
As one of those environmentalists who have spent decades railing against the inequities and corrupt politics at the heart of the state, that mainly benefit sugar growers on the ring of Lake Okeechobee, none of this is a surprise in the context of the economic elite that controls the operations of government.
Todays video - Niagara Falls from a toy helicopter.....actually quite fascinating with views of the Falls you cannot get any other way.....
Todays married persons joke
A guy left home about 8:30 a.m. to play golf with his friends.
On the way out the door he answered his wife’s “what time will you be home?” question with “probably about 1:30, I’ll have lunch at the club.”
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home, finally at about 10:45 PM he rolls in the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands.
She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there’s a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit.
I agreed to stop. We had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with.
Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home.”
His wife looked him in the eye and said “Don’t bullshit me; you played 36 holes, didn’t you?”
On the way out the door he answered his wife’s “what time will you be home?” question with “probably about 1:30, I’ll have lunch at the club.”
1:30 came & went, 3:00 passed, 6:15, still not home, finally at about 10:45 PM he rolls in the driveway, leaves his clubs in the garage, and presents his wife with a pizza, and begins the apologetic story.
"We finished our game about 11:30, had lunch, and I started home, when alongside the road I saw this attractive girl with a flat tire on her car. I stopped to help, got the tire changed, and looked around for a place to wash my hands.
She offered money, but I refused, so she suggested that I at least allow her to buy me a beer. She said there’s a tavern just up the road, and they have a restroom, you can clean up a bit.
I agreed to stop. We had a beer, then another beer, then a couple more, and I realized that this girl was not only pretty, she was very friendly, and a good companion to spend time with.
Before I knew it, we were in the motel next door having sex. And that is why I am so late getting home.”
His wife looked him in the eye and said “Don’t bullshit me; you played 36 holes, didn’t you?”
Another married persons joke
A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks the question....
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "sh*t."
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewellery?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "sh*t."
Todays Australian groaner
AUSSIE JOKE
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."
"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?"
The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......??
Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable.
The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news."
"Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first?"
The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."
The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks, "what's the good news.......??
The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crays and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."
He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.
"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?"
"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....
"Geez thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... So what's the other possible good news?"
"Well," the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again.....
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