1/ The situation in Congress is serious, and as Paul Krugman points out if the Republican leadership proceeds with their current plans it could derail our fragile recovery. What gets to me is the gross irresponsibility of the Republicans, and the assumption that Americans are really stupid and will ignore the contradictions in their right-wing talking points.
If they are so concerned about the deficit, why cut taxes for the rich? Where are the cuts for the military? What about the rise in health care costs? None of the important things will be touched, because all of these areas have lobbyists and give generously to the Republican Party.
Nope - the cuts are to the poor, to women, to the middle class, none of whom have any clout in Washington. Screw the weak is their mantra....
The economic news has been better lately. New claims for unemployment insurance are down; business and consumer surveys suggest solid growth. We’re still near the bottom of a very deep hole, but at least we’re climbing.
It’s too bad that so many people, mainly on the political right, want to send us sliding right back down again.
Before we get to that, let’s talk about why economic recovery has been so long in coming.
We’ve gone through years of high unemployment and inadequate growth. Despite the pain, however, American families have gradually improved their financial position. And in the past few months there have been signs of an emerging virtuous circle. As families have repaired their finances, they have increased their spending; as consumer demand has started to revive, businesses have become more willing to invest; and all this has led to an expanding economy, which further improves families’ financial situation.
But it’s still a fragile process, especially given the effects of rising oil and food prices. These price rises have little to do with U.S. policy; they’re mainly because of growing demand from China and other emerging markets, on one side, and disruption of supply from political turmoil and terrible weather on the other. But they’re a hit to purchasing power at an especially awkward time. And things will be much worse if the Federal Reserve and other central banks mistakenly respond to higher headline inflation by raising interest rates.
The clear and present danger to recovery, however, comes from politics — specifically, the demand from House Republicans that the government immediately slash spending on infant nutrition, disease control, clean water and more. Quite aside from their negative long-run consequences, these cuts would lead, directly and indirectly, to the elimination of hundreds of thousands of jobs — and this could short-circuit the virtuous circle of rising incomes and improving finances.
Of course, Republicans believe, or at least pretend to believe, that the direct job-destroying effects of their proposals would be more than offset by a rise in business confidence. As I like to put it, they believe that the Confidence Fairy will make everything all right.
But there’s no reason for the rest of us to share that belief. For one thing, it’s hard to see how such an obviously irresponsible plan — since when does starving the I.R.S. for funds help reduce the deficit? — can improve confidence.
2/ What is all of this abuse being thrown at teachers? Why are teachers suddenly the enemy?
Actually it's simple isn't it - one of the ways to distract the stupids is to create an enemy, then turn on the Fox propaganda machine. Mexicans, gays, Muslims have all had their months in the spotlight.....now it's teachers and other union workers. This is so you don't notice you are slipping economically because you're too busy being riled up against the "enemy de jour", while the oligarchs laugh all the way to their banks.....
The jabs Erin Parker has heard about her job have stunned her. Oh you pathetic teachers, read the online comments and placards of counterdemonstrators. You are glorified baby sitters who leave work at 3 p.m. You deserve minimum wage.
“You feel punched in the stomach,” said Ms. Parker, a high school science teacher in Madison, Wis., where public employees’ two-week occupation of the State Capitol has stalled but not deterred the governor’s plan to try to strip them of bargaining rights.
Ms. Parker, a second-year teacher making $36,000, fears that under the proposed legislation class sizes would rise and higher contributions to her benefits would knock her out of the middle class.
“I love teaching, but I have $26,000 of student debt,” she said. “I’m 30 years old, and I can’t save up enough for a down payment” for a house. Nor does she own a car. She is making plans to move to Colorado, where she could afford to keep teaching by living with her parents.
Around the country, many teachers see demands to cut their income, benefits and say in how schools are run through collective bargaining as attacks not just on their livelihoods, but on their value to society.
Even in a country that is of two minds about teachers — Americans glowingly recall the ones who changed their lives, but think the job with its summers off is cushy — education experts say teachers have rarely been the targets of such scorn from politicians and voters.
Republican lawmakers in half a dozen states are pressing to unwind tenure and seniority protections in place for more than 50 years. Gov. Chris Christie’s dressing down of New Jersey teachers in town-hall-style meetings, accusing them of greed, has touched a populist vein and made him a national star.
3/ Ladies - a challenge for you - watch this 45 second video twice without tearing up......an Army Master Sgt. comes home from Iraq and surprises his daughter at school......sniffle sniffle....of course guys won't be affected at all......damn where's that Kleenex......
