We are living in interesting times people - I wish I could find more uplifting and positive stories, but there is so much bad stuff happening around the world, the US and especially Florida it dominates the news...... anyway here are a few items to keep you up to speed.....
1/ Chris Christie, the Governor of New Jersey, is the darling of the Republican party and there are repeated calls for him to run for President in 2012. This is a long article from the Times Magazine on how Christie has cleverly manipulated his enemy in New Jersey, the teachers union, and how the union made a bad choice in being overly stubborn in NJ's budget deficit crisis.
I started out reading this story like many [but of course not all] of you, hating this bastard, but after finishing it you end up with a sneaking admiration for his cleverness and tough-as-nails style, and wish the unions had been smarter instead of looking like a stone wall.
I still hate his policies of tax cuts for the wealthy and carte blanche for the corporations, and he is still a rough-around-the-edges evil asshole, but unfortunately the lies he spouts about the unions and how they are the major problem in NJ appeal to Joe Sixpack and the rest of the stupids.....
Recommended for any of you interested in politics....
Like a stand-up comedian working out-of-the-way clubs, Chris Christie travels the townships and boroughs of New Jersey , places like Hackettstown and Raritan and Scotch Plains, sharpening his riffs about the state’s public employees, whom he largely blames for plunging New Jersey into a fiscal death spiral. In one well-worn routine, for instance, the governor reminds his audiences that, until he passed a recent law that changed the system, most teachers in the state didn’t pay a dime for their health care coverage, the cost of which was borne by taxpayers.
And so, Christie goes on, forced to cut more than $1 billion in local aid in order to balance the budget, he asked the teachers not only to accept a pay freeze for a year but also to begin contributing 1.5 percent of their salaries toward health care. The dominant teachers’ union in the state responded by spending millions of dollars in television and radio ads to attack him.
“The argument you heard most vociferously from the teachers’ union,” Christie says, “was that this was the greatest assault on public education in the history of New Jersey.” Here the fleshy governor lumbers a few steps toward the audience and lowers his voice for effect. “Now, do you really think that your child is now stressed out and unable to learn because they know that their poor teacher has to pay 1½ percent of their salary for their health care benefits? Have any of your children come home —any of them — and said, ‘Mom.’ ” Pause. “ ‘Dad.’ ” Another pause. “ ‘Please. Stop the madness.’ ”
By this point the audience is starting to titter, but Christie remains steadfastly somber in his role as the beseeching student. “ ‘Just pay for my teacher’s health benefits,’ ” he pleads, “ ‘and I’ll get A’s, I swear. But I just cannot take the stress that’s being presented by a 1½ percent contribution to health benefits.’ ” As the crowd breaks into appreciative guffaws, Christie waits a theatrical moment, then slams his point home. “Now, you’re all laughing, right?” he says. “But this is the crap I have to hear.”
Acid monologues like this have made Christie, only a little more than a year into his governorship, one of the most intriguing political figures in America.
2/ The long siege of workers in the US over the last 30 years is playing out this spring in the demonization of teachers, not just in Wisconsin but all over the country. The Koch-led oligarchs, aided by a spineless lazy media and the Republican scum in Congress, are pitting worker against worker and distracting us all from the real force that is gutting everyone's paychecks, the greed of the huge corporations.
It's called divide and conquer - if the boys can get us fighting each other we'll be too busy to think about how corrupt and unfair the game has become.....
Good column from Robyn Blumner in the St. Pete Times.......
Every middle- and working-class person in this country has a stake in what is happening in Wisconsin, Ohio, Indiana and everywhere else there is a pernicious attempt to strip public sector workers of their collective bargaining rights. "Solidarity" is a word that has lost much of its vigor, but without it American workers are sunk. Either we are all Wisconsin teachers or we are all on our own against powerful and well-funded forces bent on destroying the last vestige of power that average people have over their working lives.
It's time for Americans to turn off the latest Real Housewives and begin understanding this pivotal moment. The winter of 2011 will be known as the season when workers finally shook off their torpor to discover they are under siege by billionaires like Charles and David Koch and their Republican handmaidens, or it will go down as the last gasp of the labor movement.