4/ Oil Supply. What happens if the turmoil in the Middle East gets worse and oil supplies are disrupted? It won't be pretty - the price of gas will skyrocket, which will affect the distribution chain quickly, including of course food. I can remember in the 80's when stations closed and the lines for gas were incredible.
Interesting article from a Chinese website listing the stuff that might happen, but probably won't.....hopefully......
The oil-rich autocracies on which we depend are now facing full-throated revolution.
Libya’s Colonel Gaddafi is willing to shoot as many as it takes to stifle opposition in Libya. But he can’t shoot everyone.
And if he is ousted, there is no certainty that any eventual successor would honour existing contracts with Western oil giants – contracts, incidentally, which were the dubious legacy of Tony Blair’s diplomacy.
But it is the rising tide of violence around Saudi Arabia which could ignite a political blow-out of terrifying proportions in the world’s biggest oil producing country.
Even people who hope to see the end of the Saudis’ hand-chopping, wife-beating Wahhabi fundamentalist regime must realise that its downfall will create a global economic earthquake.
The situation in neighbouring Bahrain is a microcosm of what might happen in Saudi Arabia. Don’t let Bahrain’s tiny size mislead you.
This island kingdom sits on the fault-line separating the tectonic plates of the Muslim world and is the fulcrum of American power in the Middle East.
The U.S. Fifth Fleet is based on the island –which is attached to Saudi by a causeway – and pro-Iranian Shi’ites who make up 70 per cent of the population are seething with rage against the pro-Western king.
The remaining 30 per cent of Bahrain’s population are Sunni Muslims, and the bitter Sunni-Shi’ite infighting there could spark a religious civil war which could quickly spread to Saudi Arabia.
Outsiders would pour in. Not just jihadi fanatics. Iran would support the ‘oppressed’ Shi’ites of Bahrain and Saudi.
What would America do? Could Obama abandon the pro-Western rulers of Bahrain and Saudi if Iran got involved?
And how then would people in other Arab states such as Egypt react if the West put stopping Iran ahead of People Power? And how might Israel react?
5/ An excellent Jon Stewart on our favourite subject - Fox News, and their lying and general distortion of anything passing for actual news....a wonderful 5 minutes......
6/ We're broke!
There was a "60 minutes" segment recently where some doom and gloom predictions were made about cities and towns across the country going broke and declaring bankruptcy. Well yes there are major problems, but it's not as bad a crisis as this is being touted to be.
This is an insightful article on the state of the municipal bond market and the finances of cities in general.....
These forecasts of apocalypse have touched a nerve. Americans, still reeling from the devastating impact of the mortgage debacle, are fearful that the next economic disaster is only a matter of time. To anyone reading the headlines of budget deficits and staggering pension liabilities, it takes little imagination to conclude that the next big one will be government itself. The problems of cities are everywhere. The city council of Harrisburg, the capital of Pennsylvania, has enlisted a big New York law firm to explore bankruptcy as a means of restructuring a crushing debt. Central Falls, R.I., is in receivership. Hamtramck, Mich., a small city within Detroit’s borders, says it could run out of money next month. Hamtramck has only 90 employees, yet it is saddled with the pensions and health care obligations of 252 retirees. Detroit itself is at risk. Large deficits will mean closing about half of the city’s schools and will push high-school class sizes to 60 students.
7/ Some friends were discussing Howard Stern the other night, and I remember listening to a show five years ago on my way to work [before Howard went on Sirius] that was so funny I had to pull the car over I was laughing so hard......so I dug it out and here it is - one of Howard's staff getting a bikini wax on his nether regions.......the first 7 minute segment was the set-up, introducing the cosmetologist and discussion of the regions to be waxed and their size, but here is Part 2 when Richard is being waxed.
It's rude, crude but incredibly funny.....and yes, maybe it's a guy thing.....7 minutes.....
8/ Corrupt politicians.
Here is a story of one way our political class get around even the minimal regulations to do with political contributions from corporations - the companies give big donations to the pol's charity of choice or his/her charitable foundation.....
The incredible thing is all of the corporations involved in the bribery and the politician being bribed all solemnly swear the contribution made no difference, had no influence on their decision to help the corporation in any subsequent legislation etc etc.
And we are supposed to believe this BS?
Folks, this is now the United States of Ameristan, the most corrupt advanced economy out there......
WASHINGTON — Louisiana’s biggest corporate players, many with long agendas before the state government, are restricted in making campaign contributions to Gov. Bobby Jindal. But they can give whatever they like to the foundation set up by his wife months after he took office.