What is apparent in the numbers of Americans who have expressed hostility toward the Wisconsin teachers and public sector unions is that the opposition's divide-and-conquer strategy has worked. The human impulse toward jealousy is easily exploited, and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker and other antiunion Republican governors have effectively used it to turn worker against worker.
They are selling the story line that it's not the financial meltdown caused by Wall Street banks that is to blame for our country's tough economic times and states' consequent budget woes — it's teachers making $50,000 who have the gall to expect a decent pension at the end of a long career.
And Tom Tomorrow nails it as usual.....
3/ Love a good magician, and this guy's sleight-of-hand is amazing. Where the hell do the cards come from? Five minutes......
4/ Fox News suffered a rare defeat this week, as Canadian regulators have refused to amend a rule that requires TV and radio news to tell the truth.
Yes. You read it right - Canada has a rule that broadcast news has to be truthful. Amazing, isn't it? I love Canada.....
As America's middle class battles for its survival on the Wisconsin barricades -- against various Koch Oil surrogates and the corporate toadies at Fox News -- fans of enlightenment, democracy and justice can take comfort from a significant victory north of Wisconsin border. Fox News will not be moving into Canada after all! The reason: Canada regulators announced last week they would reject efforts by Canada's right wing Prime Minister, Stephen Harper, to repeal a law that forbids lying on broadcast news.
Canada's Radio Act requires that "a licenser may not broadcast....any false or misleading news." The provision has kept Fox News and right wing talk radio out of Canada and helped make Canada a model for liberal democracy and freedom. As a result of that law, Canadians enjoy high quality news coverage including the kind of foreign affairs and investigative journalism that flourished in this country before Ronald Reagan abolished the "Fairness Doctrine" in 1987. Political dialogue in Canada is marked by civility, modesty, honesty, collegiality, and idealism that have pretty much disappeared on the U.S. airwaves. When Stephen Harper moved to abolish anti-lying provision of the Radio Act, Canadians rose up to oppose him fearing that their tradition of honest non partisan news would be replaced by the toxic, overtly partisan, biased and dishonest news coverage familiar to American citizens who listen to Fox News and talk radio. Harper's proposal was timed to facilitate the launch of a new right wing network, "Sun TV News" which Canadians call "Fox News North."
Harper, often referred to as "George W. Bush's Mini Me," is known for having mounted a Bush like war on government scientists, data collectors, transparency, and enlightenment in general. He is a wizard of all the familiar tools of demagoguery; false patriotism, bigotry, fear, selfishness and belligerent religiosity.
Canada's Radio Act requires that "a licenser may not broadcast....any false or misleading news." The provision has kept Fox News and right wing talk radio out of Canada and helped make Canada a model for liberal democracy and freedom. As a result of that law, Canadians enjoy high quality news coverage including the kind of foreign affairs and investigative journalism that flourished in this country before Ronald Reagan abolished the "Fairness Doctrine" in 1987. Political dialogue in Canada is marked by civility, modesty, honesty, collegiality, and idealism that have pretty much disappeared on the U.S. airwaves. When Stephen Harper moved to abolish anti-lying provision of the Radio Act, Canadians rose up to oppose him fearing that their tradition of honest non partisan news would be replaced by the toxic, overtly partisan, biased and dishonest news coverage familiar to American citizens who listen to Fox News and talk radio. Harper's proposal was timed to facilitate the launch of a new right wing network, "Sun TV News" which Canadians call "Fox News North."
Harper, often referred to as "George W. Bush's Mini Me," is known for having mounted a Bush like war on government scientists, data collectors, transparency, and enlightenment in general. He is a wizard of all the familiar tools of demagoguery; false patriotism, bigotry, fear, selfishness and belligerent religiosity.
5/ Rihanna and Eminem in "Love the Way You Lie", a combination of Rihanna's silky voice and an exciting, passionate rap from Eminem. The video is acted by Dominic Monaghan [Lord Of The Rings] and Megan Fox, and is a powerful little story about violence, love, alcohol and death......powerful stuff......but oh come on, it's just a video.....3 minutes....