AT&T, which needed Mr. Jindal, a Republican, to sign off on legislation allowing the company to sell cable television services without having to negotiate with individual parishes, has pledged at least $250,000 to the Supriya Jindal Foundation for Louisiana’s Children.
Marathon Oil, which last year won approval from the Jindal administration to increase the amount of oil it can refine at its Louisiana plant, also committed to a $250,000 donation. And the military contractor Northrop Grumman, which got state officials to help set up an airplane maintenance facility at a former Air Force base, promised $10,000 to the charity.
The foundation has collected nearly $1 million in previously unreported pledges from major oil companies, insurers and other corporations in Louisiana with high-stakes regulatory issues, according to a review by The New York Times.
It is among the newest of charities set up by elected officials, including members of Congress, or their families that are mutually beneficial: companies seeking to influence politicians or curry favor can donate unrestricted amounts of money, while the officials benefit from the good will associated with charitable work financed by businesses.
9/ Cool movie trailer time - coming soon - "Apollo 18"....about a secret mission to the moon back in the 70's that never officially happened.....or did it? Looks like a good one!!!! 2 minute trailer......
10/ What are you doing Tuesday afternoon? All across Florida there are going to be demonstrations protesting Governor Ricks' plans to gut just about every program for the working poor, education and the environment so he can give huge tax breaks to corporations.....our local one here is in Wooten Park in Tavares, starting at 6pm.....
Check "Awake the State" for the site near you....
This seems to have the Chamber of Commerce worried though - they are putting out radio ads.....
The Florida Chamber of Commerce has taken a moment away from sucking wealth from Florida taxpayers for its big corporate supporters to engage in smears and lies with a brand new radio ad. The ad claims that the Awake the Stateevents planned on March 8th – the opening day of this year’s legislative session – will have union activists bussing in to central Florida, using “bully tactics,” claiming that government workers “don’t want to share in the sacrifices,” and that unions are simply “grappling for power and money.”
Voiced by Florida Chamber CEO Mark Wilson (pictured above), the greedy power broker himself suggests that average folks like him, his wealthy lobbyist Chamber chums, and the radio listener need to call in support of three central Florida Republicans, Rep. Chris Dorworth (R-Heathrow), Rep. Scott Plakon (R-Longwood), and Rep. Jason Brodeur (R-Oviedo).
Why these three? They sponsored the union-busting legislation in the House. Yet Awake the State is happening in 20 locations (and counting) across Florida and has 5000 Facebook followers, the tip of the iceberg in interested individuals. In any case, some folks must be nervous.
Voiced by Florida Chamber CEO Mark Wilson (pictured above), the greedy power broker himself suggests that average folks like him, his wealthy lobbyist Chamber chums, and the radio listener need to call in support of three central Florida Republicans, Rep. Chris Dorworth (R-Heathrow), Rep. Scott Plakon (R-Longwood), and Rep. Jason Brodeur (R-Oviedo).
Why these three? They sponsored the union-busting legislation in the House. Yet Awake the State is happening in 20 locations (and counting) across Florida and has 5000 Facebook followers, the tip of the iceberg in interested individuals. In any case, some folks must be nervous.
http://www.dailymarion.com/
11/ Our Tea Party Governor "Big Rick" is tied with the scumbag in Wisconsin for being the most disconnected governor in the country.....
But breaking news is the Florida Supreme Court threw out the suit challenging his decision to cancel the high speed rail link between Orlando and Tampa, along with the 25,000 jobs it would create. So we're done - the rail issue is dead.
WASHINGTON -- The theatrics of Wisconsin's ongoing budget protests have left the impression that there is no more isolated governor in the country than Scott Walker.
But down in Florida, Gov. Rick Scott's steadfast opposition to a national high-speed rail project has put him squarely on an island, with federal, state and even local officials all petitioning him to change course.
The latest chapter in the saga came on Tuesday, when leading Republican and Democratic state Senators formally sued the governor in Florida Supreme Court in an attempt to salvage the high-speed rail plans. Just hours later, the Court announced Scott had until noon on Wednesday to respond in kind. His office responded to the lawsuit (not the Court) with a statement from the governor declaring that his "position remains unchanged."
And why not? Scott has, if anything, shown remarkable imperviousness to political pressure on this front, continually insisting the plan would cost the state an additional $3 billion in overlays -- a number defenders insist is pure fiction. While in D.C. for a national governor's convention on Friday morning, he met with Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood at LaHood's office in the southwest corridor of the city. A long, frank discussion ended with the governor promising to provide a list of what he needed to support the high-speed rail project by the end of this week. So far, Transportation officials confirm, he has not provided it.