6/ Fascinating story on how the right have boxed themselves in on Climate Change.....the official stance of the Republican Party senior leadership is that "there is no global warming", and climate science is a hoax.
This is in a period where it is vital the US get back on top with scientific innovation if we are going to even stay level with China - which isn't going to happen if there is a phony "debate" on an issue 98% of the world's scientists affirm is settled. We are in a full scale anti-science mode, with ignorance and stupidity as official government policy.
As I've said before climate change is physics, biology and chemistry. It's not political, it's not religious and it will keep getting worse no matter how our idiot politicians posture and rant.
Actually at this stage it may be a moot point - according to some scientists we reached the tipping point last year, so even if we went totally green today it would be too late to stop the warming process. It might slow it down a bit, but it's going to happen folks.
Maybe not to me [over 55!] or you, but definitely to our kids and grandchildren.
Oh well, we do what we can.....you can't fix stupid.....
It would be easier to believe in this great moment of scientific reawakening, of course, if more than half of the Republicans in the House and three-quarters of Republican senators did not now say that the threat of global warming, as a man-made and highly threatening phenomenon, is at best an exaggeration and at worst an utter “hoax,” as James Inhofe of Oklahoma, the ranking Republican on the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, once put it. These grim numbers, compiled by the Center for American Progress, describe a troubling new reality: the rise of the Tea Party and its anti-intellectual, anti-establishment, anti-elite worldview has brought both a mainstreaming and a radicalization of antiscientific thought.
The politicization of science isn’t particularly new; the Bush administration was famous for pressuring government agencies to bring their vision of reality in line with White House imperatives. In response to this, and with a renewed culture war over the very nature of scientific reality clearly brewing, the Obama administration tried to initiate a pre-emptive strike earlier this winter, issuing a set of “scientific integrity” guidelines aimed at keeping the work of government scientists free from ideological pollution. But since taking over the House of Representatives, the Republicans have packed science-related committees with lawmakers who refute such basic findings as the reality of global warming and the threats of climate change. Fred Upton, the head of the House Energy and Commerce Committee, has said outright that he does not believe that global warming is man-made. John Shimkus of Illinois, who also sits on the committee — as well as on the Subcommittee on Energy and Environment — has said that the government doesn’t need to make a priority of regulating greenhouse-gas emissions, because as he put it late last year, “God said the earth would not be destroyed by a flood.”
Whoever emerges as the Republican presidential candidate in 2012 will very likely have to embrace climate-change denial. Mitt Romney, Tim Pawlenty andMike Huckabee, all of whom once expressed some support for action on global warming, have notably distanced themselves from these views.
7/ High up on the list of the world's truly evil companies is Monsanto, and according to this story they have introduced one of their genetically modified seeds with a built-in pathogen that could cripple our food supply.
Although alerted, the USDA refused to look into this problem and approved the seed anyway.
Any doubts at all how our government and institutions are controlled by the oligarchs? Still believe it's all going to work out fine? You must be in a Tea Party.......
Just two weeks before the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) fully deregulated Monsanto's Roundup Ready alfalfa, a senior soil scientist alerted the department about a newly discovered, microscopic pathogen found in high concentrations of Roundup Ready corn and soy that researchers believe could be causing infertility in livestock and diseases in crops that could threaten the entire domestic food supply.
Dr. Don Huber, a plant pathologist and retired Purdue University professor, wrote in a letter to the USDA that the pathogen is new to science and appears to significantly impact the health of plants, animals and probably humans.
"For the past 40 years, I have been a scientist in the professional and military agencies that evaluate and prepare for natural and manmade biological threats, including germ warfare and disease outbreaks," Huber wrote in his January 16 letter to USDA Secretary Tom Vilsack. "Based on this experience, I believe the threat we are facing from this pathogen is unique and of a high risk status. In layman's terms, it should be treated as an emergency."
8/ You may not know this but we recently elected our first openly drunk Senator.....actually not that surprising since we already have a drunk as Speaker of the House.....the lovely Brooke Alvarez from Onion News has the story....2 minutes....