12/ Here is a story about a bill from Fl. Sen. Alan Hays of Umatilla, taking commercial real estate foreclosures out of the judicial system that just seems wrong.....instant "hair on the neck" wrong.....it will benefit the big banks, you know, the ones that tanked the world economy with their greed and irresponsibility? Those banks, yes.....them......
So how is a Umatilla politician involved is this scam? Last time I checked there wasn't a whole lot of commercial real estate up in Umatilla....so what's in it for him? Hmmmm...
A bill filed by Sen. Alan Hays, R-Umatilla, would make it much easier for banks to foreclose on commercial mortgage holders -- so easy that they wouldn’t need the courts at all.
If approved by legislators, SB 1288 and corresponding HB 799 would allow bank-appointed trustees to handle commercial mortgage foreclosures without involving the judicial branch. Once they’re contacted by the bank about their defaulted mortgages, commercial mortgage holders would have fifteen working days to agree to a nonjudicial foreclosure process or hold out to resolve the case in the courts.
“To me, it’s a beautiful piece of legislation, because it’s optional. It’s not a mandate to anyone to do anything,” Hays said. “It’s quicker, it’s more convenient and it helps the people of Florida. To me it’s win-win-win.”
Hays said the bill helps former business owners, some of whom might have had to shutter their business months or years ago due to economic circumstances, get out from under their crushing mortgage debt without also incurring legal fees or tying up an already overburdened court system for months or years. He described a scenario in which the bank would give a commercial mortgage holder 15 working days to either accept a nonjudicial foreclosure or choose to have their day in court.
But foreclosure defense attorney and activist Matt Weidner -- who was one of a handful of attorneys who converged on the Capitol in an effort to defeat a similar measure involving timeshares last year -- says now is not the time for Florida to go the nonjudicial route for any foreclosures, whether they're residential or commercial.
13/ Mike Haridopolos wants to be Florida's next Senator.....but here he is involved in a strange little mystery of being paid $150,000 for a book so bad, so banal it was never published......read on, and wonder why public funds were paid to this corrupt asshole.....
Poor Mike Haridopolos.
Our very own state Senate president is becoming a national joke.
Everyone from Fox News to the Washington Post is now scrutinizing the Merritt Island Republican who desperately wants to be Florida's next U.S. Senator.
Why? Because the secret is now out that this same guy who constantly rails against government spending has been sucking up government money himself — specifically, more than $150,000 from Florida taxpayers to write a book that was so lame his college never actually published it.
The Sentinel actually stumbled on to this strange deal that Haridopolos struck with Brevard Community College years ago. The purpose, Haridopolos said at the time, was to "take away some of the mystery of politics."
So what kind of sophisticated insights did Haridopolos offer to aspiring politicians in his government-subsidized tome?
"A cell phone will be essential."
Ah, well, that does remove some of the mystery. Otherwise, I bet many candidates would simply stand outside on street corners, screaming and hoping their voice would carry all across their district.
Another insightful gem was Haridopolos' suggestion that candidates get a computer "with an internet connection" so that you could set up a web site.
Slow down, senator! What's this website thing of which you speak?
"A website," the book continued, "is a direct means of communication between the candidate and the voter in an emerging media …"
Well, heck, that little nugget was probably worth $25,000 in taxpayer bucks all by itself.
Here's another suggestion from the senator: "At a minimum, a candidate must know his own position on all the important issues."
So, let me get this straight: This book is targeted for people who think they want to run for office — but aren't aware that they should actually have positions on issues before doing so?
14/ Just a follow-up on the strange story from Tampa where a mother killed her teenage son and daughter.....this almost never happens, a very rare crime indeed.....
TAMPA — The Tampa Palms neighborhood here is the kind of place people move to get away from crime.
Stucco homes with neatly trimmed lawns and spacious lanais nestle inside gated “villages” with names like Lancaster and Oxford Place. Real estate agents point out the proximity of “topnotch” schools, the 18-hole golf course and other upscale amenities that “cater to a perpetually-on-vacation-like lifestyle.”
But in recent weeks, the residents have become all too aware of how deceptive surface appearances can be. On Jan. 28, the police arrived at a two-story house on a quiet cul-de-sac in Tampa Palms to find Julie Schenecker unconscious on the patio, blood on her white bathrobe. Inside were the bodies of her two children, Calyx, 16, and Beau, 13.
Ms. Schenecker, 50, the wife of a high-level military intelligence officer, has been charged with the murders. When questioned, police said, she admitted to shooting her children and complained that they were “disrespectful and mouthy and that she was going to deal with it.
15/ Movies out this weekend
"The Adjustment Bureau" with Matt Damon and Emily Blunt.......a sort of "Fringe" concept....looks really good.....review and 2 minute trailer below.....
But David is as much a captive to Elise as a fugitive from those meddlesome strangers, and he’s also caught between seemingly contradictory forces: his ambition and his heart. In other words, despite the title, the film is less a freak-out about the nature of existence (the world of ash that Dick wrote about) and more about a struggle for love, a more familiar (at the movies), if essential, fight. Whether running or kissing or running and kissing (well, almost), Mr. Damon and Ms. Blunt turn romance into a palpable race.
If Mr. Nolfi doesn’t go deep in “The Adjustment Bureau,” drilling down to where it hurts (he would rather entertain than pain you), he skates on the gray-blue surfaces of his film with confidence. Along with his likable, confidently sexy leads and an excellent troika in Mr. Slattery, Anthony Mackie and Terence Stamp, Mr. Nolfi keeps the film balanced between sincerity and self-conscious amusement, rarely faltering in tone.
"Rango", a Pixar animation feature with the voice of Johnny Depp. Now this looks excellent, especially if you're a movie buff...........review and 2 minute trailer below......
All of the above should apply to “Rango,” a tongue-in-cheek western (a lizard’s tongue, at that) directed by Gore Verbinski, who is best known for helping to turn a theme-park ride (Disney World’s “Pirates of the Caribbean”) into a dizzyingly successful movie franchise. But the odd thing about “Rango” is that unlike so many of its peers, it is odd. In spite of a profile that should place it alongside “Megamind” and “Despicable Me” and the long list of other overblown, have-fun-or-else cartoons, this rambling, anarchic tale is gratifyingly fresh and eccentric. Much of the time you don’t quite know where it is going, which is high praise indeed given the slick predictability that governs most other entertainments of its kind.
Perhaps this should not be too surprising, since Mr. Verbinski, especially in the first installment of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” series, showed a distinctive visual style and a genuinely off-beat sensibility.
16/ Book Review - "Crazy U", a new book about a father making sense of the college admissions process....sounds funny and poignant.....
The admissions process, as Andrew Ferguson puts it in his new book, “Crazy U,” entangles not just our pocketbooks but everything else that, besides world peace and cocktail hour, matters to parents: “our vanities, our social ambitions and class insecurities, and most profoundly our love and hopes for our children.”
Mr. Ferguson is a senior editor at The Weekly Standard, a conservative magazine, and he’s a valiant guide through this emotional territory. He’s got a big, beating heart, but he tucks it behind a dry prose style that owes a little bit to Mark Twain andTom Wolfe — to name the first two white-suited writers who come to mind — and also to Dave Barry(who I suspect wears Dockers).
He made me laugh early, and often. Why do high school kids look so disoriented on SAT day? It’s not the test. It’s that their cellphones have been pried from their clammy fingers. “None of them had gone four hours without sending a text message,” Mr. Ferguson writes, “since middle school.”
“Crazy U” is a chronicle of Mr. Ferguson’s attempts to help place his son, who is 16 when this mini-odyssey begins, in a decent college. Mr. Ferguson’s boy (he is never named) is only an average student, and his father fears for him in a process that’s become a nationwide talent hunt favoring teenage extroverts and self-marketers. “I wasn’t sure,” he writes, “my son had the personality for it.” He means that as a compliment.
As this story moves forward, Mr. Ferguson makes short, shrewd detours into areas that include: the history of American education, how college guidebooks compile their rankings, the SAT tests and its critics, and the headache-making intricacies of college loans and financial aid. He talks to an expensive admissions guru who learns of his late start and fumbling progress and says, smiling: “Oooooh. Baaaaaaad Daaaaaad.”
Todays video - relive the November 2010 elections with Fox News coverage of the event....and they're so happy! 4 minutes....
Todays blonde jokes
DISNEYLAND
Two blondes were going to Disneyland .
They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
FLORIDA OR MOON
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you
see Florida ?????'
see Florida ?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling
smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees
another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts
back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.'
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the
trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She
rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
DOGS
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!
Todays snoring joke
A couple has a dog that snores.
Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.
'Yeah right!' she says.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring.
The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly.
The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, 'I don't know where we were or what we did, but, we took FIRST and SECOND place....
Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring.
'Yeah right!' she says.
The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure enough, the dog stops snoring.
The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly.
The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly.
The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles.
He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, 'I don't know where we were or what we did, but, we took FIRST and SECOND place....
Todays female joke
There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke. I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.
This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her......"I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. on one condition..."Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was.
The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 note from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."
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