Ah, Florida.......we are so screwed....and here's a few reasons why......
9/ South Florida is the center of an illegal "pill mill" drug trade, and federal agents raided some of the worst last week and arrested over 100 people. This drug trade can be slowed way down with a proper database of who is prescribing what, and there was a plan in the works until Governor Rick killed it. Just so it's clear - our Governor Rick Scott is protecting drug dealers, and noone in law enforcement can believe it......excellent Carl Hiaasen story from the Miami Herald......
Last week, as drug agents secretly prepared to raid more than a dozen South Florida pill mills, Gov. Rick Scott reaffirmed his staunch opposition to a statewide computer database that would track prescriptions of Vicodin, Percocet and other dangerous narcotics.
Said Scott: “I don’t support the database. I believe it’s an invasion of privacy.”
His statement raises numerous questions, none of them comforting.
Has Florida finally elected a certifiable whack job as governor?
Is Scott himself overmedicating?
Undermedicating?
Why would any sane or sober public official go out of his way — very publicly — to protect pill pushers and crooked doctors?
Thirty-eight states use databases to keep track of oxycodone and other painkillers that are now the most widely abused (and lethal) drugs in the country.
Florida is the largest state without such a database, and the undisputed epicenter of the sleazy illegal pill trade.
In the first six months of 2010, doctors in Florida prescribed nine times more oxycodone than was sold in the entire United States during that same period. Pain mills here have prospered wildly and proliferated – in Broward County alone there are 130.
Two years ago, the Republican-controlled Legislature approved a painkiller database, which would be privately funded. Law enforcement officers say it’s an absolutely essential tool for attacking storefront clinics and the drug dealers who flock to Florida from throughout the eastern United States.
The database should have been up and running by now, but bid disputes with private contractors have delayed implementation. Authorities were hoping to have the computerized system in place this spring, but then Scott took office and announced his intention to kill it, along with the state anti-drug office that conceived it.
No one can fathom why.
Top law enforcement officials, legislators and even the governor of Kentucky (which has been tragically saturated with pills from Florida) have asked Scott to reconsider, but he won’t budge.
10/ One minute commercial for "Mom Jeans"....must be a new brand from the 60's, and it must be true because it was on TV.....well SNL anyway.....
11/ Florida - Very interesting story on who actually has the power in Tallahassee, and how our state is governed. It frankly sounds like a dictatorship, under Dean Cannon in the Florida House and Mike Haridopolos in the Senate..........and as the article points out, incredibly corrupt.
TALLAHASSEE — When the Florida Legislature convenes in two weeks, two men will wield almost uncheckable power over a conservative agenda of lower taxes, budget cuts, evaluating teacher performance, and Medicaid and pension reform.
House Speaker Dean Cannon, a lawyer from Winter Park, and Senate President Mike Haridopolos, a Merritt Island college professor who is running for the U.S. Senate, are poised to dominate the debate over the state’s budget and job crisis.
Unlike previous presiding officers, Cannon and Haridopolos consolidated their power on the strength of a veto-proof majority delivered by the Republican landslide in November. They strengthened that clout by steering millions of dollars in campaign cash to the political campaigns of newcomers who now owe their elections in large part to them.
Each has assigned a pecking order status to members – giving their favorites the most coveted office space, the most sought-after committee assignments, and even the most convenient parking spots. And, working with a small circle of advisors, each can determine which of the Gov. Rick Scott’s proposals stay in the budget, and which get killed.
It is a fact of life many young lawmakers learn to accept. If they want anything, they must go along with leadership to get along. The risk of being outspoken is worse than being ostracized — it means their proposals could die — because term limits, the skyrocketing cost of political campaigns, and legislative inexperience concentrates power into the hands of presiding officers who may or may not tolerate dissent.
12/ Sorry for another Rick Scott story, but this guy is such a disaster for us that these tales keep coming....this is how he alleges he's really really religious, but his actions are to punish the poor and vulnerable.....not very Jesus-like is it.....
When he's politicking, Gov. Rick Scott spends a lot of time talking about his faith.
During the campaign, he pronounced himself "absolutely" destined for heaven.
During his inauguration ceremonies, he told the audience: "Jesus Christ has been with me all my life."
On the day he unveiled his first budget, he did it inside a church.
And yet as I look through Scott's budget — which slashes funding to everyone from the sick and the disabled to the poor and the homeless — I can't help but wonder whether Scott truly believes his budget cares for those whom Jesus described "the least among you."
Especially because Scott managed to find money to double the budget of his own office — and cut corporate taxes.
There may have been many different voices and ideologies influencing this budget.
I just have a hard time seeing how God's was one of them.
During the campaign, he pronounced himself "absolutely" destined for heaven.
During his inauguration ceremonies, he told the audience: "Jesus Christ has been with me all my life."
On the day he unveiled his first budget, he did it inside a church.
And yet as I look through Scott's budget — which slashes funding to everyone from the sick and the disabled to the poor and the homeless — I can't help but wonder whether Scott truly believes his budget cares for those whom Jesus described "the least among you."
Especially because Scott managed to find money to double the budget of his own office — and cut corporate taxes.
There may have been many different voices and ideologies influencing this budget.
I just have a hard time seeing how God's was one of them.
13/ I know, I know. More Big Rick......
The chief adviser to Rick Scott on health policy is from the Cato Institute, a Koch think tank, and his views on Medicare and Medicaid are scary to say the least. This is the guy that wants to abolish Medicare and give seniors vouchers for their health care, so they can shop around for private insurance. Don't believe me? Read on.......
Cannon’s solution for Medicare is to transform it into a voucher program. The Medicare tax would go away. And in place of Medicare, all qualifying seniors would receive vouchers based on income. They would use these vouchers to buy private insurance.
Critical to Cato’s proposal is that the value of the insurance voucher should increase no more than the rate of inflation. Not medical inflation. General inflation.
What would this mean? Last year, the U.S. inflation rate was 1.6 percent. The medical inflation rate? Price Waterhouse Cooper put it at 9.5 percent.
So if health costs rise $9.50 for every $1.60 the government adds to an individual’s health voucher each year, well, Medicare’s deficit problem would be over, shifted to individual households.
(Paul Ryan’s Roadmap, broadly drawn on Cato principles, suggests this voucher be worth an average of $11,000 per beneficiary, initially, tiered so that larger vouchers went to lower income seniors. He would give Medicaid beneficiaries a similar allotment, with larger benefits for pregnant women and families with children. Ryan is a speaker at Cato events.)
As for workers? Instead of paying a Medicare 2.9 percent payroll tax, they’d set aside their payments in a personal health account.
These personal health accounts, Cannon says, would give workers the “freedom” to invest their health account portfolio. It would have the added benefit of creating “new opportunities for financial institutions,” Cannon writes, and would expand the “investing class.”
Cannon has faith that insurance companies will innovate new ways to lower medical costs. How? They may substitute nurses for many duties doctors now perform, he suggests. How else? “Avoiding unnecessary services.” Which is different than rationing.
Critical to Cato’s proposal is that the value of the insurance voucher should increase no more than the rate of inflation. Not medical inflation. General inflation.
What would this mean? Last year, the U.S. inflation rate was 1.6 percent. The medical inflation rate? Price Waterhouse Cooper put it at 9.5 percent.
So if health costs rise $9.50 for every $1.60 the government adds to an individual’s health voucher each year, well, Medicare’s deficit problem would be over, shifted to individual households.
(Paul Ryan’s Roadmap, broadly drawn on Cato principles, suggests this voucher be worth an average of $11,000 per beneficiary, initially, tiered so that larger vouchers went to lower income seniors. He would give Medicaid beneficiaries a similar allotment, with larger benefits for pregnant women and families with children. Ryan is a speaker at Cato events.)
As for workers? Instead of paying a Medicare 2.9 percent payroll tax, they’d set aside their payments in a personal health account.
These personal health accounts, Cannon says, would give workers the “freedom” to invest their health account portfolio. It would have the added benefit of creating “new opportunities for financial institutions,” Cannon writes, and would expand the “investing class.”
Cannon has faith that insurance companies will innovate new ways to lower medical costs. How? They may substitute nurses for many duties doctors now perform, he suggests. How else? “Avoiding unnecessary services.” Which is different than rationing.
Think about these numbers - inflation is 1.6%, but health care went up 9.5% last year. Why? Who is making the money from these increases? I can't find anything that explains this, but will keep trying....
14/ Book Review
Our military invented a new strategy in the cesspit of Afghanistan that will [allegedly] win us this awful war....it was called COIN, counter insurgency tactics. Here is a book by Bing West that explains why this won't work, and how we will never, ever win in this pesthole of a country with it's medieval people, corrupt government and savage natives.
But the military just go "more billions please and we can win!" BS......
So what’s wrong? Why hasn’t the new faith in Afghanistan delivered the success it promises? In his remarkable book, “The Wrong War,” Bing West goes a long way to answering that question. “The Wrong War” amounts to a crushing and seemingly irrefutable critique of the American plan in Afghanistan. It should be read by anyone who wants to understand why the war there is so hard.
The strength of West’s book is the legwork he’s done. Most accounts of America’s wars, particularly those by former military officers, are written in the comfort of an office in the United States. Not so here. At age 70, West, the author of several books on America’s wars, went to Afghanistan and into the bases and out on patrols with the grunts, waded through the canals, ran through firefights and humped up the mountains. (At one point he contracted cholera and was evacuated by helicopter.) Embedding with American troops in God-forsaken places like Kunar and Helmand Provinces is hard business. What drives this man? West is worth a book in himself.
But the legwork pays off. West shows in the most granular, detailed way how and why America’s counterinsurgency in Afghanistan is failing. And, in the places where the effort is showing promise, he demonstrates why we don’t have the resources to duplicate that success on a wider scale. Mind you, West is no antiwar lefty: he’s a former infantry officer who fought in Vietnam. An assistant secretary of defense in the Reagan administration, he admires — nay, adores — America’s fighting men and women, and he wants the United States to succeed. But the facts on the ground, it appears, lead him to darker truths
15/ Ever watched the TV show "Supernatural" on the CW? No? Aha! You must be over 30, maybe even 40!
It's not a bad show according to the review and 'the young" love it......go figure.....
IF you are neither 15 years old nor the sort of person for whom the term fan fiction has an ounce of resonance, then chances are that ”Supernatural” is not in your DVR queue or even in your frame of reference. The series, now in its sixth season on the CW network, remains an invisibly pervasive cultural phenomenon: enormously popular and yet unknown even to many of those of us who take pride in dabbling in the literature and television of young adults. “Supernatural” is one of CW’s most watched series, this year attracting an average of 700,000 more viewers each week than “Gossip Girl,” even as none of its stars feature regularly in the pages of Us Weekly.
To say that the series’s young fan base is active is grossly to understate the matter. “Supernatural” is second only to “American Idol” as the most-talked-about show on the popular Web site Television Without Pity, generating hundreds of thousands of comments, 8 to 10 times the number of posts as those about “Mad Men” or “Glee.” Like “Star Trek,” “Supernatural” inspires conventions around the world where even actors who have made minor guest appearances on the series can make a good deal of money showing up and signing autographs. Last year, when TV Guide held a contest that allowed readers to vote for the show they most wanted to see on the cover, they elected “Supernatural.”
Todays video is actually an MP3 - an Irish psychiatric clinic answering machine
Todays seniors joke
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be President of your golf association and you were 27 votes short?"
"Betty, I was wondering -- have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife. To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted to be President of your golf association and you were 27 votes short?"
Todays airline joke
A mother and her young son were flying on a Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked,
'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs
have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant, 'If big dogs
The busy flight attendant smiled and said, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me?'
The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'
'Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes
because Southwest always pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you.'
The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'
'Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby planes
because Southwest always pulls out on time. Ask her to explain that to you.'
Todays "retireds" joke
“RETARDED" GRANDPARENT
Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona ..
Written by a third grader, on what his grandparents do.
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona ..
Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.
There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night - early birds.
Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.
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